The Best 73 Bathroom Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Bathroom jokes. There are some bathroom bathtub jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these bathroom kitchen puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Bathroom Jokes and Puns

Two chemists walk into a bar.

Two chemists walk into a bar.

The first one says, "I'll have some H2O."

The second says, "I'll have some water too. But why'd you order it like that? We aren't at work."

The first chemist excuses himself and weeps in the bathroom.
His assassination plot had failed.

For my cake day, a joke...

Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"
The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."

I was going to cover my bathroom floor with dead baby skin...

My wife told be that would be infant tile.

Bathroom joke, I was going to cover my bathroom floor with dead baby skin...

I'm going to buy 100 mounted fish and fill a room with them.

When someone comes over and asks where the bathroom is, I'll send them to that room instead. As soon as they come back disappointed, I'll say, "I'm sorry, I thought you said my bassroom!"

A husband and wife celebrate their 30th anniversary

That night, the wife comes out of the bathroom naked and starts playing with her nipples.

"What did you think the first time you saw these 30 years ago?"

"I wanna to suck them dry," he says.

She crawls onto the bed, "What did you think when you saw all this 30 years ago?"

"I wanted to screw your brains out, baby," he says with a smile.

She giggles, teasingly, "What are you thinking now?"

"I think I did a pretty good job at both."


A married couple is lying in bed.

The wife leans over and says, "I want you to say dirty things before we start". So the man starts to caress her neck and whispers to here. "Living room, Bathroom, Kitchen".

Where do Bees use the bathroom?

At the BP station. (thanks grandma)

Bathroom joke, Where do Bees use the bathroom?

Fat guy.

A man is weighing himself in the bathroom sucking in his stomach when his wife comes in and says, "That's not going to help."
The guy say, "Well it is, it's the only way I can see the numbers."

My Bathroom

I've decided to call my bathroom the Jim instead of the John.

It sounds better when I tell folks I go to the Jim every morning.

How little stefan got a brand new watch..

Little Stefan comes in to school one morning wearing a brand new watch. His best friend, little Jenny, wants to know where the watch is from, so Johnny tell his story," I was coming from the bathroom to my bedroom when I heard a strange noise from my parent's bedroom.

I walked in and saw them bouncing up and down. Dad said I could have anything I wanted as long as I didn't tell the family. I asked for a new watch and here it is."

Jenny decides she wants one too, so night after night she listens outside her parents' bedroom for any strange noises and, sure enough, eventually she hears some banging and groaning from the other side of the door.

She walks in and catches her parents in the act, so her dad offers her anything she wants to keep quiet about the whole affair. Jenny immediately says, "I want a watch."
The dad sighs and says, "Alright, but go and stand in the corner and don't make any noise . "

A joke my 8 year old brother told me. G rating

Why dont you take a pokemon to the bathroom.

Because it might pi-ka-chu

You can explore bathroom lavatory reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bathroom bath dad jokes. There are also bathroom puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What does it sound like when a pterodactyl uses the bathroom?

Nothing, the pee is silent

Kiss The Mirror

A middle school for girls was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called several of the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day. To demonstrate how much work they were making for the custodian, she asked him to clean one of the mirrors while the girls watched. The custodian took a long-handled brush, dipped it into the nearest toilet, and proceeded to scrub the mirror. From that day on, the problem of lip prints on the mirrors was completely eliminated.

A husband was in big trouble...

A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat."

The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday.

Have you heard about the Oscar Pistorius drinking game?

Every time your girlfriend goes to the bathroom, you take 5 shots.

How to get lots of women to ask you out!

Go in the women's bathroom

Bathroom joke, How to get lots of women to ask you out!

LPT: If you are a minor, get rid of your bathroom mirror so you won't see yourself naked and accidentally get arrested and registered as a sex offender.

Spread the word.

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because they are dead.

Oscar Pistorius wants a new bathroom door

His girlfriend is dead against it.


Today I was offered sex by an 18 year old female...

Now I'm not gonna lie this chick was smoking hot. In exchange for the sex I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner for her. Of course I, being the great person that I am, declined because I have high moral standards and my willpower is very strong.....but not as nearly as strong as Ajax, the safe and affordable bathroom cleaner, now available in lemon and vanilla scents

My wife said "If we ever win the lottery, I want you to buy me something compact, shiny, and can go from 0 to 200 in three seconds. I figured why wait, so surprised her that night.....

... with a shiny new bathroom scale.

When I get naked in the bathroom..

The shower usually gets turned on.

A man was caught by a cop with drugs in the bathroom

The man says, "I swear, it's not mine! I found it here and tried to flush it down the toilet, but every time I flush the drugs down it magically reappears in my hand!"

"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Show me."

The man tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the man's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.

"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"

"What drugs?"

Let's play the Oscar Pistorius drinking game

Whenever your girlfriend goes to the bathroom take a shot

Why do teenage girls go to the bathroom in 3s and 5s?

Because they literally can't even.

Does God use our bathroom

A child asks, "Mommy, does God use our bathroom?"

The mother replies, "No darling. Why do you ask?"

The child says, "Because every morning daddy bangs on the door and shouts, 'Oh God, are you still in there?'"

My wife said she wanted her birthday gift to go from 0-200 in less than ten seconds...

...so I bought her a bathroom scale.

Today I was asked to go out, by 20 girls...

I was in the women's bathroom.

The Pope is teaching a Sunday school class

"Children" begins the Pope. "Where's Jesus today?"

Little Tommy says: "He's in my heart."

Little Barry says: "He's in Heaven."

Little Davey says: "He's in our bathroom."

The surprised Pope asks Little Davey how he knows this.

"Well," says Little Davey, "every day my Dad bangs on our bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?"

I was offered sex from a 21 year old girl today

In exchange for that I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner to my friends. Of course I declined because I am a person of high moral standing with strong will power. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner now available with lemon or vanilla.

The first joke I made up at age 7 - found in my first grade journal

Q: Where do robbers go to the bathroom

A: Arrest-room

How can you tell the difference between a biologist and a chemist in the bathroom?

A biologist washes his hands after peeing, a chemist washes his hands before.

Women are so ungrateful these days.

I try and hold the door for them but all they do is scream and tell me to get out of the bathroom.

My girlfriend left me because I'm too insecure...

Oh wait, she's back. She just went to the bathroom.

My wife asked me to get her something that goes from 0 to 200 in six seconds for her birthday.

So I got her a bathroom scale.

Don't be frightened if you see a Pokemon Go player outside your bathroom window.

He's just trying to catch a pikachu.

I went to a brothel and met a prostitute

I asked her what are the prices?
She said:

£20 for a hand job

£50 for a blow job

£80 for sex

And for £120, i'll do anything!

Anything hmmm....

She's now fitting my downstairs bathroom and repainting my living room.

You can ge some real bargains if you shop around!

Two scientists walk into a restaurant

The first one says, "I'll have a glass of H2O".

The second one says, "I'll also have a glass of water. We are not at work right now, why are you referring to it like that?"

The first scientist goes into the bathroom and weeps, for his murder plan had failed.

I like to do drugs in a Chipotle bathroom

Because no one questions you if you spend 45 minutes in a Chipotle bathroom.

Why was Buzzfeed's editor found dead in the bathroom?

Because number two shocked him.

If you are Russian when you go to the bathroom and you are Finnish when you leave the bathroom, what are you when you are in the bathroom?

European

When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach, she laughed, Ha­­! That's not going to help!

Sure, it does. I said. It's the only way I can see the numbers.

My 5 year old grandson came up with this joke, and didn't even realize it was funny and made sense: Why did the basketball player go to the bathroom?

Because he was dribbling. 😊

From my 8yo daughter. Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?

Because the 'p' is silent.

Two scientists walk into a restaurant. The first one says, "I'll have an H2O."

The second one says, "I'll also have a glass of water. Why are you referring to it so strangely. We're not at work anymore."

The first scientist goes into the bathroom and cries. His assassination attempt has failed.

I decided to stop calling the bathroom 'John' and renamed it 'Jim'.

I feel so much better saying "I went to the Jim this morning

I ate a bunch of scrabble pieces earlier

So going to the bathroom could spell disaster

From my 8 year old son

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Answer: Cause the Pee is silent

Quality assurance engineer walks into a bar...

He orders 1 beer.
Then he orders 2 beers.
Then he orders 9999999 beers.
Then he orders -1 beer.
Then he orders a dragon.
Then he asks to buy a jdhdjsbeh

Another customer walks in, asks where the bathroom is. The bar collapses and kills everyone inside

I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today.

I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today. In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla.

I bought a toilet brush since I saw one in pretty much everyone's bathroom...

but after giving it a try for a week I decided to go back to using toilet paper.

Two thieves break into a house. Once inside, they sneak into the master bedroom and tie up the naked woman they find in there.

A startled, naked, man comes out of the bathroom, sees what's happening and says, "Please, please, take whatever you want, I will even give you the combination to my safe. Just, please, untie her and let her go."

The thieves were surprised by how heartfelt the pleas from the man were. One of them says, "Wow, you must really love your wife in order to beg like that."

The man replies, "I do, and she will be home any minute!"

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed everything down and cleaned thoroughly.

Today I'm putting a cockroach in the bathroom.

Saw a hooker on the street who said she'd do anything for $50

Guess who got the front porch repainted, bathroom retiled and a new deck.

I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today…

In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a man with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available in lemon and vanilla scents!

What happens when you go to the bathroom in France?

European.

A woman was caught with drugs in her hand by a cop while in the bathroom of a nightclub

The woman swears that the drugs are not hers and promises that, "They aren't mine - I found them here and I tried to flush them down the toilet. However, every single time I flush the drugs down the drain they just keep re-appearing magically in my hands or my pockets!"

The cop, obviously in disbelief, tells the woman, "Show me."

So the woman tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the woman's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.

"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"

"What drugs?"

Went to the bathroom earlier and took a poo....

not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.

A woman was watching her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach

Thinking he was trying to weigh less with maneuver, she commented, "I don't think that is going to help." "Sure it will," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers..

Ageing: Not to brag, but I just went into another room, and remembered why I went in there

Granted, it was the bathroom, but still ...

A pig walks into a bar and orders ten beers.

As soon as the pig is finished drinking the beers, he pays the bartender and starts to leave the bar.

"Wait!" says the bartender. "You drank so much beer. Wouldn't it be wise to use the bathroom before leaving?"

"Not for me," says the pig. "I'm the type of pig that goes wee wee wee all the way home."

Went to the bathroom and took a poo...

Not sure whose it was, but it is mine now.

Weird Pfizer vaccine side effect

I haven't made any sounds when I go to the bathroom since I got the shot.

Doctor said that with Pfizer, the p is silent.

A software tester walks into a bar

Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 999999999 beers. Orders a bear. Orders -1 beers. Orders hdtseatfibkd.

First real customer walks into a bar and asks where the bathroom is. The bar bursts into flames killing everyone inside.

An 85 year old man wanted to spice up his marriage

He went to a lingerie shop to get a sexy lingerie for his 80 year old wife. He got an expensive one and went home.

Later that night he gave it to his wife and told her to put it on. She went to the bathroom to put it on and found out that it was too small for her. She thought He does not have a great eyesight. I will go naked and he would not even know . So she entered the bedroom naked.

Her husband looked at her, squinting his eyes and muttered, Well, for the price I paid, they should have atleast ironed it .

Cousin: "What are you doing in the bathroom?"

Me: "I'm losing my ass in a game of craps!"

Bob forgot his wedding anniversary

His wife was mad. She told him tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!!

The next morning she saw a big gift wrapped box in the driveway. She rushed out, opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Midway through sex...

She turned to me and said, "Switch positions?"

"There's one on the wall by the door," I replied," and another in the bathroom."

Why can't you hear the pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the pterodactyl is extinct.

The Captain's Drink

Captain Hook, Captain Crunch, and Captain America walk into a bar.
Hook says, "Ahoy mates, I'll buy the first round. Just let me go to the bathroom real quick."
The others wait and when Hook comes back Captain America asks, "Hey Hook, how bout those drinks?"
Hook yells, "Shove it up yer stars and stripes, ya flag waving boy scout!"
America turns to Crunch, "Why's he suddenly "irate"?
Crunch says, "Well, that's what happens when you take the P out of a pirate"

An Estonian visits russia

He departs from Tallinn, the journey goes as planned until, 2 hours and a half in, he realizes he needs petrol otherwise he won't get to russia, so he stops at a gas station near narva, and decides to get a snack and go to the bathroom. So before filling up his car he gets off, walks to the gas station's shop's counter and asks for a sandwich, he eats it, and then goes to the bathroom, seeing all the doors closed, he knocks.

"Occupied"

"Again?!"

Three ants take shelter from the rain in somebodies bathroom.

The first ant says, I'm going to sleep in the sink
The second ant says, I'll sleep in the tub
The third ant says, I'll get the best sleep of all and sleep in the toilet!

The next morning, the three ants wake up.
The first ant says, I slept great last night!
The second ant says, I also had a great sleep!
The third ant says, I hardly slept at all! It rained, thundered, and a log fell on my head!

A man and a woman get married and are on their honeymoon.

The woman walks out of the bathroom in a robe and the man says "Take off your robe - we're married now!"

Okay, she says seductively while taking off her robe.

Can I take a picture of you?

Why?

"So I can carry you with me.

A few hours later the man comes out of the bathroom in a robe.

The woman says "Take off your robe - we're married now!"

Okay, he replied while enthusiastically taking off his robe.

Can I take a picture?

Why?

"So I can have it enlarged!"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the bathroom womens bathroom jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working bathroom bathroom call piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes