Bathing Jokes
68 bathing jokes and hilarious bathing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bathing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with these hilarious jokes about bathing! From bathing suit fails to winter bathing woes, get ready to giggle over jokes about tubs, toned bodies, soaps, and more!
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Funniest Bathing Short Jokes
Short bathing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bathing humour may include short showering jokes also.
- Today one of my friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space. It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.
- The next time your wife gets angry... put a cape (or bath towel) over her shoulders then tell her: "Now, you're Super Angry!"
Maybe she'll laugh...or maybe you'll die. - My friend told me I make him feel uncomfortable because I violate his personal space... It was a very hurtful thing to say and completely ruined our bath.
- One of my friends told me I make people uncomfortable by often invading people's personal space I found this really hurtful, it completely ruined our bath
- Why was Six afraid of Seven? Because Seven ate nine grams of bath salts and then killed all of the other numbers.
- My friend said that I make people uncomfortable by invading their personal space. It was a very hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.
- Regretting the compliment... A woman walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says, "Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?" He says, "Really! Why? Are my eyes bulging?"
- Two monkeys entered a bath. Monkey 1: Oooh oooh oooh aaah aaah aaah
Monkey 2: Calm down, it isn't that hot - A male snake charmer married a female undertaker.. Their bath towel read "Hiss" and "Hearse"
- There are two monkeys in a bath.. One goes 'ooh ooh ah ah!'
The other says 'put some cold in then!'
Share These Bathing Jokes With Friends
Bathing One Liners
Which bathing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bathing? I can suggest the ones about taking bath and baths.
- My roommate accused me of not respecting his boundaries.. Totally ruined our bath.
- Wife asked me to get "bath stuff" for xmas. Hope she likes her toaster.
- I have bathed in the blood of virgins! I had a nosebleed in the shower.
- My 5yo hit me with this: what do you call an elephant who refuses to bath? A Smellephant!
- 7 dwarves in a bath and they all felt Happy So Happy got out.
- The seven dwarfs were in the bath feeling happy. So Happy got out.
- I asked my husband for a bath bomb for Christmas He got me a toaster.
- I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
- The 7 dwarves are in the bath, all feeling happy So he got out
- Do you know what to do if an epileptic has an attack in bath? Quickly add your laundry.
- I dropped my phone in the bath Now it's syncing.
- What did Archimedes say when he peed in the bath? UREA!!!
- Yo Mama So Fat When she takes a bath she doesn't use any water and it still overflows!
- So a German installs a bath around his desk... BADUMTISCH
- Hey girl are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you
Bathing Suit Jokes
Here is a list of funny bathing suit jokes and even better bathing suit puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Customer: I'd like to try on that bathing suit in your front window. Saleswoman: I'm sorry, ma'am, but you'll have to use the dressing room.
- You know why the 2 piece bathing suit was invented? To separate the dairy section from meat section...
- Why did the dog feel insecure in her bathing suit? She was a little husky.
- How many German Surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? Two, one to dress up in a gorilla suit and one to fill a bath tub full of vanilla pudding.
- Yo mama so fat, when she wore her yellow bathing suit, the sun got jealous.
- What is a two-piece bath suit with wild animals motive? Zoo-Chini
- Yo momma's so fat, she wore a black bathing suit to the pool and everyone yelled "oil spill!"
- How do you see how fast somebody streaked by in their bathing suit? With a speedo meter
- Did you hear the story about skin-toned bathing suits? It was fake n**....
- I actually find one piece bathing suit to be more s**.... Doesn't matter if you keep the top or the bottom.
Fun-Filled Bathing Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about bathing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean taking a bath jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bathing pranks.
A police officer stops a car...
and asks the driver to show him his driver's license and open the trunk.
In the trunk the cop finds 10 penguins. Really irritated the cop says: "Bring them back to the zoo! This is cruelty!" The driver answers: "Sure. I'm actually on my way to the zoo."
The next day the cop pulls the same car over and says that he wants to look in the trunk. So the driver opens the trunk and there are the 10 penguins with bathing caps. So the cop asks: "Why do they wear bathing caps and I told you to bring them to the zoo!"
Driver: "Yesterday we were at the zoo and today we go to the swimming pool."
A little boy and a little girl..
..got into bath tub for bathing. The little girl, curious about the extra body part of the boy asked him if she can touch it. The boy replied "You broke yours, now you want to play with mine? No way!"
Working at a potato farm
I work at a potato farm. One day my coworker and I got invited to a multi day potato convention near Myrtle Beach. After the first day at the convention we decided to walk the beach and my co-worker Mark was really amazed at how all the ladies seemed to be checking me out.
"Wow" he said, "how do you get all the girls to check you out?"
"Oh, that's easy", I replied. Just stuff a potato down your bathing suit.
The next day after the convention we decided to walk the beach again. This time, all the ladies were looking at Mark with disgusted looks on their face.
"I don't get it", Mark said, "I did what you said."
"Oh Mark", I said, looking him over, "You've got to put the potato in the front!"
Turning into stone
There were two boys taking a walk through the woods. They eventually cam upon a nice calm river. While they are enjoying the view they notice a woman standing in the n**..., bathing. Immediately after seeing her one of the boys runs back through the woods. The other boy chased him and when he catches up he asks,"Why did you run away from the river?" The boy replies,"My mom said that if I stare at n**... women I will turn into stone and I felt something getting hard!"
A Rabbi and a Priest were having a picnic
A Rabbi and a Priest were having a picnic on a really hot summer day and wanted to dip in the river to cool off. They had not thought to bring bathing suits, so decided to skinny dip instead.
The river was flowing rapidly and both clergy were washed a short distance downstream before getting out. After climbing out of the river they had just started to make a run for it to get to their clothes, when many members of their congregation came into view.
The Priest covered his privates with his hands and put on a burst of speed, but the Rabbi covered his face instead. "What are you doing?" the Priest asked. "I don't know about you," the Rabbi answered, "but my congregants recognize me by my face."
Once upon a time in india
a american tourist came to saw tazmahal , he was astonished that indian are daily bathing didn't need a deodorant for hide the body odour, ,,, he is so jealous
Archimedes law of bathing
When your body immersed in water, the phone rings
Why does the Pope keep his underwear on while bathing?
Because he doesn't like looking down on the unemployed.
First to ever post this joke here, yay!
Why do college frat boys drink before bathing?
Buds before suds, bro.
What do you call a rubber duck that is bathing with Kendall Jenner?
A lucky duck
A couple got into an argument...
A couple got into an argument while on a drive through the countryside. It got quite heated and neither of the two wanted to concede, so they sat in silence for several kilometers.
As they passed a farm full of pigs bathing in mud, the wife spoke up and said:
"Relatives of yours?"
The man replied:
"In-laws."
TIFU by bathing incorrectly
Whoops, wrong tub.
Woman bathing n**...
One day there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys was lingering over by a bush. The other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush so long, so he walked over to the bush, and to his astonishment saw a woman bathing n**... in the stream. All of a sudden the second boy took off running.
The first boy couldn't understand why his friend ran away so abruptly, so he took off after him. When he finally caught up to him, he asked why he ran away.
The boy said to his friend, "My mom told me if I ever saw a n**... lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran."
What's the slope of a sun bathing woman at the beach?
The tan line
While bathing my 6 year old son, he stuck a wet foam letter to my back.
I pulled the letter "P" away from my skin and my son said "Dad, I peed on your back!"
-true story, just happened.
A blind man and his mistress.
A blind guy visited his choir mistress at home and found her bathing. Since he was blind, she let him in.
After bathing, she came out n**..., spread her legs and started shaving in front of him. She tried to make a conversation by asking him, Brother John, what brings you here? Is everything OK at home?
He replied, Yes, very fine. I came to tell you that I have done the eye surgery and I can see very clearly now.
Eve went for a bath in the river
God asked Adam, where was Eve? And Adam said Eve is in the stream bathing, and God said oh my I'll never get the smell out of all those fish!
Two blonde roommates
One day julia's new roommate emma was bathing with the door open.
julia: Why are you bathing with the door open?
emma: I didn't want your s**... boyfriend peeping through the keyhole that's why!
A young boy is bathing with his mother
Boy says, Whats that hairy thing mom?
Mom replies, That is my sponge.
Oh yes, says the boy, The babysitters got one, I've seen her washing dads face with it.
A guy gets a phone call from the hospital
A guy gets a phone call from the hospital. The doctor says
"I've got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that your wife was in a terrible car accident and is completely paralyzed. You'll need to take care of her 24/7. Feeding her, helping her use the bathroom, bathing her. You'll probably need to hire help to take care of her. Of course, that may cost too much money, so you'll have to quit your job so you can do it yourself."
Guy says "Oh my god! That's terrible. What's the good news"
Doctor says "I was just joking. She's dead!"
A man went to see his doctor
A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't help.
On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good.
On his third visit the doctor told the man, "Go home and take a hot bath. As soon as you finish bathing throw open all the windows and stand in the draft."
"But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I'll get pneumonia."
"I know," said the doctor, "I can cure pneumonia".
Three young boys are exploring the woods near a river
One of the boys is crouched behind a rock and is looking at something.
He calls the other two over to look with him.
In the river is a beautiful n**... woman bathing.
One of the boys immediately starts running in the other direction screaming.
What's wrong? Says one boy.
My mom told me if I ever saw a n**... woman I would turn to stone! He says And something's already turning hard!
Did you know that bathing in cows' milk is good for your legs?
After all, it was originally made for calves.
The Beauty Treatment
A blonde heard that bathing in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake.
He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my neck. I can splash it on my eyes.
Potato in bathing suit joke
Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!
Father: Really, what?
Boy: That the potato should go in the front.
A woman was taking a bath when the doorbell rang
She thought she could just pretend like she isn't home, the person would leave and she could keep bathing. "Hello? Anybody home? I'm the blind guy"
She thought to herself "Well, if he's blind, then maybe I won't have to dress up. She got out of the bath, walked to the door and opened it.
"Wow!" Said the man. "You should be on a fitness studio advertisement! Now, where should I put those blinds?
I hate how people manage a whole month without bathing.
I start to feel uncontrollable itching after 25 days.
Was watching this show with my family the other day.
All the scenes were people singing in the shower while bathing themselves.
Such a strange soap opera.
A guy at the beach hears from his friends that chicks will show more interest in you if you put a potato in your swim trunks.
He tries this for a while but gets flustered when all the girls keep pointing and laughing at him.
So his friends explain to him that you're supposed to put the potato in the FRONT of your bathing suit.
Two boys were playing by a stream
One of the boys accidentally kicks the ball into a bush. He goes over to the bush to get the ball, but he sees something that makes him stay in the bush.
Minutes later and he still hasn't come out. The other boy walks over to see what is taking so long. To his amazement, there is a n**... woman bathing in the stream.
The boy who went into the bush first says, My mom says that if I look at a n**... woman, I will turn to stone. I don't know if that is true, but I feel something getting hard.
God appeared to Adam in the Garden...
God appeared to Adam in the Garden of Eden one morning. While discussing the naming of the animals and such, God noticed Eve wasn't there. God asked Adam, where is Eve my son?
Adam reply's, oh she is down at the river bathing .
God then gasps, Oh no, no, no! I'll never get that smell out of the fish!
On a hot summer day there were two boys playing by a stream.
One boy went over to the bush to check out some noises.
He pointed out a woman bathing n**... in the steam.
So, both boys decided to stay and watch her.
All of a sudden the second boy took off running.
The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away, so he took off after his friend.
Finally, he caught up to him and asked his friend why he had run away.
The second boy said to his friend, My mom told me that if I ever saw a n**... lady, I'd turn to stone.
I felt something getting hard, so I ran.
We all know the story about Eve eating the apple in the Garden of Eden...
But God also forbade Eve from bathing in the nearby river. One day God came down from heaven to find Eve disregarding his command, washing herself in the river.
God put his hands on his hips and shook his head. "d**...! I'm never going to get that smell out of the fish."
You know what's funny about bathing suits?
If a man swims in a bathing suit that only covers his private parts, he will almost always be swimming competitively. If a woman swims in a bathing suit that only covers her private parts, she will almost always be swimming casually.
Beach days ….
My friend tells me if you really want the girls to notice you at the beach practice your walk, get a nice Speedo bathing suit, and toss a potato down into the Speedo. This will drive the woman nuts.!!
Well I did everything, but still had no luck.
This is when he informed me that the potato was supposed to be in the front ……
Why must people sun dry after bathing in Afghanistan?
There's a towel ban in Afghanistan
