bathe Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious bathe puns

Best son ever

5 year old son after reading a story of a king

Son : mom, I also want 3 wives, one will bathe , one will cook and one will sing

Mom : which one will put you to sleep?

Son: no mom, I will still sleep with you. Mom's eyes filled up with tears... God bless you son

Mom : who will the 3 wives sleep with?

Son : let them sleep with daddy

Daddy's eyes filled with tears... God bless you son

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I have bathed in the blood of virgins!

I had a nosebleed in the shower.

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5 year old son after reading a story about a king...

Son:Mom, I also want 5 wives.one will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me

Mom:And one will put you to sleep

Son:No mom, i will still sleep with you

Mom's eyes filled up with tears ... God bless you son

Mom:but who will sleep with your 5 wives?

Son:Let them sleep with daddy

Daddy's eyes filled up with tears... God bless you son!

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Happy father's day!

5 year old son after reading story of a king says to his mom:

Son: Mom, I also want 3 wives... one will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me

Mom: And which one will put you to sleep

Son: No mom, i will still sleep with you

Mom's eyes filled up with tears.

Mom: God bless you son. But who will sleep with your 3 wives?

Son: Let them sleep with daddy.

Daddy's eyes filled up with tears. God bless you son !

Happy Father's day!

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God bless you son

5 year old son after reading story of a king.

Son:Mom, I also want 5 wives..one will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me.......

Mom:....And one will put you to sleep

Son:..No mom, i will still sleep with you

Mom's eyes filled up with tears ... God bless you son

Mom: but who will sleep with your 5 wives

Son: Let them sleep with daddy

Daddy's eyes filled up with tears...
God bless you son !

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Adam and Eve are in the Garden of Eden...

and they decide to bathe in the river. God shows up and sees Eve washing her vagina and shouts, "No! Now all of the fish are going to smell like that!"

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Sex After Death

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact:

"Marion .... Marion"

"Is that you, Bob?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"That's wonderful! What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to the golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep, and then, the next day it starts all over again!

"Oh, Bob! Are you in Heaven?"


"No -- I'm a rabbit somewhere in South Carolina.

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See no evil

A nun is sitting in the bath, washing herself. Suddenly a knock comes at the door.

"Knock Knock"

She freezes. Who could this be, knocking at such a time?

She continues to bathe, when...

"Knock Knock"

She knows nobody can see a Bride of Christ in a state of undress, and so calls out " Who is it?"

To her relief the response is:

" Blind man"

She, being a bride of Christ, cannot refuse the poor fellow residence. She continues to bathe herself, and lets the blind man enter.

He walks in, has a quick look around, and says;

" Nice tits! Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"



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So a woman had been in a coma for a few years. . .

And everyday, when the nurse comes in to bathe her, she notices slight changes in her vital stats whenever she washes near her crotch. So the nurse fetches the woman's husband and says,
"I think a little oral sex is all your wife needs to come out of this coma."
The husband nods and asks for a little privacy. The nurse leaves, but after a few minutes she hears a horrible clatter followed by the woman flat-lining. The nurse runs in and yells,
"What the hell happened?"
The husband replied, "I don't know! I think she choked!"

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TV Anchor and A Shapherd

TV Anchor to a Shapherd: "What do you feed your goat?"

Shepherd: "Which one, the black or the white?"

Anchor: "hmm! The black one"

Shepherd: "Grass"

Anchor: "And the white one?"

Shepherd: "Also Grass"

Anchor: "How do you bathe them?"

Shepherd: "Which one, the black or the white?"

Anchor: "The black one"

Shepherd: "With water"

Anchor: "And the white one?"

Shepherd: "Also with water"

Anchor: "Where do you house them?"

Shepherd: "Which one, the black or the white?"

Anchor: "The black one"

Shepherd: "In the large barn"

Anchor: "And the white one?"

Shepherd: "Also in the large barn"

Anchor: "Moron, If you treat them both the same way, why do you keep asking me which one, the black or white?"

Shepherd: "Because the white goat is mine."

Anchor: "And the black one?

Shepherd: "That is also mine"

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5 year old son.....after reading story of a king.....

Son:......Mom, I also want 3 wives.....one will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me.......

Mom:....And which one will put you to sleep

Son:..No mom, i will still sleep with you....Mom's eyes filled up with tears ... God bless you son

Mom:...but who will sleep with your 3 wives

Son:....Let them sleep with daddy...

Daddy's eyes filled up with tears... God bless you son ! 😂😆

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Daddy and His Son's Three Wives.

The innocence of a 5 year old

A 5 year old son after been read the story of a king.....

Son: Mom, I also want 3 wives; one will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me.
Mom: And one will put you to sleep.
Son: No mom, I will still sleep with you.

Mom's eyes filled up with tears. God bless you son, Mom said.

Mom: but who will sleep with your 3 wives?
Son: Let them sleep with Daddy.

Daddy's eyes filled up with tears. God bless you son, Daddy said.

Mom glaring at Daddy

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Sex After Death

A couple made a deal that whomever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife.

Their biggest fear was that there was no after life.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact, 'Judy ..Judy.':

'Is that you, Steve?'

'Yes, I've come back like we agreed.'

That's wonderful! What's it like?'

'Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens) another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again.'

'Oh, Steve you surely must be in Heaven!'

'Not exactly . I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona.'

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Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden one day and looking really glum...

So God came down to find out why.
"Adam, I have created a beautiful paradise for you, why are you unhappy?"
"Well God, Eden is great and all, but sometimes I get really lonely. I wish I had a companion of some kind to share this beautiful garden with."
"You're right Adam, you need someone to share the glory of my creation with. I am going to create a companion for you, and I shall call her Woman. She will prepare your meals for you, bathe you, and satisfy all your sexual desires. She will be the perfect companion."
Adam's eyes light up and he says, "That sounds amazing God, what's this gonna cost me?"
"An arm and a leg"
"What can I get for a rib?"
And the rest is history...

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It's OK to watch an elephant bathe

as they usually have their trunks on.

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A woman had a terrible skin disease

That covered her legs. She went to a dermatologist and he said

"What you have is very rare but easily cured. Take a bath in milk for 3 nights and it will go away."

The woman went home and called the local grocery store and said
"I would like to buy 40 gallons of milk to bathe in."

The man on the phone exclaimed "40 gallons pasturized!?"

She said "heavens no... Just past my waist."

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I have bathed in the blood of virgins...

Well, I had a nose bleed in the bath this morning.

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A five year old read a story about a king

5yo: mom, i also want 3 wives, one to feed me, one to bathe me, one to sing for me.
mom: and which one will put you to sleep?
5yo: none, i'd still sleep with you.
mom: you're the best son ever. but where will your wives sleep then?
5yo: they can sleep with dad.
dad: you really are the best son ever.

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An expecting couple is buying party supplies.

The cashier asks What's the occasion?

Oh, We are having our baby shower, says the wife.

That's pretty impressive, says the cashier. My wife and I still have to bathe ours.

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A King is being admired by his people...

They bring him food, bathe him, protect his castle, and all he has to do is shake a paw every once and a while..

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How do terrorists prefer to bathe?

...with bath bombs.

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4 young ladies and go to heaven...

When they arrive at the gate, St-Peter tells them they must bathe in a bassin of holy water the part of their bodies with which they have touched a penis.
The first girl goes "I've only touched a penis with the tip of my fingers" and so she dips her fingers into the holy water"
The second girl goes "I've given a guy a handjob once" and so she dips her hands in the holy water.
The third one looks at the remaining girl and goes "You better rince your mouth before I dip my ass!"

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Doctor : "I'm afraid I have some very bad news, your wife's gonna be a vegetable. You're gonna have to bathe her, feed her, and care for her for the rest of your life."

Me : OH MY GOD!

Doctor : Just kidding. She's dead.

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I can eat, masturbate, and bathe in less than 10 minutes.

The waiter just usually starts freaking out by minute 6.

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What do you call a dinosaur that doesn't bathe?

Ex-stink-t

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TV Anchor and A Shepherd

TV anchor to a Shapherd: "What do you feed your goat?"
Shapherd: "Which one, the black one or the white one?"
Anchor: "hmm! The black one"
Shapherd: "Grass"
Anchor: "And the white one?"
Shapherd: "Also Grass"
Anchor: "How do you bathe them?"
Shapherd: "Which one, the black one or the white one?"
Anchor: "The black one"
Shapherd: "With water"
Anchor: "And the white one?"
Shapherd: "Also with water"
Anchor: "Where do you house them?"
Shapherd: "Which one, the black one or the white one?"
Anchor: "The black one"
Shapherd: "In the large barn"
Anchor: "And the white one?"
Shapherd: "Also in the large barn"
Anchor: "Moron, If you treat them both the same way, why do you keep asking me which one, the black or white?"
Shapherd: "Because the white goat is mine."
Anchor: "And the black one?
Shapherd: "That is also mine"

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People say gamerphobia isn't a problem...

and then continue to get mad at me when I forget to stop wearing the same clothes and bathe for 20 years

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Why don't suicide bombers bathe?

Because they are preparing a stink bomb

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Doctor... can I bathe with diarrhea?

Hmm, yes if you shit enough...

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Isn't it funny why we hate rain but bathe in water.

We eat apples but duck if someone throws one at you.
We play with soccerballs but duck if one flys towards you.

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Why didn't medieval people bathe?

Because they were afraid of spreading cooties

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How did the Red Sea get its name?

Cleopatra used to bathe there periodically.

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My dad trying to explain what dish cleaner does. "So basically it erases the fat of dishes... well not er~"

Me interrupting: "then why don't you bathe in it?"

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I suffer from ADHD, sorry if Wow that butterfly is I need to bathe

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What are the most funny Bathe jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Bathe? Well, here are the best Bathe dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Bathe pick up lines to share with friends.

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