The Best 69 Bath Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Bath jokes. There are some bath hurtful jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these bath toaster puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Bath Jokes and Puns

Today one of my friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space.

It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.

Was in a pub the other day...

Was in a pub the other day as one of the patrons was teliing the classic "What do you do if an epileptic person has a fit in the bath? Throw in the washing!" as a big burly guy walks over and says, "I don't think that's funny. My brother was epileptic and died in the bath."
"Sorry, did he drown?"
"No. He choked on a sock."

I gave my cat a bath the other day...

he liked it, but the fur stuck to my tongue.

Bath joke, I gave my cat a bath the other day...

Two boys were walking in the forest...

... and they came across the most beautiful women taking a bath in a hot spring. Upon seeing this, one boy took of running, and the other went after him. When he caught up to the other he asked "Why did you run off?". To this the other replied "Well, my mom told me that if I ever saw a naked women I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard!"

A little boy walks into his local corner store...

He goes in with his weekly allowance from his parents, usually to get a candy bar or something. But this time, to the cashier's surprise he brings up a bottle of laundry detergent. "What do you need this for, kid?" asks the cashier. The young boy explains how his dog is filthy and needs a bath. The cashier explains to him, that it is a terrible idea and may even kill the dog. The kid listens to the advice, but proceeds and buys it anyways. A week or so later, the kid goes into the store and brings a candy bar up to the counter. The cashier rings him up and asks "Hey, so is your dog alright?" to which the little boy replies "no, he died". The cashier tells him, "I told you it was a bad idea to clean him with laundry detergent!" and the little boy replies, "I don't think it was the detergent that did it, I think it was the rinse cycle."


How many surreal artists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three, one to hold the giraffe, and one to put the clocks in the bath tub.

A mother takes a bath with her 5 year old boy

The boy sees her bush and asks, "Mommy what is that?" The mother, thinking quickly, simply says, "Why that's my sponge, sweetie." The boy then says, "Oh yeah! The babysitter also has one." Apalled, the mother asks, "How do you know something like that?" The boy responds with, "I know because I saw her washing daddy's face the other day."

Bath joke, A mother takes a bath with her 5 year old boy

My Bathroom

I've decided to call my bathroom the Jim instead of the John.

It sounds better when I tell folks I go to the Jim every morning.

What's the difference between a Nun in Church and a Nun in the bath

One has Hope in her Soul the other has Soap in her Hole.

A 3-year old boy

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.

'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'

'Not yet,' she replied.

Not a joke, just a story with a reminder to be careful when telling jokes...

I heard a joke a few weeks ago that went, "What do you do when an epileptic is having a fit in the bath? Throw your washing in."

I decided to repeat the joke in work today to a few of my customers (I work in a pub) and when I finished, one guy got really mad at me. He screamed that I shouldn't tell jokes like that because his brother died in the bath as a kid while having an epileptic fit.

I asked, "Did he drown?"

The guy was furious and said, "No, he choked on a sock!"

You can explore bath dob reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bath milk bath dad jokes. There are also bath puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


My wife has really dry skin

My wife has really dry skin so I asked my doctor what I could do about it.
He said, "Give her a milk bath."
I said, "Pasteurized?"
The doctor replied, "No, just up to her knees will do."

Woman in a coma

Two nurses are giving a woman in a coma a sponge bath. They notice that when they get near her private areas that she starts to get a little stimulated. The theorize that oral sex will bring her out the coma. They go out into the lobby and tell her husband their theory. The husband is a little aprehensive about it at first, but he agrees to do it. The nurses leave the man with his wife and give him some privacy. They come back about 10 minutes later and the woman is dead! "What happened?" asks one of the nurses. The man replies, "I dont know...I think she choked."

So a German installs a bath around his desk...

BADUMTISCH

A woman is in a coma and her nurses are giving her a sponge bath

They notice when they get near her lower area that her vital signs improve a little. They think oral sex may bring her out of her coma. They go in the waiting room and tell her husband their theory and assure him they will have complete privacy. The nurses leave and come back 15 minutes later and the woman is flat-lined. What happened?? Yelled the nurse. Her husband replies, I don't know...I think she choked.

Yo momma so fat, when she wants to take a bath...

She fills up the tub and THEN turns on the water.

Bath joke, Yo momma so fat, when she wants to take a bath...

The seven dwarfs were in the bath feeling happy.

So Happy got out.

What's the difference between a girl that's praying and a girl that's having a bubble bath?

One has hope in her soul,
The other has soap in her hole.

Why is the bathroom floor always wet on the Starkiller base.

Stormtroopers always miss.


I have my entire Valentine's day planned with my toaster!

Okay, so first, we're going to take a bath.

Don't have shower sex

It's a slippery slope that leads to bath things

I was having sex with my girlfriend when I felt a weird tap on my shoulder...

I hate having sex in the bath.

I have bathed in the blood of virgins!

I had a nosebleed in the shower.

I dropped my phone in the bath

Now it's syncing.

I had a dream that my friend Martin became the ruler of all bath sponges.

We called him Martin Loofah King.

Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96, live in a house together

One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts one foot in a pauses.
She yells down the stairs, Was I getting in or out of the bath?
The 94-year-old yells back, I don't know.
I'll come up and see. She starts up the stairs and pauses.
Then she yells out, Was I going up the stairs or down?
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea and listening to her sisters.
She shakes her head and says, I sure hope I never get that forgetful.
She knocks on wood for good measure.
She then replies, I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.

Wife asked me to get "bath stuff" for xmas.

Hope she likes her toaster.

People always tell me I shouldn't give my cat a bath...

I don't see what the big deal is. Honestly, it's fine once I get all the hair off my tongue.

My friend told me I make him feel uncomfortable because I violate his personal space...

It was a very hurtful thing to say and completely ruined our bath.

Why was Six afraid of Seven?

Because Seven ate nine grams of bath salts and then killed all of the other numbers.

Bathroom humour is not my favorite type of humour...

but it's a solid #2.

While bathing my 6 year old son, he stuck a wet foam letter to my back.

I pulled the letter "P" away from my skin and my son said "Dad, I peed on your back!"

-true story, just happened.

Can I touch it?

There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy and asked him, "Can I touch it?" He replied, "No way -- you already broke yours off!"

Im 60 days clean now.

It's been hard taking a bath every day, but at least I had heroin to help me through it.

I'm homophobic the same way in arachnophobic..

I don't hate spiders or homosexuals but id still scream if I seen one in the bath.

I could tell that my parents hated me.

My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

The 7 dwarves are in the bath, all feeling happy

So he got out

I asked my husband for a bath bomb for Christmas

He got me a toaster.

I've been feeling really stressed lately, so my doctor advised me that before going to bed, I should drink two glasses of red wine, after a hot bath, but to be honest, it's not really helping at all...

...I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.

Do you know what to do if an epileptic has an attack in bath?

Quickly add your laundry.

A pig goes to the doctors with swine flu.

The doctor gives him a leaflet for a therapeutic spa and tells him to go straight there.

When he gets there he's instructed to lay in a shallow bath of salt and sugar.

He chuckles to himself and thinks, "what's this supposed to do, cure me!"

What's the difference between a nun and a woman masturbating in a bubble bath?

Ones got a soul full of hope...

Two monkeys entered a bath.

Monkey 1: Oooh oooh oooh aaah aaah aaah
Monkey 2: Calm down, it isn't that hot

Johny took a bath with bubbles.

Now let me tell you a dirty joke. Bubbles is his neighbor.

The next time your wife gets angry...

put a cape (or bath towel) over her shoulders then tell her: "Now, you're Super Angry!"

Maybe she'll laugh...or maybe you'll die.

My doctor told me to drink a brandy with port after a hot bath...

I couldn't even finish drinking the hot bath.

7 dwarves in a bath and they all felt Happy

So Happy got out.

A 3 year old boy examined his testicles in bath

Mom He asked Are these my brains

Not yet She replied

Yes, you've got to be careful when you tell jokes in public.

I was in the pub with a few mates a while back and one of them was telling this joke, I'm sure you know it:

Q. What do you do if an epileptic has a fit in the bath?

A. You throw in your washing.

Then a guy came over fuming and said, "I'm sorry but I don't find that funny. My brother died in the bath as a kid while having an epileptic fit.

My friend said, "Oh, I'm really sorry. Did he drown?"

"No, said the man, "He choked to death on a sock."

The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. Well said the director, we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.
Oh, I understand, I said. A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup. No. said the director, A normal person would pull the plug, Do you want a bed near the window?

A male snake charmer married a female undertaker..

Their bath towels read "Hiss" and "Hearse"

A Nun was taking a bath when there was a knock at the door. "Who is it?" She asked. The voice back replies "It's the blind man, can I come in?" The Nun thinks for a moment and says "yes that's fine". The door opens and the man says.

Nice tits, where you want me to hang the blinds?

A woman calls her local dairy, telling them she wants to order enough milk to take a milk bath...

You want the milk pasteurized?

No, just up to my tits.

I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke...

What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath?

Throw in your laundry.

The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit."

We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he choked on a sock."

Went to the bathroom earlier and took a poo....

not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful, so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your Note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons of milk. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath". The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?" The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs."

Hey girl are you a toaster?

Because I want to take a bath with you

When I was small my parents used to bath me in cheap Australian lager

It wasn't until I was 18 I realised I had been Fostered

For cake day, I wanted to share my grandpa's favorite joke when I was growing up: Wanna hear a dirty joke?

-A man fell in a mud puddle.

Wanna hear a clean joke?
-The man took a bath with bubbles.

Wanna hear a dirtier joke?
-Bubbles was the woman next door.

What do you call James Bond taking a bath?

Bubble 0-7

So a nun is having a bath, and she hears a knock on the door...

The nun shouts "who is it?" and a voice from the other side replies "it's the blind man, can I come in?"

The nun replies "sure" and the blind man comes into the room and says "nice tits luv, where do you want to hang these blinds?"

When I was a baby.

My parents used to bath me cheap Australian beer.


It wasn't till I was 18 that I realized I'd been Fostered.

An original from my 7 year old

What do you call a toot in the bath tub?



A bath bomb

Went to the bathroom and took a poo...

Not sure whose it was, but it is mine now.

Once upon a time...

The Seven Dwarves were all taking a bath and feeling happy. Happy got out, so they all felt grumpy.

Me: I want to take a bath.

Home Depot Employee: You need to pay for it first.

What does Ironman do before taking a bath.

He gets Stark naked!

Why did Archimedes take a bath?

Because his wife said "You reek-a"

The 3rd child asked her mother

Did you want a daughter or a son when I was born?
Mom angrily:
I wanted neither.
I just wanted a towel from your father while having bath!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the bath tub jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working bath jacuzzi piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes