Bath Jokes
169 bath jokes and hilarious bath puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bath that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out these silly jokes about bubble baths, dog baths, bird baths, ice baths, bed baths, sponge baths, showers, toilets, and dobs! From the classic one-liners to the tongue-twisters, get ready to chuckle as you dive into a world of bath-related puns!
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Funniest Bath Short Jokes
Short bath jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bath humour may include short washroom jokes also.
- Today one of my friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space. It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.
- Why was Six afraid of Seven? Because Seven ate nine grams of bath salts and then killed all of the other numbers.
- Regretting the compliment... A woman walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says, "Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?" He says, "Really! Why? Are my eyes bulging?"
- Two monkeys entered a bath. Monkey 1: Oooh oooh oooh aaah aaah aaah
Monkey 2: Calm down, it isn't that hot - A male snake charmer married a female undertaker.. Their bath towel read "Hiss" and "Hearse"
- I had a dream that my friend Martin became the ruler of all bath sponge. We called him Martin Loofah King.
- How many surreal artists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three, one to hold the giraffe, and one to put the clocks in the bath tub.
- When I was small my parents used to bath me in cheap Australian lager It wasn't until I was 18 I realised I had been Fostered
- I have my entire Valentine's day planned with my toaster! Okay, so first, we're going to take a bath.
- While bathing my 6 year old son, he stuck a wet foam letter to my back. I pulled the letter "P" away from my skin and my son said "Dad, I peed on your back!"
-true story, just happened.
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Bath One Liners
Which bath one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bath? I can suggest the ones about restroom and hot tub.
- My roommate accused me of not respecting his boundaries.. Totally ruined our bath.
- Wife asked me to get "bath stuff" for xmas. Hope she likes her toaster.
- My 5yo hit me with this: what do you call an elephant who refuses to bath? A Smellephant!
- 7 dwarves in a bath and they all felt Happy So Happy got out.
- I asked my husband for a bath bomb for Christmas He got me a toaster.
- I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
- Do you know what to do if an epileptic has an attack in bath? Quickly add your laundry.
- I dropped my phone in the bath Now it's syncing.
- What did Archimedes say when he peed in the bath? UREA!!!
- So a German installs a bath around his desk... BADUMTISCH
- Hey girl are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you
- I gave my cat a bath the other day... he liked it, but the fur stuck to my tongue.
- Why does Tiger have to take so many baths? Because he plays with Pooh all day.
- If 2020 were a bath bomb... It would be a toaster.
- How does Mike Tyson like his bath? Grilled.
Taking A Bath Jokes
Here is a list of funny taking a bath jokes and even better taking a bath puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was alone at home taking a bath... When all of a sudden... I felt the tap on my shoulder
- A woman calls her doctor and says "I have diarrhea. Can I take a bath?" Doctor says "Sure, if you have enough"
- A man asks the doctor "Can I take a bath with diarrhea?"
Doctor:"If you could fill the bathtub with it, why not?" - The other day a girl asked me if I like b**... or thighs. I told her I prefer bubble butts and a trimmed p**... with thin lips... So I got kicked out of KFC.
- Me: I want to take a bath. home depot Employee: You need to pay for it first.
- My boss has been angry with me recently, and last night he called while I was taking a bath. I didn't answer because I was in hot water.
- Can you take a bath if you have diarrhea? Yes, if you have enough.
- There are three kinds of people: Firstly the ones who shower, secondly the ones who takes baths and thirdly the ones who sit next to me on the bus.
- Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted a clean getaway..
- How come when I find a stray dog, take it home, and give it a bath everyone calls me a saint... ...but when I do it with a kid everyone just calls me a priest?
Taking Bath Jokes
Here is a list of funny taking bath jokes and even better taking bath puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why don't Dalmatians like to take baths? Because they don't like to be spotless.
- Why did Archimedes take a bath? Because his wife said "You reek-a"
- TIL that dinosaurs used hot springs to take baths But as time advanced they moved onto meteor showers.
- My wife is so immature.. When I'm taking a bath she sinks all my boats!
- Ill A very ill man goes to his doctor, he asks the doctor what to do. 'Take a lot of mud baths' the doctor says. 'Why?' the man asks.
'So you can get used to the ground of course!' - Anybody taking bath in Milk.. "Why do you take baths in milk?"
"I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower." - Why did the ocean take a bath? It had a sandy bottom.
- What do you call Kim Kardashian when she is taking a bath? A Showerthot.
- How many German Surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? Two, one to dress up in a gorilla suit and one to fill a bath tub full of vanilla pudding.
- Was talking to a friend about taking many baths a day. "There's no harm in taking baths repeatedly unless you are soap."
Bed Bath Jokes
Here is a list of funny bed bath jokes and even better bed bath puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did Stalin go to Bed Bath & Beyond? He needed an iron curtain
- Whaddya call a man from Sicily who works at Bed, Bath, and Beyond? An Itowelian
- What's Jay-z's favorite store? Bed, bath and Beyond-cé.
- Im opening a Russian import store to compete with Bed, Bath & Beyond. Lenins & more
- I was kicked out of NASA today. Apparently; "To Bed Bath and Beyond!" is not an appropriate quote to say during launch.
- What does this joke mean from jimmy kimmel show? Bed Bath & Beyond is currently offering store credit in exchange for Toys RUs gift cards. Said kids, Umm… I guess the whiskey decanter?
- I wanted to improve my morning shower thoughts beyond my imagination So I went to bed bath and beyond.
- Fracking Toasters!! Don't you hate it when you buy a toaster from bed bath and beyond and when you get home it won't stop talking about Gaius Baltar.
- Before I go to bed, I like to take a bath and than listen to Single Ladies. Its my own Bed, Bath and Beyonce.
- Only Chuck Norris can cross the "Beyond" section of Bed, Bath and Beyond store.
Sponge Bath Jokes
Here is a list of funny sponge bath jokes and even better sponge bath puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do you refer to a sponge that doesn't want to have anything to do with showers or baths? Aloofa.
- Why did the nurse cuddle with her locked-in syndrome patients right after their sponge bath? Because she likes her vegetables at the peak of freshness
Bubble Bath Jokes
Here is a list of funny bubble bath jokes and even better bubble bath puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Johny took a bath with bubbles. Now let me tell you a dirty joke. Bubbles is his neighbor.
- Dirty joke, clean joke, adult joke Timmy played in the mud. That's the dirty part.
So Timmy took a bath with bubbles. That's the clean part.
Bubbles is the girl next door. - What do you call a third-generation bubble bath? Grandsuds.
- Dirty Joke: I like to take a bath and blow Bubbles Bubbles is my Grandpa. He died in the bathtub 6 weeks ago but is still hard as a rock.
- Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking everybody (except me) is having a great bubble bath. Doc: Yes, you have FOMO
- Do you want to hear a clean joke? Dave took a bath with bubbles
Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
Bubbles is his neighbour
Do you want to hear an even dirtier joke?
Bubbles is his sister - How does a man take a bubble bath? He eats beans for dinner.
- Sadaam Hussein created his own brand of bubble bath. It was called "Baath Party".
- I took a bath with bubbles.. Bubbles is the girl next door.
- The boy blew bubbles in the bath Bubbles was a man
Witty Bath Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about bath you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean toilet jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bath pranks.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Isn't it somewhat ironic that a woman who.
hasn't been clean for years managed to die in a bath?
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Two Nuns and the Blind man.
There were once two nuns taking a bath together when all of a sudden they hear a knock at the door.
"Who is it?" yells out one of the nuns.
"It's me, the blind man." replies the man at the door.
"Ok, come on up." calls the second nun.
A short moment later, they heard the footsteps up the staircase and soon the door to the bathroom opened.
"Oh, hello Sisters. I like your new towels. Now where do you want the blinds?"
Bu dum tss
Two Drunks and a Dog
Two extremely drunk men were stumbling toward home after leaving the bar one night. As they staggered through the backstreets they noticed a dog sitting on his front porch giving his tackle a hearty tongue bath. One of the men turns to the other and says
"You know, I wish I could to do that."
To which the second replies
"I bet if you ask him nicely he very well might let you."
A little boy walks into his local corner store...
He goes in with his weekly allowance from his parents, usually to get a candy bar or something. But this time, to the cashier's surprise he brings up a bottle of laundry detergent. "What do you need this for, kid?" asks the cashier. The young boy explains how his dog is filthy and needs a bath. The cashier explains to him, that it is a terrible idea and may even kill the dog. The kid listens to the advice, but proceeds and buys it anyways. A week or so later, the kid goes into the store and brings a candy bar up to the counter. The cashier rings him up and asks "Hey, so is your dog alright?" to which the little boy replies "no, he died". The cashier tells him, "I told you it was a bad idea to clean him with laundry detergent!" and the little boy replies, "I don't think it was the detergent that did it, I think it was the rinse cycle."
A woman heard a milk bath was good for your skin
Next time the milk man stopped by she was sure to ask if he could bring enough next time for a bath. "Would you prefer pasteurized?" He asked. "No, just up to my knees is fine".
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a fat man in a bath ?
Tubby.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Where is h**...'s bathroom?
Down ze hall on ze Third r**...!
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Not a joke, just a story with a reminder to be careful when telling jokes...
I heard a joke a few weeks ago that went, "What do you do when an epileptic is having a fit in the bath? Throw your washing in."
I decided to repeat the joke in work today to a few of my customers (I work in a pub) and when I finished, o**... got really mad at me. He screamed that I shouldn't tell jokes like that because his brother died in the bath as a kid while having an epileptic fit.
I asked, "Did he drown?"
The guy was furious and said, "No, he choked on a sock!"
My wife has really dry skin
My wife has really dry skin so I asked my doctor what I could do about it.
He said, "Give her a milk bath."
I said, "Pasteurized?"
The doctor replied, "No, just up to her knees will do."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Woman in a coma
Two nurses are giving a woman in a coma a sponge bath. They notice that when they get near her private areas that she starts to get a little stimulated. The theorize that o**... s**... will bring her out the coma. They go out into the lobby and tell her husband their theory. The husband is a little aprehensive about it at first, but he agrees to do it. The nurses leave the man with his wife and give him some privacy. They come back about 10 minutes later and the woman is dead! "What happened?" asks one of the nurses. The man replies, "I dont know...I think she choked."
A patient came in today saying he felt paranoid and like people were watching him.
I dunno if I buy it though, he looked pretty relaxed in the bath this morning.
*classic Frankie boyle*
Why is the bathroom floor always wet on the Starkiller base.
Stormtroopers always miss.
A Lady walks into a Grocery Store..
A lady went into the grocery and asked for fifty gallons of milk. The clerk, amazed, asked her what she was going to do with that much milk. "I have a skin problem and the Doctor prescribed a milk bath". The clerk asked "Pasteurised?" She replied "No just up to my chin"
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Don't have shower s**...
It's a slippery slope that leads to bath things
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was having s**... with my girlfriend when I felt a weird tap on my shoulder...
I hate having s**... in the bath.
Why don't you take Pokémon to the bathroom with you?
... because they might Pikachu!
My wife keeps telling me I shouldn't pee in the bath
Or if I really have to, I should at least wait till she gets out.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At a bathroom line.
''Can I go before you? I really need to number two''
''No, I was here before you and I need to go as well''.
''I swear I need to go more than you''.
''You're so full of s**...''.
Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96, live in a house together
One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts one foot in a pauses.
She yells down the stairs, Was I getting in or out of the bath?
The 94-year-old yells back, I don't know.
I'll come up and see. She starts up the stairs and pauses.
Then she yells out, Was I going up the stairs or down?
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea and listening to her sisters.
She shakes her head and says, I sure hope I never get that forgetful.
She knocks on wood for good measure.
She then replies, I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At the men's bathroom of the local college...
... above the toilet paper dispenser was a piece of graffiti:
"Liberal Arts Degrees. Take One."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
We have little Johnny in Australia too.
Little Johnny walks into the bathroom just as his mother is getting out of the bath.
He points at her nether region and asks "mummy, what's that?"
She thinks quickly and replies "that's where god hit me with his little golden axe."
Little Johnny replies "geez, he got you right in the c**t didn't he"
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call an epileptic l**... taking a bath?
Porridge.
We call my grandpa "Spider-Man"
He doesn't have any super powers, he just finds it hard to get out of the bath
People always tell me I shouldn't give my cat a bath...
I don't see what the big deal is. Honestly, it's fine once I get all the hair off my tongue.
Bathroom humour is not my favorite type of humour...
but it's a solid #2.
Can I touch it?
There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy and asked him, "Can I touch it?" He replied, "No way -- you already broke yours off!"
How does a radical muslim clean themselves?
A bath bomb.
You are a 'merican when you go into the bathroom, and you are a 'merican when you leave it.
But when you are inside the bathroom, you're a 'peein.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ever heard of an Irish bath?
An Irish bath is when you stand at the sink and just wash your armpits. Some people call it a Gypsy bath, or an Italian shower. A French bath is when you just douse yourself in cologne.
Whatever you call it, it's all just ethnic cleansing.
Please say dirty things
Woman to her husband while at it: "Please say dirty things to me!"
Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you get a l**... out of a bath?
With a sieve
A man goes shopping for candles...
He's strolling through Bed Bath and Beyond, when he finally locates the candle section. So many options to pick from, he starts to give them all a good test sniff. As he's smelling more and more candles he wrinkles his brow and remarks to himself "All these candles smell funny..."
So he catches the attention of an employee and asks her, "Ma'am why do all of these candles smell so funny?"
"Well sir, that's our new Scents of Humor line!"
I've been feeling really stressed lately, so my doctor advised me that before going to bed, I should drink two glasses of red wine, after a hot bath, but to be honest, it's not really helping at all...
...I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a nun praying in a church, and a nun in the bath?
The nun in the church has hope in her soul, the nun in the bath has soap in her hole
A pig goes to the doctors with swine flu.
The doctor gives him a leaflet for a therapeutic spa and tells him to go straight there.
When he gets there he's instructed to lay in a shallow bath of salt and sugar.
He chuckles to himself and thinks, "what's this supposed to do, cure me!"
Did you know that bathing in cows' milk is good for your legs?
After all, it was originally made for calves.
A woman had a terrible skin disease
That covered her legs. She went to a dermatologist and he said
"What you have is very rare but easily cured. Take a bath in milk for 3 nights and it will go away."
The woman went home and called the local grocery store and said
"I would like to buy 40 gallons of milk to bathe in."
The man on the phone exclaimed "40 gallons pasturized!?"
She said "heavens no... Just past my waist."
A woman was just taking a bath when she heard the doorbell.
She thought she'd just pretend not to be home but then the ringer called, Hello? Anybody home? I'm the blind guy!
Ah well, if he is blind I can go and open the door just like this. No need to dress. thought the lady, hauled herself out of the bath and went to open the door.
Wow, said the guy waiting there, you should be on a fitness studio advertisement! Now, where should I put those blinds?
Bathroom Poetry
This little throne I call my own
I aim to keep it neat
So drain your soul, pee down the hole
And not upon the seat
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
While having a bath, a woman hears the doorbell.
"Who is it?" The woman asks.
"It's me! Your blind neighbour!" Replies a manly voice.
The woman thinks to herself "well if it's the blind man, I don't need to put anything on." And opens the door n**....
The blind man in complete shock says "I..... I just came here to tell you that my operation was successful and I can see everything now."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The next time your wife gets angry...
put a cape (or bath towel) over her shoulders then tell her: "Now, you're Super Angry!"
Maybe she'll laugh...or maybe you'll die.
My doctor told me to drink a brandy with port after a hot bath...
I couldn't even finish drinking the hot bath.
I recently went on holiday to Europe after studying languages when I was younger...
It's turns out my German has gone from Bath to Sausage
My wife is so immature
My wife is so immature. I'm at home in the bath and she'd come in whenever she felt like it and sink all my boats.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A 3 year old boy examined his t**... in bath
Mom He asked Are these my brains
Not yet She replied
My wife said she wanted new kitchen appliances or some new bath bombs for our anniversary.
I compromised and bought her a toaster.
New bathroom
I was shopping for a new bathroom this week, and was shown an amazing toilet that plays ABBA songs when you flush it.
What a loo.
Yes, you've got to be careful when you tell jokes in public.
I was in the pub with a few mates a while back and one of them was telling this joke, I'm sure you know it:
Q. What do you do if an epileptic has a fit in the bath?
A. You throw in your washing.
Then a guy came over fuming and said, "I'm sorry but I don't find that funny. My brother died in the bath as a kid while having an epileptic fit.
My friend said, "Oh, I'm really sorry. Did he drown?"
"No, said the man, "He choked to death on a sock."
Why did the A go to the bathroom and come out as an E?
Because he had a vowel movement.
The Bathtub Test
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. Well said the director, we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.
Oh, I understand, I said. A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup. No. said the director, A normal person would pull the plug, Do you want a bed near the window?
Please settle an argument between me and my wife about whether it's ok to pee in the bath
I think it's fine but my wife says I should wait until she's finished her bath
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Nun was taking a bath when there was a knock at the door. "Who is it?" She asked. The voice back replies "It's the blind man, can I come in?" The Nun thinks for a moment and says "yes that's fine". The door opens and the man says.
Nice t**..., where you want me to hang the blinds?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman calls her local dairy, telling them she wants to order enough milk to take a milk bath...
You want the milk pasteurized?
No, just up to my t**....
My sister asked for a bath bomb for her birthday, so I gave her a toaster.
Same thing if you think about it.
I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke...
What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath?
Throw in your laundry.
The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit."
We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he choked on a sock."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Went to the bathroom earlier and took a p**.......
not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful, so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your Note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons of milk. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath". The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?" The blonde said, "No, just up to my b**...."
They said my wiener would be like one inch long in cold water.
So I took a cold bath, but sadly my wiener didn't get any bigger. :(
For cake day, I wanted to share my grandpa's favorite joke when I was growing up: Wanna hear a dirty joke?
-A man fell in a mud puddle.
Wanna hear a clean joke?
-The man took a bath with bubbles.
Wanna hear a dirtier joke?
-Bubbles was the woman next door.
