JokoJokes

Bath Jokes

172 bath jokes and hilarious bath puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bath that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for a laugh? Check out these silly jokes about bubble baths, dog baths, bird baths, ice baths, bed baths, sponge baths, showers, toilets, and dobs! From the classic one-liners to the tongue-twisters, get ready to chuckle as you dive into a world of bath-related puns!

Funniest Bath Short Jokes

Short bath jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bath humour may include short showering jokes also.

  1. Today one of my friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space. It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.
  2. The next time your wife gets angry... put a cape (or bath towel) over her shoulders then tell her: "Now, you're Super Angry!"
    Maybe she'll laugh...or maybe you'll die.
  3. My friend told me I make him feel uncomfortable because I violate his personal space... It was a very hurtful thing to say and completely ruined our bath.
  4. One of my friends told me I make people uncomfortable by often invading people's personal space I found this really hurtful, it completely ruined our bath
  5. Why was Six afraid of Seven? Because Seven ate nine grams of bath salts and then killed all of the other numbers.
  6. My friend said that I make people uncomfortable by invading their personal space. It was a very hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.
  7. Regretting the compliment... A woman walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says, "Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?" He says, "Really! Why? Are my eyes bulging?"
  8. Two monkeys entered a bath. Monkey 1: Oooh oooh oooh aaah aaah aaah
    Monkey 2: Calm down, it isn't that hot
  9. A male snake charmer married a female undertaker.. Their bath towel read "Hiss" and "Hearse"
  10. There are two monkeys in a bath.. One goes 'ooh ooh ah ah!'
    The other says 'put some cold in then!'

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Bath One Liners

Which bath one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bath? I can suggest the ones about washroom and restroom.

  1. My roommate accused me of not respecting his boundaries.. Totally ruined our bath.
  2. Wife asked me to get "bath stuff" for xmas. Hope she likes her toaster.
  3. I have bathed in the blood of virgins! I had a nosebleed in the shower.
  4. My 5yo hit me with this: what do you call an elephant who refuses to bath? A Smellephant!
  5. 7 dwarves in a bath and they all felt Happy So Happy got out.
  6. The seven dwarfs were in the bath feeling happy. So Happy got out.
  7. I asked my husband for a bath bomb for Christmas He got me a toaster.
  8. I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
  9. The 7 dwarves are in the bath, all feeling happy So he got out
  10. Do you know what to do if an epileptic has an attack in bath? Quickly add your laundry.
  11. I dropped my phone in the bath Now it's syncing.
  12. What did Archimedes say when he peed in the bath? UREA!!!
  13. Yo Mama So Fat When she takes a bath she doesn't use any water and it still overflows!
  14. So a German installs a bath around his desk... BADUMTISCH
  15. Hey girl are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you

Taking A Bath Jokes

Here is a list of funny taking a bath jokes and even better taking a bath puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Yo momma so fat, when she wants to take a bath... She fills up the tub and THEN turns on the water.
  • How many surreal artists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three, one to hold the giraffe, and one to put the clocks in the bath tub.
  • I have my entire Valentine's day planned with my toaster! Okay, so first, we're going to take a bath.
  • What do you call James Bond taking a bath? Bubble 0-7
  • Once upon a time... The Seven Dwarves were all taking a bath and feeling happy. Happy got out, so they all felt grumpy.
  • Why does Tiger have to take so many baths? Because he plays with Pooh all day.
  • I was alone at home taking a bath... When all of a sudden... I felt the tap on my shoulder
  • A woman calls her doctor and says "I have diarrhea. Can I take a bath?" Doctor says "Sure, if you have enough"
  • A man asks the doctor "Can I take a bath with diarrhea?"
    Doctor:"If you could fill the bathtub with it, why not?"
  • The other day a girl asked me if I like b**... or thighs. I told her I prefer bubble butts and a trimmed p**... with thin lips... So I got kicked out of KFC.

Taking Bath Jokes

Here is a list of funny taking bath jokes and even better taking bath puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I asked my doctor if I could take a bath with diarrhea He said, "it depends on the amount"
  • Me: I want to take a bath. home depot Employee: You need to pay for it first.
  • Are you a toaster? Because I would love to take a bath with you
  • My boss has been angry with me recently, and last night he called while I was taking a bath. I didn't answer because I was in hot water.
  • Yo mama so fat... That when she takes a bath she doesn't use any water..... and it STILL overflows.
  • Can you take a bath if you have diarrhea? Yes, if you have enough.
  • There are three kinds of people: Firstly the ones who shower, secondly the ones who takes baths and thirdly the ones who sit next to me on the bus.
  • You know the difference between a woman attending Sunday morning mass and a woman taking a Friday night bath? One has hope in her soul; the other has soap in her hole.
  • Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted a clean getaway..
  • How come when I find a stray dog, take it home, and give it a bath everyone calls me a saint... ...but when I do it with a kid everyone just calls me a priest?
Bath joke, How come when I find a stray dog, take it home, and give it a bath everyone calls me a saint...

Bed Bath Jokes

Here is a list of funny bed bath jokes and even better bed bath puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why did Stalin go to Bed Bath & Beyond? He needed an iron curtain
  • Whaddya call a man from Sicily who works at Bed, Bath, and Beyond? An Itowelian
  • What's Jay-z's favorite store? Bed, bath and Beyond-cé.
  • Im opening a Russian import store to compete with Bed, Bath & Beyond. Lenins & more
  • I was kicked out of NASA today. Apparently; "To Bed Bath and Beyond!" is not an appropriate quote to say during launch.
  • What does this joke mean from jimmy kimmel show? Bed Bath & Beyond is currently offering store credit in exchange for Toys RUs gift cards. Said kids, Umm… I guess the whiskey decanter?
  • I wanted to improve my morning shower thoughts beyond my imagination So I went to bed bath and beyond.
  • Fracking Toasters!! Don't you hate it when you buy a toaster from bed bath and beyond and when you get home it won't stop talking about Gaius Baltar.
  • Before I go to bed, I like to take a bath and than listen to Single Ladies. Its my own Bed, Bath and Beyonce.
  • Only Chuck Norris can cross the "Beyond" section of Bed, Bath and Beyond store.

Sponge Bath Jokes

Here is a list of funny sponge bath jokes and even better sponge bath puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I had a dream that my friend Martin became the ruler of all bath sponge. We called him Martin Loofah King.
  • How do you refer to a sponge that doesn't want to have anything to do with showers or baths? Aloofa.
  • Why did the nurse cuddle with her locked-in syndrome patients right after their sponge bath? Because she likes her vegetables at the peak of freshness

Bubble Bath Jokes

Here is a list of funny bubble bath jokes and even better bubble bath puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the difference between a girl that's praying and a girl that's having a bubble bath? One has hope in her soul,
    The other has soap in her hole.
  • Johny took a bath with bubbles. Now let me tell you a dirty joke. Bubbles is his neighbor.
  • What do you call James Bond having a bath? Bubble 07
  • Dirty joke, clean joke, adult joke Timmy played in the mud. That's the dirty part.
    So Timmy took a bath with bubbles. That's the clean part.
    Bubbles is the girl next door.
  • Why do Mexicans eat beans for dinner? So they can have bubble baths.
  • What do you call James Bond when they're taking a bath? Bubble-07
  • What do you call a third-generation bubble bath? Grandsuds.
  • Dirty Joke: I like to take a bath and blow Bubbles Bubbles is my Grandpa. He died in the bathtub 6 weeks ago but is still hard as a rock.
  • Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking everybody (except me) is having a great bubble bath. Doc: Yes, you have FOMO
  • Do you want to hear a clean joke? Dave took a bath with bubbles
    Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
    Bubbles is his neighbour
    Do you want to hear an even dirtier joke?
    Bubbles is his sister
Bath joke, Do you want to hear a clean joke?

Witty Bath Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends

What funny jokes about bath you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hot tub jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bath pranks.

Isn't it somewhat ironic that a woman who.

hasn't been clean for years managed to die in a bath?

The Two Nuns and the Blind man.

There were once two nuns taking a bath together when all of a sudden they hear a knock at the door.
"Who is it?" yells out one of the nuns.
"It's me, the blind man." replies the man at the door.
"Ok, come on up." calls the second nun.
A short moment later, they heard the footsteps up the staircase and soon the door to the bathroom opened.
"Oh, hello Sisters. I like your new towels. Now where do you want the blinds?"
Bu dum tss

Was in a pub the other day...

Was in a pub the other day as one of the patrons was teliing the classic "What do you do if an epileptic person has a fit in the bath? Throw in the washing!" as a big burly guy walks over and says, "I don't think that's funny. My brother was epileptic and died in the bath."
"Sorry, did he drown?"
"No. He choked on a sock."

I gave my cat a bath the other day...

he liked it, but the fur stuck to my tongue.

Two boys were walking in the forest...

... and they came across the most beautiful women taking a bath in a hot spring. Upon seeing this, one boy took of running, and the other went after him. When he caught up to the other he asked "Why did you run off?". To this the other replied "Well, my mom told me that if I ever saw a n**... women I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard!"

What do you do if you see someone having a epileptic seizure in the bath?

Throw your washing in

A little boy walks into his local corner store...

He goes in with his weekly allowance from his parents, usually to get a candy bar or something. But this time, to the cashier's surprise he brings up a bottle of laundry detergent. "What do you need this for, kid?" asks the cashier. The young boy explains how his dog is filthy and needs a bath. The cashier explains to him, that it is a terrible idea and may even kill the dog. The kid listens to the advice, but proceeds and buys it anyways. A week or so later, the kid goes into the store and brings a candy bar up to the counter. The cashier rings him up and asks "Hey, so is your dog alright?" to which the little boy replies "no, he died". The cashier tells him, "I told you it was a bad idea to clean him with laundry detergent!" and the little boy replies, "I don't think it was the detergent that did it, I think it was the rinse cycle."

A mother takes a bath with her 5 year old boy

The boy sees her bush and asks, "Mommy what is that?" The mother, thinking quickly, simply says, "Why that's my sponge, sweetie." The boy then says, "Oh yeah! The babysitter also has one." Apalled, the mother asks, "How do you know something like that?" The boy responds with, "I know because I saw her washing daddy's face the other day."

My Bathroom

I've decided to call my bathroom the Jim instead of the John.

It sounds better when I tell folks I go to the Jim every morning.

What do you call a fat man in a bath ?

Tubby.

Where is h**...'s bathroom?

Down ze hall on ze Third r**...!

What's the difference between a Nun in Church and a Nun in the bath

One has Hope in her Soul the other has Soap in her Hole.

A 3-year old boy

A 3-year-old boy examined his t**... while taking a bath.
'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'
'Not yet,' she replied.

Not a joke, just a story with a reminder to be careful when telling jokes...

I heard a joke a few weeks ago that went, "What do you do when an epileptic is having a fit in the bath? Throw your washing in."
I decided to repeat the joke in work today to a few of my customers (I work in a pub) and when I finished, o**... got really mad at me. He screamed that I shouldn't tell jokes like that because his brother died in the bath as a kid while having an epileptic fit.
I asked, "Did he drown?"
The guy was furious and said, "No, he choked on a sock!"

My wife has really dry skin

My wife has really dry skin so I asked my doctor what I could do about it.
He said, "Give her a milk bath."
I said, "Pasteurized?"
The doctor replied, "No, just up to her knees will do."

Woman in a coma

Two nurses are giving a woman in a coma a sponge bath. They notice that when they get near her private areas that she starts to get a little stimulated. The theorize that o**... s**... will bring her out the coma. They go out into the lobby and tell her husband their theory. The husband is a little aprehensive about it at first, but he agrees to do it. The nurses leave the man with his wife and give him some privacy. They come back about 10 minutes later and the woman is dead! "What happened?" asks one of the nurses. The man replies, "I dont know...I think she choked."

Seven dwarves...

sitting in a bath and they all felt happy.
Happy got out and they all felt grumpy.

A woman is in a coma and her nurses are giving her a sponge bath

They notice when they get near her lower area that her vital signs improve a little. They think o**... s**... may bring her out of her coma. They go in the waiting room and tell her husband their theory and assure him they will have complete privacy. The nurses leave and come back 15 minutes later and the woman is flat-lined. What happened?? Yelled the nurse. Her husband replies, I don't know...I think she choked.

Why is the bathroom floor always wet on the Starkiller base.

Stormtroopers always miss.

Don't have shower s**...

It's a slippery slope that leads to bath things

Where is the bathroom for I.T people located?

At the I pee address.

I was having s**... with my girlfriend when I felt a weird tap on my shoulder...

I hate having s**... in the bath.

Why don't you take Pokémon to the bathroom with you?

... because they might Pikachu!

God went to the Garden of Eden to visit Adam and Eve...

... and found Adam sitting under a tree, relaxing.
"How's everything?" asked God.
"Good, thank you! This place is great!" said Adam.
"Where's Eve?" asked God, looking around.
"Well, we just had s**..., and it was great," said Adam, "and so she went down to the river, to take a bath."
"Oh no, not the river!" said God. "Now I'll never get the smell out of the fish!"

Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96, live in a house together

One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts one foot in a pauses.
She yells down the stairs, Was I getting in or out of the bath?
The 94-year-old yells back, I don't know.
I'll come up and see. She starts up the stairs and pauses.
Then she yells out, Was I going up the stairs or down?
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea and listening to her sisters.
She shakes her head and says, I sure hope I never get that forgetful.
She knocks on wood for good measure.
She then replies, I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.

What do you call an epileptic l**... taking a bath?

Porridge.

People always tell me I shouldn't give my cat a bath...

I don't see what the big deal is. Honestly, it's fine once I get all the hair off my tongue.

Bathroom humour is not my favorite type of humour...

but it's a solid #2.

While bathing my 6 year old son, he stuck a wet foam letter to my back.

I pulled the letter "P" away from my skin and my son said "Dad, I peed on your back!"
-true story, just happened.

Can I touch it?

There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy and asked him, "Can I touch it?" He replied, "No way -- you already broke yours off!"

Im 60 days clean now.

It's been hard taking a bath every day, but at least I had h**... to help me through it.

You are a 'merican when you go into the bathroom, and you are a 'merican when you leave it.

But when you are inside the bathroom, you're a 'peein.

I'm homophobic the same way in arachnophobic..

I don't hate spiders or homosexuals but id still scream if I seen one in the bath.

Please say dirty things

Woman to her husband while at it: "Please say dirty things to me!"

Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."

I've been feeling really stressed lately, so my doctor advised me that before going to bed, I should drink two glasses of red wine, after a hot bath, but to be honest, it's not really helping at all...

...I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.

A pig goes to the doctors with swine flu.

The doctor gives him a leaflet for a therapeutic spa and tells him to go straight there.
When he gets there he's instructed to lay in a shallow bath of salt and sugar.
He chuckles to himself and thinks, "what's this supposed to do, cure me!"

Did you know that bathing in cows' milk is good for your legs?

After all, it was originally made for calves.

What's the difference between a nun and a woman m**... in a bubble bath?

Ones got a soul full of hope...

While having a bath, a woman hears the doorbell.

"Who is it?" The woman asks.
"It's me! Your blind neighbour!" Replies a manly voice.
The woman thinks to herself "well if it's the blind man, I don't need to put anything on." And opens the door n**....
The blind man in complete shock says "I..... I just came here to tell you that my operation was successful and I can see everything now."

How does Mike Tyson like his bath?

Grilled.

My doctor told me to drink a brandy with port after a hot bath...

I couldn't even finish drinking the hot bath.

Two monkeys sit in a bath

One monkey says: "OOOH OOOH AAAH AAAH AAH OOH"
The other monkey then says: "Well put some cold water in then."

A 3 year old boy examined his t**... in bath

Mom He asked Are these my brains
Not yet She replied

Yes, you've got to be careful when you tell jokes in public.

I was in the pub with a few mates a while back and one of them was telling this joke, I'm sure you know it:
Q. What do you do if an epileptic has a fit in the bath?
A. You throw in your washing.
Then a guy came over fuming and said, "I'm sorry but I don't find that funny. My brother died in the bath as a kid while having an epileptic fit.
My friend said, "Oh, I'm really sorry. Did he drown?"
"No, said the man, "He choked to death on a sock."

Why did the A go to the bathroom and come out as an E?

Because he had a vowel movement.

The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. Well said the director, we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.
Oh, I understand, I said. A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup. No. said the director, A normal person would pull the plug, Do you want a bed near the window?

A Nun was taking a bath when there was a knock at the door. "Who is it?" She asked. The voice back replies "It's the blind man, can I come in?" The Nun thinks for a moment and says "yes that's fine". The door opens and the man says.

Nice t**..., where you want me to hang the blinds?

A woman calls her local dairy, telling them she wants to order enough milk to take a milk bath...

You want the milk pasteurized?
No, just up to my t**....

A nun was taking a bath and she hears a knock at the door

"Who is it?" She asks
"I'm the blind man, may I come in?" He says
She thinks about it and decides it's okay to let him in because he can't see her. She tells him to come in.
"Nice t**...! I'm here to hang the blinds."

I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke...

What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath?
Throw in your laundry.
The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit."
We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he choked on a sock."

Went to the bathroom earlier and took a p**.......

not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful, so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your Note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons of milk. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath". The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?" The blonde said, "No, just up to my b**...."

When I was small my parents used to bath me in cheap Australian lager

It wasn't until I was 18 I realised I had been Fostered

For cake day, I wanted to share my grandpa's favorite joke when I was growing up: Wanna hear a dirty joke?

-A man fell in a mud puddle.
Wanna hear a clean joke?
-The man took a bath with bubbles.
Wanna hear a dirtier joke?
-Bubbles was the woman next door.

If 2020 were a bath bomb...

It would be a toaster.

Blonde Woman Wants To Look Young Again

A blonde woman heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.
The milkman read the note, and thought there must be a mistake. He asked the women if she meant 2.5 gallons.
The blonde woman said, "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."
The milkman asked, "Do you want the milk to be pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my b**.... I can splash it on my eyes."

So a nun is having a bath, and she hears a knock on the door...

The nun shouts "who is it?" and a voice from the other side replies "it's the blind man, can I come in?"
The nun replies "sure" and the blind man comes into the room and says "nice t**... luv, where do you want to hang these blinds?"

Bath joke, So a nun is having a bath, and she hears a knock on the door...

jokes about bath