Bat Jokes
153 bat jokes and hilarious bat puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about bat that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Bat Short Jokes
Short bat jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bat humour may include short fly jokes also.
- Wife: "Who's the new Batman?" | Me: "Robert Pattinson" Wife: "So vampire do turn into bats."
(I have no idea if she heard this elsewhere, but I def laughed at breakfast.) - I saw a giant mouse so I tried killing it with a baseball bat So now I have a lifetime ban from Disneyland
- One day Bruce Wayne learned that his great great great great great great grandmother encountered a vigilante who called himself "The Man of Bats..." It was his Nana's Nana's Nana's Nana's Batman.
- A cop is confronted by a white guy with a gun and a black guy with a nerf bat. Who does he shoot first? The bystander with the camera.
- So tim tebow just hit a home run in his first professional at bat But he had no idea what to do once he got to third base.
- Robert Pattinson is an awful vampire It took him 11 years to figure out how to turn into a bat
- TIL that at age 13 Jewish girls have a Bat Mitzvah and at age 15 Latina girls have a... Baby shower.
- If Bruce Wayne overcame his fear of bats by becoming his phobia... why am I still afraid of failure?
- Did you know that bats aren't actually blind? That's why they are so good at hitting baseballs
- What do you call a green bat that walks across a yellow bridge? I don't know, but at least it isn't a repost
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Bat One Liners
Which bat one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bat? I can suggest the ones about batman and robin.
- Why did Batman rush to the Bat Cave? He had to go to the Bat Room.
[an old classic] - All countries eventually got Coronavirus... But China got it right off the bat
- How long did it take for the first guy to get covid? He got it right off the bat
- which country was the first to get coronavirus? China, they got it right off the bat.
- Ever wondered why China doesn't have a baseball team? Because they ate all their bats.
- How do you know Robin’s really a Jewish girl? She had a bat-mitzvah.
- What did the boy bat send to the girl bat? sapnu puas
- For how long since its discovery has Covid 19 been deadly? From right off the bat.
- China has the best baseball team. They took out the whole world with one bat.
- What's brown and very bad for your dental health? A baseball bat.
- How does batman schedule a task on his computer? With a .bat script
- What does Dracula's torch run on? *Bat-teries* now give me my five karma
- What do you sing at a twins bat mitzvah? Happy birthday two Jews
- I didn't think my pet bat would ever learn echolocation... But it eventually clicked.
- Joker: "Someone said you sound like an owl more than a bat" Bat: "WHO?"
Baseball Bat Jokes
Here is a list of funny baseball bat jokes and even better baseball bat puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My company was recently bought out. Now, instead of making baseball equipment we're making German sausages... ...things have gone from bat to wurst.
- Some kid was being annoying so I hit him on the face with a baseball bat. He started crying and I didn't even bat an eye.
- Why does Santa always keep a Baseball bat in his sleigh? For Claus combat.
- How do you avoid bats flying into your face? Don't go to baseball games.
- Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game?
A: Their bats flew away. - Do you know the reason all the bat boys in major league baseball are replaced when they turn 18? Because otherwise you'd have to call him Batman.
- I got a job tending to baby seals once. I got fired the first day for using a baseball bat. I guess they had a strict club only policy!
- Got asked how to motivate a team at work today Apparently a baseball bat is the wrong answer
- Funny how people get all angry when you break something of theirs that never use Like turn signals with a baseball bat.
- I asked my wife, "How many baseball players could you handle?" She said, "Three! One at bat, one on deck and one in the hole."
Vampire Bat Jokes
Here is a list of funny vampire bat jokes and even better vampire bat puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear Stephen Miller's wife tested positive for COVID? It turns out swallowing vampire is as dangerous as eating bat.
- Why did the vampire have to get glasses? Because he was blind as a bat!
(My 4 year old sister came up with this one yesterday) - Have you heard about the vampire turned poet? He went from _bat_ ... to __verse__!
- What do Vampires learn at school? Alpha-bat
- What do vampire fruit bats eat? Blood oranges.
- Why did the vampire need mouthwash? Because he had bat breath.
- What does a vampire stand on after taking a shower? A bat mat.
- What do vampire bats like to eat the most? Ginger ale and Chinese food
- What do you call a haemophobic vampire? A starving bat
Bat Cave Jokes
Here is a list of funny bat cave jokes and even better bat cave puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Two bats were hanging upside down in a cave The first bat asks the second, Do you remember the worst day of your life?
I sure do," said the second bat. "It was the day I had diarrhea.
Bat Mitzvah Jokes
Here is a list of funny bat mitzvah jokes and even better bat mitzvah puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How does a Bat Girl become a Bat Woman? She has a Bat Mitzvah
- If Bruce Wayne was Jewish, would he have had a bar mitzvah or a bat mitzvah?
Uproarious Bat Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about bat you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wings jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bat pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
China should have a cricket team.
They can take out the whole world with one bat
A wife comes home late one night
She quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"
My car broke down this morning, so I looked under the bonnet and saw a bat sitting on the engine. Amazingly, he said, Hello Dave! You're a handsome fellow and very nicely dressed, too!" I realised the problem straight away.
Bat flattery
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does China have the best baseball team?
Because they took out the whole world with one bat
Please pray for my wife....
A spider bit her on the forehead and she is now in the E.R. They said she almost died.
Lucky for her, I was near and hit the spider as hard as I could with a bat right when it bit her.
Two vampire bats are hanging from the ceiling of their cave...
... and one of them says he's hungry, so he flies off to find some food. Within a minute, he's back, blood all round his mouth, looking like he's had a really good meal.
The other bat is amazed, and says, "Where did you find so much blood so fast?"
So the first bat says, "Come with me, I'll show you." And he leads his friend to the mouth of the cave.
"See that big rock there?" He asks.
The other bat nods.
"I didn't."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
3 Bats are competing who can drink more blood.
The first bat goes away and comes back after some time looking pretty b**.... "You see that village over there?" " yes" "well i drank all blood there". Than secont bat goes away and comes back after more time looking bloodier than the first one "You see that town over there?" "Yes" "well i drank all the blood there". The third bat now goes a way and gets back after just a minute looking bloodier than bought of the other bats. "So where did you go"
"You see that lamp over there?"
"Yes"
"Well i didn't see it"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two bats...
were in a cave thirsty for blood. One bat looks to the other and says, "I'm going to look for blood, stay here I'll be back".
He flies out of the cave and returns after a long time with blood dripping out of his mouth.
Excited, the other bat asks him "Where did you find so much blood??".
The other bat says, "you go out of this cave and turn left".
"Yes", replied the other bat, excitedly.
"Then you see a tree"
"Yeah"
"Well, I didn't".
What do you get when you cross a bat and a man?
A ban. Specifically, a lifetime ban from the genetics labs, as well as a visit from the ethics committee.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do n**...'s and baseballs have in common?
Everyone cheers when you hit them with a bat.
My dad's favourite joke - Harry the vampire bat
So one day Harry the vampire bat gets back to his cave, with his entire face absolutely covered with blood. All the other bats are incredulous, demanding where Harry found all the blood. Harry agrees to show them. So they all follow Harry out of the cave, over the river, and through some fields, until they get to a field with a single tree in the middle of it. All the bats are impatient, saying 'Harry is the blood here? Where is it, man? Harry replied 'You see that tree there? I didn't.'
Three apprentice vampire bats
Three apprentice vampire bats are taken out to a farm and told to get as much blood as they can find by their teacher. 15 minutes go by and the first vampire bay returns with a little bit of blood on his teeth.
'Where did you get that blood' asked the teacher.
'Do you see that chicken? That's where I got it.' the bat replied.
Shortly after the second vampire bat returns with blood dripping from his snout.
Where did you get that blood' asked the teacher.
'Do you see that chicken? Do you see that cow beyond the chicken? That's where I got it.' the second bat replied.
Some time later the third bat returns with his whole face caked in blood.
Where did you get that blood!' asked the teacher.
'Do you see that chicken? Do you see that cow beyond the chicken? Do you see that wall beyond the cow? I didn't.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend said he saw a nocturnal mammal d**... in a French River
I told him that's bat s**... in Seine
So a kid is standing in the middle of a field with a baseball and a bat...
He tosses the ball up to hit it. He swings, misses, and yells "Strike ONE!"
Tosses it up a second time. Swings. Misses. "Strike TWO!"
On the third time he tosses it up, he swings, and yet again, misses. "Strike THREE!"
"Wow," he said. "I didn't know I was such a good pitcher!"
Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. But she notices four legs instead of two peeking from under the blanket!
Seized by a fit of rage, she reaches for the baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket until the screaming stops.
Still in shock, she lurches to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
"Oh welcome home darling," he says, "my parents came for a visit, so I let them have our bedroom. I hope you said hello."
It took a while for Americans to get COVID-19.
But in China, they got it right off the bat.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guy walks into a bar and there's a gorilla sitting in the corner.
Guy says to the bartender, "What's with the gorilla?"
Bartender says, "I'll show ya." .
The bartender walks over with a baseball bat and smashes the gorilla right in the nose. The gorilla gets on his knees and gives the bartender a b**....
Bartender says, "What do ya think?"
Guy says, "That's great."
Bartender asks, "You wanna try?"
Guy says, "Sure, but don't hit me so hard."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Vampire died and was in the process of being reincarnated...
They asked him, "What would you like to have in your next lifetime?"
"Drinking blood is good but I don't like hunting, ideally I'd like to have a easy supply of fresh blood."
"Alright."
"I also like turning into a bat and flying, so let me retain wings.", he said.
"Noted."
"One last thing, my dark complexion seems to scare people too much, can I turn into something white?"
"Sure thing."
**p**...**
He became a m**... pad.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Loose women
3 women are sitting at a bar conversing over lady stuff.
Eventually the first woman says, "I'm so loose I can fit an entire carrot up there.."
The second woman chimes in and says, "yes, well I'm so loose I can fit an entire baseball bat up there.."
The Third woman slides down the bar stool
Two bats are going for their midnight feed
After an hour or so, one bat gets tired of looking and goes home with no blood.
The other bat comes home with blood dripping from its mouth. The first bat says enviously, "Where did you get all that blood from?"
The second bat replies, "Follow me. I'll show you."
After awhile the second bat leads them to a cave. He says, "You see that wall over there?"
The hungry bat excitedly says, "Yes!"
Other bat says, "I didn't."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Robert Pattinson is the worst vampire ever.
Took him 15 years to figure out how to turn himself into a bat
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I stayed in an English Hotel that was so quaint that when I we first arrived, rather than a mint, there were a couple of cricket b**... and a bat on the bed.
Though the bat did fly out of the window after only a few minutes, and I never did find the rest of the cricket.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is granted three wishes.
The Genie tells him that whatever he wishes for, his wife will receive 2x of.
The man's first wish is $3B, so his ex-wife gets $6B.
The man's second wish is a mansion, so his ex-wife gets two mansions.
For the man's third and final wish, he tells the Genie "Here's a baseball bat, beat me half to death."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You'd be surprised how easy it is to pick up girls
All it takes is a respectful attitude, a low key v**..., a breezy sense of humour, a nice beard, duct tape, and a baseball bat.
I was at a hospital, talking to some patients.
I tried to lighten the mood with a coronavirus joke. Barely anyone reacted at first, but eventually everyone got it. However, the Chinese guy got it right off the bat. Some people have called my joke tasteless, however. It really killed the mood. But I bet the British variation of this joke will spread much quicker!
Wild Life
A bear, a lion and a bat meet up. The bear says, "If I roar in the forests of North America, the entire forest is shivering with fear." The lion says, "And if I roar on the great plains of Africa, the entire savannah is afraid of me."
"Big deal!'' says the bat. "All I have to do is cough, and the entire planet shuts down."
A couple of good covid jokes I've heard
1. I dont know anything about Coronavirus other than if you have it; you get an undeniable urge to go the airport.
2. By the point most of the world has been exposed to covid 19, but the people in Wuhan got it right of the bat.
3. You know why I think coronavirus wont last for more than a year.
WHY?
coz it's made in China.
4. I dont think anyone saw a worldwide pandemic happening this year. I guess most people don't have 2020 vision.
Batman: I must save this city
Alfred: Well you're a billionaire so maybe you can redistribu...
Batman: This bat suit is the only way
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Out of Respect for Meat Loaf Passing I Went to the Record Shoppe
They had Bat out of h**... and Bat Out of h**... Volume 2 but I couldn't find Volume 3. I asked them about it.
They told me "Two out of three ain't bad."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the guy who got Covid from eating p**...?
He was bat s**... crazy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Robert Pattinson is the worst vampire ever.
It took him 12 years to transform into a bat.
A group of bats, hanging at the ceiling of a cave.....
discovers a single bat standing upright underneath on the floor of the cave.
Surprised by this unusual behavior, they ask this fellow: "What the heck are you doing down there?"
And the fellow shouts back: "Yoga!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I keep a bat in my bedroom for protection.
I feel safe but it keeps p**... in my ear.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Just heard my ex just moved in with her boyfriend and he's abusive. Makes me wanna go over there with a baseball bat...
... and then blame it on the boyfriend
Credits ~ Anthony Jeselnik
My father, who as a child loved baseball, once told me about a time that his dad broke his favorite baseball bat in half because he came home late one night.
When I was younger, and I loved video games, my dad smashed my Playstation after he found a pack of cigarettes in my room. Now, as a father myself, I told myself I'd never do this to *my* son. My son loves BMX and wants to be in the X-Games. Last night I caught him using my credit card to gamble online. I remembered how it felt when my Playstation was destroyed and that night I broke the cycle.
I saw a rat , so i found a bat and started hitting.
My son was crying , I'm banned from chucky cheese's.
Since Ben Affleck has played Daredevil and Batman
Does that make him blind as a bat?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Terrorists have an Off-Switch.
It's in the back of their heads. Use a baseball bat to activate.
Why did bat fly about the car's exhaust
It was an autoexec.bat
I made a bat joke
It went viral
When do the Coronavirus symptoms begin to show up?
Right off the bat.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend is addicted to eating guano.
She's bat s**... crazy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One man cannot change the world ...
Unless obviously he eats an uncooked bat soup, then by all means!
Three crazys try to escape a mental hospital
Three crazys try to escape a mental hospital when they suddenly notice a guard
Fearing that he might hear his footsteps, the first crazy says meow
The guard thinks it's a cat and doesn't bat an eye
The second guy does the same and the guard again doesn't bat an eye
When it's third guy's turn he says
"I am also a cat"
A mouse entered my house
He ate everything, even drank some redbull and now I have a bat problem
Corona Virus has spread to species of birds
It now infects bat man and robin
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why should china have a baseball team?
They could take the whole world out with a single bat
What's the difference between a flying mammal in sunglasses and a mouse in disguise?
One's a rad bat, the other's a bad rat
What store does Batman go to?
Bed, Bat, and Beyond
A bunch of bats are hanging on a tree branch...
BAT A: Hey look at Harry he's hanging the other way up!! (like a bird)
BAT B: He's been having these fainting spells all week.
What did the bat say to the other bat when he almost flew into a tree?
Whoa did you hear that?
A man sitting on a bench...
is watching two of his fellow asylum patients playing cricket. The batsman has no bat and the bowler has no ball. The man on the bench looks very upset at the two "playing" cricket. A nurse walks up to him and asks, "What's wrong, sir? Do you want to play cricket with the others?" The man replies, "NO! But you will see who is mad and who is crazy in here if that ball hits me!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just bought this hair product that uses bat guano.
It's supposed to get rid of dandruff, but it didn't work!
Turns out it's just sham p**....
A baby mouse is out for a walk one day and sees a bat...
He quickly runs home to his mother and says "Mummy! Mummy! I just saw an angel!"
A little girl went to her dad's baseball game.
Her dad is an MLB player. He's famous for bunting the ball. The little girl doesn't understand. She thinks the point is to the swing all the way with the bat.
So, next time he bunted, the girl shouted, much to the shock of the crowd, HARDER DADDY!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**... worm in your stomach
Eat apples for 6 straight days and on the 7th day eat an orange instead , then the worm will come out of your stomach and ask " dude where's my apple???" then you take a baseball bat and beat him to death.
