Basketball Jokes
143 basketball jokes and hilarious basketball puns to laugh out loud. Read sport jokes about basketball that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the funniest basketball jokes from baseball to lacrosse! Whether it's a ribbing about a missed shot or a softball zinger about the euchre game, you're sure to get a good laugh.
Quick Jump To
- Short Basketball Jokes
- Basketball One Liners
- Basketball Player Jokes
- Basketball Team Jokes
- Basketball Coach Jokes
- Kids Basketball Jokes
- More Basketball Jokes
Funniest Basketball Short Jokes
Short basketball jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The basketball humour may include short soccer jokes also.
- The blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court The game would be cancelled.
- My 5 year old grandson came up with this joke, and didn't even realize it was funny and made sense: Why did the basketball player go to the bathroom? Because he was dribbling. 😊
- The Columbine basketball team hasn't been the same... Since they lost their two best shooters
- They always asked me if I play basketball because I was tall. They stopped asking me that when I asked them if they play mini golf.
- A little-known college basketball rule is that players are not allowed to own more than five pet chickens. They will be ejected from a game if they have more than five personal fowls.
- Everyone knows of Yao Ming, one of the most iconic basketball players of his generation. Far lesser known was his sister Rai, one of the preeminent female poets of her generation.
- What do you get when you cryogenically freeze a genetic copy of basketball legend Kareem Abdul Jabbar? An ice Kareem clone
- In the annual gay vs straight basketball game, the gay team has prevailed, in what was a come from behind victory.
- Why did the duck cross the basketball court? He heard the referees were blowing fouls...
-Jim Norton - Ever wondered why there's no Congressional Basketball game? Because Congress can't pass anything.
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Basketball One Liners
Which basketball one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with basketball? I can suggest the ones about hockey and baseball.
- Why hasn't Africa ever won Olympic gold in basketball? Because africa isn't a country.
- Why did the chicken cross the basketball court ? He heard the ref was blowing fouls
- So I gave a blind guy a basketball. I think he's still trying to read it...
- What type of earrings does a basketball wear? Hoops
- why are black people so good at basketball? because they practice
- I donated my old basketball hoop to the school for the blind. It will be missed.
- What do Jewish people and basketball games have in common? The tip off.
- How do Mexicans play basketball? Juan on Juan.
- Why was Cinderella kicked off the basketball team? She kept running away from the ball.
- Why did Jesus lose the basketball game? Because Peter denied him three times.
- why don't robot chickens play basketball? too many technical fowls
- Why doesn't Gabe Newell play basketball? Because he can't make 3's
- What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball together? Juan on Juan
- What do you get when a basketball player gets a lung infection? LeBronchitis
- Blind basketball players... You've got to hand it to them
Basketball Player Jokes
Here is a list of funny basketball player jokes and even better basketball player puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My tennis career has taught me that I can be the best basketball player ever Nothing but net
- Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players? They dribble all the time.
- What's a basketball players favorite kind of cheese? Swish cheese.
- What do you call a Greek basketball player? A hooplite
- Why was Cinderella a lousy basketball player? She had a pumpkin for a coach.
- When a basketball player never misses a shot, he's a god... When I never miss a shot, I'm an 'alcoholic'.
- What do you call a metal basketball player? LeBronze
- What happened to Jesus when he tried to play defense on a professional Basketball player? He got crossed.
- Basketball players are very messy eaters They're always dribbling
- Why did they cancel basketball in the Special Olympics? All the players kept getting disqualified for excessive dribbling.
Basketball Team Jokes
Here is a list of funny basketball team jokes and even better basketball team puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between an archeologists convention and a basketball team? The archeologists convention is a nerdy bunch of diggers.
- Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball
- Why did the Anti Vaxxer get cut from the basketball team? He refused to take the shot
- How do you tell the teams apart in Amish women's basketball? It's skirts versus shins.
- Having a bad day? Just remember that in the movie Air Bud , some kid got kicked off his school basketball team... and replaced by a dog.
- What did the Grapefruit basketball coach say to the worst player on the team? You're going to have to ci-tris one out.
- Why didn't Jesus make the basketball team? Because he only throws Hail Mary's.
- What do you call an angry basketball team? The Saltics
- What do you call a basketball team full of giraffes? The New York Necks
- The Hogwarts basketball team is the worst in all the Wizarding World. They can only score 9 in 3 quarters.
Basketball Coach Jokes
Here is a list of funny basketball coach jokes and even better basketball coach puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Q: Why did Cinderella fail at basketball?
A: Because she had a pumpkin for a coach. - Why would Indians make great basketball coaches? They invented Curry
- What do you call a white guy with 5 black guys Basketball Coach.
What do you call a white guy with 10 black guys, football coach
What do you call a white guy with 250 black guys?
Warden - Spring training camp for the midget basketball league is coming to an end and the coaching staff is being quite lazy... There's going to be a lot of short-cuts taken.
- AITA when coaching my son's basketball team for putting in a better player at the last minute (who never showed up to practice) instead my own son? Whoops, wrong sub!
- Famous basketball coach Bobby Knight decided to throw a party. *chair
- A husband and his wife. "honey I have a confession to make. I've been seeing a psychiatrist"
"Thats's okay dear" the wife replied. "I've been seeing the pool man and our daughter's basketball coach" - I've been asked to stop traveling... ...by my basketball coach.
- Why was Cinderella bad at basketball? Because her coach was always a pumpkin.
Kids Basketball Jokes
Here is a list of funny kids basketball jokes and even better kids basketball puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Today, I passed a basketball to a blind kid... When he gave it back a while later, he said it was a really good book.
- Why can't basketball players have kids? Because they always dribble before they shoot
- Black kids play NBA 2K... and then go to the basketball court to be like their favorite player.
White kids play Call of Duty, then go to school to get the highest kill streak possible. - Did you hear about Kobe's basketball camp for obese kids? It's called kobesity
- What do you call a kid on the school basketball team? A school shooter
- What do you call a mix-race kid whos really good at basketball? Duncan Onyu
Playful Basketball Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
What funny jokes about basketball you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean volleyball jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make basketball pranks.
A Baptist a Catholic and a m**... were talking about their families. . .
The Baptist says I have 4 kids, just one more and I'll have a basketball team. The Catholic says That's nice but I have 10 kids, one more and I'll have a football team. The m**... says Well, I have 17 wives, one more, and I'll have a golf course.
A Jew, a Catholic, and a m**... all walk into a bar...
The Jewish man boasts, "I have four sons. One more and I'll have a basketball team." The Catholic man says, "That's nothing! I have ten sons. One more and I'll have a soccer team!" The m**... stands up and proclaims, "Big deal! I have seventeen wives. One more and I'll have a golf course!"
A Catholic priest, a Baptist priest, and a m**... priest are sitting in a bar
So a m**... priest, a baptist priest, and a catholic priest are sitting in a bar. The catholic priest says "I have six kids now, I have a basketball team". The baptist priest says "I have eleven kids now, I have a football team". The m**... priest says "I have 18 wives now, I have a golf course"
Mexican Basketball
I watched my two Hispanic cousins play basketball. It was a game of juan-on-juan.
What do blind people think of a basketball?
It's a never ending story.
Why are black people good at basketball?
Because it's all about shooting and stealing.
Regarding the basketball game last night.
I knew it was going tibia great game
Why did the duck go to the basketball game?
He heard the ref was blowing fouls!
Three guys are talking about their families (likely a re-post)
Three men - Bob, Joe, and David - are bragging about their families. Bob and Joe are Catholic, and David is m**....
Joe says "I've got four athletic daughters. One more and I'll have a championship basketball team."
Bob responds "I've got eight athletic sons. One more and I'll have an all-Anerican baseball team."
David answers "I've got five beautiful wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."
How do you confuse Helen Keller?
You tell her to read a basketball.
A young boy sees a tall black man
The boy says "wow you must be good at basketball!"
The black man irritably says "That's racist, just because I'm black doesn't mean I'm good at basketball."
The boy replies "I said you must be good at basketball because you are tall. If I judged you for being black, I wouldn't have said you were good at anything."
Why is cupid bad at basketball?
When he shoots, someone else scores.
What do you call a girl hanging from a basketball rim?
Annette
After s**..., I pee like a pro basketball player!
Lots of dribbling.
A Jew, a Catholic, and a m**... are drinking together.
The Jew boasts about his fertility
"I have 4 sons; one more and I'll have a basketball team!"
"That's nothing," says the Catholic, "I have 10 sons! I almost have a football team!"
The Jew and Catholic looked expectantly at the m**.... "Well?"
"I have 17 wives. I almost have a golf course!"
Life is like a basketball...
It has its ups and downs and is controlled by people that are taller and make more money than you.
Why are criminals so good at basketball?
They shoot first and ask questions later.
A Jewish guy, a Catholic guy and a m**... are having dinner together...
...and they are bragging about their families.
"My wife and I have 4 strapping young boys" says the Jewish man. "If we have one more, we would have our own basketball team."
"Well, good for you" says the Catholic. "But we have 10 healthy sons. If we would have one more we would have our own football team."
"That's nothing" says the m**.... "I have 17 wives. If I have one more I would have my own golf course."
What does s**... and basketball have in common?
I'm too short to play
:(
Why do black people play basketball?
Because it teaches them how to shoot, run and steal.
A Jew, a Catholic and a m**... were having drinks at the bar following an interfaith meeting...
The Jew, bragging on his virility, said, "I have four sons. One more and I'll have a basketball team."
The Catholic, pooh-poohed this accomplishment, stating, "That's nothing, boy. I have 10 sons, one more and I'll have a football team."
To which the m**... replied, "You fellas ain't got a clue. I have 17 wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."
English, American and Arab guy bragging in a bar about their large family.
The American says: "I have 4 kids. One more, and I can make a basketball team!"
The English says: "I have 10 kids. One more, and I can make a football ("soccer") team!"
The Arab guy says: "I have 17 wifes. One more, and I can make a golf course!"
Give a teen a basketball and he would have fun for a day
Give a blind man a basketball and he would read it like a book
s**... is like basketball:
I'm 5'3" and don't play a lot of basketball.
The wife phoned me and said, "You better come to the hospital. My mother hasn't got long to live!"
I replied, "But it's March Madness! All the basketball games are important!"
She said, "Record it and watch it later."
You should have seen her face when I turned up at the hospital with the camcorder and the tripod…
I like my s**... like I like my basketball
1 on 1 with as little dribbling as possible
My college graduation was held inside the basketball arena and man was it hot
Musta been like 5,000 degrees in there
What do you call a white guy surrounded by 12 black guys?
**A Basketball Coach**
What do you call a black guy surrounded by six white guys?
**Police Brutality**
(Again, sorry if I offended you. Just trying to make a joke.)
My girl wants to travel so bad
I told her to pick up a basketball and take three step
How did Link win the basketball game?
With his hookshot... (Sorry)
I once volunteered to help out at a special needs school
I played games with them like football, tennis, basketball etc.
It makes you feel so good inside...
Because you always win.
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court ?
Because the referee was blowin fowles
Smart first grader
A first-grade teacher can't believe her student isn't hepped-up about the Super Bowl. It's a huge event. Why aren't you excited?
Because I'm not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too, says the student.
Well, that's a lousy reason, says the teacher. What if your parents were morons? What would you be then?
Then I'd be a football fan.
Why hasn't columbine won a basketball championship since 1999?
They lost their best shooters
A blue whale is the largest animal that's ever existed
It's so big that if it was laid out on a basketball court the game would have to be cancelled.
*Fantastic Ocean Life Facts* The Blue Whale is by far the world's largest animal...
...it's so big in fact that if you laid it out on a basketball court, the game would be over and the whale would die.
s**... is like basketball
You dribble a little before you shoot.
3 boys are bragging about their grandfathers
The first boy said: "My grandpa's mansion is worth a million dollars."
While the second said:"Well my grandpa's mansion is worth 5 million, he has a private basketball court and a clubhouse too. "
The last one said:" My grandpa's roof is worth 15 million alone... "
The other two replied:" Wow, where does your grandpa live?"
He replied:"under the overpass of course! "
God and Satan arranged a basketball game between Heaven and h**....
"I know for a fact we are gonna win," said God. "We have all the best players up here...Wilt Chamberlain, Moses Malone, Kobe Bryant, and so on."
"I wouldn't count on that, God," said Satan. "You see, down here, *we* have all the referees."
Satan challenges God to a basketball game, so God puts together a choice team from heaven and goes down to h**....
When they come back to heaven, it's with shocking news: they lost the game 52 to 140!
The v**... Mary is stunned, "How could you possibly lose the game with a team like yours?! Didn't you have the best saints, the most generous souls, the philanthropists and Jesus himself??"
"Yes," fumes God, "it turns out they're all terrible at receiving."
I saw two Mexicans playing Basketball today...
It looked like a Juan on Juan.
Did you know Steven Spielberg and John Williams like to play basketball together?
He shoots, he scores.
What do you call a shrimp that's really good at basketball?
Leprawn James
Why wouldn't they let the s**... on the basketball team?
Because he couldn't jump high
I'm starting a group to play basketball and then discuss philosophy
It's called "shoot first, ask questions later"
Basic Psychology
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an o**... test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"
A Scientologist, a Catholic, and a m**... are talking about their families.
The Scientologist jokes, "I've got 4 kids. One more and I'll have a basketball team!" The Catholic joins in and says, "Well I've got 10 kids, and one more I'll have a football team!". The m**... speaks up and deadpans. "I've got 17 wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."
Why can't you play basketball with a sovereign citizen?
They are always traveling
The Corporate Ladder
A recent study in USA have found an interesting relationship between a man social status and the sport he watches
1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employee is BOWLING
3. The sport of choice for front line workers is American FOOTBALL
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL
5. The sport of Choice for middle management is TENNIS
6. the sport of Choice for corporate Officers is GOLF
CONCLUSION: The Higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your b**... become
The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a brief, fruitless search, he gave up. His mother took up the cause and within minutes found the lens.
How did you do it? he asked.
We weren't looking for the same thing, she explained. You were looking for a piece of plastic. I was looking for $150.
A guy's playing basketball with his buddies...
A guy's playing basketball with his buddies when he injures a finger badly.
He goes to the doctor and explains what happened.
The doctor examines it and says "It's broken, but we'll be able to get it healed up just about as good as new."
The guy gets a concerned look on his face and asks "Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after it's all healed up?"
Noticing his concerned look, the doctor reassures him "Sure you will," with a warm smile on his face.
The guy gets really excited and exclaims "YES! I've always wanted to be able to play the piano!"
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are asked to measure the volume of a basketball
The mathematician grabs a cord to measure its circumference and from there works out its volume.
The physicist pushes the basketball into a bucket of water and measures the water displacement.
The engineer looks it up on the catalog.
