Basketball Player Jokes
107 basketball player jokes and hilarious basketball player puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about basketball player that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Basketball Player Short Jokes
Short basketball player jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The basketball player humour may include short football player jokes also.
- My 5 year old grandson came up with this joke, and didn't even realize it was funny and made sense: Why did the basketball player go to the bathroom? Because he was dribbling. 😊
- A little-known college basketball rule is that players are not allowed to own more than five pet chickens. They will be ejected from a game if they have more than five personal fowls.
- Everyone knows of Yao Ming, one of the most iconic basketball players of his generation. Far lesser known was his sister Rai, one of the preeminent female poets of her generation.
- My tennis career has taught me that I can be the best basketball player ever Nothing but net
- When a basketball player never misses a shot, he's a god... When I never miss a shot, I'm an 'alcoholic'.
- What happened to Jesus when he tried to play defense on a professional Basketball player? He got crossed.
- Why did they cancel basketball in the Special Olympics? All the players kept getting disqualified for excessive dribbling.
- What did the Grapefruit basketball coach say to the worst player on the team? You're going to have to ci-tris one out.
- What's the difference between Basketball players and Soccer players? Basketball players get actual injuries.
- What do you get when you cross a professional basketball player with a geographer? The horses name was friday
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Basketball Player One Liners
Which basketball player one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with basketball player? I can suggest the ones about nba players and basketball.
- What do you get when a basketball player gets a lung infection? LeBronchitis
- Blind basketball players... You've got to hand it to them
- Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players? They dribble all the time.
- What's a basketball players favorite kind of cheese? Swish cheese.
- What do you call a Greek basketball player? A hooplite
- Why was Cinderella a lousy basketball player? She had a pumpkin for a coach.
- What do you call a metal basketball player? LeBronze
- Basketball players are very messy eaters They're always dribbling
- Why can't basketball players have kids? Because they always dribble before they shoot
- What do you call a basketball player who smells really good? Kevin Deodurant.
- [OC] What do you call an basketball player who works for the DEA? Charles Narcley
- Why didn't the basketball player go on vacation. He didn't want to get caught traveling.
- What do basketball players and babies have in common? They both dribble.
- Why don't basketball players cry? They'd rather bawl instead
- Does a basketball player with an extra chromosome... have both ups and downs?
Hilarious Basketball Player Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about basketball player you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean basketball team jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make basketball player pranks.
Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player of all-time because Chuck Norris never played.
What would you get if you crossed a grizzly with the world's greatest basketball player?
Bear Jordan.
Q: What did the basketball say to the player?
A: Please don't shoot me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a black guy who goes to college? A Basketball player.
Former Basketball player is sentenced to 5 years in prison
At least he got to hit the court again
My favorite racist joke is more funny than it is offensive -
On the elementary school playground, there was a group of boys that liked to play basketball. Tyrone, a fourth grader, was the only black boy in the school, and far outperformed his peers in most athletic contests. He could run faster and jump higher than any other student at the school. He could easily outrun and out jump even the fastest and tallest fifth and sixth grade boys. When they played basketball, Tyrone's team could only play three players at a time to be fair, and he was still always picked first.
"You're the best at basketball because you're black, Tyrone," the other boys would say. Tyrone would wonder about this. His mama always told him not to think he was any different than any of those white boys. Being black didn't mean he was any better or any worse than anyone else. But he was obviously better at basketball than any of the white kids at his elementary school, so what else could it be?
Tyrone got home from school one day and asked his mama, "Mama, I can jump higher and run faster than any of the other kids at the school. Even the fifth and sixth graders. Is it a 'cause I'm black?"
"Naw," Mama said, "you's the fastest runner and highest jumper 'coz you's the only one who's twenty two."
Two Hispanic players were playing basketball...
It was a Juan on Juan
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So an engaged couple die in a car c**......
A very tragic occasion merely a week before their wedding, they were sorely missed by their family. Shortly after their deaths, they meed St. Peter, guarding the pearly entrance to heaven. They were both good people, led fulfilling lives, and so he has no problem letting them in to heaven, and even states that they are free to live together in heaven, encouraging them to get married. After a few days of life there, free of their earthly problems, they decide they want to take up the offer and seal the bond. They have several days of happiness, have great s**..., and love each-others company. However after a few days, they get kinda bored, and decide to ask St. Peter for a new TV. Peter grants them their wish, telling them:
"This is Heaven, you can have whatever you want!"
So they watch their new TV happily together for several days, until they find that they, once again are bored. They decide on sports, and return to St. Peter. They tell him they want to get basketball lessons. He agrees, and after searching for several days, finds a basketball player to teach them to play. They have tons of fun playing basketball together for a while, until they get bored and realize that they just arent for each other. They return to St. Peter with the request to get divorced. He says
"Gee, thats kinda tough. It was hard enough finding a basketball player, I doubt theres 1 lawyer up here!"
Baseball & Football -George Carlin
Baseball is different from any other sport, very different. For instance, in most sports you score points or goals; in baseball you score runs. In most sports the ball, or object, is put in play by the offensive team; in baseball the defensive team puts the ball in play, and only the defense is allowed to touch the ball. In fact, in baseball if an offensive player touches the ball intentionally, he's out; sometimes unintentionally, he's out.
Also: in football,basketball, soccer, volleyball, and all sports played with a ball, you score with the ball and in baseball the ball prevents you from scoring.
In most sports the team is run by a coach; in baseball the team is run by a manager. And only in baseball does the manager or coach wear the same clothing the players do. If you'd ever seen John Madden in his Oakland Raiders uniform,you'd know the reason for this custom.
Now, I've mentioned football. Baseball & football are the two most popular spectator sports in this country. And as such, it seems they ought to be able to tell us something about ourselves and our values.
I enjoy comparing baseball and football:
Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game.
Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
Baseball is played on a diamond, in a park.The baseball park!
Football is played on a gridiron, in a stadium, sometimes called Soldier Field or War Memorial Stadium.
Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life.
Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
In football you wear a helmet.
In baseball you wear a cap.
Football is concerned with downs - what down is it?
Baseball is concerned with ups - who's up?
In football you receive a penalty.
In baseball you make an error.
In football the specialist comes in to kick.
In baseball the specialist comes in to relieve somebody.
Football has hitting, clipping, spearing, piling on, personal fouls, late hitting and unnecessary roughness.
Baseball has the sacrifice.
Football is played in any kind of weather: rain, snow, sleet, hail, fog...
In baseball, if it rains, we don't go out to play.
Baseball has the seventh inning stretch.
Football has the two minute warning.
Baseball has no time limit: we don't know when it's gonna end - might have extra innings.
Football is rigidly timed, and it will end even if we've got to go to sudden death.
In baseball, during the game, in the stands, there's kind of a picnic feeling; emotions may run high or low, but there's not too much unpleasantness.
In football, during the game in the stands, you can be sure that at least twenty-seven times you're capable of taking the life of a fellow human being.
And finally, the objectives of the two games are completely different:
In football the object is for the quarterback, also known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line.
In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
What do you call an Asian basketball player?
LeeBron James.
Hanging in the hallway at a high school are...
...the basketball team pictures from the past decades. A player in the center of the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying the year -- "92-93," "93-94," "94-95," etc.
One day the principal spotted a freshman looking curiously at the photos.
Turning to the principal, he said, "Isn't it strange how the teams always lost by one point?"
What do a basketball player and a beer brewer have in common?
They both have hops.
There's this basketball player Rudy Gay who plays in the NBA
Why could the poor basketball player not finish his alphabet?
He didn't have JAYs
What do you call a Muslim basketball player's best move?
Islam Dunk
A lot of people don't know this, but one of the greatest basketball players of all time was Jewish
He was known as Shekel o'Neal
What do you call an Irish basketball player with a sore back?
Hunch-black of Notre Dame
What food do all basketball players hate?
Turnover.
Who is the freshest basketball player?
Kevin deo-Durant.
What do you call a really tall basketball player who always follows the law?
Shaquille No'Steal
Why are basketball players so tall?
Because their knee grows
Basketball players like their chicken like they like their basketballs
In the bucket
how do you know a basketball player has prostate cancer?
he dribbles a lot
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After s**..., I pee like a pro basketball player!
Lots of dribbling.
What Do You Call a Romantic Basketball Player?
Love Shaq
Did you hear about the two gay basketball players?
They went head to head.
What do you call a basketball player who likes Indian food?
Steph curry
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How is the r**... basketball player doing?
Well, he has his ups and down's.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Who's the s**... pro basketball player?
LeBrown James
Did you hear about the basketball player that fell in love with a midget?
He was nuts over her!
Black kids play NBA 2K...
and then go to the basketball court to be like their favorite player.
White kids play Call of Duty, then go to school to get the highest kill streak possible.
How do tennis, basketball, and volleyball players settle a fight?
They take it to court.
Why are men and basketball players alike?
They both dribble when trying to score.
Why was the basketball player arrested?
He shot the ball.
Who is Aziz Ansari's favorite Basketball player?
Steph Curry.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Which basketball player would make the best statue?
Le**bronze** James.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What happened to the j**... basketball player?
He scores! He shoots!
What is it called when a basketball player from Boston attacks you in the ocean?
A Shaq attack
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
(Slightly n**...) Why are basketball players bad in bed?
They dribble before they shoot
Who is Japan's funniest basketball player?
Michael Joudan.
Why don't basketball players do drugs?
Because they are already high.
Who was the greatest basketball player in the Bible?
Hebron James
A basketball player and a jockey are stuck in rising water so the jockey asks what they should do.
The basketball player says "It's not up to me, it's up to you".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the midget who made love to the female basketball player ?
Somebody put him up to it.
Have you heard about the new Florida basketball player?
Who is the smallest basketball player?
Kobe Bry-ANT
Why do male basketball players have a problem going to the bathroom?
Because they just can't stop dribbling.
Why was the basketball court wet?
Because all the players kept dribbling on it.
(Not sure if repost, but I find it hilarious)
What do you call a basketball player who's had too much alcohol?
Slamdrunk
a Dictator, Basketball player and a Reality TV all meet in a foreign Country
there has to be joke here, what ya got?
My inflatable basketball player might look intimidating, but...
He's a big softy.
Why do basketball players make bad lovers?
Because they always dribble before they shoot.
What do you call a hearse with a dead basketball player in it?
A limo.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Earvin Johnson is a basketball player who contracted h**... in the 90s and survived.
I guess he really deserved the nickname "Magic Johnson" after all.
What do you call a basketball player on an elliptical?
Step Curry
What do an angry bunny and a pro basketball player have in common?
Mad hops.
What do you get when you put an MVP basketball player into classic Indian cuisine?
Steph-in Curry
If a jockey wears jockey shorts, and a basketball player wears basketball pants, what kind of pants does the President wear?
Depends
Why do basketball players wear bibs?
They dribble a lot
AITA when coaching my son's basketball team for putting in a better player at the last minute (who never showed up to practice) instead my own son?
Whoops, wrong sub!
Who is the B-52's favorite basketball player?
Shaquille O'Neal. They love Shaq.
Basketball players are the most upstanding members of society
They really are people to look up to.
Why did basketball players switch to longer shorts?
Because you couldn't see Larry's Bird but you could see Magic's Johnson.
What does a Russian basketball player say when he scores
Nothing but Nyet
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God and Satan arranged a basketball game between Heaven and h**....
"I know for a fact we are gonna win," said God. "We have all the best players up here...Wilt Chamberlain, Moses Malone, Kobe Bryant, and so on."
"I wouldn't count on that, God," said Satan. "You see, down here, *we* have all the referees."
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This just in, female basketball players were s**... frustrated at the crowd...
...it turns out, the crowd left before they could even finish.
NOTE: First time posting here and I'm not a fun person. This just popped into my mind so bear with me.