The Best 82 Basket Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Basket jokes. There are some basket fryer jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these basket items puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Basket Jokes and Puns

A woman is buying groceries

A woman is buying groceries, she buys a banana, some milk and butter. At the checkout the clerk looks at her then the items in her basket and while scanning them says I can tell that you're single . The woman smiles and asks how can you tell and the clerk responds because you're ugly .

Scientists are such a pain, they need so much expensive equipment. Mathemeticians on the other hand ...

They just need a pencil, a paper and a waste paper basket. Philosophers are even easier, they don't even need the waste paper basket.

In California...

Did you know that in California you cannot take a picture of a woman with a basket of strawberries?

...you need a camera because strawberries do not take pictures.

Basket joke, In California...

A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket

The husband picks up a case of Fosters and puts it in their trolley.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

'They're on sale, only $40 for 24 cans' he replies.

'Put them back, we can't afford them' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $80 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.

'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts:
'So does 24 cans of Fosters, and it's half the price.'

Regarding the basketball game last night.

I knew it was going tibia great game


Does a basketball player with an extra chromosome...

have both ups and downs?

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a ...case of Miller Lite and puts it in their cart...

...'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife. 'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans', he replies. 'Put them back, it's a waste of money', demands the wife, and so he does and they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along, the woman picks up a $20 jar of ...face cream and puts it in the basket.

What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband... "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.

The husband says, 'So does 24 cans of Miller Lite and it's half the price....'

Basket joke, A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a ...case of Miller Li

Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?

Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.

Sherlock Holmes walks into his house with a basket full of lemons.

Watson asks, "Where did you get so many lemons?"

Holmes replies, "A lemon tree, Watson.."

I ate a box of Triscuits and

gave birth to a wicker basket.

Indian Restaurant

I went to an Indian restaurant. The waiter brought out a basket of stale flatbread before realizing his mistake and bringing a fresh one. I would have complained, but it was a naan-issue.

You can explore basket cart reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean basket strawberries dad jokes. There are also basket puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Jesus at the last supper

Jesus sits at the Last Supper, beginning to serve his guests.

First, he hands a basket of bread to go around, "These represent my body, and the pain I shall endure for my people."

Next, he begins pouring everyone wine, "This represents my blood, and how I am part of everyone."

He goes to open a jar of mayonnaise, Judas quickly takes it away from him, "Now I'm gonna have to stop you right there."

I went out for dinner last night.

The Captain's Basket was on special for $7.00. I tried it just for the halibut.

A guy approaches the cute cashier at the grocery store...

His basket contains a bag of Doritos, a quart of milk, and one TV dinner.

The cashier looks up and says, "You're single, aren't you?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"Cuz your ugly."

Why did the rapper scream into his Easter basket?

He wanted to give a shoutout to his peeps

What do you get when a basketball player gets a lung infection?

LeBronchitis

Basket joke, What do you get when a basketball player gets a lung infection?

Why don't basketball players cry?

They'd rather bawl instead

Why couldn't Moses believe his mother sent him away in a basket?

Because he was in de-nile

Why did the basketball receive medical attention?

He was passed out.


My mum tripped and dropped the basket of clothes she'd just ironed.

It may sound far-fetched but it's true. I watched it all unfold.

What's a basketball players favorite kind of cheese?

Swish cheese.

So Hillary Clinton recently said half of Tump's supporters are a "Basket of deplorables".

Next Trump will respond saying:

"Half of Hillary's supporters are deportables"

Why'd the crazy guy jump out of the hot air balloon's basket?

He wanted to escape from the ballooney bin.

You can put Hillary Clinton supporters into two baskets.

The basket of adorables, and the basket of deportables.

Why will the columbine high basket ball team lose the tournament?

Because they lost their 2 best shooters

What did Gandalf say to Elrond as he watched him make a basket?

There Hugo Weaving again.

What do you call the basket on a hot air balloon?

A balooney bin. Fuuuuuuck I hate myself.

Why do hypocrites avoid mixed metaphors?

The don't count their chickens in the same basket.

A rich man gave a basket of trash to a poor man[translated from hebrew]

The poor man smiled to the rich man and went on his way.

After emptying cleaning and filling it with flowers the poor man returned to the rich man and gave him basket.

Supreized the rich man asks: "why did you give me a basket of flowers after i gave you a basket of trash?"

The poor man replies:
"We all give what's in our hearts".

I rode to the liquor store yesterday on my bicycle...

I bought a bottle of Rum and put it in the bicycle basket.

As I was about to leave I thought for a moment. If I fall off the bicycle, the bottle might break.

To avoid that, I drank all of the rum before I left the store.

It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off the bike seven times on my way home

A tub, pail, can, basket, canister, vat, kettle, cask, pot, keg, barrel, and bowl.

I needed to make a bucket list before I die.

i went to the liquor store on my bike.

i went to the liquor store on my bike and bought a bottle vodka and put it in the basket on the front...then it occoured to me that if i fall or something happens then the bottle might break. so i drank it all right there and its a good thing i did cause i fell 7 times on the way home

apparently this was posted before...i had no idea. a friend sent me a voice recording of someone telling it and i posted it ..sorry

A lawyer took a client who was charged with aggressively weaving objects to throw at people

He had a real basket case on his hands

Who's the best basketball player in the Bible?

Peter.....

because he denied Jesus three times!

What do you call a crab holding a basket of tampons?

A crustacean menstruation station.

I took a girl to an Indian restaurant and ordered the flatbread basket for an appetizer. My date criticized my choice and stormed out.

Something about me being a naan starter.

I went to the local liquor store on my bicycle the other day

I bought a nice bottle of scotch and put it in my basket.. I was afraid that if I fell over the bottle might break so instead of risking it I drank the bottle right there.

Turned out to be a smart thing to do because I must have fallen 12 times on my short way back home..

Church line

A man was waiting in line of a church. He saw an apple tree next to him, which also displayed a sign saying, "Take one only, God is watching..." He took one and waited once again.

By the end of the line, another sign was displayed near a basket of cookies that said, "Take as many as you like, God is busy watching the apples."

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.

The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.

'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and
so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of
face cream and puts it in the basket.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.

'It's my face cream. It makes me look sexy and beautiful for you
when we're making love,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser ... at half the price.'

A basketball player and a jockey are stuck in rising water so the jockey asks what they should do.

The basketball player says "It's not up to me, it's up to you".

There was a woman in psych ward who escaped and stole all of Wal-Marts shopping carts.

It's clear, she's a basket case.

A warning to the Easter Bunny:

Don't put all your eggs in one basket!

My gf keeps putting her tampons in the garbage...

Talk about putting all your eggs in one basket.

Did you hear about the farmer who lost his basket of vegetables?

He said it's ok, they'll turnip.

What's Yogi Bear's favorite ice cream?

Basket Robbins

Did you hear Buffalo Bill reformed and is now a pick up artist and skin care specialist?

He puts the lotion in the basket and then he gets the hoes again

What's the difference between a wicker basket and wicker box?

Wicker basket is what Little Red Riding Hood carried to Grandma's house.

Wicker box is what Elmer Fudd does to his girlfriend on special occasions.

What was moses feeling when his mum put him in a basket on a river?

He was in denial

Why was the basketball court wet?

Because all the players kept dribbling on it.
(Not sure if repost, but I find it hilarious)

I went to the liquor store on my bicycle and bought a bottle vodka, put it in the basket on the front and then it occurred to me that if I fall or something happens, the bottle might break, so I drank it all right there and it's a good thing I did...

...'cause I fell 7 times on the way home...

What Basketball Team Is Hated By Flat Earthers?

The Globetrotters.

Wife: I have a bag full of dirty & used clothing I'd like to donate....!

Husband: Why not just throw these in the trash? That's much easier for you.

Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes with basket full satisfaction.

Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.

The psychiatrist was excited to receive a wicker attache.

He always wanted a basket case.

When Canada was first unified, they realized they needed a name for this new country, so they decided to draw letters oot of a basket to name it.

The first prime minister went up on stage and started pulling letters and announcing them to the crowd. "C, eh?"..."N, eh?"..."D, eh?"

Big culinary news!

A basket of eggs just filed assault charges against a cook for beating them!

What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.

So I bought a bottle of scotch from the store and put in my bicycle basket....

I decided that I would drink the scotch before going cycling back home because the bottle might break.

It turned out to be a very good decision because I fell multiple times on my way home.

Valentine's day for mlm

A guy sends his mom a fruit basket for Valentine's Day.

It was an Oedipal Arrangement.

What's the difference between a wicker basket and a wicker box?

A wicker basket is one of those baskets that you put flowers in, and a wicker box is what Elmer Fudd did to his girlfriend.

Fat Free French Fries

A boy read a restaurant sign that advertised fat-free French fries.

Sounds great, said the health-conscious boy.

He ordered some.

He watched as the cook pulled a basket of fries from the fryer. The potatoes were dripping with oil when the cook put them into the container.

Wait a minute, the boy said. Those don't look fat-free.

Sure they are, the cook said. We charge only for the potatoes. The fat is free!

Just 1v4'd in basketball, and they were all..

Disabled children

Moses couldn't believe his mother would just put him in a basket and forget about him

He was in da Nile

Why do basketball players wear bibs?

They dribble a lot

This old lady was in front of me at the store.

Cashier rang her out and it totalled $250. Her card kept declining. I felt so bad for her.

After I cherry picked her basket I helped her put it all back.

Quasimodo

Quasimodo comes home and finds Esmeralda holding a wok and a laundry basket. 'Great,' says Quasimodo. 'Are you cooking Chinese tonight?' 'No,' says Esmerelda. 'I'm ironing your shirt.'

Do Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips?

Do Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips?
This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas , but there are more Catholic churches than casinos.
Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.
Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings.
The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.
This is done by the chip monks.

Last night I rode my bike to the liquor store

... and bought a bottle of whisky. I put the bottle in the bike basket but before riding back I thought: what if I fall down for some reason? The bottle will break! So I drank the whole bottle of whisky before riding home.

And thank God I did, because I must have fallen down about a dozen times before I got home.

Why can't basketball players have kids?

Because they always dribble before they shoot

Why didn't the basketball player go on vacation.

He didn't want to get caught traveling.

What is the difference between a dead body and an Easter egg?

One is buried in a casket while the other is carried in a basket

P.s Got it from BoJack Horseman

In basketball, what is it called when you lose due to a wildly thrown buzzer-beater?

Defeat-us by yeetus

Why did basketball players switch to longer shorts?

Because you couldn't see Larry's Bird but you could see Magic's Johnson.

Last night while shopping at the local MegaLoMart

we bought 2 dozen eggs. The cashier put both in the same bag. Of course, I responded "Please put those is separate bags. I don't like to put all my eggs in one basket." My wife, son and the cashier all gave me the eye roll. Mission accomplished.

I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket.

As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break. So I drank all the Scotch before I cycled home. It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home.

Basketball sued Tennis for no reason

Now they have to go to court

Did you know that Vegas has more Catholic Churches than casinos?

Not surprisingly, some Sunday worshipers give casino chips when the collection basket is passed. Since they get chips for many different casinos the churches have devised a system to handle the collections. The churches send all of their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then taken to the individual casinos to redeem for cash.

This is done by the chip monks.

My wife was so upset when I brought a basket full of cadaver feet home from the morgue the week before Christmas...

I thought they'd make great stocking-stuffers.

Women. I just can't read 'em.

I took my bicycle to the bottle shop the other day...

I got a bottle of vodka and put it in the bike's basket. As I was about to leave I thought to myself that if I fell the bottle would break. So I drank all the vodka and then headed home. It turned out to be a really good decision because I fell eleven times on my way home.

The executioner is going to be pissed when he finds out we lost the basket from his guillotine.

I'm telling you, heads will roll!

A husband and wife were grocery shopping...

He picks up a case of beer and puts it in the cart. "What are you doing?" asks the wife. "They're on sale, only Β£10 for 24 cans" he replies. "Put them back, we can't afford them", demands the wife. They continue shopping. Later on, she puts a Β£20 jar of face cream in the basket. "What are you doing?" asks the husband. "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife. He said, "So does 24 cans of beer and it's half the price."

A woman goes into an art gallery and sees two still-life pictures. Both are of a table laid for lunch with a glass of wine, a basket of bread rolls and a plate of sliced ham. However, one picture is selling for $75 and the other for $100.

Curious, she goes to the gallery owner and asks him what the difference is between the two pictures. The owner points at the $100 painting and says, You get more ham with that one.

An 8 year old Jesus of Nazareth walks into his house...

Leaving the door open, tracking mud across the floor Mary just cleaned, throwing his clothes on the floor instead of in the basket... And Mary yells "Jesus!!! What do you think your doing?? You act like you were born in a....oh yeah, never mind"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the basket wastebasket jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working basket basketball piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes