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Basis Jokes

66 basis jokes and hilarious basis puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about basis that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Basis Short Jokes

Short basis jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The basis humour may include short base jokes also.

  1. My dad is like the reposts on this sub. I see him on a regular basis and he stopped being funny a long time ago.
  2. Bernie Sanders isn't a Messiah. He's just a Jewish guy sacrificing himself to save millions from their own sin and ignorance while being insulted the entire time. Clearly no basis for a religion.
  3. I whispered to my kids, "Have you all heard about the top secret bakery?" They all looked at me blankly, so I replied, "I didn't think so, it's on a knead to dough basis."
  4. So my genetics professor reported this morning that diarrhea has a genetic basis According to her, it runs in our jeans.
  5. My local tennis club doesn't allow courts to be pre-booked. It works on a first come, first serve basis.
  6. I have a super secret baking recipe for bread ...Unfortunately it's on a knead to dough basis
  7. Emergency measures On behalf of the international community, as a humanitarian measure, we demand that President Putin be admitted to art school on an emergency basis.
  8. I'm pretty bad at the dab, but I still do it on a regular basis I guess you could say I dabble
  9. I asked my local baker for her amazing bread recipe. She said it's on a knead to dough basis.
  10. A company in Thailand recently opened the first combination brothel/tennis facility. They operate on a first come / first serve basis.

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Basis One Liners

Which basis one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with basis? I can suggest the ones about foundation and basic.

  1. How does an alcoholic decide how much beer to drink? On a case-by-case basis.
  2. What programming languages would we use if C didn't exist? Ans: PASAL, OBOL and BASI
  3. Bread is classified information! It's on a knead-to-dough basis.
  4. Did anyone hear about the new secret bakery? It's on a knead to Dough basis
  5. I know an old bakers secret I'd tell you but it's on a kneed to know basis.
  6. how does a bakery know when to make more bread? on a knead the dough basis
  7. Bakers trade bread recipes... on a knead-to-know basis.
  8. What do you call a doctor who studies tumors on an as-needed basis? An oncallogist
  9. How do bakers share their professional secrets? Purely on the knead to know basis.
  10. Why are bakers so secretive? Because they work on a knead to know basis
  11. I have a top secret bread recipe I'd tell you but, it's on a knead to dough basis
  12. What do aliens do on a regular basis? Space X
  13. I'm a change of basis: A^-1 MA
  14. Why are bakers secretive with recipes? Knead to know basis.
  15. How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients? On a queso by queso basis.

Basis joke, How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?

Charming Humor Basis Jokes with Loads of Fun

What funny jokes about basis you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bottom jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make basis pranks.

My local college has a scheme that lets student earn their tuition by working in the on campus bakery.

The opportunity isn't open to everyone. It's run on a strictly knead to know basis.

A Drink for Each of My Brothers

Patrick walked into a pub and sat down at the bar. He asked for three individual shots of whiskey, and the bartender said "you know, I can put that all in one glass for you." Patrick said, "no no, see, I have two brothers who live far away. This drink is for Finnigan, this one is for Fergus, and this one is for me. And when I drink them, it's like we're all together again." So a few months go by, Patrick having his three drinks in the bar on a regular basis, and one night he came in and said "I think we'll only be needing two glasses today." The bartender stopped, cold, and said "What happened? Did something happen?" Patrick said, "oh no, my brothers are fine, it's just that I've decided to quit drinking."

A jury finds a man not-guilty in court...

During trial much evidence had been produced that showed the defendant to be guilty.
Upon the jury's decision the prosecutor incredulously asked the judge: "Your honor, on what basis could the jury possibly have acquitted the defendant?!"
The judge replied: "Temporary insanity".
To which the prosecutor exclaimed: "All 12 of them?"

In a shelter for abused women.

My husband used to beat me on regular basis. Sometimes, he would get his drinking mates and they would stand one after another to beat me. But one day I said to myself: get a grip woman, enough is enough. So when my husband and his mates collapsed drunk, I run away to this shelter. After 6 months I feel much better. The thing I like the most about this place is that there is no punchline.

Did you hear that Shakira and madonna had a big fight?

They're no longer on a first-name basis.

I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events

Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address.
One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. The other involves a groundhog.

A man and his wife had a s**... on a regular basis.

hahaha i'm sorry.. I just can't say that with a straight face

Bakers have a weird way of trading bread recipes.

Its done on a knead to know basis. Gotta get the dough somehow

When I was in China, everybody always told jokes about cow's milk.

I would hear them on a dairy basis.

My granddad was a wise man...

...he told me that you can't find happiness all by yourself. To live a truly happy life you need to be in a fulfilling relationship. You need to find a wife that loves you unconditionally, a wife that challenges you on a daily basis, a wife that you always want to make love to and most importantly you must make sure that they'll never meet.

What did Louis c**... call his style of management where he interacts with each employee on an individual basis?

Different Strokes for Different Folks

A baker approaches a crime scene and asks the cop what happened...

"Sorry, that's on a knead to dough basis."

We should clone Terry Crews and arm his horde of clones to wage war on our enemies

He could form the basis for a new milli-Terry

When the doctor told me having a Colostomy would improve my grammar, I didn't believe him.

But it was true; I now use a semi-colon on a regular basis.

Bakers only share their recipes on a knead to know basis.

Now that we've got the puns out of the way, how about some actually decent comments?

My local Erectile Dysfunction Clinic has a money-back guarantee.

They get paid on a pro-b**... basis.

I'm working on a top secret project using honey to create alcohol

It's on a mead to know basis.

I knew a girl who sold her body when times were tough.

She did it on a need-to-h**... basis.

Pablo Picasso surprised a burglar at work in his studio

The burglar got away, but Picasso told the police he could do a rough sketch of what he looked like. On the basis of his drawing, the police arrested a mother superior, a washing machine, and the Eiffel tower.

Did you hear about the guy who knocked himself out when he face-planted with his patella?

No? Guess it was on a knees-to-nose basis.

Remember, having s**... on a regular basis helps keep your memory healthy and functioning properly.

Here's to an unforgettable new year!! Happy 2018, everyone!!

I don't like teachers who make me calculate with humans.

They commit math genocide on a daily basis.

Remember s**... on a regular basis helps keep your memory alive

I wish you all a happy 2016!

"Dad, are you planning on getting me a gift for my birthday?"

"Of course, but your mother and I would like to get you something you will enjoy, what is it you want?"
"Well, crypto is hot - how about a Bitcoin."
"A Bitcoin? Sheesh, those things cost $45,237! Do you know how long it takes me to earn $31,479? Some day you'll have a job yourself and have a better appreciation of how much $63,981 is on a pre-tax basis! I don't understand what you're going to do with a $26,109 bitcoin anyway.
Pick something else - $4,807 for a bitcoin is more than we were going spend."

I asked my local baker the secret to making two loaves of bread at once...

He said "It's a knead two dough basis..."

When my girlfriend's father asked me what I do for a living, I was embarrassed to say that I work at McDonald's, so instead, I said …

"I handle transactions for a multi-billion-dollar company and industry on a daily basis
and help provide around $2 billion to the US economy each year"

A baker recently joined MI5…

… he was given confidential information on a knead the dough basis

Basis joke, A baker recently joined MI5…

jokes about basis