Basic Jokes
157 basic jokes and hilarious basic puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about basic that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
A funny take on the fundamentals of programming & its concepts. This article provides a list of basic jokes for programmers, as well as a few non-basic, back to basics, and even a few fundamental equations to implement. Laugh your way through coding with these basic jokes.
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Funniest Basic Short Jokes
Short basic jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The basic humour may include short simple jokes also.
- I'm a screenwriter and I just signed an amazing 2-year deal with the parent company of Universal Pictures! I'm going to be getting the basic cable plus HBO.
- Going to mass is basically just like a dog being trained A guy tells you to sit and stand and sit and stand, and at the end they give you a snack
- If you ever miss the Tour de France, just go to Amsterdam. It's basically the same thing: a bunch of people on drugs riding bikes.
- An apple a day keeps the doctor away... An orange a day keeps the plumber away...
Basically if you throw fruit at people they go away. - After almost a year in a coma my wife is having to learn the basics again. How to walk, how to talk, how to feed herself and how to not argue with me at the top of the stairs again.
- I'd call myself a politician, but then I would just be a liar... So, basically, I would be a politician.
- What was the basic white girl's favorite picture book? The Little Engine That Couldn't Even.
- Someone blew up a department store because they didn't stock basic clothing... There were no casual tees.
- I had five hundred Kit Kats in my fridge and my mate had one in his. I pressured him into giving his to a homeless person. That's basically how celebrity charity appeals work.
- Have you heard of I can't believe it's not butter ? It's basically the same as butter, but there's a margarinal difference.
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Basic One Liners
Which basic one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with basic? I can suggest the ones about ordinary and base.
- Girl if I had to rate you, I'd give you a 10 Oh the pH scale, because girl you are basic.
- 85%of people in America don't know basic math. Thanks God I'm from the other 25%
- I'm 95% vegan now... Basically, I'm vegan all the time. Except when I'm eating
- Male bees die after mating. That's basically their entire lives. Honey. nut. Cheerio.
- what does a basic white girl and an improper fraction have in common? They can't even
- Coffee is acidic. Until you add pumpkin and spices... Then it becomes basic.
- Every shape is basically a circle It's just that they are all edgy.
- My sister is a 13 on the pH scale. She's basic but can't even.
- Saw a tree with 'Live, Laugh, Love' carved into it It was a basic birch
- I watched hockey before it was cool. They basically were swimming.
- Why is Starbuck's coffee so high on the pH scale? It's the most basic drink there is.
- I like my women like I like my programming languages. Visual and basic
- "Describe yourself in three words" "Incapable of following basic instructions and cool"
- On a pH scale, I give this joke a 10 Because it's pretty basic
- How many monsters can do basic math? All of them, unless you count Dracula
Not Basic Jokes
Here is a list of funny not basic jokes and even better not basic puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I find my confidence always goes up after some basic carpentry... ...I'm pretty proud of myshelf
- I hated the girls at my school They used to hit me with a ruler.. Slap me in the face. Basically did everything they could just to defend themselves.
- Did you hear about the guy who needed to snort a line of baking soda every day? He was basically addicted.
- Some people think it's weird that nuns wear basically the same clothes everyday. But to them, it's a habit.
- If you go to jail for tax evasion.... ....aren't you basically living off taxes, for not paying your taxes.
- When I left home to go on a business trip, my wife said, "Don't forget to write." I thought, "That's unlikely. It's a basic skill afterall!"
- A preschool teacher is teaching a student basic geography Teacher: "what state do you live in?"
Student: "denial." - If I had to describe myself in three words... It would be; Tall, dark and unable to follow basic instructions
- My mom's sister was telling me she forgot a bunch of basic math... Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally
- The good thing about lending someone your time machine is that you basically get it back immediately.
Back To Basic Jokes
Here is a list of funny back to basic jokes and even better back to basic puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I've studied Basic Human Anatomy so much I know it like the back of my hand.
- A palindrome is a word that looks the same from the front and back... ...basically, it's the word equivalent of your mum.
- My daughter just cracked my new Iphone Xs screen, so I'm passing it back to a lucky commenter. Info below. Girl, 7-year-old, can do basic math and alphabet, good at housework, overall a good child.
Basic Training Jokes
Here is a list of funny basic training jokes and even better basic training puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- TIL military personnel are less likely to get acid reflux Probably because they all have to go through basic training.
- What's the final step before a sorority girl gets initiated? Basic Training
- How does a white girl prepare for the world? Basic training.
Universal Basic Jokes
Here is a list of funny universal basic jokes and even better universal basic puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why is everyone in outer space a basic white girl? Because the universal currency is Starbucks
- What do you call a basic university class on golf facility management? A coarse course course.
- In an alternate universe, Shakespeare's writings are the easiest to understand But basic dialogue... is for prose.
Silly & Ridiculous Basic Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about basic you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean basis jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make basic pranks.
[Halloween party]
Me: Nice costume! What are you?
Basic Girl: I am DECEASED!
Not exactly a joke, butthe usually get a great reaction. Caution: not for use with those who lack basic math skills.
Pick a number from 1 to 9, but don't tell me what it is. Multiply that number by 9. If the the result is a two digit number, add the two digits together. Now subtract 5.
Where the letters of the alphabet correspond to the numbers 1 though 26, pick the letter associated with the number you have left. Think of a country that begins with that letter. Take the last letter of the country, and think of an animal that begins with that letter. Take the last letter of the animal, and think of a color that begins with that letter.
Now.... How many orange kangaroos are there in Denmark?
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Exception to the rule
The First Sergeant noticed a new private one day and and barked at him to come into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the First Sergeant asked the new guy.
"John," the new guy replied.
The First Sergeant scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart, liberal p**... stuff they're teaching troops in Basic today, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my privates by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as 'First Sergeant.' Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, First Sergeant!"
"Good! Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"
The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling, First Sergeant!"
"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."
Math in the real world
Basic Math is the subject I teach at a small community college in western North Carolina. I call one part of the curriculum Practical Applications for Living in the Real World. The day after I presented a lesson on simple and compound interest, one of my older students approached me in the hallway. "You really taught me a great deal about my life yesterday," he said. "I realized I've been struggling with a lack of interest, compounded daily, for thirty years."
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Network administrator
A network administrator decided to join the military, and as part of his basic training, he went out on the rifle range.
After taking a hundred shots and missing every one, the man's DI (drill instructor) came by to see what was wrong.
"What's the matter with you?" he asked. "Why can't you hit the target? What were you in civilian life?"
"I was a network administrator," replied the new recruit, "and I don't know why I can't hit the target. Let me see..."
The recruit checked his rifle, checked his rifle again, and checked his rifle a third time. He then put his finger in front of the muzzle, pulled the trigger, and blew the end of his finger off.
"Well," the he said, writhing in pain, "the bullets are leaving here fine. The trouble must be on the other end!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mr T and I were thinking about scaling a glass wall.
We were looking at the standard equipment and the fancy equipment too. I selected the most basic suction device for my ascent, and suggested Mr T do likewise.
He looked at me and said, "I ain't using no plain s**...!"
The police are currently on the lookout for a massive homeless dumpling that has been indiscriminately ransacking houses for money to buy basic necessities.
He's a wanted wanting wanton one-ton wonton.
Facebook and basic cable
Reading Facebook feels like I'm watching basic cable in a hotel: All I want is Comedy Central, but all I can find is the Food Network, workout infomercials and Fox News.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The basics of male m**...
Are easy to grasp.
(meta) About the direction this sub is going
Every top post I see from this sub now is a basic one liner, and half of them aren't even that good. While I appreciate a good simple joke as much as the next person, there needs to be a good mixture that include actual story jokes with a true set up and punchline.
I heard someone call pumpkin spice lattes basic...
but they are wrong, lattes have a pH below 7
Who is the most basic Spice Girl?
Pumpkin Spice.
As I was leaving home to start a new life for myself
As I was leaving home to start a new life for myself across the country my mom said" Don't forget to write!"
I thought "That's unlikely... It's a basic skill,isn't it?"
You're a 10...
You're a 10...on the pH scale cause you're basic.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I once knew a girl so basic...
...that if you pushed her into a pool of acid, it'd be considered a-salt.
Are you a monosaccharide?
'Cause sugar, you're basic.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hey girl, you're a 10 on my scale...
But that's only because you're basic.
How do you deal with basic ants?
Give them an antacid
I created a robot that serves me pumpkin spice lattes...
Naturally, I coded in BASIC
Don't lye.
It makes you basic.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I know the basics of s**......
You could say I know the ins and outs.
What did the basic girl say after all her writing utensils broke?
I literally cant even write now
Why did the white girl die of alkalosis?
Because she was too basic
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between Peter Parker and Basic White Girls?
Parker gets paid for his selfies.
Hey girl, are you a 10?
Because you're basic...
How much does a basic white girl weigh?
... an instagram :3
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Center for Disease Control: overconsumption of beta-carotene linked to dangerous rise in pH of blood
In other words, pumpkin spice lattes make you basic.
I'm just a basic Jew...
...but if things go sour, I might become Hasidic.
Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?
Because it's pretty basic stuff.
What basic skill do herb farmers always struggle with?
Thyme management
Girl, are you Sodium Hydroxide?
cause you basic.
Why do white girls help fight heartburn?
Because they're so basic.
When asking a basic white girl if she wants some Starbucks, the short answer will always be "yas"
The long answer is probably going to be "yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas"
A friend showed me a periodic table app he made.
I told him, "Cool. When's the next update?"
He replied, "You see, one of the basic elements of app-making is that you have to update it periodically."
I heard soap is quite flavourless
After all the substance is quite basic
Oxygen and potassium went on a date...
...it went ok.
Oxygen and magnesium went on a date.
The other chemicals were like 'omg'!
Two noble gases went on a date.
There was no reaction.
Two protons went on a date.
There was no attraction.
Hydrogen and chlorine went on a date.
They felt a little sour after it.
Hydrogen and nitrogen went on a date.
They had a basic night out.
Sodium and chlorine went on a date.
There was assault.
Potassium and water went on a date.
It was lit.
I aced my chemistry test on the pH scale...
It was really basic.
Did you know that most coffee flavorings have a low pH?
Except pumpkin spice because it's so basic
What did the white girl say when she found out pumpkin spice lattes were considered basic?
"My whole life is a lye!"
Why do Chemists like Sodium Hydroxide and Ammonia?
Because it's pretty basic stuff.
Hey girl are you a programming language?
Because you are BASIC
The Deadliest Job in WW2
My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone?
Dad got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. I was the cook.
I'm basically a walking Dad joke.
My daughter ran up to me and said, "Daddy, I'm hungry!" I replied, "Give me a better opener, that bit's played out."
If Net Neutrality is repealed...
Will the Internet be acidic or basic?
We have to buy our basic human rights
Food, water, the internet...
Flat Earthers should return to a basic barter system
They can't use money cause it makes the world go round
I was a new Army basic trainee at Fort McClellan, and one requirement was a demanding 12-mile march. We got started at 6 a.m. and were pumped up for the trek.
An hour later, feeling the heavy load of our packs, we wondered if the end would ever come.
"Men," our sergeant yelled, "you're doing a fine job. We've already covered four miles!"
Revitalized, we picked up the pace.
"And," continued Sarge, "we should reach the starting point any minute now."
You're in the Army Now
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a South Alabama man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My parents taught me from birth that the coloreds and the w**... should be separated.
I mean, that's just basic laundry.
Who is the most basic baseball player of all time?
Al Kaline
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do programmers make terrible dates?
They take you out for Java and try to get you to bed.
To make matters worse, their skills in the bedroom is pretty BASIC so they only ever get a C++ rating.
We should start taxing people who don't comprehend math or basic probability.
Nevermind. I forgot about the lottery.
States would make a lot more revenue if they taxed people who don't understand math or basic probability.
Oh wait. I forgot about the lottery.
What's the pH of a Starbucks Frappuccino?
I'm not sure of the exact number, all I know is that it's *very* basic.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Police Station Intelligence Test
Apologies if this has been posted before \(I searched, albeit not a lot\). My physics teacher in college told me this one:
They gave a basic intelligence test at the local police station. The kind where you have to stick the geometric shapes in the corresponding holes.
It turns out we have two kinds of cops: Very s**... ones and very strong ones.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two men are standing in line in Russia
One says to the other "What is this line for?"
"Toilet paper" his friend replies.
"I'm SICK of these endless lines just to get the basic needs of life! ", he says. "I'm going to go kill Putin."
He leaves, but comes back within a couple of hours. His friend is still standing in line for toilet paper. "Why are you back?", he asks. "Did you kill Putin?"
"No", the man replies, "The line for that was longer than this one!"
They asked me to name a synonym to the word "basic"
The answer is simple
Why do chemistry students learn about ammonia first?
It's pretty basic stuff
What did the student's extremely basic answer get in the exam?
14/14
What do you call the basic unit of grammar when it walks into a maze?
A lost clause.
A quick way to figure out a Jewish person's level of devotion to their faith is made simple by using the PH scale.
Basic or Hasidic
Waiter:"There's basically everything on our menu"
Customer:"I see. Now, would you please bring me a cleaner one?"
So I'm dating this girl, called magnesium hydroxide, she likes fairy lights, nickelback and pumpkin spiced lattes...
Yeah she is pretty basic.
Everyone knows part of the way toothpaste works is by equalizing the acidic substances in your mouth.
I mean, it's basic science.
TIL That procrastination stems from 2 basic personality traits
I'll post the link in a minute.
Why do I add baking soda to my pumpkin spice lattes?
To make them even more basic.
A student asked a teacher, "What does a pH greater than 7 mean?"
The teacher replied, "It's basic chemistry "
A requirement to be a pilot is to be good at basic math
So I asked a couple pilots what 300 + 90 was and they all said 30. I guess they are not that smart after all.
