Basement Jokes
140 basement jokes and hilarious basement puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about basement that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover a collection of humorous jokes about basement flooding, Austrian basements, attics, stairwells, and bulbs. Get a laugh out of these basement gags and make some light of your situation while you wait for the water to recede.
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Funniest Basement Short Jokes
Short basement jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The basement humour may include short cellar jokes also.
- I trapped a couple of vegans in my basement. At least I think they're vegan. They keep shouting 'lettuce leaf!'
- what has 2 legs in the morning and 3 in the afternoon? I have no idea but it's in my basement please send help.
- Why does everyone assume that just because I'm a 40 year old loser that I live in my parent's basement? My parents don't have a basement. I live in my bedroom like a big boy.
- How many dead people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Apparently not 17, cause my basement is still dark.
- The thing I learned from beauty and the beast: Any girl can fall in love with you given you lock her in the basement long enough.
- I'm really looking to re-capture my lost youth... ...my basement door doesn't lock properly
- How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Definitely not 9, my basement is still dark
- When I heard the news that 12 Thai schoolboys had been rescued from underground... I had to run home and make sure my basement was still padlocked.
- How many abducted women does it take to change a light bulb? Five is apparently not enough because my basement is still dark.
- I'm thinking of starting a youth foundation... I mean I've already got like 30 kids buried in my basement.
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Basement One Liners
Which basement one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with basement? I can suggest the ones about garage and downstairs.
- I'm 45 and have the body of a 25 year old model! She's in my basement, any suggestions?
- Why i love redheads? Because if roof is rusty it's always wet in basement.
- I have the body of an 18 year old... I keep it in my basement.
- Why doesn't bill gates have a basement? He likes windows
- I'm ageing like a fine wine In a basement, untouched.
- Lock an astronomer in a basement... and they'll go star craving mad.
- I have the perfect body of a 21 year old female... It's in a freezer in my basement
- I like my women like I like my guns..... Locked up in the basement
- If I had a dollar for every person I have in my basement... I'd have 60 cents
- I like my girls just like my wine... 12 years old and in my basement
- Upstairs in our house is cleaned fairly well. The basement is another story.
- How does my basement taste? Celery.
- What shoes do you buy when your basement is flooded? Pumps.
- my humor is really dark... almost as dark as the burned down people in my basement.
- Why does a basement have a bad rep? It's only up from there!
Basement Flooding Jokes
Here is a list of funny basement flooding jokes and even better basement flooding puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Katrina Hit me hard, Wrecked my house, threw all of my possessions around and flooded my basement, But I still think those jeans made her look fat.
Austria Basement Jokes
Here is a list of funny austria basement jokes and even better austria basement puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- One day a giant tornado went through Austria... ...but luckily all the children were already in the basement.
Happy Basement Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about basement you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean underground jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make basement pranks.
Three men walk into a bar.
The barman tells them, "If you can sit in my basement for a day, I'll give you free beer forever."
The first man walks out after five minutes and says, "It's impossible, you got a swarm of flies in there."
So the second man tries his luck, but can't take more than an hour.
Finally, the third man goes down.
When he returns a day later, the others ask him how he did it.
He says, "Easy! I took a dump in one corner and sat in the other corner!"
My mom and dad insist that i pay them for letting me stay in their basement
I guess thats why they're called PAYRENTS
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They say if you love something set it free...
but I don't really love the h**... in my basement.
There once was a man who made dead houses.
There once was a man who made dead houses; Stored them under his home with the bugs and the mouses; The coffins he made were of rich sleek wood; He built them as big, yet as fast as he could; For his caskets were haunted and were said to walk; one night he went to his basement, and one started to rock; It moved towards him, his insides began to soften; So he pulled out some Halls, cause Halls stops the coffin.
Thought we didn't have enough. "I like my women like my coffee" jokes.
Here's mine. "Held in my basement, in a sack".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More than three because the basement is still dark!
*(Just heard this today, even though I know it's probably old!)*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you turn a liberal into a conservative?
Move them out of thier parents basement
A monk decides to become a scribe...
When he arrives at the scribes' church, he meets the bishop and begins his apprenticeship. While checking a scroll, he has question and approaches the bishop for help. The bishop decides to check the original scroll in the catacombs, so he descends into the basement of the church. Several hours later, since he hasn't returned, the monk goes down into the catacombs to find him.
The monk finds the bishop laying on the ground in the fetal position, clutching the scroll to his chest and sobbing. With tears in his eyes, he looks up at the monk and says...
"It says 'celebrate'."
I have the body of an 20 year old...
...but it's starting to stink up my basement so I'm thinking I'm gonna burn it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a blonde and a community college
Well, they are both pretty easy to get into, but I don't have 3 community colleges under my basement. That would be ridiculous.
How many prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Apparently more than 5, as my basement is still dark
Two Women Talking in Heaven
1 Woman: Hi, Wandal
2 Woman: Hi, Sylvia! How'd you die?
1 Woman: I froze to death.
2 Woman: How horrible!
1 Woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2 Woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. Instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1 Woman: So what happened?
2 Woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1 Woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer-we'd both still be alive.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many prostitutes does it take to change a lightbulb?
Obviously more than four, they've been in my basement for days, and it's still dark down there!
I chained up my trophy wife in the basement...
She's atrophy wife now.
My 11-year-old grandson spent a beautiful
My 11-year-old grandson spent
a beautiful Saturday playing video games. His older sister tried coaxing him outside by warning, Someday, you're going to be 30 years old, single, and living in Mom's basement playing video games all day!
His reply: I can only dream.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many dead h**...'s in your basement does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, it's not 4
Why did the police chief hate going into the basement?
Because it was beneath his station.
:P
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wondering why "c**..." has become the new insult of choice among basement dwellers and neck beards?
They finally found an insult that can never be used against them.
How many dead orphans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Obviously more than 10, cause it's still pretty dark in my basement.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The best part about owning a pet.
You can blame your dog for f**...,
you can blame your cat for things falling over at night, and you can blame your goldfish for the screaming in the basement.
Women age like fine wine...
In my basement
A men goes to a priest...
-Father, I am a sinner...-
-So, what you've dove?-
-I hid a jew in my basement during the second world war.-
-But this one isn't a sin, it's a very honorable thing.-
-I made him pay 300 pounds a month-
-Well, those are a lot of money but you saved him so you can go and may God be with you.-
-Ok then but... should i tell him that the war is over?-
A husband leaves his money in the attic...
His wife gets curious one day and asks why he leaves his money in the attic.
The husband replies, " So I can use it to pay rent in heaven."
A few years later the husband dies and the wife goes upstairs to see if the money is gone, and sure enough the money is still where he left it. The wife says to herself, " I knew he should have put it in the basement."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a lightbulb?
Obviously not 8, because its still dark in my basement.
I found a dead mouse in my mother's basement.
Honestly, I hate being a gynaecologist sometimes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What can't you hide in a basement full of dead h**...?
My e**...
So I asked my neighbor how many babies you would need to change a lightbulb...
and he told me he didn't know because his basement was still dark.
A joke my girlfriend came up with today...
"Can you let me out the basement for 5 minutes?"
What's more horrifying than finding a stack of dad's playboys in the basement?
Realising one of them's still breathing.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Apparently more than 40, because my basement's still dark
I have the body of a 25 year-old Supermodel
Not sure what to do with it in my basement
What are sometimes moist, smells bad and requires going down to get in it?
Basements.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I feel for Hillary Clinton
The FBI found a server in my basement too. She was from h**... I think.
Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day....
Let him out of your basement and he can go back to his family.
My wife says that she still hears her grandmother's voice sometimes before she goes to sleep at night.
But only when I forget to lock the basement.
I didn't sleep a wink last night because my neighbor was screaming her head off.
I think she doesn't like my basement.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like my girls how I like my wine
Ten-fifteen years old and locked in my basement.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do Australians and wetting yourself in the basement have in common?
They're both incontinence down under.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a basement full of progressives?
A whine cellar.
I got into a fight with my girlfriend the other day
She was saying a bunch of generic stuff like 'I need to learn to let things go' and 'I always keep things bottled up inside' and 'I make her feel trapped.' I had to interrupt her pretty quickly and tell her "you can drop all the hints you want, I'm not letting you out of this basement".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jehovah's witnesses are always b**... on my door everyday
Joke's on them, I'm never letting them out of my basement.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My German grandparents used to hide Jewish children in their basement.
Turns out that gets you arrested in this day and age.
Almost everybody has that one who got away, and I'm no exception.
I'm not sure how she broke out of the basement though.
There are so many starving children in the world,
I don't understand why the police made such a big deal about the ones in my basement.
Not your usual goat joke
I walked past a baby goat sleeping. I was later arrested for kidnapping, has nothing to do with the kid napping, they just found my basement
I like my women like I like my wine.
Twelve years old and in my basement.
(Joke was told to me by my cousin)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a basement full of feminists?
A whine cellar.
My next door neighbour banged on my door at 3am last night
Not sure how he got out of my basement but I'm glad the front door was locked
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My uncle once told me to go to the basement and get n**...,
I asked him whether he wanted Mighty Mango or berry Blast.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like my girls the way I like my Whiskey.
Eighteen years old, moist and preferably in a basement.
What's the difference between a 14-year old girl and a Ferrari?
Roy Moore doesn't have a Ferrari in his basement.
Dad! You can strike out the mountain bike on my wish list for christmas!
Just found a brand new one in the basement!!!
A stairway builder was retiring
On his last day the manager held a speech for him in the lunch-room.
"This man has worked here for over 40 years! Just imagine the number of stairs built by you alone! I reckon, on the day you die, you could stack them on top of eachother and reach heaven!"
The retiring builder, a bit red from embaresment, responded quietly:
"Oh, thank you for your kind words, but I have mostly been building basement-stairs..."
A new monk shows up at a monastery where the monks spend their time making copies of ancient books.
The new monk goes to the basement of the monastery saying he wants to make copies of the originals rather than of others' copies so as to avoid duplicating errors they might have made. Several hours later the monks, wondering where their new friend is, find him crying in the basement. They ask him what is wrong and he says "the word is CELEBRATE, not CELIBATE!"
A friend told me he saw a black guy on a stolen bike getting hit by a train
I rushed home, afraid that it was mine.
But thankfully, mine was still in my basement shining my shoes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about that old guy down the street? Apparently he likes his women how he likes his wine.
12 years old and in his basement
A lot of people believe Walt Disney is cryogenically frozen in the basement of CalArts.
# I personally love this conspiracy theory because it's a wonderful example of suspended animation.
Can 5 women change a lightbulb?
Apparently not; the basement light still hasn't been replaced.
To my high school teacher who said I'd never amount to anything...
Please use your psychic gift to tell me next week's winning lottery numbers. My mum will kick me out of her basement if I don't pay the rent I owe!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many corpses does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It must be more than eight, 'cause my basement's still dark.
Physics Teacher's Story
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity went to college and got a science degree with which he's earning a six figure salary.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents in their basement.
Speed lacks Direction.
I trapped a bunch of vegans in my basement
I'm not actually sure if If they're vegans, but they keep shouting lettuce leaf!
