The Best 58 Based Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Based jokes. There are some based improve jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these based purely puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Based Jokes and Puns
After my joke last week about the Holy Qur'an...
...I had tons of private messages from Muslims on this site. As an apology to them I would like to say this:
"Islam is a religion based on peace, love and respect, and this is the central message of the Qur'an. As such I offer a full apology for making the claim that it encourages suicide bombing and violence."
OK, there - I said it. Now can you please stop sending me death threats?
What did one Muslim say to another in a supermarket?
Nothing very interesting, they are both completely ordinary members of society who should not be judged based on their ethnic background and skin colour.
And then the building exploded.
I like my women like I like my coffee.
I have a deep respect for coffee and would never discriminate against coffee based on its gender.
Arnold Scwharzanegger gets a call from his agent about a feature length film based around classical music. When asked which character he'd most like to play,
'I'll be Bach'.
my friend said he would buy me a game on steam if i can come up with a joke based on these subjects. if you guys could help! id be really appreciated! if not i understand this is asking a lot.
Russians,a Small Animal, an American,a Brazilian and a Cruise Ship. thanks in advance for anything any one comes up with!
When I was in the army our commanding officer always made decisions based on the way our whole unit felt.
I kind of miss him. Good ol' General Consensus.
Europe must have a detergent based economy..
..because it's tough on Greece.
Why would people always stand still to hide from Martin Luther King Jr.?
His vision was based on movements.
We should move to a herb based fuel economy
We can finally make the trains run on thyme.
My marriage is based on trust.
And according to my wife's lawyers, that trust is based offshore.
Just announced, they are making a movie based on Tetris...
Apparently it was due to start filming this year but writing the script was taking longer than expected as every time they finished a line it would disappear.
You can explore based base reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean based baseless dad jokes. There are also based puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A horse walks into a bar...
"Why the long face?" asks the bartender...
The horse replies, "I can no longer make ends meet based solely on the royalties from Sex in the City."
I don't discriminate based skin colour, I do it based on clothes...
In fact you could call me a fashist
I was getting off an airplane, when I passed a little boy who was waving and saying "Bye, plane!"...
"No, this isn't a biplane." I said, as the kid's dad immediately gave me a condescending look.
I went on, "You can't tell its sexual preference based just on how it looks."
I've started wearing a stethoscope around my neck...
So, if there's a medical emergency I get to teach people a valuable lesson about making assumptions based on someone's appearance.
What do you get if you ask a former presidential candidate to write a piece of music about a formula for solving a problem based on a sequence of specified actions?
An algorithm.
Based on statistics
The most used sexual position among married couples is doggy style...
The husband sits and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead.
So a horse walks into a bar...
So a horse walks into a bar. The barkeep seems to know that the horse frequently goes to bars, and he asks the horse, "Aren't you an alcoholic by now?"
The horse replies, "I think not!" and disappears, seemingly into thin air.
See, the joke here is based on Rene Descartes' famous philosophy of "I think, therefore I am", however, explaining that part first would be putting Descartes before the horse.
"Hey, you know where there's a theater around here?"
The man responds "Yeah, just around the corner and a block down. You plan on seeing a performance?"
The blonde answers "Yep, a friend told me about a comedic play called 'Puns', apparently is based around words, whatever that means."
"Wait, what exactly did your friend tell you?"
"That he really likes 'Puns': a funny play on words"
A kid boards a flight for the first time in his life
Kid: What kind of flight is this mom?
Mom: Boeing
Kid: I'm boarding a Boeing, Boeing, Boeing, Boeing
Mom: Be silent you idiot
Kid: I'm oarding an oeing, oeing, oeing, oeing
P.S: Based on a true incident
TIL that back in the 1940s, as a result of failed communications between engineers and builders, the Soviet Union built thousands of submarines based on recalled 1850s schematics, resulting in millions of dollars in military funding being wasted.
Whoops, wrong sub.
There are two types of people in this world
Those who can extrapolate information based off of the given context
What is a snowflake's school grade based on?
Class precipitation.
Give a man a fire, he's warm for a day
Teach a man to fire: he'll turn orange, run a reality show based on it, and then take over your country.
Why are so many hotwheels based after Ford models?
So kids get used to pushing them at a young age.
Recently, a group of scientists discovered...
a subclass of ant has a genetic mutation that makes them grow larger than average, DESPITE missing a jointed segment on their legs. This same mutation also causes them to have an aversion to dairy-based foods, even with their high based sugar content.
TL;DR lack-toes-in-taller-ants
This mnemonic joke helps you remember the alphabet...
Acronym
Based
Comedy
Doesn't
Ever
Feel
Good
Honestly,
I
Just
Keep
Lamenting
My
Negative
Opinion,
Perhaps
Questioning
Reality
Serves
The
Universe
Very
Well
...
Xylophone, yak, zebra.
Racism is stupid.
Why hate a person based on his/her skin color? If you just took the time to know them as a person, you can find a whole lot of other things to hate them for.
Two aliens are flying near earth
The first one says, "The dominant life form here have developed satellite based nuclear weapons."
The second one says, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first one says, "I don't think so, they have it aimed at themselves."
Alien 1: The dominant life form on planet earth have developed satellite based nuclear weapons.
Alien 2: Are they an emerging intelligence?
Alien 1: I don't think so, they have them aimed at themselves.
After years of practice I can finally tell what time it is based purely on the sun's location in the sky.
Right now it is daytime.
My company got bought out by a Madrid based firm today. Everyone seemed surprised.
Nobody expects the Spanish Acquisition
Two crazy people are by the pool in an asylum...
One of them falls in, the other quickly jumps in and saves him.
The doctor later meets the saviour and says "we've assessed your situation and believe you're qualified to leave the asylum based on your rational deeds. However I regret to inform you that the man you saved hung himself in the same night".
The man smiles and confidently says "oh he didn't, I hung him to dry him up!"
I did an essay on The Room.
For school, I had to write an essay based on a film, so I decided to do it on "The Room". I think I did well, because I got a hi mark.
At first I thought less of Gordon Ramsey based on his wife...
But you can't judge a cook by its lover...
Back in ancient Egypt, the standardized units of measurements were based off the length of the current pharoah's body parts. The pointer finger would be one unit of measurement, the forearm another, and so on.
It could be noted, the pharoah was the ruler.
How Canada Was Named
So the dignitaries of the associated Provinces of what we now call "Canada" got together over a game of Scrabble to determine the name of the country. They decided they would pick the name based on the first three letters they grabbed. First one: "C, eh?" Second one, "n, eh?" Third one, "d, eh?"
In three seconds, anagram the word SNIGGER into a derogatory term for a group of people based on a distinct physical trait.
The word we were looking for is GINGERS. You monster.
Did you know that dogs have certain accents based on the countries their from?
For example, in Korea, they make a sizzling noise
Did you hear about the reality show based on 9/11?
No? I'm not surprised, the pilot crashed.
There are two types of people in this world.
Those that can make educated guesses based on context.
When I have a headache, I take an Advil and follow the instructions on the bottle:
"KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"
(based on Kauffman, G. and Blakeley M. eds. 1980. Pulling Our Own Strings. Page 51)
The spread of Corona Virus is based on 2 factors:
1. How dense the population is.
2. How dense the population is.
Never purchase jewelry based off of a photograph
It makes you look 2D pendant
If you adjust your posture based on someone's recommendation,
Do you stand corrected?
A guy comes home with two black eyes.
A guy comes home with two black eyes and his wife looks at him in shock and asks how that happened. He replies: while I was in line at the supermarket I saw this woman with her dress wedged into her butt crack, so I reached down and pulled it out for her, and that's when she turned around and punched me in the face.
He wife then looks at him confused and says: that explains one black eye, but not the other.
He then says: well, based on her reaction I assumed she wanted it that way, so I put it back.
A lawyer approached the Pearly Gates of Heaven
I'm only 45 years old! Why is it already my time to depart? Send me back to Earth right now or I'll sue you! he angrily snapped to the gatekeeper.
Based to the records of your billable hours, Mr. Lawyer, you're 98 years old. , replied the gatekeeper.
I'm still undecided for the upcoming election...
But I've narrowed my choices down to Mexico or Canada based on moving costs.
Yo momma so fat...
She is considered a carbohydrate based life form.
Amnesia is no joke
Based on the content in this sub alone, at least 19 million people have it.
An old man told me about a brothel
I was sitting at a bar one evening and an old man walked in, sat down beside me and ordered a drink. After a few minutes he tapped me on the shoulder and pointed out the window to a building on top of a hill. "That's a brothel. You can tell the ethnicity of the men going there based on where they are. The man going into the brothel, he's Russian. The man leaving, he's Finnish." "What about the man inside the brothel?" I asked. "That man? Himalayan"
Did you know Mortal Kombat was actually based on an old Scandinavian worship song?
A Finnish Hymn.
Did you know Mortal Kombat was based on an old Scandinavian song?
A Finnish hymn.
A girl added me and sent me a picture of herself
She looked so much like someone who would judge me based of my appearance so i blocked her.
Cut toxic people out of your life because you deserve better (:
Did you know that the first ever musicians were also mathematicians?
Their music was based off log-rhythms
Mortal Kombat
Did you know mortal kombat is based on an old nordic folk song?
Well it's technically a Finnish hymn
An anti-vaxxer got a call from the Doctor.
The doctor said "Your test results are in and I'm afraid it's not good news."
"Nonsense," replied the anti-vaxxer. "I don't trust your pharmaceutical industry. My entire life I relied on homeopathic remedies instead of medication, and the only diagnosis I accept is based on my horoscope."
"Fair enough, in that case tell me your star -sign." said the doctor.
The anti-vaxxer replied "My star sign is Cancer."
The doctor said "Well what a damn coincidence..."
Based on Lebron's acting skills, I suspect Space Jam 2...
Will be a flop.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the based generalization jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working based rewrite piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.