Based Jokes
132 based jokes and hilarious based puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about based that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article explores the possibilities of based jokes, describing different types such as cheese based, bible based, shape based, fruit based, egg based, science based, story based, and food based. It examines why some of these jokes are more popular among certain demographics than others, and why some jokes tend to be more predominantly base oriented than others.
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Funniest Based Short Jokes
Short based jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The based humour may include short depending jokes also.
- My company got bought out by a Madrid based firm today. Everyone seemed surprised. Nobody expects the spanish Acquisition
- I did an essay on The Room. For school, I had to write an essay based on a film, so I decided to do it on "The Room". I think I did well, because I got a hi mark.
- A woman astronaut.. A woman astronaut calls her base:
-Houston we have a problem.
-What is it?
-Nothing... - A chemistry lab is a lot like a party... Some people drop acid while others drop the base.
- So tim tebow just hit a home run in his first professional at bat But he had no idea what to do once he got to third base.
- I like my women like I like my coffee. I have a deep respect for coffee and would never discriminate against coffee based on its gender.
- Why does the military stockpile hydrochloric acid? To neutralize their enemy's strongest bases.
- What's the difference between a Taliban Base and a hospital? I don't know, I just fly the drone
- I once tried to create a comedy routine based on the myth of Orpheus. Looking back, it was a bad idea.
- There are two types of people in this world Those who can extrapolate information based off of the given context
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Based One Liners
Which based one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with based? I can suggest the ones about located and formed.
- Why would the military use acid? To neutralize the enemy base.
- Did you know Mortal Kombat was based on an old Scandinavian song? A Finnish hymn.
- I've figured out where all the dad jokes are stored. In a dad-a-base.
- Why do people take acid at raves? Because there's so much base.
- Some acids walked into the enemy base... Threat Neutralized.
- Why did the plant-based chicken cross the road? Idk, it's beyond meat.
- Europe must have a detergent based economy.. ..because it's tough on Greece.
- NaCl / NaOH The base is under assault!
- What do you get if you drop a piano on a military base? A flat major.
- Yo momma so fat... She is considered a carbohydrate based life form.
- I discovered where they keep all the dad jokes The dad-a-base...
- We should move to a herb based fuel economy We can finally make the trains run on thyme.
- The best pizza I ever had was just a plain dough base Nothing topped that.
- Why is the bathroom floor always wet on the Starkiller base. Stormtroopers always miss.
- How do babies keep track of their fathers? They use an extensive dada-base.
Story Based Jokes
Here is a list of funny story based jokes and even better story based puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I put a beaker of sodium hydroxide on a biography. It was base on a true story.
- My little sister hated that our mother was addicted to cigarettes so she took a fork and stabbed the packet repeatedly. Mom was not pleased. Holy smokes!
^(Based on a true story) - Based on the story of the boy who cried wolf... I'd say that Hawaii is safe for another couple missile strike warnings before they should actually worry.
- Mary said God impregnated her... ... we have an entire religion based on a girl who REALLY stuck to her story.
\- Greg Giraldo - Imagine they make a comedy movie about the 2016 us election in 2116... The funniest part would be "Based on a true story"
- Based on a true story: I was carrying back gardening tools to the shed and dropped one. My wife yells from behind me. "Yee haw, it's a h**... down"
Food Based Jokes
Here is a list of funny food based jokes and even better food based puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm opening a new grocery stores named Organic Food Mart... Our slogan: "We sell only the best carbon-based foods."
- Bungie is now working on food products based on their own classic games Known as Halo tea bags.
- Why do Italians and Jews get along so well? Both cultures are based on food and guilt
- I wrote a piece of music based on the experience of digesting Mexican food... I'm calling it Taco Bell's Canon
Cheese Based Jokes
Here is a list of funny cheese based jokes and even better cheese based puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A macaroni and cheese based meal assisted a burger thief. The meal was a hamburglar helper.
Shape Based Jokes
Here is a list of funny shape based jokes and even better shape based puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What does a p**... shaped, potato based sea faring vessel have in common with North Korea? They are both d**...-tater-ships.
Cheerful Based Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about based you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean posed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make based pranks.
After my joke last week about the Holy Qur'an...
...I had tons of private messages from Muslims on this site. As an apology to them I would like to say this:
"Islam is a religion based on peace, love and respect, and this is the central message of the Qur'an. As such I offer a full apology for making the claim that it encourages s**... b**... and violence."
OK, there - I said it. Now can you please stop sending me death threats?
What did one Muslim say to another in a supermarket?
Nothing very interesting, they are both completely ordinary members of society who should not be judged based on their ethnic background and skin colour.
And then the building exploded.
Arnold Scwharzanegger gets a call from his agent about a feature length film based around classical music. When asked which character he'd most like to play,
'I'll be Bach'.
I am on the case prep team in law school. Our new fact pattern is based on the Sandusky Trial. What do you think of my theme for trial?
Coach Toledo may have been head coach of the Cougars, but he was not interested in the cougars. Coach Toledo was interested in the cubs.
my friend said he would buy me a game on steam if i can come up with a joke based on these subjects. if you guys could help! id be really appreciated! if not i understand this is asking a lot.
Russians,a Small Animal, an American,a Brazilian and a Cruise Ship. thanks in advance for anything any one comes up with!
I'm planning on releasing a fragrance based off of suffering.
I'm planning on releasing a fragrance based off of suffering.
I'm going to call it "Eau de Humanity"
really old joke based off a video game from the 90's
What are the three certainties in life? ( Thank you for spellcheck on google chrome ) 1. death 2. taxes. 3. you'll hear this joke sooner or later
Based on the Scotland vote results...
It looks like the UK didn't get off Scot-free.
Misc religion based puns
What do you call a horse who doesn't believe in God?
Hay-thiest
What do you call a pig who believes in the old gods?
A pag-ham.
What do you call a practitioner of Hinduism who solely worships in the morning?
A Hin-dew.
What do you call a caveman unsure it he believes in tools or not?
Ag-no-stick.
When I was in the army our commanding officer always made decisions based on the way our whole unit felt.
I kind of miss him. Good ol' General Consensus.
What happens if you take a popular website, add a dash of censorship, and allow the discretionary system of control to be based on the biases of individuals...
[This post is locked. You won't be able to comment.]
Why would people always stand still to hide from Martin Luther King Jr.?
His vision was based on movements.
Last year 52 Americans were shot by people who barely speak english, have no marketable skills, and are prone to angry outburst based on their views...
...toddlers are the worst.
My marriage is based on trust.
And according to my wife's lawyers, that trust is based offshore.
Just announced, they are making a movie based on Tetris...
Apparently it was due to start filming this year but writing the script was taking longer than expected as every time they finished a line it would disappear.
I've started a new religion based on the consumption of high-percentage alcohol. Its only downside is that I now miss a lot of work due to hangovers
It's called absinthe-theism.
A horse walks into a bar...
"Why the long face?" asks the bartender...
The horse replies, "I can no longer make ends meet based solely on the royalties from s**... in the City."
Today in class we were talking about s**....
The teacher asked us, "Ok class, does anybody know what the meaning of monotony is?"
I shouted out, "It's very boring!"
It was only in the principal's office that I realized she said monogamy.
**Based on a true story**
I'd like to tell you guys a chemistry joke
But based on my experience so far in this sub, I'm sure I won't get any reaction
I don't discriminate based skin colour, I do it based on clothes...
In fact you could call me a fashist
I was getting off an airplane, when I passed a little boy who was waving and saying "Bye, plane!"...
"No, this isn't a biplane." I said, as the kid's dad immediately gave me a condescending look.
I went on, "You can't tell its s**... preference based just on how it looks."
I've started wearing a stethoscope around my neck...
So, if there's a medical emergency I get to teach people a valuable lesson about making assumptions based on someone's appearance.
What do you get if you ask a former presidential candidate to write a piece of music about a formula for solving a problem based on a sequence of specified actions?
An algorithm.
Based on statistics
The most used s**... position among married couples is d**......
The husband sits and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead.
So a horse walks into a bar...
So a horse walks into a bar. The barkeep seems to know that the horse frequently goes to bars, and he asks the horse, "Aren't you an alcoholic by now?"
The horse replies, "I think not!" and disappears, seemingly into thin air.
See, the joke here is based on Rene Descartes' famous philosophy of "I think, therefore I am", however, explaining that part first would be putting Descartes before the horse.
"Hey, you know where there's a theater around here?"
The man responds "Yeah, just around the corner and a block down. You plan on seeing a performance?"
The blonde answers "Yep, a friend told me about a comedic play called 'Puns', apparently is based around words, whatever that means."
"Wait, what exactly did your friend tell you?"
"That he really likes 'Puns': a funny play on words"
A kid boards a flight for the first time in his life
Kid: What kind of flight is this mom?
Mom: Boeing
Kid: I'm boarding a Boeing, Boeing, Boeing, Boeing
Mom: Be silent you idiot
Kid: I'm oarding an oeing, oeing, oeing, oeing
P.S: Based on a true incident
TIL that back in the 1940s, as a result of failed communications between engineers and builders, the Soviet Union built thousands of submarines based on recalled 1850s schematics, resulting in millions of dollars in military funding being wasted.
Whoops, wrong sub.
What is a snowflake's school grade based on?
Class precipitation.
A new study has revealed that diarrhea is actually based on heredity
They found if runs in your jeans
Give a man a fire, he's warm for a day
Teach a man to fire: he'll turn orange, run a reality show based on it, and then take over your country.
Why are so many hotwheels based after Ford models?
So kids get used to pushing them at a young age.
Recently, a group of scientists discovered...
a subclass of ant has a genetic mutation that makes them grow larger than average, DESPITE missing a jointed segment on their legs. This same mutation also causes them to have an aversion to dairy-based foods, even with their high based sugar content.
TL;DR lack-toes-in-taller-ants
This mnemonic joke helps you remember the alphabet...
Acronym
Based
Comedy
Doesn't
Ever
Feel
Good
Honestly,
I
Just
Keep
Lamenting
My
Negative
Opinion,
Perhaps
Questioning
Reality
Serves
The
Universe
Very
Well
...
Xylophone, yak, zebra.
Racism is s**....
Why hate a person based on his/her skin color? If you just took the time to know them as a person, you can find a whole lot of other things to hate them for.
Two aliens are flying near earth
The first one says, "The dominant life form here have developed satellite based nuclear weapons."
The second one says, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first one says, "I don't think so, they have it aimed at themselves."
My marriage is based on trust.
And that trust is based in the Cayman Islands.
Based on a true story (programming, walks into a bar)
Two programmers walk into a bar. The Python programmer orders an orange juice. The C programmer gets a look of disgust and says "You're in a bar! You should order an alcoholic drink!" The Python programmer gets his juice, pulls out his wallet, and pays for his drink. The C programmer tells the bartender, "I want a hard whiskey, and put it on my tab." The Python programmer gets a look of disgust and shouts "Tab?!?"
I run a mail order bride service based out of Prague.
I had a customer call and complain the other day about his order not arriving. It was alright though, I just reassured him that his Czech was in the mail.
Alien 1: The dominant life form on planet earth have developed satellite based nuclear weapons.
Alien 2: Are they an emerging intelligence?
Alien 1: I don't think so, they have them aimed at themselves.
After years of practice I can finally tell what time it is based purely on the sun's location in the sky.
Right now it is daytime.
Two crazy people are by the pool in an asylum...
One of them falls in, the other quickly jumps in and saves him.
The doctor later meets the saviour and says "we've assessed your situation and believe you're qualified to leave the asylum based on your rational deeds. However I regret to inform you that the man you saved hung himself in the same night".
The man smiles and confidently says "oh he didn't, I hung him to dry him up!"
My wife asked me why I only play one car based video game?
It's a Forza habit.
At first I thought less of Gordon Ramsey based on his wife...
But you can't judge a cook by its lover...
What cloud based storage service do mexicans use?
JuanDrive
Back in ancient Egypt, the standardized units of measurements were based off the length of the current pharoah's body parts. The pointer finger would be one unit of measurement, the forearm another, and so on.
It could be noted, the pharoah was the ruler.
How Canada Was Named
So the dignitaries of the associated Provinces of what we now call "Canada" got together over a game of Scrabble to determine the name of the country. They decided they would pick the name based on the first three letters they grabbed. First one: "C, eh?" Second one, "n, eh?" Third one, "d, eh?"
In three seconds, anagram the word s**... into a derogatory term for a group of people based on a distinct physical trait.
The word we were looking for is GINGERS. You monster.
I just don't understand why these 16 year old guys can't show up for work on time...
Based on my other experiences with them I assumed they'd always come early.
in india, muslim guy used to get divorce just bay saying the word 'talaq' 3 times. i found a joke based on it.
Wife: What I really hate about this house is the lack...
Husband: the lack....
Wife: the lack!
Husband: the lack?
Wife: yeah the lack of...
Husband: the lack o-
Wife: aye Dobby has no master. Dobby is a free elf
Husband: Damnnnnnn Fatima.
Did you know that dogs have certain accents based on the countries their from?
For example, in Korea, they make a sizzling noise
Did you hear about the reality show based on 9/11?
No? I'm not surprised, the pilot crashed.
There are two types of people in this world.
Those that can make educated guesses based on context.
When I have a headache, I take an Advil and follow the instructions on the bottle:
"KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"
(based on Kauffman, G. and Blakeley M. eds. 1980. Pulling Our Own Strings. Page 51)
I made up a dance about an old guy and a kid going on an adventure and asked everyone to name the movie it's based on.
Someone just guessed it. The j**... is Up.
Top 10 most aggressive dog breeds
10: You
9: can't
8: Rank
7: Dog breeds
6: Based on
5: Their aggressiveness
4: As every
3: Dog breed
2: Is different.
1: Chihuahuas
The spread of Corona Virus is based on 2 factors:
1. How dense the population is.
2. How dense the population is.
I Started Watching A New Series During Lockdown
It's a series about how a respiratory illness spread throughout the world in 2019 and 2020, and damaged many economies, as well as caused many people to lose their lives...the illness is even said to have originated in China. Despite similarities, the writers say it's not based on the novel, *Coronavirus.*
An old pastor on his deathbed asked a lawyer and an IRS agent to visit him.
When the two arrived in the pastor's room, the pastor based them to sit on either side of the bed.
After a bit, the lawyer asked "Reverend, why did you ask us here?"
The pastor responded, "Jesus died between two thieves, and I want to do the same."
Never purchase jewelry based off of a photograph
It makes you look 2D pendant
If you adjust your posture based on someone's recommendation,
Do you stand corrected?
A guy comes home with two black eyes.
A guy comes home with two black eyes and his wife looks at him in shock and asks how that happened. He replies: while I was in line at the supermarket I saw this woman with her dress wedged into her b**... crack, so I reached down and pulled it out for her, and that's when she turned around and punched me in the face.
He wife then looks at him confused and says: that explains one black eye, but not the other.
He then says: well, based on her reaction I assumed she wanted it that way, so I put it back.
A lawyer approached the Pearly Gates of Heaven
I'm only 45 years old! Why is it already my time to depart? Send me back to Earth right now or I'll sue you! he angrily snapped to the gatekeeper.
Based to the records of your billable hours, Mr. Lawyer, you're 98 years old. , replied the gatekeeper.
I'm still undecided for the upcoming election...
But I've narrowed my choices down to Mexico or Canada based on moving costs.
Did you see the latest fashion trend is adhesive based dresses and suits?
From what I heard they're a bit tacky.
Amnesia is no joke
Based on the content in this sub alone, at least 19 million people have it.
An old man told me about a brothel
I was sitting at a bar one evening and an old man walked in, sat down beside me and ordered a drink. After a few minutes he tapped me on the shoulder and pointed out the window to a building on top of a hill. "That's a brothel. You can tell the ethnicity of the men going there based on where they are. The man going into the brothel, he's Russian. The man leaving, he's Finnish." "What about the man inside the brothel?" I asked. "That man? Himalayan"
Did you know Mortal Kombat was actually based on an old Scandinavian worship song?
A Finnish Hymn.
A girl added me and sent me a picture of herself
She looked so much like someone who would judge me based of my appearance so i blocked her.
Cut toxic people out of your life because you deserve better (:
Did you know that the first ever musicians were also mathematicians?
Their music was based off log-rhythms
Mortal Kombat
Did you know mortal kombat is based on an old nordic folk song?
Well it's technically a Finnish hymn
An anti-vaxxer got a call from the Doctor.
The doctor said "Your test results are in and I'm afraid it's not good news."
"Nonsense," replied the anti-vaxxer. "I don't trust your pharmaceutical industry. My entire life I relied on homeopathic remedies instead of medication, and the only diagnosis I accept is based on my horoscope."
"Fair enough, in that case tell me your star -sign." said the doctor.
The anti-vaxxer replied "My star sign is Cancer."
The doctor said "Well what a d**... coincidence..."
Based on Lebron's acting skills, I suspect Space Jam 2...
Will be a flop.
What do vegan black holes say?
"I'm on a strictly planet based diet"
