Baseball Jokes
161 baseball jokes and hilarious baseball puns to laugh out loud. Read sport jokes about baseball that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Baseball Jokes for kids, umpires, coaches, and adults! Get ready for some laughs and chuckles with these funny baseball puns and riddles. From a baseball-themed Halloween to a pitcher hitting a home run, you'll find lots of jolly jokes to share with friends and family including references to MLB and soccer.
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Funniest Baseball Short Jokes
Short baseball jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The baseball humour may include short softball jokes also.
- I saw a giant mouse so I tried killing it with a baseball bat So now I have a lifetime ban from Disneyland
- Did you know that bats aren't actually blind? That's why they are so good at hitting baseballs
- My parents are old fashioned. When I was a boy they wanted me to play baseball. And When I was a girl they wanted me to see a psychiatrist
- My wife told me she wanted to see a huge diamond for her birthday So I took her to a baseball game
- A rough, hard drinking baseball umpire was upset because he couldn't get his little boy to sit on his lap and talk to him.
After all, the son never sits on the brutish umpire. - Three old women sneak some Jack Daniels into a baseball game, taking shots after each half inning. What inning is it now? It's the bottom of the fifth, and the bags are loaded.
- My company was recently bought out. Now, instead of making baseball equipment we're making German sausages... ...things have gone from bat to wurst.
- They won't be serving beer for the rest of the year at Chicago Cubs baseball games. They lost the opener.
- My son lost a youth baseball game because of heavy rain... ...he received a precipitation trophy
- Why did the baseball team love the first day of spring? It meant they could finally play ball outside!
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Baseball One Liners
Which baseball one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with baseball? I can suggest the ones about basketball and soccer.
- Q: Why can't orphans play baseball? A: Because they don't know where home is.
- I just found out the kool-aid man plays on a baseball team. He's the pitcher.
- Apparently Michael Jackson was also a gifted baseball player. He was big in the minors.
- What was the score of the Ethiopian baseball game? Eight-nothing
- Ever wondered why China doesn't have a baseball team? Because they ate all their bats.
- Why was the baseball team hot? It didn't have any fans!
- What did the mathematician do at the baseball game? √4 the home team
- Why are orphans bad at baseball? They have no idea where home is.
- Where does baseball appear in the Bible? Genesis
In the Big Inning. - China has the best baseball team. They took out the whole world with one bat.
- What's an alcoholic's least favorite part of a baseball game? The bottom of the fifth.
- A baseball walks into Wimbledon. The announcer yells "Hey, we don't serve your kind"
- I like my women like I like my non sequiturs... Baseball is fun.
- What's brown and very bad for your dental health? A baseball bat.
- I hear Adrian Peterson is getting into baseball... Apparently he's a great switch hitter.
Baseball Player Jokes
Here is a list of funny baseball player jokes and even better baseball player puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you know that, during the first game of the 1936 baseball season, the Boston Braves managed to win while also badly injuring six players on the opposing team? They were truly ruthless.
- What's the difference between a baseball player and an orphan? An orphan doesn't have a home to run to.
- Sports Enthusiasts I got hired by my local baseball team to keep the players cool in the locker room. It was a difficult job because I'm not a fan.
- What do you call a baseball player that holds water? A pitcher.
- Why did the baseball player fail at the math test? He used base 3.
- Why did the police arrest the baseball player? Because he allegedly murdered his wife and kids.
- Why are frogs good baseball players? Because they're good at catching flies!
- Did you hear about the baseball player who was in that terrible wreck? It was a hit and run.
- Ambidextrous baseball players... Swing both ways
- What is the difference between baseball players and London Tube drivers? Baseball players are out after three strikes.
Baseball Bat Jokes
Here is a list of funny baseball bat jokes and even better baseball bat puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Some kid was being annoying so I hit him on the face with a baseball bat. He started crying and I didn't even bat an eye.
- Why does Santa always keep a Baseball bat in his sleigh? For Claus combat.
- How do you avoid bats flying into your face? Don't go to baseball games.
- Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game?
A: Their bats flew away. - Do you know the reason all the bat boys in major league baseball are replaced when they turn 18? Because otherwise you'd have to call him Batman.
- I got a job tending to baby seals once. I got fired the first day for using a baseball bat. I guess they had a strict club only policy!
- Got asked how to motivate a team at work today Apparently a baseball bat is the wrong answer
- Funny how people get all angry when you break something of theirs that never use Like turn signals with a baseball bat.
- I asked my wife, "How many baseball players could you handle?" She said, "Three! One at bat, one on deck and one in the hole."
- I was trying to figure out how to properly hold a baseball bat then it struck me
Baseball Hitting Jokes
Here is a list of funny baseball hitting jokes and even better baseball hitting puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I couldn't remember what I was doing in baseball. And that's when it hit me
- What do a baseball and a Mexican have in common? The harder you hit it the more English you get
- What's the difference between my dad and a baseball? The baseball doesn't leave a mark when it hits me
- I was playing baseball with my friend Tandra and she was pitching. I hit the ball straight into left field and made it to second base. That's a double on Tandra.
- Did you hear about the tortilla chip that plays baseball? Last week he hit a guac off home run.
- A baseball player was hit in the head with a line drive yesterday... today he's more open-minded
- Catch! So I was standing at a baseball game, trying to remember why I was in the outfield.
Then it hit me. - I got hit in the nose by a baseball yesterday Except for the broken finger I'm okay
- Why was the baseball player arrested? He was involved in a hit-and-run.
- Why was the DJ good at baseball? He knew how to hit that extra bass.
Baseball Team Jokes
Here is a list of funny baseball team jokes and even better baseball team puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What has 18 legs and catches flies? A baseball team.
- What do baseball teams and muffins have in common? They both rely on a good *batter*
- I recently became the coach of an orphanage baseball team Because I hate dealing with parents.
- As a good luck charm my baseball team eats taco bell before every game. To help us get more runs than our opponent.
- What did the Italian baseball coach say about the only woman on the team? Ciabatta very good!
- what are pee wee herman's favorite baseball teams? yanks and the expos
- When Dr. Who was in college He was the first baseman on the baseball team.
- What is Anakin Skywalker's favorite baseball team? The Padres!
- Why was the detective concerned when the baseball team of all geese won the World Series? He suspected fowl play.
- You know why it's so difficult to put together a baseball team of egotists? Everyone wants to play first.
Baseball Pitcher Jokes
Here is a list of funny baseball pitcher jokes and even better baseball pitcher puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What sport does the kool-aid man play? Baseball; he's a pitcher.
- Some people say that baseball is a boring sport, I just tell them that with a good pitcher... Things can get out of hand pretty quickly.
- Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire? He threw his arm out.
- What position does Kool-aid Man play in baseball? Relief Pitcher :^)
- So a baseball rolls into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says "You must be here for a pitcher!"
[Edit] I'm pretty sure I made this joke up y'all! - Where did the baseball keep its lemonade? In the pitcher!
- What do Chinese Dogs and baseball pitchers have in common? Whenever that have a bad day they balk a lot
- The Atlanta quarterback should become a baseball pitcher... He's great at throwing.
- What do baseball pitchers and TSA agents have in common? Fireworks go off in the sky if they do their job incorrectly.
- So, a bird flies in front of a pitcher and gets hit by a baseball. What do the umpires rule it? Fowl ball
Laughable Baseball Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about baseball you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hockey jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make baseball pranks.
A wife comes home late one night
She quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two families make a bet on who can be more american
Two families move from Pakistan to America. When they arrive the two fathers make a bet to see, in a years time, which family has become more Americanized.
A Year later they meet again. The first man says,"My son is playing baseball. I had breakfast at McDonalds and im on my way to pick up a case of Bud Light.
How about you?"
The second man replies, "Go back to your sand country, t**..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does China have the best baseball team?
Because they took out the whole world with one bat
A man and a dog walk into a bar
Both get up on stools and the bartender says "sorry no dogs"
"But my dog can talk"
Bartender: "Prove it"
"Fido, what is the top part of a house called"
Dog: "Roof, roof"
Bartender (annoyed): "You're going to have to do better than that"
"Fido, what is the high grassy part of a golf course called?"
Dog: "Ruff, ruff"
Bartender (more annoyed): "I'll give you one last chance before I throw you out"
"Fido, who is the greatest baseball player of all time"
Dog: "Ruth, ruth"
Bartender throws the both of them out into the street.
Dog: "Maybe I should have said Dimaggio"
A Mexican man was visiting America.
He wanted to go to a genuine American baseball game so that when he went home, he could tell his family all about it, but when he got there the game was sold out, so he climbed to the top of the flag pole to get a good look.
"What happened?" asked his family.
"Well, America is the nicest place in the world!" he said. "Before the game started, all the people in the stands, and all the players, stood up, looked at me and said, "Jose, can you see?"
I thought of this joke this morning in the shower
A professional baseball team is at the airport flying home after a huge victory, and the team manager decides to splurge by buying first class tickets for everyone. Excited to fly in luxury, everyone boards the plane. The team quickly realizes, though, that they failed to reserve enough seats. Nobody is quite sure what to do, but eventually a rookie on the team stands up and shouts "put me in coach!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys are talking about their families (likely a re-post)
Three men - Bob, Joe, and David - are bragging about their families. Bob and Joe are Catholic, and David is m**....
Joe says "I've got four athletic daughters. One more and I'll have a championship basketball team."
Bob responds "I've got eight athletic sons. One more and I'll have an all-Anerican baseball team."
David answers "I've got five beautiful wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wheelchair bound grandpa is in the nursing home.
I went to visit him for the first time. As we're discussing the local baseball team, he starts slowly leaning to the right in his chair. A nurse come running over and straightens him back up.
As the topic turns to football, he slowly starts leaning to the left. The same nurse rushes over to straighten him up again.
As she walked away, I asked:
Me: So gramps, how do you like living here so far?
A tear starts running down his face as he gets this wistful look in his eyes.
Grandpa: it's not too bad. I just wish they would let me f**....
New to Baseball
Coming home from his Little League game, Billy swung open the front door very excited. Unable to attend the game, his father immediately wanted to know what happened. "So, how did you do son?" he asked.
"You'll never believe it!" Billy said. "I was responsible for the winning run!"
"Really? How'd you do that?"
"I dropped the ball."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
RIP Neil Armstrong
When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks, including the usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts, and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, [they found] there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.
Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26- year-old question to Armstrong. He finally responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors' bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "o**... s**...? o**... s**... you want? You'll get o**... s**... when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
Blondes and Blind Cowboy
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,
'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,
Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
* The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
* The bouncer is a blonde girl.
* I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in
karate.
* The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
* The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head
and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times
An old, blind cowboy wanders into a bar....
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter,
"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a, very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler
"Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
Baseball in Heaven
Moe and Sam, who were both 90 years old, loved baseball, and they had their entire life. One day, they were sitting together on a bench in their neighborhood when Moe turns to Sam and says:
"Will you promise me something? Promise me that if you die first and go to heaven, you'll come back and tell if there's baseball there."
Sam agreed, and made Moe promise the same. 3 months later, Sam died, and the next week Moe woke up in his sleep with someone calling his name.
"Who's there?" he called out.
"Moe! It's me Sam!"
"Sam! It's so good to hear you! How's heaven?" Moe asked.
"It's great, but I've some news, some good and some bad" Sam told him.
"Well tell me the good news first" Moe replied.
"Ok, the good news is that, there is baseball in heaven."
"That's great." Moe exclaimed, "What's the bad news?"
"Well, the bad news is that I was reading the lineup, and you're pitching on Friday."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do n**...'s and baseballs have in common?
Everyone cheers when you hit them with a bat.
I took my dog to the local talent agent yesterday.
We walked through the door and I handed him our card:
"Barney. Talking dog."
The agent chuckled, leaned back in his chair, and said, "Alright, show me what you got."
"Hey Barn, how was work this week?"
"Rough."
"What goes on top of a house?"
"Roof."
"Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?"
"Ruth."
Just then the agent grabbed us both and tossed us out into the street.
Barney was just sitting there, looking forlornly at the ground and shaking his head.
"Knew I should have said Hank Aaron."
Jose and the Game.
Jose snuck across the border to America from Mexico and wanted to go a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there, the game was sold out, so he decided to climb to the top of a flag pole to get a better look. When he returned home, his family was anxious to hear about his experience:
"What happened?" asked his family.
"Well, America is the nicest place in the world!!" he said. "Before the game started, all the people in the stands and all the players stood up, looked at me and said, "Jose, can you see?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why don't they allow l**... to play baseball?
When they get to third base they think they've scored
A man named Jose has just moved from Mexico to the US
and he wants to do something very American so he decides to go to a baseball game.
Unfortunately, the game is completely sold out. However, the cashier says there is one seat available if Jose is willing to sit atop the flag pole. He agrees.
Finding the pole, Jose climbs to the top and takes a seat.
The game is about to begin when a voice comes over the loudspeaker and says "Please rise for the National Anthem". Everyone in the stadium stands up, turns to Jose, puts their hands over their hearts, and sings
"O-OH SAY CAN YOU SEEEEE..."
Jose yells back "YES THANK YOU"
Back in the DOS days, I wrote a single file program that was a hit.
baseball.bat
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So this doctor walks into a bar and he orders a beer...
**Feminist:** Why isn't the doctor a woman? Does it have to be a man? You know women can be doctors too!
**Me:** Okay, this FEMALE doctor orders a beer-
**Feminist:** Why is she drinking a beer in a bar? She's obviously an intelligent woman for being a doctor, why would she subject herself to such a male environment?
**Me:** Okay, she's not in a bar, she's um, at a… baseball game, and she orders a beer from one of the stands-
**Feminist:** Why would a strong independent intelligent woman doctor be supporting a male dominated sport?!!!!!! That's so oppressive! The men will look at her so demeaningly with no respect for what she has achieved!
**Me:** … Okay fine, I just won't tell the joke then.
**Feminist:** If you seriously can't tell a joke without being sexist then you're not actually funny at all. I bet the original male doctor was White too, you racist.
So a kid is standing in the middle of a field with a baseball and a bat...
He tosses the ball up to hit it. He swings, misses, and yells "Strike ONE!"
Tosses it up a second time. Swings. Misses. "Strike TWO!"
On the third time he tosses it up, he swings, and yet again, misses. "Strike THREE!"
"Wow," he said. "I didn't know I was such a good pitcher!"
A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm...
...he announces to everyone in the bar that his dog can talk and he will make a $1000 bet with anyone who doesn't believe him. The bartender saw this as a great opportunity so he took the man up on the wager.
The man looks at the dog and says, "What is the top of a house called?" The dog said, "Roof."
Quite annoyed the bartender vented his grief in defeat. "Well, how bout a different word, double or nothing?" the man said. The bartender begrudgingly accepted as the man asked, "Who was the greatest baseball player ever?"
In a muffled response the dog said, "Ruth."
Furious, the bartender grabbed the man and the dog and threw them out the bar. As they landed on the sidewalk, the dog looked at the man with a puzzled look. "DiMaggio?"
Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. But she notices four legs instead of two peeking from under the blanket!
Seized by a fit of rage, she reaches for the baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket until the screaming stops.
Still in shock, she lurches to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
"Oh welcome home darling," he says, "my parents came for a visit, so I let them have our bedroom. I hope you said hello."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are orphans terrible at baseball?
They've never known what home is.
God and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball.
Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys."Very well," said God . "But you realize, I hope, that we've got all the good players and the best coaches.""I know, and that's all right," Satan answered unperturbed. "We've got all the umpires."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guy walks into a bar and there's a gorilla sitting in the corner.
Guy says to the bartender, "What's with the gorilla?"
Bartender says, "I'll show ya." .
The bartender walks over with a baseball bat and smashes the gorilla right in the nose. The gorilla gets on his knees and gives the bartender a b**....
Bartender says, "What do ya think?"
Guy says, "That's great."
Bartender asks, "You wanna try?"
Guy says, "Sure, but don't hit me so hard."
Baseball
A Braves fan walks into an Atlanta bar and spots a guy wearing a New York Yankees cap. Drinks for everyone here, bartender! shouts the Braves fan. Except for Mr. Yankees!
The Yankees fan smiles and says, Thank you!
Infuriated, the Braves fan orders another round of drinks for everyone except Mr. Yankees, who, again, thanks the man. This goes on for a while, until Mr. Braves asks the bartender, What's the matter with that guy? I've ordered rounds of drinks for everyone but him, and all he does is thank me. Is he nuts?
No, he's not nuts, says the bartender. He owns the place.
Plank goes to a ball game
A small plank of wood goes to Watch a baseball game. For the first few innings, the plank is super into it. But by the seventh inning, its interest starts to fade.
A man nearby notices the fading enjoyment and starts up a conversation.
"Hey man, how you liking the game?" He asks.
"I really like it. I think it's pretty cool" the small plank replies.
"Really," says the man, "cuz it seems to me like you're a little board."
Baseball
A man, Tom was with his friend, Larry, Larry was about to die. "Let me know if there's baseball in heaven". said Tom. The next day as Tom was sleeping he woke up to Larry's voice.
"Tom, I have good news and bad news." "What's the good news"?
asked Tom. "There is baseball in heaven". explained Larry. "What's the bad news"? asked Tom "You're pitching Tuesday". said Larry
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Loose women
3 women are sitting at a bar conversing over lady stuff.
Eventually the first woman says, "I'm so loose I can fit an entire carrot up there.."
The second woman chimes in and says, "yes, well I'm so loose I can fit an entire baseball bat up there.."
The Third woman slides down the bar stool
A man goes into a casting agents office
with his dog. The man says, "My dog can talk, you gotta give us a contract. We'll make millions!"
The agent says "Show me."
The man asks the dog "How does sandpaper feel?"
The Dog says "Rough!"
The man asks "Who is the best baseball player ever?"
The Dog says "Roof!" (babe ruth)
The agent says "Get out of here!" He has his goons throw the man and his dog out the front door.
The dog says "Gee, maybe I should have said DiMaggio"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do baseball players know when to bathe?
Foul b**...
Fatherly advice
When I was a little boy I fell off my bike and scraped my knee. My dad ran to me picked me up and told me to "shake it off."
Years later while playing baseball I was hit with a wild pitch, my dad called out from the stands "Shake it off son."
Before going off to college my long time girlfriend dumped me. Of course just like everything else in life when I was hurt my dad with his infinite wisdom once again told me to "shake it off."
Due to all the years of his great fatherly advice I knew exactly what to say when he was diagnosed with parkinson's disease.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is granted three wishes.
The Genie tells him that whatever he wishes for, his wife will receive 2x of.
The man's first wish is $3B, so his ex-wife gets $6B.
The man's second wish is a mansion, so his ex-wife gets two mansions.
For the man's third and final wish, he tells the Genie "Here's a baseball bat, beat me half to death."
A small boy got lost at a baseball game...
He went up to a police officer and said: "I've lost my dad."
"What's he like?" asked the police officer sympathetically.
The boy replied, "Beer and women."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You'd be surprised how easy it is to pick up girls
All it takes is a respectful attitude, a low key v**..., a breezy sense of humour, a nice beard, duct tape, and a baseball bat.
What is the difference between a baseball and Prince William?
One is thrown to the air.
The other is heir to the throne.
more dad-jokes (the limb-less edition)
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs at your front door?
Matt.
The neighborhood kids came to Timmy's house and asked if he could come out to play. "Shame on you kids," says Timmy's mom. "Don't you know Timmy doesn't have any arms or legs? He can't play with you."
"But we're playing baseball and we need a home base."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Nuns
Sitting behind a couple of nuns at a baseball game, whose headgear partially blocked the view, three men decided to badger the nuns in an effort to get them to move. In a very loud voice, the first guy said, "I think I'm going to move to Utah, there are only 100 nuns living there." The second guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Montana, there are only 50 nuns living there." The third guy said, "I want to go to Idaho, there are only 25 nuns living there." One of the nuns turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet, calm, voice said, "Why don't you go to h**.... There aren't any nuns there."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Corporate Ladder
A recent study in USA have found an interesting relationship between a man social status and the sport he watches
1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employee is BOWLING
3. The sport of choice for front line workers is American FOOTBALL
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL
5. The sport of Choice for middle management is TENNIS
6. the sport of Choice for corporate Officers is GOLF
CONCLUSION: The Higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your b**... become
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are hobos terrible at baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Bills
A one dollar bill met a 20 dollar bill and said, Hey, where've you been? I haven't seen you around here much. The twenty answered, I've been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for awhile, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you? The one dollar bill said, You know, same old stuff, church, church, church.
My grandpa was very competitive...
My grandpa was so competitive with me and would always try to win any game we played. Baseball. Soccer. Even who could eat the most corn dogs.
But I'll never forget his last words to me as he was about to pass away, he look at me wide eyes and with his last breath he said…
… staring contest, go!
Bob didn't believe that Fred's dog could talk
So Fred asked his dog, What's on top of a house?
Roof, the dog barked.
Bob wasn't convinced. So Fred asked the dog how sandpaper feels.
Rough.
He still wasn't convinced.
O.K., who was the greatest baseball player of all time? Fred asked the dog.
Ruth.
With that, Bob walked away, shaking his head in disbelief. The dog turned to Fred and asked: Was it Hank Aaron?
I was looking up some baseball history,
*I mean, if you know - you know* ..
But the best way to describe the lineup of the 1935 New York Yankees in one word is, 'ruthless'.
Here's one for all of you baseball and chemistry fans
Hall of Famer Al Kaline wore #6 throughout his career, which actually makes him slightly acidic.
First Pitch or ...
One sunny afternoon in 1999, Bill and Hillary Clinton were at a baseball game. Right as the game was getting ready to start, Bill stood up, picked up Hillary, and threw her out onto the baseball diamond. When Bill Clinton sat down, his chief advisor leaned over to him and said, "You know, Bill, you may have misunderstood me. I said you that you get to throw out the first pitch."
Bill and Joe were best friends...
Bill and Joe were best friends since they were kids and had always shared an extreme love of baseball. One day, when Bill was on his deathbed, Joe asked him to find a way to tell him if there was baseball in heaven. Bill promised he would.
A few months after Bill had died, Joe woke up in his bed to the ghost of Bill calling his name.
"Bill!" Joe exclaimed
"Joe!" 'I have good news and bad news, The good news is there's baseball in heaven!"
"That's great Bill, but what's the bad news?"
"You're pitching on Tuesday"
People say I'm too aggressive when I'm trading baseball cards.
It's because I'm Ruthless.
My rock band got a gig at the baseball game.
I played first bass.
What goes all around a baseball field but never moves?
The fence.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Scotsman at a Yankees game
So a Scotsman goes on vacation to NYC, and decides to take in a Yankees home game, as he didn't understand baseball and wanted to learn more.
So he settles into his seat and the game starts. In the top of the second inning, he sees the pitcher walk the batter.
The Scotsman, not understanding, stands up, shouting "RUN, MAN! RUN!!"
The man sitting in front of him turns around and says, "He doesn't have to run, he's got four b**...."
The Scotsman thinks about this for a moment, and then shouts "WALK WITH PRIDE, MAN! WALK WITH PRIDE!"
