Baseball Hitting Jokes
78 baseball hitting jokes and hilarious baseball hitting puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about baseball hitting that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Baseball Hitting Short Jokes
Short baseball hitting jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The baseball hitting humour may include short hitting jokes also.
- Did you know that bats aren't actually blind? That's why they are so good at hitting baseballs
- I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
- Some kid was being annoying so I hit him on the face with a baseball bat. He started crying and I didn't even bat an eye.
- I was just casually strolling down the street... and suddenly when I looked up, I saw a baseball getting bigger and bigger, and I was wondering why that was.
Then it hit me. - What do a baseball and a Mexican have in common? The harder you hit it the more English you get
- What's the difference between my dad and a baseball? The baseball doesn't leave a mark when it hits me
- I was playing baseball with my friend Tandra and she was pitching. I hit the ball straight into left field and made it to second base. That's a double on Tandra.
- Did you hear about the baseball player who was in that terrible wreck? It was a hit and run.
- Did you hear about the tortilla chip that plays baseball? Last week he hit a guac off home run.
- A baseball player was hit in the head with a line drive yesterday... today he's more open-minded
Share These Baseball Hitting Jokes With Friends
Baseball Hitting One Liners
Which baseball hitting one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with baseball hitting? I can suggest the ones about baseball pitching and baseball.
- Never Hit A Guy With Glasses Hit him with a baseball bat.
- I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger Then it hit me
- I couldn't figure out why the baseball was getting bigger... then it hit me!
- I couldn't remember what I was doing in baseball. And that's when it hit me
- I was at a baseball game wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
- I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger and bigger then it hit me
- I was wondering why the baseball was getting closer and closer to me And then it hit me.
- I got hit in the nose by a baseball yesterday Except for the broken finger I'm okay
- I was wondering why the baseball was moving so quickly towards me Then it hit me.
- Why was the baseball player arrested? He was involved in a hit-and-run.
- Why was the DJ good at baseball? He knew how to hit that extra bass.
- TIL bats aren't actually blind. No wonder they're so good at hitting baseballs.
- What did the window say when it got hit by a baseball? I'm in pane!
- Baseball Players No matter how amazing baseball players are they're still hit and miss.
- As I was reversing the car I hit by mistake my mother-in-law with a baseball bat.
Baseball Hitting Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about baseball hitting you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean baseball bat jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make baseball hitting pranks.
A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game.
For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.
When the day of the game arrived.
Everything went quite well.
As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts", and the patients complied by standing up.
After the anthem, he yelled, "Down Nuts", and they all sat back down in their seats.
After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, "Cheer Nuts."
They all broke out into applause and cheered.
When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, "Booooo Nuts" and they all started booing and cat calling.
Comfortable with their response, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.
When he turned, there was a riot in progress.
Finding his tizzied assistant, the doctor asked, "What in the world happened?"
The assistant replied, "Well everything was going just fine until this guy walked by and yelled, 'peanuts'".
RIP Neil Armstrong
When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks, including the usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts, and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, [they found] there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.
Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26- year-old question to Armstrong. He finally responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors' bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "o**... s**...? o**... s**... you want? You'll get o**... s**... when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
There's a car accident in a neighborhood
A guy in an old, beat up station wagon rear ends another guy in a brand new Porsche. Both drivers get out of their cars to inspect the damage and they see that the back of the Porsche is totaled but station wagon's front fender doesn't have a scratch on it.
The owner of the Porsche is livid with rage that this dolt hit him and wrecked his new car. So he goes into his car and comes back with a piece of chalk and a baseball bat. He draws a circle on the ground around the driver of the station wagon and tells him if he leaves that circle he'll beat him to death with the baseball bat.
Then the Porsche driver goes to town on the station wagon, getting all his fury out destroying the car. He bashes in the windows, dents up the hood, roof and sides and destroys all the lights. When he comes back to the driver of the station wagon he finds the guy rolling on the ground laughing his head off. Astonished, he asks the guy how he could be laughing so hard after his station wagon was just destroyed.
The guy stops laughing for a second and says, "While you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle *two times*!"
Baseball & Football -George Carlin
Baseball is different from any other sport, very different. For instance, in most sports you score points or goals; in baseball you score runs. In most sports the ball, or object, is put in play by the offensive team; in baseball the defensive team puts the ball in play, and only the defense is allowed to touch the ball. In fact, in baseball if an offensive player touches the ball intentionally, he's out; sometimes unintentionally, he's out.
Also: in football,basketball, soccer, volleyball, and all sports played with a ball, you score with the ball and in baseball the ball prevents you from scoring.
In most sports the team is run by a coach; in baseball the team is run by a manager. And only in baseball does the manager or coach wear the same clothing the players do. If you'd ever seen John Madden in his Oakland Raiders uniform,you'd know the reason for this custom.
Now, I've mentioned football. Baseball & football are the two most popular spectator sports in this country. And as such, it seems they ought to be able to tell us something about ourselves and our values.
I enjoy comparing baseball and football:
Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game.
Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
Baseball is played on a diamond, in a park.The baseball park!
Football is played on a gridiron, in a stadium, sometimes called Soldier Field or War Memorial Stadium.
Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life.
Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
In football you wear a helmet.
In baseball you wear a cap.
Football is concerned with downs - what down is it?
Baseball is concerned with ups - who's up?
In football you receive a penalty.
In baseball you make an error.
In football the specialist comes in to kick.
In baseball the specialist comes in to relieve somebody.
Football has hitting, clipping, spearing, piling on, personal fouls, late hitting and unnecessary roughness.
Baseball has the sacrifice.
Football is played in any kind of weather: rain, snow, sleet, hail, fog...
In baseball, if it rains, we don't go out to play.
Baseball has the seventh inning stretch.
Football has the two minute warning.
Baseball has no time limit: we don't know when it's gonna end - might have extra innings.
Football is rigidly timed, and it will end even if we've got to go to sudden death.
In baseball, during the game, in the stands, there's kind of a picnic feeling; emotions may run high or low, but there's not too much unpleasantness.
In football, during the game in the stands, you can be sure that at least twenty-seven times you're capable of taking the life of a fellow human being.
And finally, the objectives of the two games are completely different:
In football the object is for the quarterback, also known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line.
In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
My boss has some winners, but I always get a chuckle from this one. (Pretty Long)
A man and his dog walk into a bar, the man sits down, and his dog follows in suit. The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" The man orders a shot of whiskey and drinks it as soon as the glass hits the bar. "That'll be $3.50." the bartender says promptly. "What if I told you that my dog is able to talk? Would you let me drink for free?" The bartender quickly rebuts. "A talking dog? Sure, why not" So the man looks to his dog and asks Ol' Scruffy; "Scruffy! Tell this barkeep what keeps this bar dry during rainy days" "Ruff!" the dog says. The bartender, now frustrated, says "Ok Pal, Where's my $3.50?" The man waves him off and explains that Scruffy is merely jesting and orders another shot, which the bartender pours and watches the shot disappear. "Ok Scruffy, who is the greatest baseball player that has ever played the game?" "Ruff!" The dog replies with a wagging tail. The bartender now gets fed up with the man and his "talking" dog and throws them to the street. The man gets up, wipes his face and looks to Scruffy. Scruffy looks up and says "Well, I guess I should have said Joe DiMaggio"
So a kid is standing in the middle of a field with a baseball and a bat...
He tosses the ball up to hit it. He swings, misses, and yells "Strike ONE!"
Tosses it up a second time. Swings. Misses. "Strike TWO!"
On the third time he tosses it up, he swings, and yet again, misses. "Strike THREE!"
"Wow," he said. "I didn't know I was such a good pitcher!"
A bird gets hit and killed by a baseball
The umpire and coroner agreed to call it foul play.
who was the spiciest man to hit a homer in baseball
sammy salsa
Whats the similarity between a storm trooper and a baseball coach?
Both can fire, neither can hit.
The Bartender's Monkey
A guy walks into a bar, and the bartender's there behind the bar. Behind the bartender is a monkey in a cage.
The guy asks the bartender, "Hey, what's the monkey for?"
This goes on for awhile...
The bartender gives in and says "Fine, you want to see what the monkey is for?"
The bartender opens the cage, and immediately the monkey jumps out!
The bartender whacks the monkey over the head with a baseball bat. The monkey starts giving the bartender o**... s**....
The guy looks at this and exclaims, "Wow! That's Amazing!"
The bartender looks up at the guy and asks "Hey, do you want to try it?"
The guy says "Sure!, but could you not hit me so hard with the baseball bat?"
So, a bird flies in front of a pitcher and gets hit by a baseball. What do the umpires rule it?
Fowl ball
I was wondering why that baseball was getting bigger.
Then it hit me.
This was in our English test today, felt like it was worth posting here
Misunderstanding Between Husband And Wife ...
A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"
I was looking at the baseball, trying to figure out why it was getting larger.
Then it hit me.
Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. But she notices four legs instead of two peeking from under the blanket!
Seized by a fit of rage, she reaches for the baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket until the screaming stops.
Still in shock, she lurches to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
"Oh welcome home darling," he says, "my parents came for a visit, so I let them have our bedroom. I hope you said hello."
What do bats use to hit baseball?
Baseball human
A wife comes home late one night
She quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"
Guy walks into a bar and there's a gorilla sitting in the corner.
Guy says to the bartender, "What's with the gorilla?"
Bartender says, "I'll show ya." .
The bartender walks over with a baseball bat and smashes the gorilla right in the nose. The gorilla gets on his knees and gives the bartender a b**....
Bartender says, "What do ya think?"
Guy says, "That's great."
Bartender asks, "You wanna try?"
Guy says, "Sure, but don't hit me so hard."
A boy stands in his yard with a baseball and bat...
He proudly proclaims "I'm the greatest batter in the world!" He proceeds to toss the ball in the air swings with all his might. He misses and falls to the ground. "Strike one". He tosses the ball again, keeping his eye on it and swings. The ball hits the found with a thud, "strike two". He tosses the ball once again and takes a home run swing, but the ball lands in the grass at his toes, "strike 3". He runs around the yard cheering with hands in the air, "I'm the greatest pitcher in the world!"
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
Art.
That same guy in your pool? Bob
Same guy in your hot tub? Stew
Sitting under your car that's missing a wheel? Jack
Same guy on your porch? Matt
Same guy getting hit with a baseball bat? Homer
Same guy lying in a pile of leaves? Russel
What do you call a girl with one leg shorter than the other? Eileen
Chinese girl with the same condition? Irene.
A wife comes home late one night...
A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From the covers on the bed, she spots the outline of four legs instead of her husband's two. She reaches into their closet for a baseball bat and starts hitting the two under the covers as hard as she can.
Once she's done,she heads down to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters the kitchen, she sees her husband there at the counter reading a magazine. He says to her, *"Hi honey, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"*
I didn't understand how a baseball could fly so fast through the air.
And then it hit me.
So I went to my first baseball game...
I thought I knew what to expect, but I couldn't figure out why the ball seemed to get bigger... then it hit me.
My friend got hit on the head with a baseball.
He never saw it coming.
I played baseball, hit the ball but it didn't go further than my left leg
It hit a bit close to home
Chicago's town motto
"Chicago, we can hit everything but a baseball"
I managed to get hit by a baseball even though there was no field in sight
It really came out of left field
BREAKING NEWS
Little Timmy just hit a baseball into Old Man Jenkins' window, destroying it.
If only whitney houston could hit a baseball pitch as well as she could hit notes and pitch her voice.
She would have had the world's best hAND EYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIEEEEEIIIIIIIIIII coordination.
b**... are excellent at sports like cricket, baseball etc.
Because they're good at hitting and running away.
Does anyone else realize that baseball is actually i**...?
Hit and run is a felony.
I was playing baseball one day and they had me at midfield. Well the ball never makes it out there so I was just standing around thinking. And that's when it hit me...
Right in the face.
Catch!
So I was standing at a baseball game, trying to remember why I was in the outfield.
Then it hit me.
What do n**...'s and baseballs have in common?
Everyone cheers when you hit them with a bat.
Baseball bet
Two guys are sitting at the bar watching a baseball game when the batter hits a high pop fly to center field.
The first guy says I'll bet you $50 bucks he drops it.
Second guy says You're on. That's an easy play.
The centerfield proceeds to drop the ball and the second guy sheepishly hands over the $50.
A little while later, the first guy says Hey bud. I gotta come clean. This is actually a replay of the game. I saw him drop it earlier.
Second guy says Yeah I know. I saw it too. There was no way I thought he'd drop it twice.
Fatherly advice
When I was a little boy I fell off my bike and scraped my knee. My dad ran to me picked me up and told me to "shake it off."
Years later while playing baseball I was hit with a wild pitch, my dad called out from the stands "Shake it off son."
Before going off to college my long time girlfriend dumped me. Of course just like everything else in life when I was hurt my dad with his infinite wisdom once again told me to "shake it off."
Due to all the years of his great fatherly advice I knew exactly what to say when he was diagnosed with parkinson's disease.
I recently heard that Turkeys aren't allowed to play baseball.
No matter how many times they hit, they'll always hit Fowl b**....
A wife comes home late one night...
...and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two.
She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"