Bartender Pirate Jokes
26 bartender pirate jokes and hilarious bartender pirate puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bartender pirate that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Bartender Pirate Short Jokes
Short bartender pirate jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bartender pirate humour may include short bartender animal jokes also.
- A native American, Pirate, and Frenchman walk into a bar. The bartender walks over and says, "Gentlemen, hau, arrrrrrr, oui, today?"
- A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants Bartender: "Why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?"
Pirate: "Arrrr, it's driving me nuts!" - A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. When the bartender points it out, the pirate replies "Arrrgh, it's been driving me nuts all day."
- A Pirate, Rabbi, Ninja, and Giraffe walk into a bar together. The bartender looks at all of them and asks out loud, "What is this? A joke?!"
- A pirate walks into a bar The bartender says to him:
"Hey pirate, are you aware there's a steering wheel coming from your zipper?"
The pirate replies:
"AARRGHH matey, it's drivin' me nuts!" - An Irish pirate with a 12 inch wiener walks into a bar and the bartender says "I don't even know how to label you!"
- A skeleton walks into a bar He walks up to the bartender and orders a beer and a mop.
(Credit goes to the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie but just wanted to share)
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Bartender Pirate Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about bartender pirate you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean barmaid jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bartender pirate pranks.
So a pirate walks into a bar…
A pirate walks into a bar, and he's got a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. The bartender sees him and asks, "Hey, what's that steering wheel doing there?" The pirate says, "Aaarrrr, I don't know, it's driving me nuts."
A pirate walks into a bar...
A Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants.
He sits down at the bar and orders a drink.
As the bartender pours his drink he asks him why there's a steering wheel in his pants.
The prate replies, "Arrrr it's drivin me nuts."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pirate walks into a bar...
A pirate walks into a bar and sits. He is dressed as a stereotypical pirate, with a hook hand, peg leg, eyepatch, and a parrot on his shoulder. As the bartender prepares his drink, he asks, "What happened to your hand?" The pirate replies, "I was sparring with me crew and one cut off me hand." Bartender: "What about your leg?" Pirate: "We were boarding an enemy ship and o**... went and cut off me leg." Bartender: "And the eyepatch?" Pirate: "Well, Polly pooped in me eye." The bartender exclaims, "That doesn't make you lose an eye!" The pirate sighs and says, "It was me first day with the hook."
Pirate walks into a bar
As a bartender was cleaning up for the evening as a pirate walked into his bar. This was the most stereo typical pirate the bartender had ever seen. He had an eye-patch over one eye, a peg leg, a parrot on his shoulder, a hook for a hand, and spoke with the usual pirate accent. The only thing that set this pirate apart from all the other pirates the bartender had seen was the GIANT wood steering wheel shoved down the front of his pants.
The Pirate approached the bar and shouted "ARR...Barkeep! Give me a whiskey!"
The bartender said: "Sure pirate, but first, you have to tell me, what's with the giant steering wheel shoved down the front of your pants?"
The Pirate replied: "ARR, I don't know! But it's driving me NUTS!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pirate walks into a bar...
Disclaimer: I heard this joke from a friend at work. I've no idea where he heard it or if he happened to make it up. If someone could provide a source, I'll gladly edit the post.
~
A pirate walks into the bar and the bartender just stares at him. There's a paper towel stuck to his forehead. The pirate walks up, slams his hand on the counter and exclaims, "I need some r**...!"
Ignoring the paper towel for now, the bartender complies. After a few more rounds, the pirate's loud and obnoxious and having a great time in general.
At the request of the next round, the bartender complies once again, this time asking, "Alright, I just have to know. Are you aware there's a paper towel stuck to your forehead?"
The pirate nods and sigh dejectedly. "Aye, I've got a bounty on me head."
A Spanish pirate walks into a bar...
A Spanish pirate walks into a bar, and he appears down in the dumps. The bartender notices this and asks,
"Aye, what'll ye be havin'?"
"Agua, por favor."
"Hm, whatever floats yer boat, lad."
"...Sí."
Pirate walks into a bar...
..the bartender notices he has a steering wheel in the front of his pants. So the bartender asks, is that a steering wheel in your pants?
The pirate replies, "arrr, it's driving me nuts."
a pirate walks in to a bar...
and he has a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a missing eye. The bartender asks him how he lost his leg, so the pirate says he lost it fending off a shark. Then the bartender asks how he lost his hand, the pirate said he lost it in a great battle. Then the bartender asks how he lost his eye, the pirate says a seagul pooped in his eye and he wasnt used to the hand yet.
The Pirate
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."
"Well, ok, but what about that hook? "What happened to your hand?"
"We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight.
My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."
"What about that eye patch?"
"Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them S*#t in my eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just from some bird S*%t."
"It was my first day with the hook."
A Pirate walked into a bar
A pirate walked into a bar and sat down for a drink.
The bartender asked, "Gee you look awful, are you feeling okay?"
"I feel fine, why do you ask?," said the pirate.
"Well your leg is half missing, you have a wooden peg leg!"
"Arrr that happened a few years back, cannonball came right through the ship and took out me leg."
The bartender looked down at the pirate's hand, "But your hand, it's a hook! How did that happen?"
"Arrr well I was in a sword fight and he got me left hand, but I feel okay now."
"Okay, but how about your eye? You have an eye patch on it!"
"Arrr well just a few days ago I was looking up and a seagull pooped right in me eye."
The bartender, slightly confused asked, "How did that put out your eye?"
The pirate raised his arm, "It was the first day with the hook..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Pirate's Life
A pirate goes into a bar and sits down.
The bartender says:
"Wow, you look like you've had a long life. Tell me about it. How did you get your wooden leg?"
" Arrr.... me ship capsized and a shark bit me leg off. Then while loading a canon it blew me hand clean off".
"What about the eye-patch?".
"I happened to look up when a gull flying overhead crapped on me eye".
"Well, that doesn't qualify an eye patch, now does it?"
"Arrrgh, it was the first day I got me hook".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
100 Lumberjacks walk into a Pirate bar...
The Pirate bartender looks at them and says; **Well shiver me timbers!!**
A pirate walks into a bar...
A pirate with a peg leg, hook hand, eyepatch, and a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar. The bartender asks how he got the peg leg.
"Well", says the pirate, "I fell into the sea and had to fight off a shark, but he ate me leg."
"What about the hook hand?" Pirate: "Me vessel got boarded by some scallywags and I lost me hand in the fight."
"Well, how about the eyepatch?"
"Ol' Polly here pooped in me eye!"
The bartender was confused and asked how that could possibly make him lose his eye. The pirate responds: "First day with the hook."
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head, sits down and orders a drink.
Bartender serves the pirate his drink, and asks about the paper towel.
The pirate smiles and says, "That be the bounty on me head!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blond, a rabbi, a schoolkid, a lawyer, a p**..., the pope, a pirate and george bush walk into a bar...
The bartender says:
Is this a joke?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pirate walks into a bar…
A pirate walks into a bar with a small computer and monitor on his c**.... The bartender picks him out immediately and notices graphs and statistical functions appearing on the screen as the pirate walks up to him. When he reaches the bar, the pirate asks
for some r**....
The bartender says, "Yes, but sir, do you realize you have a computer in your pants?
The pirate gestures down and explains, "R! It's drivin' me nuts!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old pirate with a peg leg, a hook for a hand and an eye patch walks into a bar
The bartender says:
Whoa, that's quite a get up you got there! Tell me how you got that peg leg.
The pirate explains:
Yarr! Ah lost me leg in a mighty battle with the toyal navy!
The bartender asks:
Wow, how about the hand?
Pirate:
'twas me old nemesis Racham the Red cut it off afore I scewerd 'im like a sow at a buffet!
Bartender:
Wow, that's quite a story! How'd you end up with the eye patch?
Pirate:
Seagull s**... in me eye...
Bartender:
A seagull s**... in your eye? Really? How bad could that be?
Pirate:
Arr... 'twas the first day with me new hook...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A visibly upset pirate walks into a bar...
He goes to the counter and angrily orders a bottle of r**.... As the bartender hands it to him, he says, "I couldn't help but notice your problem there, Blackbeard. Is it that captain's wheel stuck on your c**...?"
Glaring, the pirate grabs the bottle and takes a long drink from it. "Yarr," he replies as he finishes. "It's drivin' me nuts."
A pirate walks into a bar
With a steering wheel on his belt buckle.
Bartender: "Oi pirate! What's with the steery thingy on ye belt?"
Pirate: "Yarr it's driving me nuts!" "Also it's me cake day so please don't be swabbing me in the blue cheese for the bad jokes"
I made an attempt!