Bartend Jokes
89 bartend jokes and hilarious bartend puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bartend that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Bartend Short Jokes
Short bartend jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bartend humour may include short waiter jokes also.
- A guy walks into a bar owned by Eminem He tells the bartender,"Give me 2 shots of..."
The bartender cuts him off saying,"You only get 1 shot." - A weasel walks into a bar. The Bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
- A nihilist, a socialist, and a neo-marxist walk into a bar and order drinks. "We don't sell alcohol to anyone under 18", says the bartender.
- Joke I made up: Caveman and a bear walk into a bar. Bartender says "what's your story?" Caveman says... bear with me...
- A blind man walks into a bar The bartender says "Oh hey! I haven't seen you in forever!" The blind man says "same"
- A lawyer, comedian and a war hero walk into a bar. The bartender says, what can I get for you, Mr Zelensky?
Credit to u/DrDerpberg - So a guy walks into a bar and orders a pint of less. The bartender asks, "What's less?" The guy says "I don't know but the doctor told me I have to start drinking it."
- Guy runs into a bar, yells "Quick! How tall is a penguin?" Bartender says "Three feet tall."
Guy says "Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!" - The bartender says "No time travelers allowed in this bar" Two time travelers walk into a bar
- A Black Guy, a Mexican, and a Muslim holding a Gay Chicken Walk Into a Bar Bartender says, "We don't do jokes in here."
The chicken says, "Come on guys I know a place across the street."
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Bartend One Liners
Which bartend one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bartend? I can suggest the ones about tachyon and nightclub.
- A horse walked into a bar
Bartender: Hey
horse: Yes please - The bartender said we don't serve time travellers. Two men walk into a bar.
- Snake walks into a bar. And the bartender says ''How did you do that?''
- An ego and a superego walk into a bar. The bartender says "I'll have to see some id"
- A man walks into the bar... The bartender: "Hi Dave!"
The boss faints. - A deaf guy walks into a bar The bartender says
- So God, a Jew and a zombie walk into a bar... The bartender says, "Hey Jesus"
- f(x) walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't cater for functions
- A hamburger walks into a bar.. The bartender says "sorry, we don't serve food here."
- Why was Sideshow Bob so jealous of Moe? He always wanted to be a bartender.
- Ego and superego walk into a bar The bartender says I'm gonna need to see some id
- A burger walks into a bar... The bartender says "sorry we don't serve food"
- Bono and The Edge walk into a bar The bartender sighs ugh, not you two again…
- a snake walks into a bar The bartender asked him : how tf did you just do that
- Two cows walk into a vegan bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here."
Cheerful Bartend Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about bartend you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pub jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bartend pranks.
Why do bartenders from Boston confiscate an intoxicated person's Khaki's at the end of the night?
So they can't drive home.
So bartenders are starting to make a drink called the "Hurricane Sandy"...
Essentially, it's a just a watered-down Manhattan.
The bartender says "we don't serve particles that disrupt time flow!"
A tachyon particle walks into a bar.......
What did the bartender say to the angry speaker?
We don't want any treble
What did the bartender say to the f**...?
"You're cut off."
What did the bartender say to the gold when the gold walked into a bar?
"AU, get outta here!"
Bartender asks a returning guest...
You come in everyday for the past 10 years paying for the same drink with 4 quarters. Why? The guest responds with, "I don't like change!"
Why did the bartender get fired?
He was doing a pour job
Bartender and His Customers
A neurosurgeon, two Cubans, a fascist, a socialist, and a prisoner all walk into a bar together.
The bartender asks, "What's new?"
They all reply, "I'm running for president."
A bartender walks into...
...a church, a temple and a mosque.
He has no idea how jokes work.
Why did the bartender put on a sweater?
She thought it was a little drafty.
What did the bartender day to the man who was drinking his v**... to fast?
Stop "Russian"
A bartender walks into a church, a brothel and the zoo...
Trying to find the freaks that skipped out on their bar tabs.
A Bartender Says, "We Don't Serve Time Travelers"
A time traveler enters the bar.
The bartender says "Sorry, we don't make that here."
Quentin Tarantino walks into a bar.
He gets up and leaves.
He takes a seat and orders a Polynesian Pearl Diver.
I'm a bartender. Ladies always ask me if the sleep with me if they can get free beer. It's always sad that I have to tell them no
But it's worth a shot
The Bartender replies, "Sorry, but we don't serve particles faster than light"
A Neutrino walks into a bar
A bartender says "we don't serve time travellers here."
A time traveller appears inside a bar.
A bartender says "Hey! We don't serve faster-than-light particles here!"
A tachyon flies into a bar.
A bartender walks into a stable
The horse says "Why the wrong place?"
And the bartender said...
"We don't serve time travellers".
A time traveller walked into the bar.
Saw this in a comment can't find it now, thought I share here.
The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind around here!"
A faster than light neutrino walks into a bar.
I'm a bartender and part-time therapist.
There are far too many depressed alcoholics in my town.
The bartender said, "Haven't you been here before?"
A time traveler walked into a bar.
The bartender says, We don't serve time travelers in here.
"Since when?"
"The policy went into effect a year ago."
"OK, be right back"
"Sorry," says the bartender, "I've run out of jokes. Besides, haven't you got this backwards?"
A punchline walks into a bar.
The bartender walks into a bar
The bartender asks, "What are you having?", to which the bartender replies, "I should probably stop talking to myself before customers start arriving".
The bartender says, "We don't serve puns here."
"Woah," the puns says, "this place is no joke"
What did the bartender say when Charles Dickens ordered a martini?
Olive or twist?
Why did the bartender only charge his customer for the v**... in his screwdriver?
Because as of yesterday, OJ is free.
A bartender is serving drinks one night when a farmer comes in asking for a fork.
A while later another farmer comes in asking for another fork. After a little while longer a third farmer comes in asking for a straw.
Perplexed the bartender asks the farmer "why are you asking for a straw the other farmers asked for a fork"
To which the farmer responds "well someone threw up outside and all the lumpy bits are gone"
Heard this when I was a kid and still remember it
What did the bartender say to the villiage drunk?
I can't remember, I was totally wasted.
The bartender says 'Sorry, no time travel allowed in here!'
The Doctor walks into a bar.
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend,
but he kept asking her for another shot.
The bartender says: "I'm sorry, but we don't serve FTL particles."
A tachyon walks into a bar.
A bartender looks around his establishment and spots 2 Corinthians out of the corner of his eye...
He then shouts "HEY! WHERE THE f**...'S THE REST OF MY BIBLE!?"
A bartender walks into a bar
and says, I wonder what I'll see walk in today.
Two men are talking in a bar
The first says: I bet you $100 that I can pee all over the bar and the bartend will smile.
The second man agrees.
So then the first man pees all over the bar and the bartender smiled.
After the second man pays the first man, he asks: How did you make the bartender smile?
I bet him $50 that I could pee in a shot glass and not miss a drop .
I saw the bartender pull a beer from a lever in the shape of a helix.
I asked him what beer that was and he said, "This is Spiral Tap."
The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve mojitos here."
The disappointed mojito gets up and walks out of the bar.
What did the bartender say to the ham sandwich?
Sorry, we don't serve food here.
The bartender gives him a beer.
A time traveler walks into a bar, and orders a drink.
The Bartender said: "Sorry we dont allow time travelers here"
A time traveler walks into a bar
The bartender asks "Why the non-linear structure?"
Quentin Tarantino walks into a bar
A bartender walks into a bar.
He's ready for the day to begin!
A bartender friend of mine was complaining about work AGAIN!
I told him, "Oh, just quit your winr-ing!"
What did the bartender say to the drunk onion?
Sorry but that's shallot.
My bartender asked me if I wanted my whiskey without ice.
I said "Sure. That'd be neat."
What'd the bartender say after pouring a beer with 1/4 inch of foam?
Pourfect
The bartender pours him a beer
A time traveler walks into the bar
What did the bartender say to Einstein when he walked in the bar at the speed of light?
Why the short face.....
A bartender walks into a joke writers convention.
No joke.
The bartender pours him a beer
A man who can move faster than the speed of light walks into a bar.
Tom Collins practical joke
A man would approach someone on the street and ask: "Have you seen Tom Collins?"
The stranger would say soemthing like: "No. I've never met him."
"Perhaps you had better do so because Tom's calling you names and telling people that you're a b**... thief."
This would upset the second man, who would run off trying to look for Tom Collins. But he didn't exist.
What did the bartender say to the scrap lumber?
Your cutoff
A bartender said "Sorry, we don't serve time travellers".
Two time travellers walk into a bar
And the bartender says we don't serve your kind in here"
A time traveler walks into a bar
The bartender says, Sorry, we don't serve faster-than-light-particles in here.
A tachyon walks into a bar.
Bartender joke
A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender,
12 shots of your finest tequila please
So the bartender starts pouring the shots and on the last one he notices that half of them have been drunk already so the bartender says
Whats going on pal, you drunk those really fast
The guy replies
Youd drink this much if you had what i have
The bartender then asks
What do you have?
He replied i have 50 pence and then made a bee line for the door
I want to be a bartender
Watch out Bart.
I want to be a bartender.
Men named Bart watch out
I'm a bartender
Guy: One Mojito please
Me: Sure
Guy: Can you make it v**...?
Me (Holding back tears): Yes... yes I can
A bartender walks into a bar
He works there.
A bartender yells Does anyone know CPR?
h**... I know the whole alphabet! I shouted.
The whole bar laughed except for o**...
So the bartender asked, why do you have a time machine?
A time traveller walks into a bar.
Why wouldn't the bartender give a ghost a drink?
Because they didn't serve spirits.
So the bartender offered me a Mountain Dew and then pointed gun at me saying drink or I'll pull the trigger
It was a Dew or Die situation
Bartender: this scotch is my favorite, it's aged twenty fi----
Leonardo DiCaprio: [spits it out]
The bartender says, "We dont' serve time travellers in here."
A time traveller walks into a bar.
...and the bartender said: we don't serve hypothetical faster-than-light particles here!
A tachyon walks into a bar...
A bartender walked over to a table where two people were on a date
He spoke to the woman first- "Madame, I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut you off. You both have clearly had too much to drink; your husband just slid under the table!"
The woman said "No, my husband just walked in the door!"
The bartender says: "Not you again"
Weatherman Phil Connors walks into the bar.
Happy Groundhog Day everyone!
