The Best 77 Bartend Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Bartend jokes. There are some bartend nightclub jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these bartend shalt puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Bartend Jokes and Puns

A piece of sandpaper walks into a bar.



The bartender says "What will it be?"

The sandpaper goes "Just something to take the edge off"

Why do bartenders from Boston confiscate an intoxicated person's Khaki's at the end of the night?

So they can't drive home.

So bartenders are starting to make a drink called the "Hurricane Sandy"...

Essentially, it's a just a watered-down Manhattan.

Bartend joke, So bartenders are starting to make a drink called the "Hurricane Sandy"...

The bartender says "we don't serve particles that disrupt time flow!"

A tachyon particle walks into a bar.......

What did the bartender say to the angry speaker?

We don't want any treble


What did the bartender say to the foreskin?

"You're cut off."

What did the bartender say to the gold when the gold walked into a bar?

"AU, get outta here!"

Bartend joke, What did the bartender say to the gold when the gold walked into a bar?

Bartender asks a returning guest...

You come in everyday for the past 10 years paying for the same drink with 4 quarters. Why? The guest responds with, "I don't like change!"

Why did the bartender get fired?

He was doing a pour job

The bartender poured me a scotch and asked me what I thought of it.

I told her it was neat.

The bartender fainted.

You can explore bartend tachyon reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bartend pub dad jokes. There are also bartend puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Bartender and His Customers

A neurosurgeon, two Cubans, a fascist, a socialist, and a prisoner all walk into a bar together.

The bartender asks, "What's new?"

They all reply, "I'm running for president."

A bartender walks into...

...a church, a temple and a mosque.
He has no idea how jokes work.

What did the bartender say to the girl that tried to steal a drink?

It was worth a shot.

Why did the bartender put on a sweater?

She thought it was a little drafty.

What did the bartender day to the man who was drinking his vodka to fast?

Stop "Russian"

Bartend joke, What did the bartender day to the man who was drinking his vodka to fast?

A bartender walks into a bar

The man said,
Why are you late.

The Bartender says, "This bar is for fortune tellers only."

Two skeptics walk into a bar.

says "bartender, I'll hve a beer please"

A time traveler walks into a bar


A bartender walks into a church, a brothel and the zoo...

Trying to find the freaks that skipped out on their bar tabs.

A Bartender Says, "We Don't Serve Time Travelers"

A time traveler enters the bar.

a bartender walks into a bar

tender walks into a bar

The bartender says "Sorry, we don't make that here."

Quentin Tarantino walks into a bar.

He gets up and leaves.

He takes a seat and orders a Polynesian Pearl Diver.

I'm a bartender. Ladies always ask me if the sleep with me if they can get free beer. It's always sad that I have to tell them no

But it's worth a shot

The Bartender replies, "Sorry, but we don't serve particles faster than light"

A Neutrino walks into a bar

A bartender says "we don't serve time travellers here."

A time traveller appears inside a bar.

A bartender says "Hey! We don't serve faster-than-light particles here!"

A tachyon flies into a bar.

A bartender walks into a stable

The horse says "Why the wrong place?"

And the bartender said...

"We don't serve time travellers".
A time traveller walked into the bar.

Saw this in a comment can't find it now, thought I share here.

The bartender asks the first one "What can I get you?"

Two race conditions walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind around here!"

A faster than light neutrino walks into a bar.

I'm a bartender and part-time therapist.

There are far too many depressed alcoholics in my town.

The bartender said, "Haven't you been here before?"

A time traveler walked into a bar.

The bartender says, We don't serve time travelers in here.

"Since when?"

"The policy went into effect a year ago."

"OK, be right back"

"Sorry," says the bartender, "I've run out of jokes. Besides, haven't you got this backwards?"

A punchline walks into a bar.

The bartender walks into a bar

The bartender asks, "What are you having?", to which the bartender replies, "I should probably stop talking to myself before customers start arriving".

The bartender says, "We don't serve puns here."

"Woah," the puns says, "this place is no joke"

What did the bartender say when Charles Dickens ordered a martini?

Olive or twist?

Why did the bartender only charge his customer for the vodka in his screwdriver?

Because as of yesterday, OJ is free.

A bartender is serving drinks one night when a farmer comes in asking for a fork.

A while later another farmer comes in asking for another fork. After a little while longer a third farmer comes in asking for a straw.

Perplexed the bartender asks the farmer "why are you asking for a straw the other farmers asked for a fork"

To which the farmer responds "well someone threw up outside and all the lumpy bits are gone"

Heard this when I was a kid and still remember it

What did the bartender say to the villiage drunk?

I can't remember, I was totally wasted.

The bartender says 'Sorry, no time travel allowed in here!'

The Doctor walks into a bar.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend,

but he kept asking her for another shot.

The bartender says: "I'm sorry, but we don't serve FTL particles."

A tachyon walks into a bar.

The bartender asked why I carry a sword on me at the bar

I said "Mimics"

The bartender laughed, the patrons laughed, the table laughed, we killed the table.

It was a good time.

A bartender looks around his establishment and spots 2 Corinthians out of the corner of his eye...

He then shouts "HEY! WHERE THE FUCK'S THE REST OF MY BIBLE!?"

The bartender said we don't serve time travellers.

Two men walk into a bar.

A bartender walks into a bar

and says, I wonder what I'll see walk in today.

Why do all bartenders hate Jesus Christ?

Because all he orders is cups of water and then drinks for free.

Two men are talking in a bar

The first says: I bet you $100 that I can pee all over the bar and the bartend will smile.
The second man agrees.
So then the first man pees all over the bar and the bartender smiled.
After the second man pays the first man, he asks: How did you make the bartender smile?
I bet him $50 that I could pee in a shot glass and not miss a drop .

I saw the bartender pull a beer from a lever in the shape of a helix.

I asked him what beer that was and he said, "This is Spiral Tap."

The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve mojitos here."

The disappointed mojito gets up and walks out of the bar.

Bartender opens up early. Finds two customers already waiting. They sit down.

"So" says the bartender, "who's first?"

The chicken and the egg look at each other.

What did the bartender say to the ham sandwich?

Sorry, we don't serve food here.

The bartender gives him a beer.

A time traveler walks into a bar, and orders a drink.

The Bartender said: "Sorry we dont allow time travelers here"

A time traveler walks into a bar

The bartender asks "Why the non-linear structure?"

Quentin Tarantino walks into a bar

A bartender walks into a bar.

He's ready for the day to begin!

A bartender friend of mine was complaining about work AGAIN!

I told him, "Oh, just quit your winr-ing!"

What did the bartender say to the drunk onion?

Sorry but that's shallot.

My bartender asked me if I wanted my whiskey without ice.

I said "Sure. That'd be neat."

What'd the bartender say after pouring a beer with 1/4 inch of foam?

Pourfect

A bartender walks into a bar

demonstrating the danger of free beer.

The bartender pours him a beer

A time traveler walks into the bar

What did the bartender say to Einstein when he walked in the bar at the speed of light?

Why the short face.....

A bartender walks into a joke writers convention.

No joke.

The bartender pours him a beer

A man who can move faster than the speed of light walks into a bar.

Tom Collins practical joke

A man would approach someone on the street and ask: "Have you seen Tom Collins?"

The stranger would say soemthing like: "No. I've never met him."

"Perhaps you had better do so because Tom's calling you names and telling people that you're a bloody thief."

This would upset the second man, who would run off trying to look for Tom Collins. But he didn't exist.

What did the bartender say to the scrap lumber?

Your cutoff

A bartender said "Sorry, we don't serve time travellers".

Two time travellers walk into a bar

And the bartender says we don't serve your kind in here"

A time traveler walks into a bar

The bartender says, Sorry, we don't serve faster-than-light-particles in here.

A tachyon walks into a bar.

Bartender joke

A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender,
12 shots of your finest tequila please
So the bartender starts pouring the shots and on the last one he notices that half of them have been drunk already so the bartender says
Whats going on pal, you drunk those really fast
The guy replies
Youd drink this much if you had what i have
The bartender then asks
What do you have?
He replied i have 50 pence and then made a bee line for the door

I want to be a bartender

Watch out Bart.

I want to be a bartender.

Men named Bart watch out

I'm a bartender

Guy: One Mojito please




Me: Sure




Guy: Can you make it virgin?




Me (Holding back tears): Yes... yes I can

A bartender walks into a bar

He works there.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the bartend free jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working bartend cocktail piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes