Bart Jokes
103 bart jokes and hilarious bart puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bart that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article is about the history and legacy of the classic Bart jokes from the beloved Simpsons character. Read to learn about the iconic catchphrases, name changes, and backstory, as well as the impact Bart's jokes have had since their debut.
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Funniest Bart Short Jokes
Short bart jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bart humour may include short marge jokes also.
- Doctor, doctor, I think my hearing's going! What are the symptoms?
Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie - What's the difference between Moe and Sideshow Bob? Ones the bartender, the others the Bart ender.
- If Moe the bartender ever figures out who was prank calling him he'd go from Bar Tender to Bart Ender
- Apple is developing a product—invented by Bart Simpson—that cleans your vehicle. The iCaroomba
- I'm a dad. Here's my joke: Why would Bart Simpson never go to a pub? Because there's a BartEnder there.
- I had it rough growing up. No friends, at all... It was just me and Black Bart,
My imaginary enemy. - What do you call it when Homer stands directly in front of his son? Total Eclipse Of The Bart
- What is Bart Simpsons' favorite kind of fish? Stealhead!
- What would Bart Simpson's first Steam game be? D'oh-ta 2
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Bart One Liners
Which bart one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bart? I can suggest the ones about comedic and committee.
- Bart went into a bar and died. He met the Bartender
- A man named Bart walks into a bar. He was promptly murdered by the bartender.
- I want to be a bartender Watch out Bart.
- Who killed Bart? The bartender
- Why do people named Bart avoid pubs? They're all scared of the bartender.
- A man named Bart walks into a bar The bartender shoots him immediately
- Why does Sideshow Bob look up to Moe? Because Bob also wants to be a Bart-Ender.
- Do you know why Moe and Bart never got along? It's because Moe was a Bart-ender
- What did they call it when Bart Simpson met Steve Jobs? iCaramba
- Why does Moe syzlak from the Simpsons, hate Bart Simpsons? Cause he is a bartender
- What did Bart Simpson say to Damien Hirst? Don't halve a cow, man.
- What would Sideshow Bob be if he served drinks? A Bart-ender!
- A Blind Man walks into a BART Train lol, no he's just at a Homeless shelter.
- What did Bart Simpson say when Marge asked him to vacuum his room? Ay caROOMBA!
- What's Homer Simpsons favourite toy? Bart.
Charming Humor Bart Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about bart you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean vocal jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bart pranks.
Why do bartenders from Boston confiscate an intoxicated person's Khaki's at the end of the night?
So they can't drive home.
The bartender says "we don't serve particles that disrupt time flow!"
A tachyon particle walks into a bar.......
What did the bartender say to the angry speaker?
We don't want any treble
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the bartender say to the f**...?
"You're cut off."
Bartender asks a returning guest...
You come in everyday for the past 10 years paying for the same drink with 4 quarters. Why? The guest responds with, "I don't like change!"
How do you barter with a Jew?
Why did the bartender get fired?
He was doing a pour job
The bartender poured me a scotch and asked me what I thought of it.
I told her it was neat.
The bartender fainted.
Bartender and His Customers
A neurosurgeon, two Cubans, a fascist, a socialist, and a prisoner all walk into a bar together.
The bartender asks, "What's new?"
They all reply, "I'm running for president."
A bartender walks into...
...a church, a temple and a mosque.
He has no idea how jokes work.
Why did Barty Crouch Jr. stop drinking?
It was making him Moody
What did the bartender say to the girl that tried to steal a drink?
It was worth a shot.
Why did the bartender put on a sweater?
She thought it was a little drafty.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the bartender day to the man who was drinking his v**... to fast?
Stop "Russian"
The Bartender says, "This bar is for fortune tellers only."
Two skeptics walk into a bar.
A bartender walks into a church, a brothel and the zoo...
Trying to find the freaks that skipped out on their bar tabs.
a bartender walks into a bar
tender walks into a bar
The bartender says "Sorry, we don't make that here."
Quentin Tarantino walks into a bar.
He gets up and leaves.
He takes a seat and orders a Polynesian Pearl Diver.
I'm a bartender. Ladies always ask me if the sleep with me if they can get free beer. It's always sad that I have to tell them no
But it's worth a shot
A bartender walks into a stable
The horse says "Why the wrong place?"
And the bartender said...
"We don't serve time travellers".
A time traveller walked into the bar.
Saw this in a comment can't find it now, thought I share here.
The bartender asks the first one "What can I get you?"
Two race conditions walk into a bar.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bart: 'I'll cut you a deal, I'll give you Milhouse.'
Skinner: 'I don't want Milhouse.'
Milhouse: 'Sounds like my parents' custody hearing.'
I'm a bartender and part-time therapist.
There are far too many depressed alcoholics in my town.
The bartender said, "Haven't you been here before?"
A time traveler walked into a bar.
The bartender says, We don't serve time travelers in here.
"Since when?"
"The policy went into effect a year ago."
"OK, be right back"
"Sorry," says the bartender, "I've run out of jokes. Besides, haven't you got this backwards?"
A punchline walks into a bar.
The bartender walks into a bar
The bartender asks, "What are you having?", to which the bartender replies, "I should probably stop talking to myself before customers start arriving".
The bartender says, "We don't serve puns here."
"Woah," the puns says, "this place is no joke"
What did the bartender say when Charles Dickens ordered a martini?
Olive or twist?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the bartender only charge his customer for the v**... in his screwdriver?
Because as of yesterday, OJ is free.
A bartender is serving drinks one night when a farmer comes in asking for a fork.
A while later another farmer comes in asking for another fork. After a little while longer a third farmer comes in asking for a straw.
Perplexed the bartender asks the farmer "why are you asking for a straw the other farmers asked for a fork"
To which the farmer responds "well someone threw up outside and all the lumpy bits are gone"
Heard this when I was a kid and still remember it
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bartering with Beer
Yesterday morning I bought two six packs of beer on sale at the Liquor Store. I placed them on the front seat of the car and headed back home.
I stopped at the service station where a drop-dead gorgeous, almost blonde was filling up her car at the next pump. It was very warm and she was wearing tight shorts and a light top which was wide open. She glanced at the beer, bent over and knocked on my passenger window.
With her bra-less self almost falling out of her skimpy top she said, in a s**... voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, old fellow,
would you be interested in trading s**... for beer?"
I thought for a few seconds and asked,
"Depends on what kind of beer you've got!"
What did the bartender say to the villiage drunk?
I can't remember, I was totally wasted.
The bartender says 'Sorry, no time travel allowed in here!'
The Doctor walks into a bar.
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend,
but he kept asking her for another shot.
The bartender says: "I'm sorry, but we don't serve FTL particles."
A tachyon walks into a bar.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The bartender asked why I carry a sword on me at the bar
I said "Mimics"
The bartender laughed, the patrons laughed, the table laughed, we killed the table.
It was a good time.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A bartender looks around his establishment and spots 2 Corinthians out of the corner of his eye...
He then shouts "HEY! WHERE THE f**...'S THE REST OF MY BIBLE!?"
A bartender walks into a bar
and says, I wonder what I'll see walk in today.
I saw the bartender pull a beer from a lever in the shape of a helix.
I asked him what beer that was and he said, "This is Spiral Tap."
The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve mojitos here."
The disappointed mojito gets up and walks out of the bar.
Bartender opens up early. Finds two customers already waiting. They sit down.
"So" says the bartender, "who's first?"
The chicken and the egg look at each other.
A bartender walks into a bar.
He's ready for the day to begin!
A bartender friend of mine was complaining about work AGAIN!
I told him, "Oh, just quit your winr-ing!"
What did the bartender say to the drunk onion?
Sorry but that's shallot.
My bartender asked me if I wanted my whiskey without ice.
I said "Sure. That'd be neat."
What'd the bartender say after pouring a beer with 1/4 inch of foam?
Pourfect
The bartender at my neighborhood pub calls me Kevin McAllister.
Because I'm always going Home Alone.
A bartender walks into a stable
A bartender walks into a stable and says "Why all the long faces?"
Why can't bartenders become drug dealers?
Because they only serve Pepsi!
Bartenders should get paid more
'Cause they pour
The bartender asked me if I wanted a menu
No thanks, I'm on a liquid diet. *Raises glass*
What did the bartender say to Einstein when he walked in the bar at the speed of light?
Why the short face.....
A bartender walks into a joke writers convention.
No joke.
The bartender pours him a beer
A man who can move faster than the speed of light walks into a bar.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tom Collins practical joke
A man would approach someone on the street and ask: "Have you seen Tom Collins?"
The stranger would say soemthing like: "No. I've never met him."
"Perhaps you had better do so because Tom's calling you names and telling people that you're a b**... thief."
This would upset the second man, who would run off trying to look for Tom Collins. But he didn't exist.
What did the bartender say to the scrap lumber?
Your cutoff
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did Homer say to Bart when he couldn't please his uninterested crush?
You're a s**..., son.
(Of course it's bad. I just wanted to get this s**... out of my system.)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm a bartender
Guy: One Mojito please
Me: Sure
Guy: Can you make it v**...?
Me (Holding back tear): Yes... yes I can
A bartender walks into a bar
He works there.
So the bartender asked, why do you have a time machine?
A time traveller walks into a bar.
The bartender says "No time travelers allowed in this bar"
Two time travelers walk into a bar
Why wouldn't the bartender give a ghost a drink?
Because they didn't serve spirits.
A bartstarter walks into a bar.
The bartender is concerned.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So the bartender offered me a Mountain Dew and then pointed gun at me saying drink or I'll pull the trigger
It was a Dew or Die situation
