Barstool Jokes
35 barstool jokes and hilarious barstool puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about barstool that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funny meets practical with this collection of barstool jokes! From traditional armchair humor to puns related to chaises and chugs, this list of laughs is sure to bring a smile to your face. So grab a barstool and enjoy!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Barstool Short Jokes
Short barstool jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The barstool humour may include short seat jokes also.
- 4 gay guys walk into a bar... They find that there is only one barstool, the ponder for a second, until one says, "why don't we just flip it over?"
(Sorry if its a repost) - How do you fit four gay men onto a barstool? ...Turn it over.
Now, how do you get them off?
Give it a shake. - Three Prostitutes are in a bar, discussing how loose they are. The first fits a sausage.
The second fits a cucumber.
The third laughs, and slides down the barstool. - Three woman talk about who's the loosest of them. One fits a sausage, one fits a cucumber, the third one slides down the barstool.
Source: Sovietwomble - How many g**... can you put on a barstool? Four, if you put it upside down.
Credit to my gay friend Wheezie.
Share These Barstool Jokes With Friends
Barstool One Liners
Which barstool one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with barstool? I can suggest the ones about chair and stool.
- How do you get four gay guys on a barstool? Turn it upside-down.
- What do you call a barstool turned upside down at a gay bar? Seating for four!
- How do you get four homosexuals to sit on one barstool? Turn it upside down.
- How do you fit four sailors onto a barstool? Turn the barstool upside down.
- Four. How many gay guys can fit on a barstool?
Four. - How do you fit 4 g**... on one barstool? Flip it over!
- How did the four q**... fit on a barstool? Most of them sat on bottom.
- How do you fit 4 q**... on a barstool You flip it upside down
Comical Barstool Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about barstool you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean saloon jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make barstool pranks.
Bigger in Texas
A blind man visits Texas. When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed. Wow, this bed is big!
Everything is big in Texas, says the bellhop.
The man heads downstairs to the bar, settles into a huge barstool and orders a beer. A mug is placed between his hands. Wow these drinks are big!
The bartender replies, Everything is big in Texas.
After downing a few, the blind man asks where the bathroom is. Second door to the right, says the bartender.
The blind man heads for the bathroom but accidentally enters the third door, which leads to the swimming pool, and he falls in. Popping his head up from under the water and flailing his arms, he shouts, Don't flush, don't flush!
A Priest, Rabbi and Atheist walk into a bar and each ask for a drink
The bartender, saying nothing and looking disdained, points to a sign clearly labelled: **NO JOKES SERVED HERE**
Without a fight the Priest, Rabbi and Atheist leave the bar, heads hanging.
The next day a chicken walks in and plops down on the barstool.
Wiping the inside of a glass, the bartender approached and asks the chicken Are you part of this joke?
Yeah. the chicken replies.
Again, he points to the sign: **NO JOKES SERVED HERE**
The chicks argues Well then how's a chicken supposed to get his beak wet?
The bartender pointed out the window and said There's another bar across the road.
A man is in a bar having a drink. The guy next to him falls off of his barstool.
The man picks up the guy and sits him back on the barstool, and he falls off again. This time he picks the guy up and asks, ''Where do you live?'' Being a kind soul, the man takes the guy to his car, puts him in the back seat, and drives him home. When they get to the guy's house, the man helps the guy out of the car, but he falls down 3 times before getting to the front door. The man rings the doorbell and the guy's wife comes to the door. The man says, ''Hello, I've brought your husband home.'' The wife looks at the man and asks, ''Where's his wheel chair?''
Hammer
This little guy is sitting in a bar, drinking and minding his own business.When all of a sudden a great big guy comes in and bang! knocks him clean off the barstool and onto the floor.The big guy says, That was a karate chop from Korea. The little guy gets up, brushes himself off and leaves the premises.He's gone for an hour before he returns and c**...! he knocks the big guy right off his stool to the ground, where he lies unconscious.The little guy looks at the bartender and says, When that big j**... comes to, you can tell him that was a claw hammer from Home Depot.
Three bottoms sit in a bar...
The first says, "I'm so loose, my partner can put their fist in me."
The second laughs and says, "That's nothing. I'm so loose that my partner can put their arm in me."
The third laughs and the barstool disappears.
Three h**... were sitting on a bar.
They chat for a while about work, when one of them ssays. "I can fit a glass up in my (you know)" the other one replies. "thats nothing, i can fit a bottle up in my (you know)" thats when the third starts to giggle. "whats so funny?" the other two ask. "ohh nothing" she says as she slowly glide down on the barstool.
Three buttholes walk into a bar
They sit on bar-stools while their ladies enjoy a beer.
The first one says I'm so loose that I can hold in a fist easily
The second one giggles and says I'm so loose I can hold in two fists, no problem
The third one laughs.... and the bar-stool disappears
A man is sitting on a barstool...
and eating from a bowl of peanuts. But instead of just eating them, he takes one peanut at a time, mutters "You s**...!", and then crams it into his mouth. He continues to do this for a while.
Finally, the woman next to him can't contain her curiosity. "Why are you saying that?" she asks.
"I like them roasted."
Sandwich Walked Into a Bar
So a Sandwich walked into a bar, hopped up on a barstool and took a look at the drink menu. Bartender walks over. Sandwich says to bartender, "lemme get one of those margaritas, rocks, no salt.". Bartender responds in his most disgusted tone, "Sorry, we don't serve FOOD here…."
3 Women are sat at a bar..
The first of the three says proudly "I can fit my whole fist up there". To this the second woman turns and says "well I can fit both my fists up there". The third woman just smiled and slowly slid down the barstool.
Three women are drinking at a bar.
As the night goes on, they begin talking about how loose their vaginas are.
The first woman boasts that her lover can fit his entire fist in.
The second woman says "That's nothing, my husband was able to fit both of his fists in!"
The third woman laughs, finishes her drink, and slides down the barstool.
Since most of us are stuck / bored in quarantine here are my top ways you can get high at home.
1. A ladder - This will get you the highest, no doubt.
2. A step stool - This won't get you as high but it is good for a quick, short high.
3. A Barstool - this one is a but more trippy and unsafe, but can work if you don't have safer ways to get high.
Your mama joke!
She sat on a rainbow and skittles came out.
The person sitting on the barstool next to her, is her.
She was sunbathing on the beach one day, and the "save the whales" people kept trying to push her back into the water.
She accidentally cut herself, and gravy came out.
A dog walks into a bar...
....and sits down on the barstool.
He says, "I'll have two beers, and mint if you've got one."
The bartender says "Wow! You should join the circus!"
And the dog says, "Why, do they need electricians?"
A bear walks into a bar
"Sorry we don't serve bears in here" the barman says
"But I'm a big brown bear"
"Sorry we don't serve big brown bears"
Bear is angry and hits the bar with his claw "give me a beer now!"
"Sorry we don't serve bar bashing big brown bears!"
The bear picks up a barstool and smashes it against the ground "I want a beer!"
"Sorry we don't serve barstool breaking bar bashing big brown bears here"
The bear is getting angry and takes a bite from the counter "Give me a beer!"
"Sorry we dont serve drug addicts here either"
The bear is confused "I've never touched a drug in my life!!"
"What about that barbiturate"
A blind man visits texas
A blind man visits Texas. When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed. Wow, this bed is big!
Everything is big in Texas, says the bellhop.
The man heads downstairs to the bar, settles into a huge barstool and orders a beer. A mug is placed between his hands. Wow these drinks are big!
The bartender replies, Everything is big in Texas.
After downing a few, the blind man asks where the bathroom is. Second door to the right, says the bartender.
The blind man heads for the bathroom but accidentally enters the third door, which leads to the swimming pool, and he falls in. Popping his head up from under the water and flailing his arms, he shouts, Don't flush, don't flush!
Once Upon a Time in the West, a One-Armed Bear Walks Into a Bar
As he enters, the piano stops playing, the poker players put down their cards, and the room goes silent, except for the ticking of the Grandfather clock in the corner. The bear stands in the doorway a few seconds, surveying the saloon, before walking to the bar. Whiskey, he growls. The bartender slides a shot glass of rotgut down the bar, which the bear snags with his good arm and gulps down. Another, he says. He downs the second whiskey, belches, swivels slowly on his barstool to face the room, and announces, ** Ah'm lookin' fer the man that shot muh paw! **
Once Upon a Time in the West, a Bear Walked into a Saloon..
As he enters, the piano stops playing, the poker players put down their cards, and the room goes silent, except for the ticking of the Grandfather clock in the corner. The bear stands in the doorway a few seconds, surveying the saloon, before walking to the bar. Whiskey, he growls. The bartender slides a shot glass of rotgut down the bar, which the bear snags with his good arm and gulps down. Another, he says. He downs the second whiskey, belches, swivels slowly on his barstool to face the room, and announces, ** Ah'm lookin' fer the man that shot muh paw. **
