Barrel Jokes
91 barrel jokes and hilarious barrel puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about barrel that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the funniest barrel jokes from around the world! From the cowboy barrel racing to the beer and wine barrels, explore the best gags about the various shapes and sizes of this wooden vessel. Get ready for a cracking good time with a collection of puns and one-liners about barrels, ships, guns, and gallons!
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Funniest Barrel Short Jokes
Short barrel jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The barrel humour may include short cellar jokes also.
- I always wondered why gun barrels tasted salty Until I realized I'm always crying when I put one in my mouth
- Kevin Spacey likes his guys like he likes his whiskey... 12 years old and in a barrel, OR 18 years old and full of coke.
- What do a bent gun barrel and a constipated owl have in common? One shoots but can't hit, and the other hoots but can't sh*t.
- My girlfriend wanted me to treat her like a princess. So I gave her to a gorilla for him to throw barrels at me.
- 25 years ago, my wife was attracted to me because I was ripped and had a 6-pack Now she tells me I have a quarter barrel.
- I prefer my alcohol like I prefer children Aged in a barrel and chilled on the rocks in my cellar
- What's worse than watching your brother do a double barrel roll over 15 cars on a motorbike? Having to watch him do a half barrel roll over 8 of them.
R.I.P. Bobby. Never forget. - Purchasing a rain barrel often leads to buying more water collecting devices I guess you could say a rain barrel is a gateway jug.
(Modified from a story heard on NPR) : ) - What's the biggest similarity between a bottle of Draino and a Danish stripper? They both slowly remove clogs.
^^They're ^^also ^^both ^^in ^^a ^^barrel ^^in ^^my ^^garage. - I like my women like I like my wine Exotic, matured to 12 years, and imported from Southern Europe in a barrel.
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Barrel One Liners
Which barrel one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with barrel? I can suggest the ones about barn and wheelbarrow.
- What do you call a gun with three barrels? A trifle.
- What do you call it when someone shoots a group of fish in a barrel? A school shooting
- From my 5 year old... What is another name for a nose?
A double-barrel snot gun. - What is Donald Duck's favorite restaurant? Quacker Barrel
- Annoying a vegan... ...is like shooting fish in a barrel. Which annoys them even more
- I like my women like I like my scotch Aged thirteen years in an oak barrel.
- My family is like wine... Locked up in a barrel in the cellar
- Where do dock workers like to shop? Crate and Barrel.
- Did you hear about the guy who survived going over Niagara Falls? He barrel-y made it.
- What did the lady write at the bottom of her flour barrel? O I C U R M T
- I like my women like I like my whisky... Put in a barrel and left for twenty years.
- Someone put me inside a barrel.. ..and push me down a hill.
I just roll with it - A man in a bar asks for 2 shots So the bartender shows him his double-barrel.
- I created the first shotgun with 180 degree barrel It backfired.
- What type of automobile do petite barrel-makers prefer? Mini Cooper.
Cracker Barrel Jokes
Here is a list of funny cracker barrel jokes and even better cracker barrel puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Whatrestraunt is always full of white people? c**... Barrel
- I always wanted to lay n**... on a bearskin rug in front of a fireplace... Evidently c**... Barrel has a policy against this.
- If the k**... was meeting for lunch where would they go? c**... Barrel.
- Notice: Due to overwhelming political pressure, c**... Barrel will now be known as Caucasian Barrel.
- What's the worst place to be during a tornado? c**... Barrel.
- What do you call a restaurant full of white people? The c**... Barrel.
- What do you call a group of Caucasians rolling down a hill? A c**... barrel
- What do you call a m**... church? A c**... Barrel.
- c**... Barrel just won a $10 Billion contract to construct a restaurant on Mars, to serve future colonists. According to NASA, this is the most cost-effective means of creating atmosphere.
- Have you ever been to a c**... Barrel? Not a lot of barrels in there...
Whiskey Barrel Jokes
Here is a list of funny whiskey barrel jokes and even better whiskey barrel puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why didn't the bourbon distiller try to lift a full 53 gallon barrel by himself? Because it was too whiskey.
- I like my women like I like my whiskey Stuffed in a barrel that remains untapped for decades.
- What's the best thing about buying a barrel of Conor Mcgregor's whiskey? It's easy to tap!
- I Like My Women Like I Like My Whiskey Sealed in an oak barrel for 7 years.
- What's your favourite I like my like I like my kind of joke? I like my women like I like my whiskey. 12 years old and in a barrel.
Quirky and Hilarious Barrel Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about barrel you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bottle jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make barrel pranks.
A guy walks into a bar
A guy walks into a crowded local bar, holding a p**... in his hand and yelling, I have a 45 caliber p**... here with seven rounds in the barrel plus one in the chamber and I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife.
A voice from the other end of the bar called out, You'll need more ammo
So a pirate has been on a ship for 6 months...
but there are no women on the ship and being male,he had some...urges, so he asked the captain " arr its been 6 months since we've had a lass on the ship and some of the others are getting urges. what can we do about them??" and the captain responds" go down to the front of the ship and there will be a barrel, stick your privates in there and go at it." so he did as he was told and when he was done he came back. he told the captain " captain! that was great! how many times can i use it????" and the captain turned to him and said " every day except thursday." and the pirate asked " why?" the captain responded " aye, because thats your turn to be in the barrel."
Fighter jock and the cargo pilot
A cargo plane is flying along, doing its cargo plane thing, when a fighter jet comes up alongside.
The fighter jock decides to poke some fun at the pilot who's forced to fly such an ungainly vessel.
"My plane's so much more advanced than yours. Watch this" says the jock, as he proceeds to do loop-de-loops, barrel rolls, corkscrews, and all manner of fast paced aerial acrobatics.
"Very impressive," responds the cargo pilot. "But that's nothing, watch this." For a half hour the large craft simply plods along straight as an arrow, not even so much as dipping the wings.
After a while, the cargo pilot comes back on the radio and says "So, what'd you think?"
Jock: "What d'you mean? You didn't do anything. You just flew straight for a while."
Cargo: "Oh no, that wasn't all. I got up, stretched my legs, got some coffee, went to the bathroom..."
A Pirates life for me...
A first mate says to his captain "sir i have the yearn in me l**..., and we haven't made port in weeks what do i do"
Captain : "I too have this problem , and have a solution!. when ever ye feel the need, place your self in this hole in the barrel, except on Wednesdays never on Wednesdays"
1st.Mate: "that's a great plan sir, but why not Wednesdays is that when we clean it out?"
Captain:"no you slimy dog Wednesdays is your turn in the barrel"
An old russian joke I heard a long time ago
In the middle his night patrol, a police officer notices a guy walking around a wooden barrel. He steps out of his vehicle, approaches, and asks, "hey, comrade, are you drunk?"
The man responds: "No, God forbid, I am perfectly sober, comrade officer! Besides I am almost home, my house is right after this fence!"
I hope oil stays at under $50 a barrel, because Valentine's Day is coming up - Conan O'brien
A parrot in a barrel
Is in peril.
How many rapists can you fit in a barrel?
Doesn't matter, they'll force themselves in anyways...
What's worse then 10 dead babies in a barrel?
1 dead baby in 10 barrels.
A blonde walks in on her husband cheating on her
Sobbing uncontrollably, she pulls out the gun from the drawer and puts the barrel under her chin.
"No, honey! Don't! I'm sorry; don't leave me alone with the kids!"
Glaring through her tears, the blonde yells:
"Oh, don't worry. You're going to be next."
A barrel of oil swore at me.
So I told it to stop being crude
A telecoms engineer joins the army...
On the shooting range the Sergeant shows him the distant target and tells him to fire six rounds, which he does. The Sarge walks all the way to the target and shouts back "You haven't hit it at all!" The telecoms guy puts his finger over the end of the barrel, pulls the trigger and blows his finger clean off and shouts back:- "It's leaving here ok - the problem must be at your end!"
A tub, pail, can, basket, canister, vat, kettle, cask, p**..., keg, barrel, and bowl.
I needed to make a bucket list before I die.
White taking a gun safety class, I was looking into the barrel of a p**... when the gun accidentally fired.
It really opened my eyes.
People often say I'm introverted and shy. They never seem to say that when I draw
Guessing it's probably the barrel they're suddenly looking into.
What could you put into a barrel of water to make it lighter?
A hole.
Boss: Where do you see yourself in 20 years?
Me: Eating the barrel of a shot-gun...
What's the difference between the end of a ship's gun and a Conservative pundit singing at Christmas?
One is a Cannon Barrel and the other is a Bannon Carole
Donald Trump said he named his daughter Tiffany after his favorite store: Tiffany's.
How ridiculous is that?
In fact, I was just talking about that with my two sons, Crate and Barrel.
I once saw Harold Houdini tell jokes during one of his performances.
It was a barrel of laughs.
I once gave Houdini some Nitrous Oxide to help him with one of his stunts.
It was a barrel of laughs.
A Vietnamese American woman, Christine Nguyen, wanted to preserve her surname.
Christine Nguyen, wanted to keep her surname after marriage, so she resolved to not take on the surname of the man she married, or change her name to a double barrel name that included her family's name.
Luckily, the man she ended up marrying was also Vietnamese American too, who just happened to have the same surname: Nguyen.
It was a win-win situation.
What's the difference between an anti-vaxxer and a barrel of radioactive waste?
Nothing. They should both be locked up and labelled "dangerous substance"
You take a barrel.
And you put it on a hill and let it fill with air.
You could say that this barrel is a barrel of laughs.
You know why? Because it's hilarious.
Crude Oil massage
Barber : shoul I massage ur head ?
Me : ok, which oil will u use ?
Barber : Almond Oil is for 250₹
Me : herbal oil ?
Barber: 150₹
Me: Coconut Oil
Barber : 100₹
Me : anything cheaper than this ?
Barber *to his helper* : chhotu, get that barrel of crude oil
Walking down the road, I ran into a farmer's wife
She was dragging along a huge barrel full of tomatoes. I said, "Hey, what are you gonna do with all those tomatoes?" The farmer's wife said, "Well, we eat what we can. And what we can't, we can."
A guy put a gallon each of strawberry, grape and apple flavored punch in a barrel, jumped in and rolled down a local hill. His friend asked, but why?
He replied: I just wanted to roll with the punches.
A perfect robbery
Three men are being chased by the police after robbing a store
They find a barn and run into quick, where they find 3 barrels
They each jump into a barrel
The police come into the barn and tap on each barrel
On the first barrel the officer taps
He hears "woof woof"
The officer says "it's ok, it's just a dog"
On the second barrel, the officer taps tree times
He hears "meow, meow"
The officer says "it's ok, it's just a cat"
On the third barrel, the officer taps again
This time he hears "PO-TAY-TO"
The officer says "it's just an Irish parrot"
A joke in Arabic
Let's hope this translation works.
A guy who was wasted went to take a p**... in an ally next to a barrel, passed out fell in the barrel pants down, a**... in the air.
A guy who was super high passed by and saw the a**... .. picked a stick and shoved it up the drunk's a**..., the drunk screams.
*No wonder why people are becoming so spoiled this a**... works fine and they throw it in the trash*
Why does Captain Morgan always have his foot on a barrel of r**...?
Because he can barrely stand.
This is a reupload of my post from earlier due to a misspell that ruined the joke.
In a brewery, the ceiling is getting painted
One of the painters falls into a barrel with 1000 liters of beer and drowns. His boss then goes to the colleague's wife to report the death. "Did my husband suffer much?" "I don't think so, he went out to take a p**... three times."
