Quirky and Hilarious Barrel Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
A guy walks into a bar
A guy walks into a crowded local bar, holding a p**... in his hand and yelling, I have a 45 caliber p**... here with seven rounds in the barrel plus one in the chamber and I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife.
A voice from the other end of the bar called out, You'll need more ammo
I like my women like I like my scotch
Aged thirteen years in an oak barrel.
So a pirate has been on a ship for 6 months...
but there are no women on the ship and being male,he had some...urges, so he asked the captain " arr its been 6 months since we've had a lass on the ship and some of the others are getting urges. what can we do about them??" and the captain responds" go down to the front of the ship and there will be a barrel, stick your privates in there and go at it." so he did as he was told and when he was done he came back. he told the captain " captain! that was great! how many times can i use it????" and the captain turned to him and said " every day except thursday." and the pirate asked " why?" the captain responded " aye, because thats your turn to be in the barrel."
Fighter jock and the cargo pilot
A cargo plane is flying along, doing its cargo plane thing, when a fighter jet comes up alongside.
The fighter jock decides to poke some fun at the pilot who's forced to fly such an ungainly vessel.
"My plane's so much more advanced than yours. Watch this" says the jock, as he proceeds to do loop-de-loops, barrel rolls, corkscrews, and all manner of fast paced aerial acrobatics.
"Very impressive," responds the cargo pilot. "But that's nothing, watch this." For a half hour the large craft simply plods along straight as an arrow, not even so much as dipping the wings.
After a while, the cargo pilot comes back on the radio and says "So, what'd you think?"
Jock: "What d'you mean? You didn't do anything. You just flew straight for a while."
Cargo: "Oh no, that wasn't all. I got up, stretched my legs, got some coffee, went to the bathroom..."
A Pirates life for me...
A first mate says to his captain "sir i have the yearn in me l**..., and we haven't made port in weeks what do i do"
Captain : "I too have this problem , and have a solution!. when ever ye feel the need, place your self in this hole in the barrel, except on Wednesdays never on Wednesdays"
1st.Mate: "that's a great plan sir, but why not Wednesdays is that when we clean it out?"
Captain:"no you slimy dog Wednesdays is your turn in the barrel"
What's worse than watching your brother do a double barrel roll over 15 cars on a motorbike?
Having to watch him do a half barrel roll over 8 of them.
R.I.P. Bobby. Never forget.
What's the worst place to be during a tornado?
c**... Barrel.
An old russian joke I heard a long time ago
In the middle his night patrol, a police officer notices a guy walking around a wooden barrel. He steps out of his vehicle, approaches, and asks, "hey, comrade, are you drunk?"
The man responds: "No, God forbid, I am perfectly sober, comrade officer! Besides I am almost home, my house is right after this fence!"
How many rapists can you fit in a barrel?
Doesn't matter, they'll force themselves in anyways...
What's worse then 10 dead babies in a barrel?
1 dead baby in 10 barrels.
Notice: Due to overwhelming political pressure, c**... Barrel will now be known as Caucasian Barrel.
You can explore barrel sailor reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean barrel emerge dad jokes. There are also barrel puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What's the biggest similarity between a bottle of Draino and a Danish stripper?
They both slowly remove clogs.
^^They're ^^also ^^both ^^in ^^a ^^barrel ^^in ^^my ^^garage.
What do you call it when someone shoots a group of fish in a barrel?
A school shooting
Where do dock workers like to shop?
Crate and Barrel.
Purchasing a rain barrel often leads to buying more water collecting devices
I guess you could say a rain barrel is a gateway jug.
(Modified from a story heard on NPR) : )
A blonde walks in on her husband cheating on her
Sobbing uncontrollably, she pulls out the gun from the drawer and puts the barrel under her chin.
"No, honey! Don't! I'm sorry; don't leave me alone with the kids!"
Glaring through her tears, the blonde yells:
"Oh, don't worry. You're going to be next."
What do you call a restaurant full of white people?
The c**... Barrel.
A barrel of oil swore at me.
So I told it to stop being crude
My family is like wine...
Locked up in a barrel in the cellar
I like my women like I like my whiskey
Stuffed in a barrel that remains untapped for decades.
A telecoms engineer joins the army...
On the shooting range the Sergeant shows him the distant target and tells him to fire six rounds, which he does. The Sarge walks all the way to the target and shouts back "You haven't hit it at all!" The telecoms guy puts his finger over the end of the barrel, pulls the trigger and blows his finger clean off and shouts back:- "It's leaving here ok - the problem must be at your end!"
A tub, pail, can, basket, canister, vat, kettle, cask, p**..., keg, barrel, and bowl.
I needed to make a bucket list before I die.
I prefer my alcohol like I prefer children
Aged in a barrel and chilled on the rocks in my cellar
Kevin Spacey likes his guys like he likes his whiskey...
12 years old and in a barrel, OR 18 years old and full of coke.
White taking a gun safety class, I was looking into the barrel of a p**... when the gun accidentally fired.
It really opened my eyes.
Someone put me inside a barrel..
..and push me down a hill.
I just roll with it
I like my women like I like my whisky...
Put in a barrel and left for twenty years.
People often say I'm introverted and shy. They never seem to say that when I draw
Guessing it's probably the barrel they're suddenly looking into.
Why didn't the bourbon distiller try to lift a full 53 gallon barrel by himself?
Because it was too whiskey.
If the k**... was meeting for lunch where would they go?
c**... Barrel.
I always wanted to lay n**... on a bearskin rug in front of a fireplace...
Evidently c**... Barrel has a policy against this.
I like my women like I like my wine
Exotic, matured to 12 years, and imported from Southern Europe in a barrel.
A Vietnamese American woman, Christine Nguyen, wanted to preserve her surname.
Christine Nguyen, wanted to keep her surname after marriage, so she resolved to not take on the surname of the man she married, or change her name to a double barrel name that included her family's name.
Luckily, the man she ended up marrying was also Vietnamese American too, who just happened to have the same surname: Nguyen.
It was a win-win situation.
What did the lady write at the bottom of her flour barrel?
O I C U R M T
What's the difference between an anti-vaxxer and a barrel of radioactive waste?
Nothing. They should both be locked up and labelled "dangerous substance"
You take a barrel.
And you put it on a hill and let it fill with air.
You could say that this barrel is a barrel of laughs.
You know why? Because it's hilarious.
Crude Oil massage
Barber : shoul I massage ur head ?
Me : ok, which oil will u use ?
Barber : Almond Oil is for 250₹
Me : herbal oil ?
Barber: 150₹
Me: Coconut Oil
Barber : 100₹
Me : anything cheaper than this ?
Barber *to his helper* : chhotu, get that barrel of crude oil
What do a bent gun barrel and a constipated owl have in common?
One shoots but can't hit, and the other hoots but can't sh*t.
Annoying a vegan...
...is like shooting fish in a barrel. Which annoys them even more
Walking down the road, I ran into a farmer's wife
She was dragging along a huge barrel full of tomatoes. I said, "Hey, what are you gonna do with all those tomatoes?" The farmer's wife said, "Well, we eat what we can. And what we can't, we can."
A guy put a gallon each of strawberry, grape and apple flavored punch in a barrel, jumped in and rolled down a local hill. His friend asked, but why?
He replied: I just wanted to roll with the punches.
A perfect robbery
Three men are being chased by the police after robbing a store
They find a barn and run into quick, where they find 3 barrels
They each jump into a barrel
The police come into the barn and tap on each barrel
On the first barrel the officer taps
He hears "woof woof"
The officer says "it's ok, it's just a dog"
On the second barrel, the officer taps tree times
He hears "meow, meow"
The officer says "it's ok, it's just a cat"
On the third barrel, the officer taps again
This time he hears "PO-TAY-TO"
The officer says "it's just an Irish parrot"
A joke in Arabic
Let's hope this translation works.
A guy who was wasted went to take a p**... in an ally next to a barrel, passed out fell in the barrel pants down, a**... in the air.
A guy who was super high passed by and saw the a**... .. picked a stick and shoved it up the drunk's a**..., the drunk screams.
*No wonder why people are becoming so spoiled this a**... works fine and they throw it in the trash*
What is Donald Duck's favorite restaurant?
Quacker Barrel
Whatrestraunt is always full of white people?
c**... Barrel
Why does Captain Morgan always have his foot on a barrel of r**...?
Because he can barrely stand.
This is a reupload of my post from earlier due to a misspell that ruined the joke.
25 years ago, my wife was attracted to me because I was ripped and had a 6-pack
Now she tells me I have a quarter barrel.
In a brewery, the ceiling is getting painted
One of the painters falls into a barrel with 1000 liters of beer and drowns. His boss then goes to the colleague's wife to report the death. "Did my husband suffer much?" "I don't think so, he went out to take a p**... three times."
