Barrel Jokes
79 barrel jokes and hilarious barrel puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about barrel that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the funniest barrel jokes from around the world! From the cowboy barrel racing to the beer and wine barrels, explore the best gags about the various shapes and sizes of this wooden vessel. Get ready for a cracking good time with a collection of puns and one-liners about barrels, ships, guns, and gallons!
Funniest Barrel Short Jokes
Short barrel jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The barrel humour may include short cellar jokes also.
- I always wondered why gun barrels tasted salty Until I realized I'm always crying when I put one in my mouth
- My girlfriend wanted me to treat her like a princess. So I gave her to a gorilla for him to throw barrels at me.
- 25 years ago, my wife was attracted to me because I was ripped and had a 6-pack Now she tells me I have a quarter barrel.
- What's worse than watching your brother do a double barrel roll over 15 cars on a motorbike? Having to watch him do a half barrel roll over 8 of them.
R.I.P. Bobby. Never forget. - Purchasing a rain barrel often leads to buying more water collecting devices I guess you could say a rain barrel is a gateway jug.
(Modified from a story heard on NPR) : ) - What's the biggest similarity between a bottle of Draino and a Danish stripper? They both slowly remove clogs.
^^They're ^^also ^^both ^^in ^^a ^^barrel ^^in ^^my ^^garage. - You take a barrel. And you put it on a hill and let it fill with air.
You could say that this barrel is a barrel of laughs.
You know why? Because it's hilarious. - Why didn't the bourbon distiller try to lift a full 53 gallon barrel by himself? Because it was too whiskey.
- C.C. DeVille and Bret Michaels just announced a new song about a yound drug addict who makes barrels Alice Cooper by Poison
- People often say I'm introverted and shy. They never seem to say that when I draw Guessing it's probably the barrel they're suddenly looking into.
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Barrel One Liners
Which barrel one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with barrel? I can suggest the ones about barn and wheelbarrow.
- What do you call a gun with three barrels? A trifle.
- What do you call it when someone shoots a group of fish in a barrel? A school shooting
- From my 5 year old... What is another name for a nose?
A double-barrel snot gun. - What is Donald Duck's favorite restaurant? Quacker Barrel
- My family is like wine... Locked up in a barrel in the cellar
- Where do dock workers like to shop? Crate and Barrel.
- Did you hear about the guy who survived going over Niagara Falls? He barrel-y made it.
- What did the lady write at the bottom of her flour barrel? O I C U R M T
- A man in a bar asks for 2 shots So the bartender shows him his double-barrel.
- I created the first shotgun with 180 degree barrel It backfired.
- What type of automobile do petite barrel-makers prefer? Mini Cooper.
- People like me when I use my double barreled pea shooter. That's because I aim two peas.
- A barrel of oil swore at me. So I told it to stop being crude
- What's worse then 10 dead babies in a barrel? 1 dead baby in 10 barrels.
- What did the American refined oil say to the oil barrels from the Middle East? "Crude!"
Whiskey Barrel Jokes
Here is a list of funny whiskey barrel jokes and even better whiskey barrel puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I like my women like I like my whiskey Stuffed in a barrel that remains untapped for decades.
- What's the best thing about buying a barrel of Conor Mcgregor's whiskey? It's easy to tap!
- What's your favourite I like my like I like my kind of joke? I like my women like I like my whiskey. 12 years old and in a barrel.
Quirky and Hilarious Barrel Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about barrel you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bottle jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make barrel pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Have you ever been to a c**... Barrel?
Not a lot of barrels in there...
Fighter jock and the cargo pilot
A cargo plane is flying along, doing its cargo plane thing, when a fighter jet comes up alongside.
The fighter jock decides to poke some fun at the pilot who's forced to fly such an ungainly vessel.
"My plane's so much more advanced than yours. Watch this" says the jock, as he proceeds to do loop-de-loops, barrel rolls, corkscrews, and all manner of fast paced aerial acrobatics.
"Very impressive," responds the cargo pilot. "But that's nothing, watch this." For a half hour the large craft simply plods along straight as an arrow, not even so much as dipping the wings.
After a while, the cargo pilot comes back on the radio and says "So, what'd you think?"
Jock: "What d'you mean? You didn't do anything. You just flew straight for a while."
Cargo: "Oh no, that wasn't all. I got up, stretched my legs, got some coffee, went to the bathroom..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Pirates life for me...
A first mate says to his captain "sir i have the yearn in me l**..., and we haven't made port in weeks what do i do"
Captain : "I too have this problem , and have a solution!. when ever ye feel the need, place your self in this hole in the barrel, except on Wednesdays never on Wednesdays"
1st.Mate: "that's a great plan sir, but why not Wednesdays is that when we clean it out?"
Captain:"no you slimy dog Wednesdays is your turn in the barrel"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and a p**... go to Saudi Arabia
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and a p**... go to Saudi Arabia. They decide to start drinking and somehow get caught. the go to see the Sultan for their punishment. The Sultan says "You're lucky today. I'm feeling nice today and I will only give you 50 lashes and you can choose to put anything on your back."
The Englishman chooses a pillow and the pillow takes 6 lashes and he gets the rest on the back.
The Scotsman goes next. he chooses a barrel top. The barrel top takes 25 and he takes the rest to the back.
The p**... goes last and being an honest man, says "You know, Sultan, the drinking was my idea."
the sultan is surprised by his honesty but says "I appreciate your honesty but since you started it, you shall get 250 lashes"
the Irishman had the Englishman strapped to his back.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Four passengers flying on a small plane. ..
Saudi, Chinese, Mexican and an American. While flying the plane began experiencing difficulties and the pilot determined the reason being a heavy load. So he suggested that every one gets rid of some unnecessary luggage by tossing it out the window, otherwise they will c**.... The Saudi man had a barrel of oil, so he tossed it out telling the others that there are a lot of oil in his country so he didn't really need it and it could be replaced rather easily. The Chinese man grabbed a big bag of rice, tossed it out and said the same thing. The American man looked around and he saw the Mexican guy, so he grabbed him and threw him out the window mentioning the same reason like the other two.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the worst place to be during a tornado?
c**... Barrel.
A cowboy rides into town...
And he stops in at the local saloon. The cowboy orders a drink and looks around the bar.. He notices that there are no women in the saloon. The cowboy asks the bartender "Are there any ladies in this town? I've been riding for days and I am alone." The bartender replies " Ain't been a woman here in years, but we have a special barrel out back." The cowboy looks at the bartender and says "I guess I'll give it a shot if it's as good as you say it is." The cowboy goes out, uses the barrel and when he's finished he comes back into the bar and says to the bartender " that was amazing. How often can I use it?" The bartender says "You can use it everyday but Thursday." The cowboy asks "Well, why can't I use it on Thursday?" The bartender replies "Thursday is your day in the barrel."
An old russian joke I heard a long time ago
In the middle his night patrol, a police officer notices a guy walking around a wooden barrel. He steps out of his vehicle, approaches, and asks, "hey, comrade, are you drunk?"
The man responds: "No, God forbid, I am perfectly sober, comrade officer! Besides I am almost home, my house is right after this fence!"
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde rob a bank and lose the cops long enough to find a place to hide.
They drive until they find an empty barn, ditch their car, and duck inside just as they start to hear sirens. The brunette hides in a barrel, the redhead hides in a haystack, and the blonde hides in a burlap sack, and shortly thereafter, a police officer comes into the barn to search for them.
He comes to the barrel and kicks it hard, hoping to spook anyone hiding inside.
The brunette goes, "Meow! Meow!"
"Just a cat," says the cop, and continues on his way.
He comes to the haystack and rustles it, hoping to spook anyone hiding inside.
The redhead goes, "Squeak! Squeak!"
"Just a rat," says the cop, and continues on his way.
He comes to the burlap sack and tugs on it, hoping to spook anyone hiding inside it.
The blonde goes, "Potatoes! Potatoes!"
I hope oil stays at under $50 a barrel, because Valentine's Day is coming up - Conan O'brien
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
c**... Barrel just won a $10 Billion contract to construct a restaurant on Mars, to serve future colonists.
According to NASA, this is the most cost-effective means of creating atmosphere.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
THE NEW RECRUIT
A man joins the navy and is shipped out immediately to an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The captain is showing the new recruit around the ship, when the recruit asks the captain what the sailors do to satisfy their urges when they're at sea for so long.
"Let me show you," says the captain.
He takes the recruit down to the rear of the ship where there's a solitary barrel with a hole in it.
"This'll be the best s**... you'll ever have. Go ahead and try it, and I'll give you some privacy."
The recruit doesn't quite believe it, but he decides to try it anyway. After he finishes up, the captain returns.
"Wow! That was the best s**... I've ever had! I want to do it every day!"
"Fine. You can do it every day except for Thursday."
"Why not Thursday?"
"That's your day in the barrel."
A parrot in a barrel
Is in peril.
What did the refined oil say to the oil barrel with bad manners?
"Crude!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Notice: Due to overwhelming political pressure, c**... Barrel will now be known as Caucasian Barrel.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a m**... church?
A c**... Barrel.
I invented a radical new type of pencil today.
Well, to be honest, the more you write with it, the more of the barrel and grip gets used up.
But the point remains...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A telecoms engineer joins the army...
On the shooting range the Sergeant shows him the distant target and tells him to fire six rounds, which he does. The Sarge walks all the way to the target and shouts back "You haven't hit it at all!" The telecoms guy puts his finger over the end of the barrel, pulls the trigger and blows his finger clean off and shouts back:- "It's leaving here ok - the problem must be at your end!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A tub, pail, can, basket, canister, vat, kettle, cask, p**..., keg, barrel, and bowl.
I needed to make a bucket list before I die.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Kevin Spacey likes his guys like he likes his whiskey...
12 years old and in a barrel, OR 18 years old and full of coke.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
White taking a gun safety class, I was looking into the barrel of a p**... when the gun accidentally fired.
It really opened my eyes.
What does a gun say when it gets a barrel extension?
"Help! I'm being suppressed!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Someone put me inside a barrel..
..and push me down a hill.
I just roll with it
The IT man
One of Microsoft's finest technicians was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.
The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If the k**... was meeting for lunch where would they go?
c**... Barrel.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I always wanted to lay n**... on a bearskin rug in front of a fireplace...
Evidently c**... Barrel has a policy against this.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The back of my t**... has been itching.
I think I'm allergic to gun barrel.
What could you put into a barrel of water to make it lighter?
A hole.
What's the difference between the end of a ship's gun and a Conservative pundit singing at Christmas?
One is a Cannon Barrel and the other is a Bannon Carole
Donald Trump said he named his daughter Tiffany after his favorite store: Tiffany's.
How ridiculous is that?
In fact, I was just talking about that with my two sons, Crate and Barrel.
I once saw Harold Houdini tell jokes during one of his performances.
It was a barrel of laughs.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a group of Caucasians rolling down a hill?
A c**... barrel
I once gave Houdini some Nitrous Oxide to help him with one of his stunts.
It was a barrel of laughs.
A Vietnamese American woman, Christine Nguyen, wanted to preserve her surname.
Christine Nguyen, wanted to keep her surname after marriage, so she resolved to not take on the surname of the man she married, or change her name to a double barrel name that included her family's name.
Luckily, the man she ended up marrying was also Vietnamese American too, who just happened to have the same surname: Nguyen.
It was a win-win situation.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between an anti-vaxxer and a barrel of radioactive waste?
Nothing. They should both be locked up and labelled "dangerous substance"
Crude Oil massage
Barber : shoul I massage ur head ?
Me : ok, which oil will u use ?
Barber : Almond Oil is for 250₹
Me : herbal oil ?
Barber: 150₹
Me: Coconut Oil
Barber : 100₹
Me : anything cheaper than this ?
Barber *to his helper* : chhotu, get that barrel of crude oil
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Annoying a vegan...
...is like shooting fish in a barrel. Which annoys them even more
Walking down the road, I ran into a farmer's wife
She was dragging along a huge barrel full of tomatoes. I said, "Hey, what are you gonna do with all those tomatoes?" The farmer's wife said, "Well, we eat what we can. And what we can't, we can."
A guy put a gallon each of strawberry, grape and apple flavored punch in a barrel, jumped in and rolled down a local hill. His friend asked, but why?
He replied: I just wanted to roll with the punches.
A perfect robbery
Three men are being chased by the police after robbing a store
They find a barn and run into quick, where they find 3 barrels
They each jump into a barrel
The police come into the barn and tap on each barrel
On the first barrel the officer taps
He hears "woof woof"
The officer says "it's ok, it's just a dog"
On the second barrel, the officer taps tree times
He hears "meow, meow"
The officer says "it's ok, it's just a cat"
On the third barrel, the officer taps again
This time he hears "PO-TAY-TO"
The officer says "it's just an Irish parrot"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A joke in Arabic
Let's hope this translation works.
A guy who was wasted went to take a p**... in an ally next to a barrel, passed out fell in the barrel pants down, a**... in the air.
A guy who was super high passed by and saw the a**... .. picked a stick and shoved it up the drunk's a**..., the drunk screams.
*No wonder why people are becoming so spoiled this a**... works fine and they throw it in the trash*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whatrestraunt is always full of white people?
c**... Barrel
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does Captain Morgan always have his foot on a barrel of r**...?
Because he can barrely stand.
This is a reupload of my post from earlier due to a misspell that ruined the joke.
