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Barn Jokes

143 barn jokes and hilarious barn puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about barn that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for something to keep you laughing? Check out these hilarious barn jokes! From barn owls to door puns and barn dances to pastures and silos, these jokes are perfect for any crowd. Whether you're at a barn wedding or barn dance, these jokes will make you and your friends smile.

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Funniest Barn Short Jokes

Short barn jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The barn humour may include short farmhouse jokes also.

  1. A horse walks into a barn A horse walks into a barn
    The Barntender says, "Hay, the usual?"
  2. If anyone is interested, I'll be signing books today at Barnes & Noble from 6 pm... until I'm removed by security.
  3. What kind of farm has lots of books but no livestock? Barns and no-bulls.
    (This joke was made up by my 7 year-old cousin.)
  4. My black girlfriend told me this on our first date. What do you call 200 black people in a barn?
    Antique farm equipment.
  5. The internet connection at my farm is really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn. Now I have stable wifi.
  6. Two cows are standing in a barn. Cow 1: Hey, did you hear about the big outbreak of mad cow disease?
    Cow 2: Good thing I'm a helicopter.
  7. The internet connection at my farm was terribly slow, so I moved my modem to the barn... Now I have stable wifi.
  8. Got kicked out of Barnes and Noble for moving the "Caution Wet Floor" sign to the Fifty Shades of Gray aisle.
  9. Whenever anybody says they are trying to find a needle in a haystack, I cant help but wonder... ...who was shooting up in the barn?
  10. When I see Donald Trump I get the same thought in my head as I get after a particularly painful bikini wax.
    Bush wasn't that bad.

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Barn One Liners

Which barn one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with barn? I can suggest the ones about garage and barrel.

  1. You know why the gates of heaven are always left open? Cuz Jesus was raised in a barn!
  2. How do you get 500 cows into a barn? Put a bingo sign on it.
  3. Imagine how happy barn owls were .... when people finally started making barns.
  4. What's an Amish person's favourite type of raisin? Barn raisin'
  5. A farmer installed a modem in his barn I guess you could say he has stable internet now
  6. What sort of Internet connection can you get in a barn? Stable WiFi.
  7. "Did you know your son lit the barn on fire!?!" You mean "arson"?
  8. How do you get 500 old cows in to a barn? Put up a Bingo sign.
  9. What do you call a hockey player in a leaky barn? Grain Wetzsky
  10. I got an anti-gravity book at barnes and noble today. it's impossible to put down.
  11. Got my first job today at a barn! they told me the work was stable...
  12. I'll be at Barnes and Noble today signing books until 6 Or until the police kick me out.
  13. Why does Jesus always leave a door open for you? Because he was born in a barn.
  14. A horse walks into a barn. The barntender says, "Hey, why the wrong place?"
  15. Whats an amish person's favorite kind of raisin? A barn raisin.

Barn Door Jokes

Here is a list of funny barn door jokes and even better barn door puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Jesus Christ, 12 years old, steps out of his home but neglects to close the door behind him. Mary: Hold on, son! Were you born in a barn?
  • I was lying in bed last night, counting sheep, when I thought to myself: 'I could have sworn I shut the barn door...'
  • Jesus returns home from worship And leaves the front door open. Mary sees this and says
    "Jesus! Close the door! Were you born in a barn?"
    Jesus looks to Mary and says, "Yes mom I was."
  • Saint Joseph said Jesus, close the door behind you. Were you born in a barn? Whatever! You're not my real dad!
  • Jesus never shuts the door behind himself. Because he was born in a barn.
  • Jesus didn't know how to close a door. He was born in a barn.

Barn Dance Jokes

Here is a list of funny barn dance jokes and even better barn dance puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why don't you see black people at barn dances? They overreact every time they hear h**... down
Barn joke, Why don't you see black people at barn dances?

Barn Owl Jokes

Here is a list of funny barn owl jokes and even better barn owl puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A friend of mine has nocturnal birds of prey nesting in his barn. I'm getting owl-ly updates.
  • What did Dj Khaled say to the barn owl? You talonted
  • Where in Russia did the barn owl live? In Barnaul.
  • I said to this barn owl, I said I've just got engaged. He said, you twit to who?
Barn joke, I said to this barn owl, I said I've just got engaged.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about barn can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of barn puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Fun-Filled Barn Jokes to Boost Your Mood

What funny jokes about barn you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean farm boy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make barn prank.

Why was Jesus born in a barn?

Because there was no w**... at the inn

Jeb and Jethro

Jeb and Jethro live in the hills, about 5 miles outside of town. Jeb asks Jethro to go in to town to pick up some lumber. Jethro walks the 5 miles to town to the local
lumberyard.
"Jeb says we're gonna need some 4 x 2's" Jethro tells the yardman.
"Do you mean 2 x 4's?" asks the yardman.
"Well, I don't rightly know, I better go ask Jeb" says Jethro and walks the 10 miles to the hills and back to town.
"Jeb says we're gonna need 2 x 4's" Jethro tells the yardman.
"Now, how many 2 x 4's will you need?" asks the yardman.
"Well, I don't rightly know, I better go ask Jeb." says Jethro, and again walks the 10 miles to the hills and back to town.
"Jeb says were gonna need about 40 of 'em" Jethro tells the yardman.
"Now, how long will you need them?" asks the yardman.
"Well, I don't rightly know, I better go ask Jeb" says Jethro and yet again walks the 10 miles to the hills and back to town.
Upon returning Jethro says to the yardman, "Jeb says you better give 'em to us for a while . . . we're gonna build a barn."

Mad Cow Disease

There are two cows out in the pasture, watching as the farmer takes a prize bull behind the barn to shoot it.
The first cow looks at the second one and says "Can't believe Joe came down with mad cow disease. Are you scared we might get it too?"
The second cow looks at the first cow with a puzzled look and says "Why should I be scared? We're ducks."

Collection of my favorite Latvian Jokes.

* Man is hungry. He steal bread to feed family. Get home, find all family have gone Siberia! More bread for me, man think. But bread have worm.
* Man car break down near house of farmer. Take shelter in barn. Find farmer daughter in barn. Oh! Hot stuff! But TOO LATE! Is already r**... by soldier.
* Latvian walk into bar with mule. Bartender say, Why so long face? Latvian say, I was thinking of my daughter. She has been lie with soldier for potato feed baby.
* Three Latvian are brag about sons. My son is soldier. He have r**... as many women as want, say first Latvian. Zo? second say, My son is farmer. He have all potato he want! Third Latvian wait long time, then say, My son is die at birth. For him, struggle is over. Wow! You are win us, say others. But all are feel sad.
* Q : What are one potato say other potato? A : Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?
* Q : How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb? A : 25. One screw in, 24 ride bicycle generator for 1-hour shift. But time probably better spend search food.
* Q: What is happening if you cross Latvian and potato? A: This is cruel joke. please, no more.

An old woman notices her husband's fly is unzipped...

An old woman sees her husband's fly on his pants is unzipped. She says, "You left the barn door open. The cow is gonna get out if ya don't close it."
The old man replied, "It can't get out if it can't get up!"
(I adapted this from an actual exchange that my great grandparents had a few years ago.)

A farmer is drinkin' in his barn one night...

and decides to go wake his wife. He grabs a goat and heads up to their barn loft, wakes her up, and says "Hey! This here's the pig I've been f**...' ". She replies, "But Earlie, that there's a goat.." "I was talkin' to the goat!"

An officer pulls up at the scene of an accident

where a car has driven through a field, killed several livestock and crashed into a barn. He decides to interview Steve who is struggling to keep his balance and is being propped up by Karen.
"Been out for a few have we mate?" asks the officer.
"Shuure ave mate" grins Steve.
"I realise you are very drunk sir," states the officer, "but that is absolutely no excuse to let your wife drive you home!"

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are running from the police....

.... they run into a barn to hide. The brunette hides behind a stall of cows, the redhead hides in the goat pen, and the blonde hides behind bags full of potatoes. The police come in and shine their flashlights on the cows. The brunette says "MOO!" and the police shine their lights on the goats. The redhead says "BAHH!", so the police move on to the potatoes. They shine their lights on them and the blonde says "POTATOES!!!"

3 bags.

A Scotsman, Englishman and an Irishman are all being chased by soldiers, they all run into a Barn and hide in big burlap sacks. The soldier walk in and hunt for them, they poke the first bag and the Scotsman says "Meow!" so they pass it off as a bag of kittens. They poke the second pack and the Englishman says "Woof!" so they pass it off as a bag of puppies. They poke the third bag and the Irishman says "Potatoes!"

A farmer walks into his barn with a bucket.

He starts milking his cow, while a pesky fly continues to buzz around the cows head. Suddenly the fly goes straight in to the cows ear. The farmer doesn't think much of it, just continues milking, when suddenly it shoots out into the bucket. The farmer, freaked out, exclaimed "it went in one ear and out the udder!"

Sven And olaf

Sven and Olaf are repairing the roof on the barn, Olaf hammers a few nails, then throws one over his shoulder, pounds a few more and throws another away. He keeps doing this till Sven sees him and asks "Olaf vhy do you keep trowing avay the nails?" Olaf replies " ah there are so many facing the wrong vay" "ufda!" Sven yells " Vad Fan? pucko, they are for the odder side of the roof!!"

Bubba and Earl

Earl walks into Bubba's barn and finds Bubba dancing n**... in front of his John Deere. Earl says "Bubba what are you doin' "
Bubba says "Me and the wife haven't been doin so good in the bedroom lately and the therapist said I should do something s**... to a tractor"

Joke told by my pastor

There was a couple riding in a car together, arguing. Neither wanted to concede the argument, so they didn't stop. Eventually, they both got tired out, and settled into an angry silence.
A few miles down the road, they passed a barn full of the most disgusting pigs and cows imaginable. The angry wife sniped at her husband, "Are those part of your family?"
The husband responded, "Yes, they're my in-laws."

How does a barnacle like its martinis?

On the rocks.

Another blonde joke

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are hiding from a farmer in a barn.

The brunette hides in a horse stable.

The red head hides behind a cow.

And the blonde hides in a pile of potatoes.

As the farmer walks up to the stable the brunette says "neiiigh". He goes to the cows and the red head goes "mooo". The blonde hears this and as the farmer approaches her corner of the barn she says "potato potato potato"

A cat entered a barn

A cat entered a barn:
Meooow!
All the mice hid. The cat broke the silence again:
Woof, woof!
All the mice came out of hiding. The moral: It's always good to study a second language.

two cows in a barn

One turns to the other and says, "Man this mad cow disease really has me on edge." then other cow says "*Pshh* I don't care, I'm a helicopter!"

A blonde was walking by a field...

And saw another blonde in a rowboat paddling away at the dirt and stirring up a ton of dust.
The blonde walking called out, "Hey! What are you doing?!"
The other blonde replied, "I'm trying to get over to the barn! Could you help me?"
The blonde walking retorted, "Well, I would but I can't swim."

My internet connection on my farm was be terrible until I moved the router in the horse barn.

Now I have stable WiFi.

Why are barns so noisy?

All the cows have horns

We had to put my horse down.

After he escaped from the barn, the veterinarian said he was too unstable.

What did the farmer say when the police found the gate from the public footpath in his barn and accused him of stealing?

That's not my stile.

I approached the grieving widow at the f**....

"Tell me my dear, what were his final words?"
She sniffled and feebly replied.
"You don't scare me with that gun Martha, you couldn't hit the broad side of a barn!"

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head just robbed a bank.

They run into a barn to hide from the cops chasing them. Each of them jumps into an empty burlap sack when the cops come in.
The cops see the bags so they inspect them. The cops shakes the red head's bag. "Woof woof !" Says the red head. So the cops move on, thinking that it's just the farmer's dog.
The cops shake the brunette's bag. "Meow!" Says the brunette. So the cops move on.
The cops approach the third sack and shake the bag. The blonde yells "potatoes!"

What do you call.....

What do you call dead black people in a barn?
Antique farm equipment!

What does a bull do to stay warm on a cold day?

It goes into a barn and slips into a nice warm Jersey.

A Bitter Cold Day

Q: What does a bull do on a bitter cold winter day? ...
A: He goes into the barn and slips inside a warm Jersey

A dying grandma tells her grandchild....

A dying grandma tells her grandchild, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the barn, livestock, the harvest, the tractor, and other equipment, the farmhouse and $24,548,750.45 in cash." The grandchild, absolutely floored and about to become rich says, "Oh grandma, you are SO generous! I didn't even know you had a farm. Where is it?" With her last breath, Grandma whispered, "Facebook..."

What does an Italian cow say when he gets an extra delivery of hay to the barn?

That's amorehay!

An infinite number of mathematically inclined cows walk into a bar...

And the bartender says, "close the door! Were you raised in a barn?!"
But the cows keep shuffling in.
Because they don't understand English.

What do you call a cow on the barn floor?

Ground beef

What does ISIS call a barn full of sheep?

A brothel

How do you find a needle in a hay stack?

Lock a j**... in the barn

A horse walks into a bar

I'm sorry, typo, I meant BARN. A horse walks into a barn after a long day working the farm.

What do you call a milk barn thief?

A creaminal

My brother-in-law, a retired farmer, collects antique tractors.

He has an entire barn full of them, absolutely amazing, not even any room to walk, and all in perfect working order. He confided in me the other day what his worst fear is. "A barn fire?" I asked. "No, not at all. I'm afraid that when I am gone, my wife will sell all my tractors for what I told her I paid for them."

I was watching a spy thriller involving farmers last night.

It was called Barn Notice.

A farmer comes home to find his sheepdog waiting for him.

The sheepdog says: "I herded the sheep into the barn, just like you asked!"
"You sure you got them all?" The farmer replies.
"Yep! All 40 of them!" Says the sheepdog.
"40? But I only have 37 sheep." Replies the farmer.
The sheepdog answers: "I know. I rounded them up for you."

Why did Andy Griffith retire to a farm?

So he could see barn every day.

A farmer walks into a bar...

Barn*

The mailman asked the farmer if he had a horse that smoked sigars

Farmer replied no
'Then your barn is on fire'

TIL Donald Trump personally built the barn for his daughters horses, and apparently he did a better job than most professional barn raisers do.

Guess you could say that makes him a stable Genius.

Two farmers are standing at a fence talking.

Farmer 1: Do your cows smoke cigarettes?
Farmer 2: No, of course not!!
Farmer 1: Then your barn is on fire.

Three boys are hanging around a farm trying to get a glimpse of the farmer's daughter showering.

The farmer notices them and he grabs his shotgun. They run and hide in the barn, each in one sack. The farmer arrives at the barn, and notices the 3 sacks.
He kicks one. From the sack, a sound comes out: Meow!
"Must be a cat." He moves on.
Kicks the second sack: Woof! Woof!!
"Must be a dog." He moves on.
He kicks the third sack: The sack says: "Potatoes!"

The apostles are at the last supper...

Jesus is eating like a slob and spilling wine everywhere and Judas says to him "Were you born in a barn?"

Barnyard Animals

What do cows say?
Moo
What do sheep say?
Baa
And what do pigs say?
Do you know why I pulled you over?

I'm trying to build a barn and keep running into problems.

I just can't find a stable solution.

Why are barns the most welcoming building?

They're full of hey

m**... was going to see p**......

He went to his farm and p**...'s wife Mary said he's out in the barn.
When m**... walked in to the barn he seen p**... dancing n**... in front of his tractor.
m**... said what are you doing p**...?
p**... replied, you know me and Mary were having problems in the bed room, so we went to a therapist and he said do something s**... to a tractor..

How do you fit 300 cows into a barn?

Easy. Put up a "BINGO" sign

Did you hear about the German girl who lost her virginity in a barn to a horse?

She gesundheit & comesoutloose

The man with a hay f**..., charged with public indecency due to his acts performed in a barn...

...is released on bale.

Two cows are chillin in a barn and one says...

"Are you afraid of that mad cow disease?" Cow #2 responds "Why the f*c**... would I care, I'm a squirrel"

What happens if you paint a barn red in Norway?

A pair of very angry Norwegian speaking parents.

What do you call a couple of black people in a barn?

Outdated working equipment.

How do you call a pharmacist in a barn?

Farmer-cist

Why was the farmer scared to get in the barn?

The cows kept saying Boo.

Why was the color coordinated farmer's barn shaking?

Brown chicken brown cow.

What did the v**... Mary say?

Jesus Christ! Clean your room! Were you born in a barn?

Where do you take a horse when it breaks its leg?

To the horse-pital!...

...Nah, not really, take it out back behind the barn and shoot it

I dont trust horses,

Me and my wife once took a carriage ride and I fell asleep.
We woke up in a barn, and my wife was pregnant.

What do you call the smartest horse in the barn?

A stable genius

A traveling salesman knocked on the door of a farmhouse..

And since it was getting late, he asked the farmer if he could sleep in the barn that night. The farmer said, "That would be fine, but you have to promise to leave my son alone." And the salesman said, Oh no! I'm in the wrong joke!"

What? were you born in a barn?

If you mean like Jesus. Then yes!

Barn joke, What? were you born in a barn?

jokes about barn

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these barn jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.