The Best 69 Barn Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Barn jokes. There are some barn ranch jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these barn paddock puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Barn Jokes and Puns

Whats an amish person's favorite kind of raisin?

A barn raisin.

Why was Jesus born in a barn?

Because there was no womb at the inn

Mad Cow Disease

There are two cows out in the pasture, watching as the farmer takes a prize bull behind the barn to shoot it.
The first cow looks at the second one and says "Can't believe Joe came down with mad cow disease. Are you scared we might get it too?"
The second cow looks at the first cow with a puzzled look and says "Why should I be scared? We're ducks."

Barn joke, Mad Cow Disease

Collection of my favorite Latvian Jokes.

* Man is hungry. He steal bread to feed family. Get home, find all family have gone Siberia! More bread for me, man think. But bread have worm.

* Man car break down near house of farmer. Take shelter in barn. Find farmer daughter in barn. Oh! Hot stuff! But TOO LATE! Is already rape by soldier.

* Latvian walk into bar with mule. Bartender say, Why so long face? Latvian say, I was thinking of my daughter. She has been lie with soldier for potato feed baby.

* Three Latvian are brag about sons. My son is soldier. He have rape as many women as want, say first Latvian. Zo? second say, My son is farmer. He have all potato he want! Third Latvian wait long time, then say, My son is die at birth. For him, struggle is over. Wow! You are win us, say others. But all are feel sad.

* Q : What are one potato say other potato? A : Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?

* Q : How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb? A : 25. One screw in, 24 ride bicycle generator for 1-hour shift. But time probably better spend search food.

* Q: What is happening if you cross Latvian and potato? A: This is cruel joke. please, no more.

An old woman notices her husband's fly is unzipped...

An old woman sees her husband's fly on his pants is unzipped. She says, "You left the barn door open. The cow is gonna get out if ya don't close it."

The old man replied, "It can't get out if it can't get up!"

(I adapted this from an actual exchange that my great grandparents had a few years ago.)


A farmer is drinkin' in his barn one night...

and decides to go wake his wife. He grabs a goat and heads up to their barn loft, wakes her up, and says "Hey! This here's the pig I've been fuckin' ". She replies, "But Earlie, that there's a goat.." "I was talkin' to the goat!"

An officer pulls up at the scene of an accident

where a car has driven through a field, killed several livestock and crashed into a barn. He decides to interview Steve who is struggling to keep his balance and is being propped up by Karen.

"Been out for a few have we mate?" asks the officer.

"Shuure ave mate" grins Steve.

"I realise you are very drunk sir," states the officer, "but that is absolutely no excuse to let your wife drive you home!"

Barn joke, An officer pulls up at the scene of an accident

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are running from the police....

.... they run into a barn to hide. The brunette hides behind a stall of cows, the redhead hides in the goat pen, and the blonde hides behind bags full of potatoes. The police come in and shine their flashlights on the cows. The brunette says "MOO!" and the police shine their lights on the goats. The redhead says "BAHH!", so the police move on to the potatoes. They shine their lights on them and the blonde says "POTATOES!!!"

3 bags.

A Scotsman, Englishman and an Irishman are all being chased by soldiers, they all run into a Barn and hide in big burlap sacks. The soldier walk in and hunt for them, they poke the first bag and the Scotsman says "Meow!" so they pass it off as a bag of kittens. They poke the second pack and the Englishman says "Woof!" so they pass it off as a bag of puppies. They poke the third bag and the Irishman says "Potatoes!"

A farmer walks into his barn with a bucket.

He starts milking his cow, while a pesky fly continues to buzz around the cows head. Suddenly the fly goes straight in to the cows ear. The farmer doesn't think much of it, just continues milking, when suddenly it shoots out into the bucket. The farmer, freaked out, exclaimed "it went in one ear and out the udder!"

Bubba and Earl

Earl walks into Bubba's barn and finds Bubba dancing naked in front of his John Deere. Earl says "Bubba what are you doin' "

Bubba says "Me and the wife haven't been doin so good in the bedroom lately and the therapist said I should do something sexy to a tractor"

You can explore barn pasture reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean barn haystack dad jokes. There are also barn puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Why does Jesus always leave a door open for you?

Because he was born in a barn.

How does a barnacle like its martinis?

On the rocks.

Another blonde joke

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are hiding from a farmer in a barn.

The brunette hides in a horse stable.

The red head hides behind a cow.

And the blonde hides in a pile of potatoes.

As the farmer walks up to the stable the brunette says "neiiigh". He goes to the cows and the red head goes "mooo". The blonde hears this and as the farmer approaches her corner of the barn she says "potato potato potato"

two cows in a barn

One turns to the other and says, "Man this mad cow disease really has me on edge." then other cow says "*Pshh* I don't care, I'm a helicopter!"

A blonde was walking by a field...

And saw another blonde in a rowboat paddling away at the dirt and stirring up a ton of dust.
The blonde walking called out, "Hey! What are you doing?!"
The other blonde replied, "I'm trying to get over to the barn! Could you help me?"
The blonde walking retorted, "Well, I would but I can't swim."

Barn joke, A blonde was walking by a field...

My internet connection on my farm was be terrible until I moved the router in the horse barn.

Now I have stable WiFi.

I approached the grieving widow at the funeral.

"Tell me my dear, what were his final words?"

She sniffled and feebly replied.

"You don't scare me with that gun Martha, you couldn't hit the broad side of a barn!"

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head just robbed a bank.

They run into a barn to hide from the cops chasing them. Each of them jumps into an empty burlap sack when the cops come in.

The cops see the bags so they inspect them. The cops shakes the red head's bag. "Woof woof !" Says the red head. So the cops move on, thinking that it's just the farmer's dog.

The cops shake the brunette's bag. "Meow!" Says the brunette. So the cops move on.

The cops approach the third sack and shake the bag. The blonde yells "potatoes!"


What do you call.....

What do you call dead black people in a barn?

Antique farm equipment!

My black girlfriend told me this on our first date.

What do you call 200 black people in a barn?

Antique farm equipment.

What does a bull do to stay warm on a cold day?

It goes into a barn and slips into a nice warm Jersey.

Two cows are standing in a barn.

Cow 1: Hey, did you hear about the big outbreak of mad cow disease?

Cow 2: Good thing I'm a helicopter.

A dying grandma tells her grandchild....

A dying grandma tells her grandchild, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the barn, livestock, the harvest, the tractor, and other equipment, the farmhouse and $24,548,750.45 in cash." The grandchild, absolutely floored and about to become rich says, "Oh grandma, you are SO generous! I didn't even know you had a farm. Where is it?" With her last breath, Grandma whispered, "Facebook..."

What does an Italian cow say when he gets an extra delivery of hay to the barn?

That's amorehay!

An infinite number of mathematically inclined cows walk into a bar...

And the bartender says, "close the door! Were you raised in a barn?!"

But the cows keep shuffling in.

Because they don't understand English.

How do you get 500 cows into a barn?

Put a bingo sign on it.

What does ISIS call a barn full of sheep?

A brothel

How do you find a needle in a hay stack?

Lock a junkie in the barn

Got my first job today at a barn!

they told me the work was stable...

What do you call a milk barn thief?

A creaminal

My brother-in-law, a retired farmer, collects antique tractors.

He has an entire barn full of them, absolutely amazing, not even any room to walk, and all in perfect working order. He confided in me the other day what his worst fear is. "A barn fire?" I asked. "No, not at all. I'm afraid that when I am gone, my wife will sell all my tractors for what I told her I paid for them."

A farmer comes home to find his sheepdog waiting for him.

The sheepdog says: "I herded the sheep into the barn, just like you asked!"

"You sure you got them all?" The farmer replies.

"Yep! All 40 of them!" Says the sheepdog.

"40? But I only have 37 sheep." Replies the farmer.

The sheepdog answers: "I know. I rounded them up for you."

Whenever anybody says they are trying to find a needle in a haystack, I cant help but wonder...

...who was shooting up in the barn?

Why did Andy Griffith retire to a farm?

So he could see barn every day.

Jesus returns home from worship

And leaves the front door open. Mary sees this and says

"Jesus! Close the door! Were you born in a barn?"

Jesus looks to Mary and says, "Yes mom I was."

You know why the gates of heaven are always left open?

Cuz Jesus was raised in a barn!

A farmer walks into a bar...

Barn*

What do you call a hockey player in a leaky barn?

Grain Wetzsky

TIL Donald Trump personally built the barn for his daughters horses, and apparently he did a better job than most professional barn raisers do.

Guess you could say that makes him a stable Genius.

I'll be at Barnes and Noble today signing books until 6

Or until the police kick me out.

Three boys are hanging around a farm trying to get a glimpse of the farmer's daughter showering.

The farmer notices them and he grabs his shotgun. They run and hide in the barn, each in one sack. The farmer arrives at the barn, and notices the 3 sacks.

He kicks one. From the sack, a sound comes out: Meow!

"Must be a cat." He moves on.

Kicks the second sack: Woof! Woof!!

"Must be a dog." He moves on.

He kicks the third sack: The sack says: "Potatoes!"

The apostles are at the last supper...

Jesus is eating like a slob and spilling wine everywhere and Judas says to him "Were you born in a barn?"

What sort of Internet connection can you get in a barn?

Stable WiFi.

I'm trying to build a barn and keep running into problems.

I just can't find a stable solution.

Why are barns the most welcoming building?

They're full of hey

Mick was going to see Paddy...

He went to his farm and Paddy's wife Mary said he's out in the barn.
When Mick walked in to the barn he seen paddy dancing naked in front of his tractor.
Mick said what are you doing Paddy?
Paddy replied, you know me and Mary were having problems in the bed room, so we went to a therapist and he said do something sexy to a tractor..

A horse walks into a barn

A horse walks into a barn

The Barntender says, "Hay, the usual?"

Did you hear about the German girl who lost her virginity in a barn to a horse?

She gesundheit & comesoutloose

A traveling salesman knocked on the door of a farmhouse..

And since it was getting late, he asked the farmer if he could sleep in the barn that night. The farmer said, "That would be fine, but you have to promise to leave my son alone." And the salesman said, Oh no! I'm in the wrong joke!"

What? were you born in a barn?

If you mean like Jesus. Then yes!

I plan to run power out to my barn.

I'd like to have plumbing as well but that may just be a pipe dream.

Amish Joy candy bars: cuz sometimes you feel like a nut....

And sometimes you feel like raising a barn.

A milk thief goes into a barn

He finds a suitable cattle, and tries to milk it. Eventually he resorts to sucking on the udder, and eventually gets a spurt of gelatinous, salty milk. The farmer enters to see the man spitting it out, before the man remarks about the disgusting milk.

Farmer hands him a bucket, and points to another heifer. He says

"That's the female cow right there."

Billy saw the barn was ablaze, sprinted down the street, burst into a bar room full of gunslingers and shouted "Fire! Fire!"

And they did.

Imagine how happy barn owls were ....

when people finally started making barns.

My neighbor has a 15 acre farm, he breeds dogs to do work on them. He grows cantaloupe, and come harvest time the dogs sniff out the ripe ones and bring them back to the barn.

He says the breed are Melon Collies

I was lying in bed last night, counting sheep, when I thought to myself:

'I could have sworn I shut the barn door...'

A horse walks into a barn.

The barntender says, "Hey, why the wrong place?"

I'll be at Barnes and Noble signing books

from 7pm EST, until whenever security catches me and kicks me out

Two idiots are painting the roof of the barn...

Two idiots are painting the roof of the barn when it catches on fire. The only way down is to jump into the manure pile.

The first idiot says, I'll jump first and tell you how deep it is. He jumps, and a few seconds later the second idiot hears, it's only ankle deep!

The second idiot jumps and says, What on earth? I'm up to my neck!

And the first idiot says, Well you jumped feet first.

One farmer asks another

\- "Are your cows smokers?"

\- "No, that would be ridiculous!"

\- "Then your barn is on fire."

The internet connection at my farm was terribly slow, so I moved my modem to the barn...

Now I have stable wifi.

The internet connection at my farm is really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn.

Now I have stable wifi.

*Staring at a barn full of feed*

Me: That's alot of feed.

Farmer: Yeah. The cattle eat it.

Me: Man.....that's one hungry cat

I was trying to milk a goat once...

One evening, I was going to milk a goat in the barn. As I started, the goat tried to kick me by her back leg. So I took a rope and tied her leg to one of the wooden poles in the barn.

I tried to continue, but she tried to kick me by the other back leg, so I took another rope and tied it to the other pole.

Then, as I was bending to start milking her again, my belt buckle cracked, the belt came loose and my pants fell down...



And my wife came to the barn...



There are some situations, you are just not able to explain.

Farmer Joe decides to go down the road to visit his friend Eb.

When he arrives at Eb's farm he hears music coming from Eb's barn.

Going to take a look Joe finds Eb dancing naked around his John Deer!

Taking a step back Joe asks Eb what the heck he's doing?

Eb explains, "Well to be honest me and my woman's been having problems in the bedroom, so we went to see a sex therapist. I'm just doing what she suggested."

"Do something sexy to a tractor!"

My friend once dared me to adopt a baby cow, so I did, and now I have a barn full of them.

I guess that's what you'd call raising the steaks.

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are being chased by a farmer...

and they hide in his barn inside three sacks.

The farmer pokes the sack with the brunette with his pitchfork, and she says "meow"

He moves on to the next sack with the redhead, and she says "woof".

He moves on to the last sack with the blonde, and she says "potatoes".

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the barn hay jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working barn tractor piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes