Barking Jokes
72 barking jokes and hilarious barking puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about barking that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Read the funniest barking jokes! Whether you have a beloved canine companion like Fido or you're dealing with an unruly neighbor's dog, get a chuckle out of these jokes about our furry friends. Laugh your way through hostile barkings, doggy hijinks, and more!
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Funniest Barking Short Jokes
Short barking jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The barking humour may include short barks jokes also.
- I need to re-home a dog. It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot. If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.
- A kid asks, "Mommy, how come I'm black and you're white?" The mom replies, "Listen, the way I remember that party you're lucky you don't bark."
- One day the youngest son asks his mother, "Mom, why do I look so different from all my siblings?".... The mother says "Son, from what I remember about that party, you are lucky that you don't bark".
- I told my girlfriend that if she wanted her Hersheys bar she had to bark like a dog After she did it, I proceeded to eat it explaining that chocolate wasn't good for dogs.
- My wife thinks the dog can talk to her and that every bark is a word. My family asked what it was like and I said: It's rough
- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog because he shuts up after you let him in.
- "Mommy, why do I have black skin and you have white skin?" "Honey, when I think back to that night, you're lucky you don't bark."
- Animals can sense disasters before they happen. That's why the neighbors dog barks whenever I make a move on a girl.
- Q: If your dog was barking on the front door and your wife knocking on the back door, who should you let in first? A: The dog, because at least it would shut up once it got in.
- My friend had a dog... My friend had a dog that could only bark below 100hz. It was a sub woofer
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Barking One Liners
Which barking one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with barking? I can suggest the ones about dog bark and biting.
- I have a pet tree... It's like having a pet dog but the bark is much quieter.
- A tree will never hit you They're all bark and no bite
- How does a dog camouflage itself in the forest? It barks.
My 4 yo made this up. - How do dogs always know who is barking? They have collar ID
- Trees are like dogs Some shed and some don't. Others just bark
- How do you tell two dogwood trees apart? By their bark
- What does an Icelandic dogs bark sound like? Björk
- How many times a day does a dog bark? About 100, but that's just a ruff estimate.
- How do trees communicate? They bark.
- Why do dogs always bark when they hear a doorbell? It's almost never for them.
- I tried to build a computer out of wood, but it wouldn't turn on. All bark and no byte.
- I have a pet tree It's not as good as a pet dog but the bark is quieter.
- How do you identify a dogwood tree? By its bark.
- My dog has no sense of humor Every time I say knock knock he just starts barking.
- A wise chinese guy once said: If a dog barks- It's undercooked.
Barking Dog Jokes
Here is a list of funny barking dog jokes and even better barking dog puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Your wife is locked out at the front door yelling at you and your dog is barking at the back door to be let in. Which do you let in first? Your dog, because it'll stop barking once you let it in.
- My dog swallowed my engagement ring last night, but luckily coughed it out when he barked. There was a diamond in the ruff.
- I need to re-home a dog I need to re-home a dog. It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot.
If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you. - I taught my pet dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground today He went from Barking to Tooting in about 15 minutes
- What do you call a barking dog in a submarine? A sub-woofer!
- What did they call the dog that only barked in deep, gutteral borks? Subwoofer
- I've written a poem about the sounds made by dogs... It can only be read if you scan it first.
It's a bark ode. - I saw a man on the London Underground, teaching his dog to play the trumpet. He went from Barking to Tooting
- My neighbors dog barks unbelievably loud... ... so I asked him to train his dog to bark at a more believable level.
- What dog can't bark? A hot dog.
Laughable Barking Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about barking you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dog biting jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make barking pranks.
A black boy asks his white parents
"Daddy why are your and mommy's faces so bright if mine is so dark?" says the kid. The dad looks at him and goes: "Jimmy the party was so wild you should be happy you're not barking now".
Dog or Wife?
Your Wife is shouting at you to open the front door, and your dog is barking at the back door. Which one do you let in?
Well you can choose, but if you let the dog in at least they will stop barking.
The intelligent dog
Roxy, a large black Labrador, was sitting up in his seat at the movies, wagging his tail, growling at the villain and barking excitedly at the hero's escapades. The woman in the seat behind him was intrigued.
Excuse me, she said, tapping Roxy's owner on the shoulder, that dog is extraordinary. I've never seen anything like it!
Yes, he's surprised me, too, said the owner. He hated the book.
out the door
Q: if your wife was at the front door and your dog was barking at the back door which one will you let in first
a: your dog cause if you let him in first atleast he will shut up once he gets in :3
The police knocked on my door the other night...
...and informed me that they were there to take my dog away. Apparently there had been complaints that he was chasing down and barking at my neighbors' son on his bike.
I happen to know, however, that my dog doesn't ride a bike.
quick historical Russian joke from early 90's
Quick context - Soviet Union just collapsed and Moscow streets are full of desperate people trying to some money to survive. A dialogue between street meat vendor (V), and a potential customer (C):
***
C: Was this meat barking or meowing?
V: It was asking s**... questions.
A blind man decided to kill himself...
Q: When the blind man decided to kill himself by jumping off of the Empire State Building, how did he know when he was just about to hit the ground?
A: The dog quit barking.
AT THE DOOR
Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog -- at least he'll quiet down after you let him in.
A man went to the vet for advice to curb his racist dog that kept barking at his Asian neighbour.
"Muzzle him" the vet advised.
The man paused, and exclaimed, "could be, he does have a big beard"
Child ask Mom and Dad...
Why are you Guys White and I'm Black ?
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It was a wild o**..., be grateful you are not Barking.
A blonde and her husband
A blonde and her husband are sleeping when the neighbor's dog starts barking and wakes them up. The blonde sighs, shakes her fist and says 'Wait until you see what I'm going to do to those neighbors!'
She runs out of the house and five minutes later she comes back with a smile on her face. The husband asks 'So, what did you do?'
The blonde says 'Well, I took the dog from their yard and I put it in our yard to see how they like it having the neighbor's dog barking all night.'
My girlfriend "Dad joked" me on a hike.
I asked my girlfriend what she thought trees would sound like if they talked while on a hike.
She said "I bet we couldn't understand them"
I said "why do you think that?"
She said "because they probably only bark"
She then laughed the next half mile down the trail barking occasionally and saying "shh, shh, do you hear that? Thats a tree talking in the distance"
You are in the kitchen. Which one do you let in first?
On one side of the house outside is the dog barking to be let in, and on the other side is your wife who lost her keys screaming to be let in. Which one do you let in first, and why?
The dog - because at least he will shut up as soon as you let him in
A man was sitting on a park bench eating a hot dog.
A woman with a small dog walked up to sit in another bench across from the man. Almost immediately, the little dog began barking incessantly at the man while he ate.
The man asked "Would you mind if I throw him a bit?"
"Not at all," the woman replied.
The man picked the dog up and tossed him over a wall.
If you have your wife b**... at one door, and your dog barking at the other, which do you let in first and why?
The dog, because after you let him in, he stops whining.
Mom, how come you are white and I'm black ?
well, considering the things I vaguely remember doing in that party , just be lucky that you are not barking
"You never talk to me anymore, you treat me like I'm a dog barking"
"Oh, you were talking? I thought a dog was barking."
Why is it a bad idea to let dogs onboard the ISS?
Because they would keep barking at the vacuum in space
...Blonde dog!
...Blonde lying in bed with her husband listening to next door neighbours' dog barking for hours and hours every night!
* **blonde:** "I've had enough of this," ....the blonde runs downstairs, finally returns back to bed.
* **husband:** "The dog is still barking. What have you done?"
* **blonde:** "I've put their dog in our yard, now we'll see how they like it!"
My dog was barking at the neighbour's dog so I gave her a big stick...
Now she barks softly.
I kidnapped my neighbour's dog.
Let's see how he likes the constant barking.
Your dog is barking at the back door, and your wife is yelling at the front door. Who do you let in?
The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in
Why do dogs start barking instead of trying to solve the problem?
Because solving problems are ruff.
Why did the police arrest the dog?
Because he had some unpaid barking tickets
A kid asks his dad: Dad why am I black, if mom is white if and you are asian... ...
Dad answers: With the party we had that night, you better be grateful that you're not barking right now.
If Paw Patrol had humans instead of dogs
They'd probably look pretty weird while barking
Barking mouse
The cat closes in upon them as the terrified baby mice back into the corner with no where to run. Suddenly, out in a distance behind the cat, mama mouse began barking "woof, woof!". Caught off guard the cat immediately turned tail and ran. Seeing that the coast is clear, mama mouse came up to her babies and gathered them up. Having made sure that all her babies are accounted for, she said, "see children, that's why it's so important to learn a 2nd language."
Does the dog know the proverb?
The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
My dog has to wear this cone till he heals from surgery. It helps with the biting, but the barking?
He sounds like a sub-whoofer.
My dog was arrested today!
He had unpaid barking tickets.
A Blonde and her girlfriend are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours. The Blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this." She goes downstairs then comes back up to bed and her girlfriend says.
"The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?"The Blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard. Let's see how the neighbors like all the barking!"
My Alaskan sled dog was barking but no sound came out...
It turns out he was on Mala-mute
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course ... at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
Same service...
A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring me water and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it\`s all different. I come home, the dog brings the water and my wife runs around barking."
"Why complain ?" said the counselor, "You re still getting the same service!"
A man gets home for work and runs to the couch
Yells to his wife "HONEY QUICK GET ME A BEER BEFORE IT STARTS"
Frantically she runs to the kitchen grabs a beer runs it over to him. He c**... it.
"QUICK BRING ANOTHER ONE!"
Confused she runs and gets another one brings it to him.
He c**... it.
"ONE MORE TIME BEFORE IT STARTS!"
She says "YOU GET HOME FROM WORK HOP ON THE COUCH AND START BARKING ORDERS WHILE ALL DAY IVE BEEN...
"Nevermind it started"
Took my dog to the vet because he won't stop barking
Turns out he's got irritable bow-wow syndrome
For the couple of people that haven't seen this one yet.
Chris and Pat are in their residence listening to the neighbor's dog, who has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours. Finally, Chris jumps up and says, 'I've had enough of this'
Rushing downstairs, Chris finally returns, and Pat says 'The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?'
Chris says, 'I've put the dog in our backyard, let's see how they like it.'
A husband visited marriage counselled
and said: "When we were first married, | would
come home from the office, my wife would bring
my slippers and our cute little dog would run
around barking.
Now after ten years it's different. | come home,
the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs
around barking."
Said the counsellor: "Why complain. You are still
getting the same service.
In the corporate world they call it,
*Job Rotation*
Dog Joke
A husband and wife are having a hard time sleeping, given the fact their neighbor's dog is barking in the backyard all night long. Eventually, the wife tells her husband to go next door and get the dog to stop. The husband obeys and comes back a few minutes later.
"Okay, honey, that should solve the problem," he says as he goes back to bed.
"But the dog is still barking!" the wife complains. "What did you do?"
"I put their dog in our backyard. Now let's see how the neighbors like it!"
