Barking Dog Jokes
123 barking dog jokes and hilarious barking dog puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about barking dog that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Barking Dog Short Jokes
Short barking dog jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The barking dog humour may include short dog bark jokes also.
- I need to re-home a dog. It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot. If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.
- I told my girlfriend that if she wanted her Hersheys bar she had to bark like a dog After she did it, I proceeded to eat it explaining that chocolate wasn't good for dogs.
- My wife thinks the dog can talk to her and that every bark is a word. My family asked what it was like and I said: It's rough
- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog because he shuts up after you let him in.
- Animals can sense disasters before they happen. That's why the neighbors dog barks whenever I make a move on a girl.
- My friend had a dog... My friend had a dog that could only bark below 100hz. It was a sub woofer
- My dog swallowed my engagement ring last night, but luckily coughed it out when he barked. There was a diamond in the ruff.
- I taught my pet dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground today He went from Barking to Tooting in about 15 minutes
- I've written a poem about the sounds made by dogs... It can only be read if you scan it first.
It's a bark ode. - My neighbors dog barks unbelievably loud... ... so I asked him to train his dog to bark at a more believable level.
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Barking Dog One Liners
Which barking dog one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with barking dog? I can suggest the ones about bad dog and dog sitting.
- I have a pet tree... It's like having a pet dog but the bark is much quieter.
- How does a dog camouflage itself in the forest? It barks.
My 4 yo made this up. - How do dogs always know who is barking? They have collar ID
- Trees are like dogs Some shed and some don't. Others just bark
- What does an Icelandic dogs bark sound like? Björk
- How many times a day does a dog bark? About 100, but that's just a ruff estimate.
- Why do dogs always bark when they hear a doorbell? It's almost never for them.
- My dog has no sense of humor Every time I say knock knock he just starts barking.
- A wise chinese guy once said: If a dog barks- It's undercooked.
- What did they call the dog that only barked in deep, gutteral borks? Subwoofer
- What dog can't bark? A hot dog.
- My dog was arrested today! He had unpaid barking tickets.
- What did the dog say when it ran into a tree Bark
- What bank does a dog use? Bark-lays
- If Paw Patrol had humans instead of dogs They'd probably look pretty weird while barking
Barking Dog Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about barking dog you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sleeping dog jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make barking dog pranks.
A man rushes his limp dog to the veterinarian. The doctor pronounces the dog dead. The agitated man demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat. The cat sniffs the body and meows. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too." The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body and barks. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead, too." The man finally resigns to the diagnosis and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650." "$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaims the man. "Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 is for the cat scan and lab tests."
A man walks into a bar with a dog.
The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here."
"You don't understand," says the man.
"This is no regular dog, he can talk."
"Listen, pal," says the bartender.
"If that dog can talk, I'll give you a hundred bucks.
"The man puts the dog on a stool, and asks him, "What's on top of a house?"
"Roof!" "Right. And what's on the outside of a tree?" "Bark!"
"And who's the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!"
"I guess you've heard enough," says the man.
"I'll take the hundred in twenties."
The bartender is furious. "Listen, pal," he says, "get out of here before I belt you."
As soon as they're on the street, the dog turns to the man and says, "Do you think I should have said 'DiMaggio'?"
Chuck Norris can make a dog bark the alphabet, in spanish, backwards.
I have got a new dog.
We have trained together for two months and imagine, after these two months I was able to reach him my paw and managed even barking around on command.
My dog can be proud of myself.
The dogs bark but the caravan moves on.
If a dog was a computer, would its bark be bigger than its byte?
Three women (redhead, blondie and an asian) have just escaped a prison, and the cops are looking for them...
The girls were running trough the city and went into one of those fruit/ vegetables' market to hide, and find 3 bag of potatoes big enough for them to hide inside.
After a while, one cop that is looking for them finds the bags, and realize that they're kind of weird... So he approaches and kicks the first potatoe's bag, with the asian girl inside...
The asian girl, quickly respond the kick with barking noises: ruff ruff
"Oh... These are just a few dogs!", says the cop.
He then approaches to the second potatoe's bag, with the redhead inside, and kicks it as well.
"Meow... Meow", the redhead answers.
"Oh... These are just a few cats!", says the cop.
Finally, he gets close to the third potatoe's bag, with the blondie inside, and kicks it too.
The voice inside the bags respond:
"Potatoes".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Irish, a British, and American soldiers...
...had just helped each other escape from an Axis prisoner camp in WW2 Germany. As they run through the Bavarian forest, they hear alarms sounding, and soon afterwards, they hear dogs barking and guards yelling to each other.
The barking and yelling gets louder and louder, and the escapees realize that they'll be caught if they keep on running, and decide to take cover by climbing up separate trees.
The dogs start circling the tree, and jumping up and down around the trunk on the very tree the American has climbed. The guards shout "Come down or we'll shoot!" Thinking quickly, he quickly calls down "who! who!" The German guards say to each other "Das ist eine owl", and call the dogs off.
The dogs follow the trail to the second tree, and the guards call up "Come down or we'll shoot!" The Brit calls down "CAW! CAW!!!" The guards say "Ahh. Das ist eine crow".
The guards follow the dogs to the third tree where the Irishman had climbed. Again they called up "Come down or we'll shoot!" The Irishman thought for a moment and then called down "Moo! Moo!"
***NOT MINE: ** Shamelessly stolen from an Irish joke book I had as a kid. Yes, I am Irish.*
... Or was it Hank Aaron.
A man and a dog walk into a bar. The man walks up to the bartender and bets him $20.00 that his dog can talk. The bartender is interested so he takes the bet. The man turns to the dog and asks what the top of a house is called. "Roof!" barks the dog. "How does sandpaper feel?" asks the man. "Rough!" responds the dog. "Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?" the man asks. "Ruth!" the dog says. At this point the bartender is livid so he kicks both of them out and keeps the twenty dollars. Later they're both sitting on the corner and the dog turns to his master and says "Was it Mantle?"
A woman takes her dead parrot into a vet's office...
And lays it upon the examination table. The vet takes one look at the deceased bird and says, 'Sorry Ma'am, but your parrot is dead.' The woman isn't satisfied, and asks for a second opinion. The vet obliges and pokes his head into the next room and calls in a second doctor. A cat saunters in, jumps up onto the table, looks up to the vet with sorrow in his eyes and says, 'Meow.' 'Sorry,' the vet says, 'my colleague says your parrot is dead. The woman still isn't satisfied and wants yet another opinion. The vet, as before, pokes his head into the next room, but this time a dog bounds in, puts its paws on the table, sniffs the bird and barks. 'Sorry Ma'am, but that's three doctor's opinions. Your bird is certainly dead.' 'Alright,' the woman says, 'you win, here's the $50 for the appointment.' '$50?' The vet exclaims, 'You owe me $150 for the extra cat scan and the lab report.'
Another classic Dutch Bakerjoke
* A dog walks into a bakery
* Baker: How can I help you?
* Dog: Woof!
* Baker: Anything else?
* Dog: Bark!
* Baker: That'll be 12 Euro's. Do you want a receipt?
* Dog: No.
I heard that my upstairs neighbor was a vet, so I brought him my dog for a well visit.
Turns out he was a Vietnam vet, and he ended up strangling the dog after it started to bark at him.
The intelligent dog
Roxy, a large black Labrador, was sitting up in his seat at the movies, wagging his tail, growling at the villain and barking excitedly at the hero's escapades. The woman in the seat behind him was intrigued.
Excuse me, she said, tapping Roxy's owner on the shoulder, that dog is extraordinary. I've never seen anything like it!
Yes, he's surprised me, too, said the owner. He hated the book.
A business was looking for office help and puts a sign on the window
The sign reads: "HELP WANTED: We are an equal opportunity employer looking for someone good with computers, Word, Excel and is bilingual"
One day a dog walks up, sees the sign and goes inside. He looks at the receptionist, looks back at the sign and barks.
Figuring out what the dog came here for, the receptionist gets the office manager, who looks at the dog surprised. However, the dog looked so confident that the manager leads him into the office, where the dog jumps on a chair and looks at the manager. The manager sits down, looks back at the dog and says "I can't hire you, the sign says that you have to be able to use a computer and Word."
The dog jumps down, walks to a computer and begins to create a word document, drafting a letter for the manager. Caught off guard but unconvinced, the manager says "The sign also says you have to be good with excel."
The dog then goes on to create a perfect spreadsheet that works flawlessly the first time.
Dumb-founded, the manager looks at the dog and says "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog with some interesting abilities. However, I still can't hire you."
The dog jumps down and walks over to a copy of the sign, putting his paw on the phrase "Equal Opportunity Employer".
The manager says "Yes, we are an equal opportunity employer. However, the sign also says you need to be bilingual." The dog looks at the manager confidently and says, "Meow."
out the door
Q: if your wife was at the front door and your dog was barking at the back door which one will you let in first
a: your dog cause if you let him in first atleast he will shut up once he gets in :3
Im on Drugs ?
Tommy is walking out of customs from his trip back from Amsterdam .
He's stopped by a policeman and his sniffer Dog Rufus
*Bark Bark
Officer : Excuse me sir Rufus here is telling me you're on Drugs
Tommy : Im on Drugs ? you're the one talking to a Dog !
Ukrainian dog in Russia.
The dog runs from Ukraine to Russia across the boarder. People asks: "Why are you running?" The dog replies: "Life in Ukraine is hard, I decided to go live in Russia." A week later, the dog, with the eyes bulging, runs back to Ukraine. "Why are you coming back?" "They didn't allow me even to bark there!"
Mexican, American, Polish and a Russian dog...
Four dogs -- Mexican, American, Polish, Russian -- are discussing their lives. The Mexican dog says, "the servants used to leave meat out for me, but now I have to bark for it." The American dog says, "you have servants in Mexico?" The Polish dog says, "they feed you meat?" The Russian dog says, "they let you bark?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Chinese and the dog
A Chinese man, coming home from a long day of work, is walking on the sidewalk. All of a sudden, a stray dog jumps out of the bushes and barks at the man. The Chinese man, appreciating a good laugh, barks back at the dog for fun. The dog stops barking and stands up on his hind legs. The dog , deeply offended, says, "That's very rude. How would you like it if I said Ching Chang Chong?"
a brunette, ad red head, and a blonde escape from prison
The three ladies hatch a plot to escape from prison by hiding in a laundry truck. As soon as the truck stops, they jump out and make a run for it.
Being in the middle of nowhere they head for a plume of smoke that seems to be coming from a chimney.
Upon arriving at a farm, they hear sirens and dogs barking not far behind them.
In a panic, the ladies run into a barn and close the door.
Looking for a place to hide, they find three burlap sacks on the ground, and each one climbs inside a sack.
Hiding quietly, they hear the barn door open and the prison warden followed by three guards walk in.
the warden walks up to a sack and kicks it. the brunette inside yelps, "ruff, ruff, ruff!"
"eh, just some puppies" says the warden.
the warden walks up to the sack where the redhead is hiding, kicks it, and hears "meow, meow", and says "eh, just some kittens".
So he walks up to the sack where the blond is hiding, kicks it and hears "potatoes, potatoes!"
I have an autistic nephew...
and I'm starting to think my dog is autistic as well because she also barks at the vacuum.
The magic Dog
A man goes to a casting show for talents with his dog.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I present: Gizmo the magic dog! I ask him a question and he answers it correct!"
The jury laughed, but he asked:"Gizmo, what is on top of this house?"
"Roof! Roof!", Gizmo said. The audience went quiet.
"Gizmo, what can sink ships?"
"Reef! Reef!", the dog said. One from the jury asked:"Is this a joke? This dog is just barking!"
"Wait! One last question! Gizmo, name one famous composer!"
"Orff! Orff!", Gizmo said.
Man and dog were thrown out of the building. On the street, Gizmo looked up to his owner and said:"I know, Frank. I should have said Mozart..."
The police knocked on my door the other night...
...and informed me that they were there to take my dog away. Apparently there had been complaints that he was chasing down and barking at my neighbors' son on his bike.
I happen to know, however, that my dog doesn't ride a bike.
A blind man decided to kill himself...
Q: When the blind man decided to kill himself by jumping off of the Empire State Building, how did he know when he was just about to hit the ground?
A: The dog quit barking.
A man went to the vet for advice to curb his racist dog that kept barking at his Asian neighbour.
"Muzzle him" the vet advised.
The man paused, and exclaimed, "could be, he does have a big beard"
Yelling at a dog to stop barking doesn't work.
The dog probably just thinks,
Awesome, now we're both barking
A man brings his talking dog into the bar...
The bartender quickly tells him that no dogs are allowed.
The man says, "But sir, this is a talking dog. If i can prove that he can talk, will you let him stay?"
The bartender reluctantly agrees.
The man looks at his dog and says, "what's on top of your dog house?"
The dog says, "Roof!"
The bartender crosses his arms, annoyed.
The man says, "What does sandpaper feel like?"
The dog says, "Rough!"
The bartender is annoyed, but gives him one more shot.
The man says "Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?"
The dog barks, "Ruth!"
The bartender is furious at the man for trying to trick him and kicks them both out.
The man gets really angry and kicks his dog.
The dog looks up at him and says "what, do you think Sammy Sosa was better?"
My dog is like Tumblr.
They bark and whine whenever they feel threatened and oppressed, even though they weren't oppressed in the first place.
A wise chinese guy once said to me
"if the dog barks, it's undercooked"
- Some wise chinese guy
A blonde and her husband
A blonde and her husband are sleeping when the neighbor's dog starts barking and wakes them up. The blonde sighs, shakes her fist and says 'Wait until you see what I'm going to do to those neighbors!'
She runs out of the house and five minutes later she comes back with a smile on her face. The husband asks 'So, what did you do?'
The blonde says 'Well, I took the dog from their yard and I put it in our yard to see how they like it having the neighbor's dog barking all night.'
A dog comes back to life
His owner says: "how's it been"
The dog says "bark"
Dogs can't talk
My dog understands several human words...
Yet i dont understand anything my dog barks.
He may be smarter than me.
What is the difference between a pet dog and a pet tree?
The bark is much quieter and throwing a stick for it to Chase is seriously messed up
Hey kids! What's some dogs favorite movie?
"Bark to the Future"......, I say "some dogs" for legal reasons.
A man was sitting on a park bench eating a hot dog.
A woman with a small dog walked up to sit in another bench across from the man. Almost immediately, the little dog began barking incessantly at the man while he ate.
The man asked "Would you mind if I throw him a bit?"
"Not at all," the woman replied.
The man picked the dog up and tossed him over a wall.
Bob didn't believe that Fred's dog could talk
So Fred asked his dog, What's on top of a house?
Roof, the dog barked.
Bob wasn't convinced. So Fred asked the dog how sandpaper feels.
Rough.
He still wasn't convinced.
O.K., who was the greatest baseball player of all time? Fred asked the dog.
Ruth.
With that, Bob walked away, shaking his head in disbelief. The dog turned to Fred and asked: Was it Hank Aaron?
What's my dog's favourite part of the tree?
The bark.
What's my bank's favourite part of the tree?
The branches.
What's my elephant's favourite part of the tree?
The trunk.
What's my father's favourite part of the tree?
The leaves :(
Who is my dog's favorite president?
Bark Obam—
NO. THAT IS NOT EVEN A PRESIDENT, STEVE. MY FAVORITE IS ABRAHAM LINCOLN. TELL THEM.
But then it won't be funny.
STEVE.
...my dog's favorite president is Abraham Lincoln.
You know the honeymoon's over when...
your dog brings your slippers...and your wife barks at you.
I named my dog cinnamon...
So when a stranger comes to the house I can say to him "Cinnamon bark".
I went and got a dog the other day, and it was so much easier than I thought.
They just had to scan the bark-code.
Why did everyone in the army hate the dog that was a General ?
Because he kept barking orders
An American dog, Polish dog and a Russian dog were discussing things so the American dog tells them that if you bark long enough, people will give you meat. The Polish dog asks "what's meat?"
The Russian dog asked "what's bark...??!!"
This farmer was telling me about how brilliant his sheepdog was at maths,
"Watch this," he said. "Shep, what's seven plus two, "
And the dog barked ten times.
"OK, Shep, what's fifteen plus four. "
And the dog barked twenty times.
"He's very good, " I replied, but he's a little over. "
"Yeah, " answered the farmer, "old habits die hard, he's just rounding them up. "
Did you hear the one about the dog who ate a bunch of garlic?
His bark was worse than his bite
The talking dog
A man and his dog walk into the office of the manager of the circus and he says, "I've got a talking dog, and I'll prove it to you. If I do, can we be in your show?"
The manager is skeptical, but he realizes that a real talking dog would bring in good money. "Alright, go ahead."
Man: "What is on top of a house?"
Dog: "Roof!"
Man: "Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?"
Dog: "Ruth!"
Man: "How was the road into town?"
Dog: "Rough!"
The manager says, "Those are just dog barks! That's no talking dog! Get out of my office!"
Dejected, the man and his dog leave heads down. Then the dog looks up at the man and says, "Maybe I should have said DiMaggio?"
"You never talk to me anymore, you treat me like I'm a dog barking"
"Oh, you were talking? I thought a dog was barking."
A drunk old Irish man told me this one...
A man, a pig and his dog are marooned on a deserted island. After a couple of months in isolation the man becomes lonely and begins getting ideas about the pig. But every time he tries it on with the pig, the dog would start biting his leg and barking at him.
One day the man spots a beautiful woman floating on a raft out in the sea. He swims out as fast as he can and rescues her, and brings her onshore. The woman is overwhelmed with gratitude for him and says
Thank you for saving me, I will do anything you want .
With a cheeky glint in his eye, delighted with this offer, the man eagerly says
Brilliant! You see that dog? Go take him for a feckin walk
Walking your dog
A Korean man walks up to his friends house and sees that his dog is barking profusely and says,
"Do you want me to wok your dog for you?"
Why is it a bad idea to let dogs onboard the ISS?
Because they would keep barking at the vacuum in space
What did the squirrel say to the police dog when it raided its tree house?
...You're barking up the wrong tree.
So, why do dogs love bark?
Tree bark? They don't love tree bark as far as I know. They make a sound called a "bark". That might be what you're thinking of.
Person 1: What do dogs and trees have in common?
Person 2: bark?
Person 1: no, people eat them both in China
If your woman is screaming outside the front door and dog is barking outside the back door who do you let in?
The dog. At least it with shut up when it gets in
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I have three dogs named Oak, Palm and Maple
Don't be scared to approach them. They're **all bark but no bite**.
Bark bark, I'm a dog
Meow meow, I'm a cat
Quack quack, I'm a duck
First first, I'm a YouTube commenter
A man walks into a talent agency with his dog claiming it can talk. The agent says, ok, let's see if this dog is gonna make us rich . The guy says, Fido, what's the top of a house called ? Roof! What's on a tree ? Bark! How does sandpaper feel ? Ruff!
The talent agent tells the man off and kicks him out of his office. As the man and the dog are walking down the street the dog looks up at the man and says, Gee Bob, maybe you should have asked some harder questions .
My dog was barking at the neighbour's dog so I gave her a big stick...
Now she barks softly.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I kidnapped my neighbour's dog.
Let's see how he likes the constant barking.
Dad jokes meet dog jokes
Do you know why redwood is the favorite tree species of every dog?
It has the thickest bark.
What do you do if you dog barks too much?
Put him in a barking lot
Why do dogs start barking instead of trying to solve the problem?
Because solving problems are ruff.
TIfu by giving my dog roofies
To help with his barking.
A man tells his friends he has a talking dog
A man tells his friends he has a talking dog, and his friends of course don't believe him. The man decides to prove the dog can talk by showing it off to the friends.
The man asked his dog some questions. What are trees coated in? Bark said the dog.
What lies on top of a house? Roof said the dog
How does sandpaper feel? Rough said the dog.
The man's friends still don't believe him and walk away, but after they leave the dog turns to the man and says What's the matter with those guys?
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station.
As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking and I saw a little boy staring in at me. Is that a dog you got back there? he asked. It sure is, I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then toward the back of the van. Finally he said, What'd he do?
How do you tell the difference between a dog and a tree?🇨🇦
By its bark!
Does the dog know the proverb?
The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"