Barking Dog Jokes
123 barking dog jokes and hilarious barking dog puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about barking dog that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Barking Dog Short Jokes
Short barking dog jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The barking dog humour may include short barking jokes also.
- I need to re-home a dog. It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot. If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.
- I told my girlfriend that if she wanted her Hersheys bar she had to bark like a dog After she did it, I proceeded to eat it explaining that chocolate wasn't good for dogs.
- My wife thinks the dog can talk to her and that every bark is a word. My family asked what it was like and I said: It's rough
- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog because he shuts up after you let him in.
- Animals can sense disasters before they happen. That's why the neighbors dog barks whenever I make a move on a girl.
- Q: If your dog was barking on the front door and your wife knocking on the back door, who should you let in first? A: The dog, because at least it would shut up once it got in.
- My friend had a dog... My friend had a dog that could only bark below 100hz. It was a sub woofer
- Your wife is locked out at the front door yelling at you and your dog is barking at the back door to be let in. Which do you let in first? Your dog, because it'll stop barking once you let it in.
- My dog swallowed my engagement ring last night, but luckily coughed it out when he barked. There was a diamond in the ruff.
- I need to re-home a dog I need to re-home a dog. It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot.
If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.
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Barking Dog One Liners
Which barking dog one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with barking dog? I can suggest the ones about dog bark and bad dog.
- I have a pet tree... It's like having a pet dog but the bark is much quieter.
- How does a dog camouflage itself in the forest? It barks.
My 4 yo made this up. - How do dogs always know who is barking? They have collar ID
- Trees are like dogs Some shed and some don't. Others just bark
- What does an Icelandic dogs bark sound like? Björk
- How many times a day does a dog bark? About 100, but that's just a ruff estimate.
- Why do dogs always bark when they hear a doorbell? It's almost never for them.
- I have a pet tree It's not as good as a pet dog but the bark is quieter.
- My dog has no sense of humor Every time I say knock knock he just starts barking.
- A wise chinese guy once said: If a dog barks- It's undercooked.
- What do you call a barking dog in a submarine? A sub-woofer!
- What did they call the dog that only barked in deep, gutteral borks? Subwoofer
- What dog can't bark? A hot dog.
- My dog was arrested today! He had unpaid barking tickets.
- What did the dog say when it ran into a tree Bark
Barking Dog Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about barking dog you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dog sitting jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make barking dog pranks.
Three women (redhead, blondie and an asian) have just escaped a prison, and the cops are looking for them...
The girls were running trough the city and went into one of those fruit/ vegetables' market to hide, and find 3 bag of potatoes big enough for them to hide inside.
After a while, one cop that is looking for them finds the bags, and realize that they're kind of weird... So he approaches and kicks the first potatoe's bag, with the asian girl inside...
The asian girl, quickly respond the kick with barking noises: ruff ruff
"Oh... These are just a few dogs!", says the cop.
He then approaches to the second potatoe's bag, with the redhead inside, and kicks it as well.
"Meow... Meow", the redhead answers.
"Oh... These are just a few cats!", says the cop.
Finally, he gets close to the third potatoe's bag, with the blondie inside, and kicks it too.
The voice inside the bags respond:
"Potatoes".
Another classic Dutch Bakerjoke
* A dog walks into a bakery
* Baker: How can I help you?
* Dog: Woof!
* Baker: Anything else?
* Dog: Bark!
* Baker: That'll be 12 Euro's. Do you want a receipt?
* Dog: No.
I heard that my upstairs neighbor was a vet, so I brought him my dog for a well visit.
Turns out he was a Vietnam vet, and he ended up strangling the dog after it started to bark at him.
Dog or Wife?
Your Wife is shouting at you to open the front door, and your dog is barking at the back door. Which one do you let in?
Well you can choose, but if you let the dog in at least they will stop barking.
The intelligent dog
Roxy, a large black Labrador, was sitting up in his seat at the movies, wagging his tail, growling at the villain and barking excitedly at the hero's escapades. The woman in the seat behind him was intrigued.
Excuse me, she said, tapping Roxy's owner on the shoulder, that dog is extraordinary. I've never seen anything like it!
Yes, he's surprised me, too, said the owner. He hated the book.
out the door
Q: if your wife was at the front door and your dog was barking at the back door which one will you let in first
a: your dog cause if you let him in first atleast he will shut up once he gets in :3
Im on Drugs ?
Tommy is walking out of customs from his trip back from Amsterdam .
He's stopped by a policeman and his sniffer Dog Rufus
*Bark Bark
Officer : Excuse me sir Rufus here is telling me you're on Drugs
Tommy : Im on Drugs ? you're the one talking to a Dog !
Ukrainian dog in Russia.
The dog runs from Ukraine to Russia across the boarder. People asks: "Why are you running?" The dog replies: "Life in Ukraine is hard, I decided to go live in Russia." A week later, the dog, with the eyes bulging, runs back to Ukraine. "Why are you coming back?" "They didn't allow me even to bark there!"
Mexican, American, Polish and a Russian dog...
Four dogs -- Mexican, American, Polish, Russian -- are discussing their lives. The Mexican dog says, "the servants used to leave meat out for me, but now I have to bark for it." The American dog says, "you have servants in Mexico?" The Polish dog says, "they feed you meat?" The Russian dog says, "they let you bark?"
I have an autistic nephew...
and I'm starting to think my dog is autistic as well because she also barks at the vacuum.
The magic Dog
A man goes to a casting show for talents with his dog.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I present: Gizmo the magic dog! I ask him a question and he answers it correct!"
The jury laughed, but he asked:"Gizmo, what is on top of this house?"
"Roof! Roof!", Gizmo said. The audience went quiet.
"Gizmo, what can sink ships?"
"Reef! Reef!", the dog said. One from the jury asked:"Is this a joke? This dog is just barking!"
"Wait! One last question! Gizmo, name one famous composer!"
"Orff! Orff!", Gizmo said.
Man and dog were thrown out of the building. On the street, Gizmo looked up to his owner and said:"I know, Frank. I should have said Mozart..."
The police knocked on my door the other night...
...and informed me that they were there to take my dog away. Apparently there had been complaints that he was chasing down and barking at my neighbors' son on his bike.
I happen to know, however, that my dog doesn't ride a bike.
A blind man decided to kill himself...
Q: When the blind man decided to kill himself by jumping off of the Empire State Building, how did he know when he was just about to hit the ground?
A: The dog quit barking.
A Cop and His Trained Dog Stop me on a Sidewalk
The dog sniffs around me for a bit and barks to the officer.
The officer walks up to me and says, "Where are the drugs? The dog says he could smell them off you."
I reply, "Drugs? What drugs? You're the one talking to dogs."
AT THE DOOR
Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog -- at least he'll quiet down after you let him in.
A man went to the vet for advice to curb his racist dog that kept barking at his Asian neighbour.
"Muzzle him" the vet advised.
The man paused, and exclaimed, "could be, he does have a big beard"
Yelling at a dog to stop barking doesn't work.
The dog probably just thinks,
Awesome, now we're both barking
A wise chinese guy once said to me
"if the dog barks, it's undercooked"
- Some wise chinese guy
My neighbors dog barks unbelievably loud...
... so I asked him to train his dog to bark at a more believable level.
A blonde and her husband
A blonde and her husband are sleeping when the neighbor's dog starts barking and wakes them up. The blonde sighs, shakes her fist and says 'Wait until you see what I'm going to do to those neighbors!'
She runs out of the house and five minutes later she comes back with a smile on her face. The husband asks 'So, what did you do?'
The blonde says 'Well, I took the dog from their yard and I put it in our yard to see how they like it having the neighbor's dog barking all night.'
My dog understands several human words...
Yet i dont understand anything my dog barks.
He may be smarter than me.
What is the difference between a pet dog and a pet tree?
The bark is much quieter and throwing a stick for it to Chase is seriously messed up
You are in the kitchen. Which one do you let in first?
On one side of the house outside is the dog barking to be let in, and on the other side is your wife who lost her keys screaming to be let in. Which one do you let in first, and why?
The dog - because at least he will shut up as soon as you let him in
A man was sitting on a park bench eating a hot dog.
A woman with a small dog walked up to sit in another bench across from the man. Almost immediately, the little dog began barking incessantly at the man while he ate.
The man asked "Would you mind if I throw him a bit?"
"Not at all," the woman replied.
The man picked the dog up and tossed him over a wall.
Bob didn't believe that Fred's dog could talk
So Fred asked his dog, What's on top of a house?
Roof, the dog barked.
Bob wasn't convinced. So Fred asked the dog how sandpaper feels.
Rough.
He still wasn't convinced.
O.K., who was the greatest baseball player of all time? Fred asked the dog.
Ruth.
With that, Bob walked away, shaking his head in disbelief. The dog turned to Fred and asked: Was it Hank Aaron?
What's my dog's favourite part of the tree?
The bark.
What's my bank's favourite part of the tree?
The branches.
What's my elephant's favourite part of the tree?
The trunk.
What's my father's favourite part of the tree?
The leaves :(
I've written a poem about the sounds made by dogs...
It can only be read if you scan it first.
It's a bark ode.
If you have your wife b**... at one door, and your dog barking at the other, which do you let in first and why?
The dog, because after you let him in, he stops whining.
Why is there a dog in the courtroom?
How else is he supposed to contest all those unpaid barking tickets, idiot?
Who is my dog's favorite president?
Bark Obam—
NO. THAT IS NOT EVEN A PRESIDENT, STEVE. MY FAVORITE IS ABRAHAM LINCOLN. TELL THEM.
But then it won't be funny.
STEVE.
...my dog's favorite president is Abraham Lincoln.
A man was eating a hotdog...
A woman with a small dog walked up to sit in another bench across from the man. Immediately the little dog began to bark at the man while he ate.
The man asked "Would you mind if I throw him a bit?"
"Not at all." the woman replied.
The man picked up the dog and tossed him over a wall.
You know the honeymoon's over when...
your dog brings your slippers...and your wife barks at you.
Why do dogs always bark when someone ring the doorbell?
No, seriously. It's almost never for them.
I went and got a dog the other day, and it was so much easier than I thought.
They just had to scan the bark-code.
An American dog, Polish dog and a Russian dog were discussing things so the American dog tells them that if you bark long enough, people will give you meat. The Polish dog asks "what's meat?"
The Russian dog asked "what's bark...??!!"
This farmer was telling me about how brilliant his sheepdog was at maths,
"Watch this," he said. "Shep, what's seven plus two, "
And the dog barked ten times.
"OK, Shep, what's fifteen plus four. "
And the dog barked twenty times.
"He's very good, " I replied, but he's a little over. "
"Yeah, " answered the farmer, "old habits die hard, he's just rounding them up. "
Did you hear the one about the dog who ate a bunch of garlic?
His bark was worse than his bite
An english man, an irish man and a scottish man are running away from the police.
An english man, an irish man and a scottish man are running away from the police. They find 3 sacks and hide in them. The police man approaches the sacks and kicks the first one. The English man barks like a dog. The police man kicks the next one and the Scottish man screams like a cat. The policeman kicks the next one and the Irish man says "sack of potatoes".
"You never talk to me anymore, you treat me like I'm a dog barking"
"Oh, you were talking? I thought a dog was barking."
Walking your dog
A Korean man walks up to his friends house and sees that his dog is barking profusely and says,
"Do you want me to wok your dog for you?"
Why is it a bad idea to let dogs onboard the ISS?
Because they would keep barking at the vacuum in space
What did the squirrel say to the police dog when it raided its tree house?
...You're barking up the wrong tree.
...Blonde dog!
...Blonde lying in bed with her husband listening to next door neighbours' dog barking for hours and hours every night!
* **blonde:** "I've had enough of this," ....the blonde runs downstairs, finally returns back to bed.
* **husband:** "The dog is still barking. What have you done?"
* **blonde:** "I've put their dog in our yard, now we'll see how they like it!"
Bark bark, I'm a dog
Meow meow, I'm a cat
Quack quack, I'm a duck
First first, I'm a YouTube commenter
A man walks into a talent agency with his dog claiming it can talk. The agent says, ok, let's see if this dog is gonna make us rich . The guy says, Fido, what's the top of a house called ? Roof! What's on a tree ? Bark! How does sandpaper feel ? Ruff!
The talent agent tells the man off and kicks him out of his office. As the man and the dog are walking down the street the dog looks up at the man and says, Gee Bob, maybe you should have asked some harder questions .
My dog was barking at the neighbour's dog so I gave her a big stick...
Now she barks softly.
I kidnapped my neighbour's dog.
Let's see how he likes the constant barking.
Your dog is barking at the back door, and your wife is yelling at the front door. Who do you let in?
The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in
Dad jokes meet dog jokes
Do you know why redwood is the favorite tree species of every dog?
It has the thickest bark.
I went to the cinema to watch Harry Potter
...and I was surprised to see a man and his dog there. The dog barked at the exciting bits, growled at the scary bits and whimpered at the sad bits. At the end I approached the owner and said how I had never seen a dog enjoy a film so much and I was amazed. He replied So am I. He hated the book
What do you do if you dog barks too much?
Put him in a barking lot
Why do dogs start barking instead of trying to solve the problem?
Because solving problems are ruff.
TIfu by giving my dog roofies
To help with his barking.
Why did the police arrest the dog?
Because he had some unpaid barking tickets
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station.
As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking and I saw a little boy staring in at me. Is that a dog you got back there? he asked. It sure is, I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then toward the back of the van. Finally he said, What'd he do?
How do you tell the difference between a dog and a tree?🇨🇦
By its bark!
What do dogs and trees have in common?
They both bark
I have a pet treee
It's kinda like a pet dog but the bark is quieter
A shepherd owned a remarkable dog, deft at sheep herding and able to speak.
At the end of the day, after his dog had herded the flock into the pen, the shepherd asked his canine friend to confirm how many sheep were in.
"40," the dog barked.
"40? I counted 37."
"Yes," replied the dog, "I rounded them up."
If Paw Patrol had humans instead of dogs
They'd probably look pretty weird while barking
What bank does a dog use?
Bark-lays
Does the dog know the proverb?
The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
My dog has to wear this cone till he heals from surgery. It helps with the biting, but the barking?
He sounds like a sub-whoofer.
What do dogs and trees have in common?
BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK
A Blonde and her girlfriend are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours. The Blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this." She goes downstairs then comes back up to bed and her girlfriend says.
"The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?"The Blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard. Let's see how the neighbors like all the barking!"
My Alaskan sled dog was barking but no sound came out...
It turns out he was on Mala-mute