Bark Jokes

Need a laugh? Check out our collection of funny bark jokes! From tree bark and dog bark jokes, to peppermint bark and subwoofer humor, this collection is sure to put a smile on your face. Enjoy a range of puns and riddles that are sure to make you chuckle.

The Funniest Bark Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh

Another classic Dutch Bakerjoke

* A dog walks into a bakery
* Baker: How can I help you?
* Dog: Woof!
* Baker: Anything else?
* Dog: Bark!
* Baker: That'll be 12 Euro's. Do you want a receipt?
* Dog: No.

I heard that my upstairs neighbor was a vet, so I brought him my dog for a well visit.

Turns out he was a Vietnam vet, and he ended up strangling the dog after it started to bark at him.

What did one tree say to the other?

Nothing. They bark.

Im on Drugs ?

Tommy is walking out of customs from his trip back from Amsterdam .

He's stopped by a policeman and his sniffer Dog Rufus

*Bark Bark

Officer : Excuse me sir Rufus here is telling me you're on Drugs

Tommy : Im on Drugs ? you're the one talking to a Dog !

jokes about bark

One day the youngest son asks his mother, "Mom, why do I look so different from all my siblings?"....

The mother says "Son, from what I remember about that party, you are lucky that you don't bark".

Ukrainian dog in Russia.

The dog runs from Ukraine to Russia across the boarder. People asks: "Why are you running?" The dog replies: "Life in Ukraine is hard, I decided to go live in Russia." A week later, the dog, with the eyes bulging, runs back to Ukraine. "Why are you coming back?" "They didn't allow me even to bark there!"

Mexican, American, Polish and a Russian dog...

Four dogs -- Mexican, American, Polish, Russian -- are discussing their lives. The Mexican dog says, "the servants used to leave meat out for me, but now I have to bark for it." The American dog says, "you have servants in Mexico?" The Polish dog says, "they feed you meat?" The Russian dog says, "they let you bark?"

Bark joke, Mexican, American, Polish and a Russian dog...

Hi, I'm from Brazil

and I can't go to the backyard, I'm afraid my german shepherd will laugh instead of bark at me...

A kid goes up to his dad with a question...

"Dad, can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"You and mom are both white, but I'm black. Why?"

"That party was so wild, it's a wonder you don't bark."

A boy asks his mom: "Why is my skin so much darker than yours and Dad's?"

... she says: "That was a pretty wild orgy, be glad you don't bark"

How do you make a cat bark?

Soak it in lighter fluid, throw a match on it.

You can explore bark subwoofer reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bark terrier dad jokes. There are also bark puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

My friend had a dog...

My friend had a dog that could only bark below 100hz. It was a sub woofer

What covers the outside of a dogwood tree?


Mom, why am I dark if my father's skin is alabaster and yours is too?

Rough translation from Spanish:

Child:Mom, why am I dark if my father's skin is alabaster and yours is too?

Mother: With how drunk I was that night it's a miracle you don't bark!

New Horizons probe discovers trees on Pluto!

Reporters asked "how can you tell?"

And NASA said "from the bark, you dummies!"

Lassie runs up to Farmer Fred


What is it Lassie?

*Bark! Bark bark!*

What's that girl? Timmy fell down a well!

*Bark! Bark bark woof!*

Right! I'll say you were here with me the whole time.

Bark joke, Lassie runs up to Farmer Fred

Did you hear they discovered a carnivorous tree in the Amazon?

Don't worry its bark is worse than its bite.

Mom I'm dark even though u r white, why?

American boy: Mom I'm dark even though u r white, why?

Mom: Listen son, Considering all mistakes n crazy things i had done in my youth, forget about you are Dark, just thank god that u don't bark!

How do you make a cat bark?

Wrap it around a tree

What do you call a digital tree?

All bark and no byte

How to teach a cat how to bark?

Pour some gasoline on it and WOOF!

"Mommy, why do I have black skin and you have white skin?"

"Honey, when I think back to that night, you're lucky you don't bark."

A kid asks, "Mommy, how come I'm black and you're white?"

The mom replies, "Listen, the way I remember that party you're lucky you don't bark."

How can you tell if a tree is a dogwood?

The bark.

Why was the cat afraid of the tree?

Because of its bark.

Why was the cat scared of the tree?

Because of its bark

Bark joke, Why was the cat scared of the tree?

My neighbors dog barks unbelievably loud...

... so I asked him to train his dog to bark at a more believable level.

Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus

They say its bark is worse than its bite.

Barkeeper: Do you want a beer for your wife?

Me: Sounds like a fair trade!

Teacher: Now, Tommy, listen carefully. What goes around a tree?

Tommy: I don't know.

Teacher: Bark, Tommy!

Tommy: Woof, woof!

My girlfriend "Dad joked" me on a hike.

I asked my girlfriend what she thought trees would sound like if they talked while on a hike.
She said "I bet we couldn't understand them"
I said "why do you think that?"
She said "because they probably only bark"
She then laughed the next half mile down the trail barking occasionally and saying "shh, shh, do you hear that? Thats a tree talking in the distance"

What is the difference between a pet dog and a pet tree?

The bark is much quieter and throwing a stick for it to Chase is seriously messed up

A little boy asks his mother "Mommy, why am I black and you're white?"

She replies, "Oh, don't ask me that. The way that party was, you're lucky you don't bark."

How do you tell two dogwood trees apart?

By their bark

I have a pet tree...

It's like having a pet dog but the bark is much quieter.

I told my girlfriend that if she wanted her Hersheys bar she had to bark like a dog

After she did it, I proceeded to eat it explaining that chocolate wasn't good for dogs.

A tree will never hit you

They're all bark and no bite

What's my dog's favourite part of the tree?

The bark.

What's my bank's favourite part of the tree?

The branches.

What's my elephant's favourite part of the tree?

The trunk.

What's my father's favourite part of the tree?

The leaves :(

A sculptor made a beautiful hard drive from mahogany...

but it was all bark and no bytes

I've written a poem about the sounds made by dogs...

It can only be read if you scan it first.

It's a bark ode.

Confused black kid.

Kid: - Mom, how come you and dad are white and i am black ?

Mom: - Oh baby, we were all so wasted at the party in wich you got conceived... you should be grateful you don't bark.

How do trees communicate?

They bark.

Who is my dog's favorite president?

Bark Obamβ€”


But then it won't be funny.

STEVE. dog's favorite president is Abraham Lincoln.

Why do saws have teeth?

Because trees are all bark, no bite.

A man was eating a hotdog...

A woman with a small dog walked up to sit in another bench across from the man. Immediately the little dog began to bark at the man while he ate.

The man asked "Would you mind if I throw him a bit?"

"Not at all." the woman replied.

The man picked up the dog and tossed him over a wall.

Tree fetishists aren't that bad

Their bark is worse than their bite.

Why do dogs always bark when someone ring the doorbell?

No, seriously. It's almost never for them.

How do you make a cat bark?

Pour some gasoline on it, light it.

I told a mean tree to leaf me alone or else...

He just said, "Your all Bark, no bite!" I beat him up so bad,
you woodn't want to see what happened to him.

Feral people don't experience morning wood...

They experience morning bark

I tried to build a computer out of wood, but it wouldn't turn on.

All bark and no byte.

I can always hear my roomate bark while having sex

He likes it ruff

An American dog, Polish dog and a Russian dog were discussing things so the American dog tells them that if you bark long enough, people will give you meat. The Polish dog asks "what's meat?"

The Russian dog asked "what's bark...??!!"

I need to re-home a dog.

It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot. If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.

What's the best way to identify a dogwood tree?

By its bark

P.S. Sorry if this is a repost, but I haven't seen it here recently and I just heard it today from my botany professor.

Did you hear the one about the dog who ate a bunch of garlic?

His bark was worse than his bite

To the office bully. You're all bark and no bite...

Except when it comes to pillows...

The Cherry blossom tree and the Dogwood tree looks almost the same how does one tell them apart?

Check the bark

Bark bark, I'm a dog

Meow meow, I'm a cat

Quack quack, I'm a duck

First first, I'm a YouTube commenter

A man walks into a talent agency with his dog claiming it can talk. The agent says, ok, let's see if this dog is gonna make us rich . The guy says, Fido, what's the top of a house called ? Roof! What's on a tree ? Bark! How does sandpaper feel ? Ruff!

The talent agent tells the man off and kicks him out of his office. As the man and the dog are walking down the street the dog looks up at the man and says, Gee Bob, maybe you should have asked some harder questions .

How many times a day does a dog bark?

About 100, but that's just a ruff estimate.

Dad jokes meet dog jokes

Do you know why redwood is the favorite tree species of every dog?

It has the thickest bark.

I witnessed a motorcyclist hit a tree today.

The driver walked away without injury though.

I guess the tree was all bark and no bite.

What does a German Sheppard's bark sound like?


What's the strongest part of the dogwood tree?

the bark

How do you tell the difference between a dog and a tree?πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¦

By its bark!

What do dogs and trees have in common?

They both bark

I have a pet treee

It's kinda like a pet dog but the bark is quieter

My friend's dad was NJ State Forester. His favorite joke was How can you tell a Dogwood tree?

by its bark

Why do dogs always bark when they hear a doorbell?

It's almost never for them.

"Barkeep, why are there pills glued to the top of the bar seating?" "Oh, some people complained that our seats were too hard. Those are stool softeners."

"And, cushions would have rectal the loose vibes we work so hard to cultivate."

Barking mouse

The cat closes in upon them as the terrified baby mice back into the corner with no where to run. Suddenly, out in a distance behind the cat, mama mouse began barking "woof, woof!". Caught off guard the cat immediately turned tail and ran. Seeing that the coast is clear, mama mouse came up to her babies and gathered them up. Having made sure that all her babies are accounted for, she said, "see children, that's why it's so important to learn a 2nd language."

What do dogs and trees have in common?


I have a pet tree

It's not as good as a pet dog but the bark is quieter.

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it...

a chihuahua 500 miles away will bark at it.

A father was walking with his curious daughter.

She pointed to the sky and asked "Daddy, why is the sky blue?

He replied "Hmmmm. I don't really know."

A few minutes later, they passed a tree. She asked "Daddy, how do trees grow?"

He replied "Errrr... good question. I don't know."

Seeing a dog, she asked "Why do dogs bark?"

He replied "Um, I'm not sure."

She looked up at him and said "Daddy, I hope you don't mind me asking you all these questions?"

He replied "Not at all, if you don't ask, you won't know."

Can horse bark?


What do barkeepers and beekeepers have in common?

That constant buzz around them.

Did you hear the story about the Man Eating Tree?

Well, long story short it was all bark and no bite.

I need to re-home a dog

I need to re-home a dog. It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot.

If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.

A man walks into a bar with a talking dog

He tells the bartender my dog can talk!

The bartender says Oh yeah? Let's hear him!

He asks the dog what is on top of a house?

The dog says roof!

The bartender is not buying it, so the guy says what is the outer covering of a tree called?

The dog says bark!

The bartender gets really mad and kicks the guy and his dog out of the bar.

Sitting on the curb, the dog turns to the guy and says what was that all about?

True Story: I found a note on my doorstep today.

Opening it, I was excited to see a riddle!

It read:
"What dog has legs
But cannot run.
A tail,
It cannot wag,
A mouth,
But cannot bark,
A nose,
But cannot smell?"

I love riddles. Before reading the answer, I sat down with my wife and we spent a while pondering the possible answers.

Eventually, curiosity overcame us. We turned over the note to see the answer.

It read:
"Your dog.
I'm really sorry.
I ran it over."

I hate riddles.

Cat Attack

A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacks them. The mother mouse goes, "Bark!" and the cat runs away. "See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you see why it's important to learn a foreign language?"

Trees are like dogs

Some shed and some don't. Others just bark

How do trees laugh?

They don't, they bark.

I have just finished making a hard-drive out of wood, but it doesn't work…

It's all bark and no byte

A dog walks into a bar

A dog walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What's new" the bartender asks. "My owners got mad at me because I kept chasing people on a bike. So they took my bike away. So then I had nothing to do but stand around in the yard and bark. So they gave me my bike back," the dog says. "Apparently my bark is worse than my bike."

Did you hear about the tree that tried to act tough around his friends?

He was all bark and no bite

What did the dog say when it ran into a tree


What does an Icelandic dogs bark sound like?


I went to a protest for trees the other day.

I saw a sign that said Bark Lives Matter.

A dog walks into a telegraph office

He says to the operator take a message.

"Bark bark bark, bark bark bark, bark bark; bark."

The operator says "You could send ten barks for the same price."

The dog replies "Well then it wouldn't make any sense."

What did the dog carve into the tree?


Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the bark dog bark puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working bark tree bark piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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