Bare Jokes

132 bare jokes and hilarious bare puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bare that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Explore the world of UK slang with "Bare Jokes." Learn all about phrases like "bare feet," "bare minimum," and "bare bum" and why they mean to be defenseless and exposed. We'll also explore why we use these humorous, lighthearted terms in relation to our buttocks and why they can be so tantalizingly ind.

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jokes about bare

Best Short Bare Jokes

Short bare puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bare humour may include short bear jokes also.

  1. What do Green eggs and Ham and Fifty Shades of Grey have in common? They both encourage people who can barely read to try new things.
  2. A lot of people are up in arms about the Olympians caught taking drugs to compete. Honestly I'm proud of them, and what they can do. Last time I did drugs I could barely tie my shoe.
  3. I need everyone to wish me luck. I have a meeting at the bank later and if all goes well, I will be out of debt. I'm so excited I can barely put on my ski mask.
  4. How can you tell when a man is well hung? When you can barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
  5. Few years ago I saw Slim Shady in concert and instead of rapping he just kept pulling his pants down and mooning the crowd. Honestly the whole thing was just Em bare assing.
  6. Tank tops shouldn't be against school dress codes After all, we have a right to bare arms.
  7. My Fiancé said she wanted to be a trophy Wife Now that we're married all she does is lie around so much she can barely walk. And that's how I learned my wife doesn't know how to pronounce atrophy.
  8. Lockdown was great! I didn't work, i didn't socialise, i barely left the house. Same as usual, except i didn't feel guilty.
  9. Two old ladies sitting in a doctor's office in Florida... The one says to the other, "I can't see, I can't hear anything and I can barely walk. thank god I can still drive."
  10. What do you call a monk who walks everywhere in bare feet, has poor bone density and really bad breath? A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Bare joke, What do you call a monk who walks everywhere in bare feet, has poor bone density and really bad brea

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about bare can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of bare puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Bare One Liners

Which bare one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bare? I can suggest the ones about bras and berry.

  1. For sale, barely used DeLorean Only driven from time to time.
  2. I killed the glove industry With my bare hands
  3. Why do Americans wear sleeveless t-shirts? Because they have the right to bare arms
  4. Why do lots of Americans wear tank tops? Because they have the right to bare arms
  5. What do nudists pack for vacation? Just the bare necessities.
  6. What do you call a bear without fur? Bare.
  7. Maglev train hits 310mph in Japan. Critics say it has barely left the ground.
  8. Why do NRA members wear sleeveless shirts? Because they have a right to bare arms!
  9. Many Saudi women are fans of the Second Amendment. They would like a right to bare arms.
  10. How do nudists greet each other? With a bare hug.
  11. Why don't Canadians wear tank tops? They don't have the right to bare arms
  12. What do you call a dyselxic, amateur wizard? Dude who can barely spell.
  13. Why did the blonde wax her biceps? She was exercising her right to bare arms.
  14. How many bears would Bear Grylls grill, if Bear Grylls grilled bears? barely enough
  15. I wear tank tops because of the Second Amendment. I sure do love my right to bare arms.

Bare Hands Jokes

Here is a list of funny bare hands jokes and even better bare hands puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Louis C.K. is the hardest working comedian in the business He literally built and ended his own career with his bare hands.
  • A vegan told me I shouldn't eat animals because I can't kill or butcher them with my bare hands... So I gave him a coconut and told him to have a nice day.
  • I brought my girlfriend to watch one of my soccer matches. When an opponent was about to score a goal, she stormed the field and prevented it with her bare hands. She's a keeper.
  • "So do you want me to climb up with my bare hands or can I use some sort of climbing device?" The latter.
  • I just saw a man repair his monocle with his bare hands. It was a spectacle to behold.
  • Back when I was in the army, I killed a whole squadron of soldiers with my bare hands. I probably should have worn gloves while cooking.
  • I'm confident I'd be able to rip a phone book in half with my bare hands. Because as a U.S. Southerner, when I fix my unsweetened tea, I open all my sweeteners at once.
  • What do you call a person that commits a robbery with his bare hands? An armed robber..
  • TIL Johann Travlossky once stopped a moving freight train with his bare hands He was the engineer
  • My grandfather was puzzled when I told him that I was surprised that he could still crush a walnut with his bare hands. I was just impressed that despite his age, he had no problem busting a nut.

Bare Feet Jokes

Here is a list of funny bare feet jokes and even better bare feet puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call a wizard who walks everywhere on bare feet, has poor bone density and really bad breath?

    A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
  • Why are socks a bad Christmas present for Daddy Bear? Because he will always have bare feet.
  • If you put shoes on a bear... ...does he still have bare feet?
  • Did you hear about the bare foot bridegroom? He got cold feet.

Bare Minimum Jokes

Here is a list of funny bare minimum jokes and even better bare minimum puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I have only one rule when it comes to attire I dress to meet the bare minimum standards that any given occasion dictates.
    I call it...
    Occam's Blazer.
  • What's the bare minimum? 1 Bear
  • What's the bare minimum? One bear.
  • Why is it that all anyone needs is a small mother? Because it's the bare mini-mum.
  • What do you call a British midget mother who can barely support her family? Mini-Mum
  • What do you call a n**... dwarf? The bare minimum
  • What do you get when a dwarf mother turns up n**...? The bare minimum.
Bare joke, What do you get when a dwarf mother turns up n**...?

Silly & Ridiculous Bare Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter

What funny jokes about bare you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean brig jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make bare prank.

Bareknuckle boxing is a little less manly...

...when you refer to it as "t**... f**...".
(again, tis written by me!)

Old Mrs. Hubbard

Old Mrs. Hubbard, went to her cupboard to fetch her old dog a bone.
But when she got there, the cupboard was bare,
so he gave her a bone of his own

I got on the bus, sat down and noticed a beautiful blonde Chinese woman crying in the seat across from me...

I moved over and asked her why she was crying.
"I don't usually bare my soul to strangers," she said.
I replied that sometimes it was perfectly fine to tell your story to a perfect stranger. She nodded and said, "I just came out of my therapist session and he says there is no way to cure me."
I asked what exactly was her problem. She said, "I'm a nymphomaniac, but I only get turned on by Jewish cowboys. You know, I do feel better. By the way, my name is Kim."
"Glad to meet you," I said. "My name is Bucky Goldstein."
Steve Wright

If I were a bear, I'd have no hair.

I'd be a bare bear.

I like my women like quality agronomy soil...

..good p**... to 8", bare surface, and minimal crust.

What do you call a bear with no hair?


I'm planning on opening a combined cocktail bar and waxing salon.

I'm going to call it "Gin and Bare It".

Why is Spring considered so dangerous?

Because it gives you the right to bare arms.

The b**... Ladies have been pulled from the rubble alive, following the Nepal Earthquake.

Its been One Week.

What Do you Call Neil Degrasse Tyson when he pours champagne on his bare chest?

**An astro-fizzy-t**...**

Where do you get bare minerals from?

A s**... mine

Did anyone hear about the Grizzly who was sick of giving birth to n**... cubs?

She could barely bear to bear bare bare bears.

Did you know tank tops were i**... until the U.S constitution came out?

It gave people the right to bare arms.

My 4 year old son just got me with a dad joke I hadn't heard before.

My son was playing with his teenage mutant ninja turtle action figures, and was making them fight each other.
Me: "Where are their weapons? Are they just fighting with their bare hands?"
Son: "No, they are fighting with their turtle hands."
Doesn't have a clue why I was laughing so hard.

How To Translate Work Emails

I have a question. = I have 18 questions.
I'll look into it. = I've already forgotten about it.
I tried my best. = I did the bare minimum.
Happy to discuss further. = Don't ask me about this again.
No worries. = You really messed up this time.
Take care. = This is the last you'll ever hear from me.
Cheers! = I have no respect for you or myself!

I heard it's impossible to ban Tank tops in the US...

Something about the right to bare arms...

Why do Americans weight lift in tank tops?

Because they like to exercise their right to bare arms.

If the President rides equestrian without a saddle, what do you call the animal he's on?

Bare Horse One.

Why do people in tank tops support the 2nd Amendment?

They believe in the right to bare arms.

Balding grizzles pass their genes to their offspring or...

Bare bears bear bare bears.

A Pope and a lawyer meet by the Pearly Gates.

A Lawyer and the Pope died at the same time, both went to heaven.
They were met at the Pearly Gate by St. Peter who conducted them to their rooms.
The Pope's room was spartan with bare floor, army cot for a bed, and a single bulb for light.
They came to the Lawyer's room.
It was huge with wall to wall carpeting, king sized water bed, indirect lighting, color TV, stereo, Jacuzzi and fully stocked bar.
The Lawyer said, "There must be a mistake. This must be the Pope's room!"
St Peter said, "There's no mistake. This is your room. We have lots of Pope's, but you're our very first Lawyer!"

Why does barely anyone use Butter anymore?

I'm tired of it being so margarinelized.

Oprah promises prosecution of all women in sleeveless dresses when she takes office

She is against the right to bare arms.

The polar bear sleeps in his little bear skin . . .

he sleeps very well, I am told.
Last night I slept in my little bare skin,
and I got a heck of a cold!

My Dad and I walk outside in sub-zero temperatures, and he's wearing a t-shirt.

Me: "Dad, it's really cold, don't you want to wear a coat?"
Dad: "I'm just exercising my second-ammendment rights."
Me: "........."
Dad: "My right to bare arms."

Why do r**... wear t-shirts with the sleeves cut off?

They have the right to bare arms.

This guy at a party tried pressuring me into getting a tattoo...

..but I reminded him I have the right to bare arms.

Why did the politician buy a waxing kit?

Because he has the right to bare arms

I can't believe girls at school can't wear tank tops, it's totally violates the second amendment.

Don't they have a right to bare arms?

I live in a country with gun control

I don't understand why people in Tshirts think they have the right to bare arms

d**... TSA

If airport security asks you if you have any weapons don't say, "No, I prefer to kill with my bare hands." They don't think it's funny, apparently.

A man touched a bare wire to see what would happen. What happened next shocked him.

He remained unharmed.

I decided to shave from my shoulder down to my wrists.

I wanted to exercise my right to bare arms.

I always wear a sleeveless shirt to the gym...

But the only thing I exercise is my right to bare arms.

I had an idea for a joke concerning an archeologist and a nudist,

But, no matter how deep I dig, the punchline seems bare

The Sun God Helios, feeling lazy, stuck his bare glowing buttocks over the horizon...

... it was the crack of dawn.

A hospital director catches up with a patient running bare foot from the building

Why did escape from the operating room? said the director
Because the nurse was saying: " it's ok be brave, it's just appendicitis it's a simple operation..."
So what? she was just trying to reassure you...
She was talking to the surgeon!

What do you call a s**... who is also a nudist?

Smokey the bare

Mahatma Ghandi walked thousands of miles with bare feet...

This caused him to develop an impressive set of callouses.
He also are very little, which made him rather frail, and due to this strange diet, suffered from bad breath.
All told, he was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Successful people only sleep on bare mattresses...

...because after all that hard work you don't want to sheet the bed.


Winter can be pretty dreary with all the bare trees,
so when spring comes it's such a re-leaf.

Their ones was a very old monk...

who took a while to get anywhere he was going because he was afraid that he would fall and break something. Everywhere he went he would walk in his bare feet because he had forsworn shoes as part of his vows. His breath was so bad that people claimed that they could smell it from the other room. They called him the Super-calloused-fragile-mystic-hexed-with-halitosis.


Because "almost underage" sounds a bit creepy.

I was on a guided tour of an Indian Reservation when this streaker ran past our group wearing nothing but a headdress.

I asked the tour guide. "Who's that idiot?"
He replied.."That's Running Bare"

Me: I only got the bear essentials.

Wife: You mean bare essentials.
Me: *removes live salmon from mouth* I said what I said

PornHub now requires all visitors to watch at least 5 minutes of dwarf m**... content before accessing other videos.

That's the bare mini mum.

I just barely crossed the finish line in a Law and Order 5k race.

I would have got first, but the cops beat me to it.

A lawyer goes to court with no sleeves on

The judge asks "Why are you sleeveless in my court?"
The lawyer looked in straight faced and said "I have the right to bare arms sir".

I barely passed my professional dredging qualification.

Just about managed to scrape a sea.

What do you call a n**... femboy?

A bare trap.

Why do r**... cut their sleeves off?

They have the right to bare arms

I love when Americans wear short sleeves.

It's good to see them supporting their right to bare arms.

Why do Americans love to wear T-shirts?

Because they have the constitutional right to bare arms.

What do you call a n**... bear?

A bare

Second Amendment

The Second Amendment of the Constitution affords me the right to wear short sleeve shirts to work.
The right to bare arms.

Bare joke, Second Amendment

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these bare jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.