Bare Feet Jokes
17 bare feet jokes and hilarious bare feet puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bare feet that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Bare Feet Short Jokes
Short bare feet jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bare feet humour may include short barefoot jokes also.
- What do you call a monk who walks everywhere in bare feet, has poor bone density and really bad breath? A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
- What do you call a wizard who walks everywhere on bare feet, has poor bone density and really bad breath?
A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. - Why are socks a bad Christmas present for Daddy Bear? Because he will always have bare feet.
Share These Bare Feet Jokes With Friends
Bare Feet One Liners
Which bare feet one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bare feet? I can suggest the ones about happy feet and feet.
- If you put shoes on a bear... ...does he still have bare feet?
- Did you hear about the bare foot bridegroom? He got cold feet.
Bare Feet Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about bare feet you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fat feet jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bare feet pranks.
An elderly man was on his deathbed.
A man is on home hospice, terminally ill and barely clinging to life. Well one afternoon he smells his absolute favorite thing in the whole world, peanut butter cookies, baking downstairs. After hours of anticipation the cookies don't come upstairs for him.
So he, against all odds, unhooks his IV's, creaks to his feet, and hobbles slowly down stairs where he beholds a platter of the cookies on the counter. He feebly reaches out for one and his wife slaps his hand away angrily.
"No! Those are for the f**...!"
Mahatma Ghandi walked thousands of miles with bare feet...
This caused him to develop an impressive set of callouses.
He also are very little, which made him rather frail, and due to this strange diet, suffered from bad breath.
All told, he was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Drunk homecoming
A man stumbles up the driveway to his house at 6 in the morning, barely able to stand on his feet. He manages to reach the door but finds it locked and then proceeds to knock.
knock, knock, knock....
After a while his wife comes and opens the door, in a less than a pleased mood.
"What possible reason could you have for coming home at this hour!?"
Slurring and struggling to form words, but managing it in the end the man replies.
"Breakfast!"
A professor dreams that he steps on a rusty nail
After waking up, he puts a bandage on his foot. At work another professor notices the bandage and asks about it. After hearing the explanation he says: "That is exactly the kind of thing why normal folks think academic people are nutty. Why on earth did you go to sleep with bare feet?!"
Their ones was a very old monk...
who took a while to get anywhere he was going because he was afraid that he would fall and break something. Everywhere he went he would walk in his bare feet because he had forsworn shoes as part of his vows. His breath was so bad that people claimed that they could smell it from the other room. They called him the Super-calloused-fragile-mystic-hexed-with-halitosis.
A guy walks into a bar on the boardwalk..
and sees a t**... bartender. He tries to get the bartenders attention by signaling for a beer but the bartender won't look his way.
Annoyed, the guy walks in the bartenders line of vision and signals again. Even though he made eye contact the bartender ignores him.
Now, furious, the guy demanded an explanation from the bartender.
The bartender simply points at the sign with his bare feet which reads
"no shirt, no shoes, no service"
A guy drinks all night in a pub
When the pub closes, he tried to go home, but he can't stand on his feet, so he decides to crawl outside, maybe the fresh air will make him feel better.
But even outside he doesn't manage to get on his feet, so without a choice he crawls until he gets home, barely manages to reach the door handle, and crashes on the bed.
When he wakes up, his wife yells at him "where drinking all night again?!"
"How did you know?" He asks.
"Cause the guy from the pub called and said you forgot your wheelchair"
A tall woman and a midget
A tall woman met a midget at a party. The midget was barely three feet tall but they were attracted to each other. After a few drinks they went back to the tall woman's apartment.
I can't imagine what it will be like making love to a midget, said the woman, especially with the size difference and all.
Just t**... clothes, lie back on the bed, spread your legs apart and close your eyes, said the midget.
The woman did as she was told and soon she felt the biggest thing she'd ever experienced inside her. Within a few minutes the woman had climaxed eight times.
If you think that was good, said the midget with a smirk, Just wait till I get BOTH legs in there!
Two newlyweds go to buy a donkey...
...when they are looking at the sweet little foal it cuddles up to the husband and butts him quite roughly. The husband was surprised and quite annoyed, he says to the foal, 'That's once.'
Seconds later the donkey bites him, 'Ok, ok that's twice!' the husband exclaims as his anger rises.
He barely has time to gather himself together then the foal turns around and kicks him square in the chest. He get's back to his feet, furious with the creature and yells 'ALRIGHT THAT'S THREE TIMES' He pulls out his revolver and shoots the donkey six times in a blind rage.
His wife screams and cries, 'Are you crazy? The poor animal! How could you do that?'
The husband replies calmly, 'Honey, that's once.'
The grace of the hunt
Two brothers, who are hunters, get invited to a very famous Hunting club by their father. Once there, they mingle with the members and have an awesome time. Tons of drinking, lots of stories about big game hunting. As the night was nearing it's end, the young men's father asks them if they would be interested in speaking to the club's oldest member, and they, of course, jump at the opportunity. Their father points them to a very frail looking elderly man sitting in a recliner. The young men introduce them selves, tell the old man some of their stories, and all three of them clearly enjoy each other's company. Just as the young brother's were about to leave, the old man starts to tell them his greatest story.
" I was hunting alone in the African wilderness. I found myself with no food, water or shelter. As the day was coming to an end, i barely managed to gather enough wood for a fire. I start to doze off with my rifle in hand, when i hear a rustling sound behind me. I jump to my feet and, just as i turn around, a 600 pound, male lion jumps out at me and lets out a great big ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! And, i just crapped my pants"
The young hunters look at one another. Finally, one of them says " I mean, sir. Given the circumstances anyone would have done so".
"NO!" the old man replies, "Not then, just now when i said ROOOOOOAAARRRR!!!"