Barbershop Jokes

Following is our collection of mohawk humor and hair one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Barbershop puns for adults, dirty hairstylist jokes or clean stylist gags for kids.

There is an abundance of saloon jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 43 funniest jokes on barbershop. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any hairdresser witze you can hear about barbershop.

The Best jokes about Barbershop

A man and a boy walked into a barbershop together.

After the man got his haircut, he sat the boy in the barber's chair and said, "I'm just going to run around the corner to grab a paper." When the boy's haircut was donw, the man still hadn't returned. The barber said, "It looks like your dad's forgotten about you." "Oh, that wasn't my dad," the boy said, "He just walked up to me on the street, took my hand and said, "Come on, we're going to get a free haircut.""

Barack and Trump found themselves at a local barbershop. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Trump reached for the aftershave. Donald was quick to stop him, saying, "No thanks. My wife, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel."

The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like.

A man walks into a barbershop...

...and says, "I want you to cut my hair longer on the left side and shorter on the right side. Make it uneven along the back, jagged in the front, and take out a big chunk right near the top."

The barber says, "I'm sorry, sir, but I can't do that."

The man replies, "Why not? It's what you did last time."

"A Marine and his commanding officer.....!!!"

A Marine and his commanding officer were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The marine shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!" The commanding officer turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

Aftershave's aftereffects.

A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.

The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"

The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.


A priest, a monk, and a Rabbi walk into a barbershop.

A priest walks into a barbershop. After he gets his hair cut, he goes to pay. The barber says "I do not charge men of faith." The next day the priest leaves twelve eggs in front of the barbershop as thanks.

Soon after, a monk walks into the same barbershop and gets his hair cut for free. The monk leaves twelve apples by the door as thanks.

A few days later, a Rabbi walks into the barbershop. He gets his free haircut. The next day the barber comes to work to see twelve Rabbis by the door.

The Old Cowboy's Shave

An old cowboy walks into a barbershop in Red Lodge, Montana for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed the little ball.

The barber replied, Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does .

The Barbershop

So the other day I walked into a barbershop,

The barber came up to me and asked," Hey how can I help you sir??"

I told him that, " I just need a short cut" as I walked across his store and

right out through the backdoor

Old man gets a shave at the barber

An old cowboy walks into a barbershop in Red Lodge, Montana for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed the little ball.
The barber replied, Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does .

An old cowboy

walks into a barbershop in Dillon, Montana for a
shave and a haircut. He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little
wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what would have
happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little ball.

The barber replied, just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does.

How long before I can get a haircut?

A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left. A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left. A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half." The guy left. The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor, follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back." A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So, where does he go when he leaves?" Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, "Your house!"


A man is getting his haircut at the barbershop...

A kid walks in and the barber says to his customer, "this is the dumbest kid in the world, look I'll prove it to you"

The barber takes out a dollar bill in one hand and 2 quarters in the other and proceeds to ask the kid, "Young man, which of these would you like?"

The kid thinks for a second and then grabs the 2 quarters and leaves.

The barber turns to his customer and says, "See I told you! He is an idiot!"

After leaving the barbershop, the man sees the kid across the street coming out of the ice cream store.

He walks over and asks, "Hey kid, how come you took the quarter and not the dollar?!?"

The kid responds, "Once I take the dollar, that idiot's game will end"

A guy stuck his head into a barbershop full of customers.....

....He asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours."

The guy left.

A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours."

The guy left.

A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half."

The guy left.

The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor, follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back." A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So, where does he go when he leaves?"

Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, "Your house!"

The Three Barbers

There are three barbershops on a small street in Amsterdam. The first barbershop has a sign saying 'best barber in the town'

The second has a sign saying 'best barber in the world'.

And the third has a sign saying 'best barber on the street'

A young boy enters the barbershop and the barber whispers to his customer…

A young boy enters a barbershop… the barber whispers to his customer, This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch.

The barber puts a dollar in one open palm and two quarters in the other and asks the kid, Which do you want?

The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

What did I tell you? says the barber. That kid never learns!

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.

Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why'd you take the quarters and not the dollar? he asks.

The boy licked his cone and replied, Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!

Cowboy shave

Old Joe Peters walks into a barbershop in Miles City for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little wooden ball.

The barber replied: Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does ...

How long before I can get a haircut?

A guy sticks his head into a barbershop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"The barber looks around the shop and replies, "About two hours." The guy closes the door and leaves.A few days later, the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"The barber looks around the shop full of customers and says, "About two hours." Once again, the guy turns and leaves the shop.A week later, the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"The barber looks around the shop and answers, "About an hour and a half." The guy walks out quickly.The barber, curious, looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes."A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop laughing. The barber asks, "Bill, where did the guy go when he left here?""To your house."

Donald Trump and Barack Obama ended up at the same barbershop.

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn nasty. As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel." The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife, Michelle, doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."

Barber's Joke today

A man enters a barbershop for a shave.
While the barber gets him lathered, he mentions he can't get a close shave on his cheeks.

"I have just the thing" the barber takes a small wooden ball from a small drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum"
The customer places the ball in his cheek and gets the closest shave he has ever experienced.

After the shave, the customer asks in garbled speech "what if I swallow it?" "Not a problem" says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else"


A man and a boy go into a barbershop.

After getting his haircut, the man says, Now cut the boy's hair too. I'll be back soon.

When he's finished cutting the boy's hair, the barber says, When is your father coming back to pay?

The boy says, He's not my father. He met me in the street and asked if I wanted a free haircut.

A man walks into a barbershop

He tells the barber, "Could you give me a haircut, where you cut one sideburn is longer than the other, you use the razor to make several baldspots on the front of my head, and you make clear zigzags down the back of my head?"

The barber responds, "That's terrible! I can't do that."

The man retorts, "But that's what you did last time!"

Cristiano Ronaldo Went to the barbershop for a new haircut.

He went home to his girlfriend and asked, "Well what do you think?". She took a couple of minutes looking his new hair cut over and replied "Well... at least it's not Messi".

A guy goes to a barbershop

The barber claims to have a new machine that can cut everyone's hair equally well.

But that's ridiculous! Says the customer, not everyone has the same size and shaped head!

The barber responds, They do afterward

the barbershop

A little girl goes to the barbershop with her father. While her dad is getting his hair cut, the girl begins eating a Twinkie. While she\`s eating, she walks over and stands right next to the barber\`s chair.

The barber looks down and says, "Sweetheart, you\`re gonna get hair on your Twinkie."

"I know," the little girl replies. "I\`m gonna get boobies, too."

A man goes to a barbershop...

Asks the barber, what time do you close today? Barber says 4:30 and the man walks off. Man comes in the next day asks what time the barber closes shop, barber says 5 o'clock and the man walks off. This goes on for some time and one day the barber sends an apprentice to follow the man. The apprentice gets back. Barber asks "well who is this guy where does he walk off to every time" apprentice says "your place"

President Trump and ex-President Obama go to the Barbershop...

They each enter the establishment, and take their seats with different barbers. Neither says a word, and even the barbers dare not speak, fearing that any conversation would soon turn political.

At the end of the service, as each man got ready to leave, Trump's barber offers him the aft**e**rshave.

Trump is quick to stop him: "No thanks, buddy. My wife will smell it and think I've been at a whorehouse".

Obama's barber turns to him and offers the same.

Obama replies: "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like".

What makes a barbershop quartet sound so amazing?

They're on the cutting edge of musical innovation.

I walked into a room where men were wearing capes, expecting great things.

Then I see that it is a barbershop.

An ewok goes to a barbershop

And the barber says, "We don't take any walk-ins here."

The other day I stayed in a very swanky hotel ...

... I had to shave before they let me go in their barbershop.

I want to start the new year with a bang

So I go to the barbershop.

Why did Sean Connery open up his barbershop in the forest, rather than the city?

He wanted to shave a couple bucksh.

I was surprised when I heard Derek was arrested for selling drugs out of his barbershop.

I've known Derek for years and I never knew he was a barber.

I just got done apologizing to my barbershop quartet

I gathered them to sing a song about a bucket with a lot of water in it.

It turned out to be solo.

My barbershop started a football team.

They've got a great line up.

A man walks into a barbershop and says, do you cut pubic hair?

The Barber, a little taken back, says, "well, sure, why not?"

The man bares his teeth and says, "Great. Can you get this one?"

Lost friend.

A man was looking for his friend just about everywhere.

He went to the grocery store and asked "Has anyone seen Bob Peters?" To which everyone responded no.

Next he went to the gym and asked "Has Bob Peters been around here?" To which everyone responded no.

After that he went to the barbershop and stuck his head in and asked "Bob Peters here?" To which the barber said "nope, only haircuts."

How do you get everyone to settle down at a barbershop convention?

"Hair, hair!"

A new barbershop just opened called Hairy Styles.

They only do comb-overs in One Direction.

An old man went to a hotel but got into a barbershop instead.

Old man: Let's see the menu!
Barber: Cutting and shaving.
Old man: Get me two plates of both!

What is Purple, Musical, and Deadly?

Thanos in a Barbershop Quartet!

Jesus goes to a barbershop. Would you like us to trim your beard? they ask

Jesus says No, I wouldn't want to make your floor a tripping hazard.

Me and my friends went to the Barbershop after a long quarantine, We sat their and the head barbarian said ,

Buckle up boys!! it's gonna be hairy.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes