Barber Shop Jokes
90 barber shop jokes and hilarious barber shop puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about barber shop that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Barber Shop Short Jokes
Short barber shop jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The barber shop humour may include short barbershop jokes also.
- A koala walks into a barber shop A koala walks into a barber shop and hops up into the chair. He points to the excess fur that has grown around his ears and asks the barber, "Can eucalyptus?"
- A man walks in to Peters and Son barber shop He asks the barber, You Bob Peters?
No we just cut hair. - Walked into my barber's shop today and he said wow you really need a hair cut. I said no I need them all cut.
- What's a business name that could work with a barber shop, a taxidermist, and a deli? Cuts 'n Stuff
- Guy pops his head into a barber shop and asks bob peters here ? Barber says no sir we just cut hair
- Robocop lost his job on the Police force.. He's found new employment advertising for a barber shop
Shave now.. or there will be stubble - A son and dad are waiting in a busy, popular barber shop. Dad says, This place is a cookout... First there's a barber queue, then you get a fresh, tasty cut.
- I went to the barber shop a few days ago to cut my hair... I didn't like my haircut first, but then it grew on me
- A man goes to a barber shop... "How much for a haircut?"
"$20" answers the barber.
"What about shaving?"
"$10"
"Okay, shave my head, please." - Bruce Jenner walked into a barber shop... ...looking for a friend.
He asks the barber "Bob Peters here?"
The barber says, "Nope. Just cut hair."
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Barber Shop One Liners
Which barber shop one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with barber shop? I can suggest the ones about barber and hair salon.
- A man walks into a psychic barber shop Barber: say no more
- What did the bee go to the barber shop for? To get a buzz cut.
- I've opened up a barber shop for rabbits I do hare cuts, only.
- I don't like going to the barber's shop anymore! He is always looking down on me.
- I decided to open a barber shop for little people. It will be called Shortcuts.
- I was held hostage at a barber shop once. It was a hairy situation.
- Ed Sheeran opened up a barber shop... ...and named it 'Head Sheerin'
- What do you call a snake pit in an Egyptian barber shop? A hairy asp hole.
- Two sheep barge into a barber's shop. "We will not go woolenly!" they said.
- A transgender walks into a male barber shop...
- What did the barber say as he fled from a bomb in his shop? Everyone shave yourself!
- What would you call Sean Connery walking out of a burning barber shop? A close shave
- A young boy enters a barber shop...
Hilarious Barber Shop Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about barber shop you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean beauty salon jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make barber shop pranks.
A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day.
The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, “you do God’s work.”
The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.
A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, “you protect the public.” The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.
A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, “you serve the justice system.”
The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.
s**... kid
A barber was doing his business and a kid walked in his shop.
The barber told his customer:
- See that kid, he's the stupidest kid I've ever know. Here I'll prove it to you.
The barber yells at kid to come to him so his customer can watch.
The barber pulls out a 2 euro coin and a 5 euro bill and asks the kid:
- Hey kid, what do u choose?
The kid takes the 2 euro coin and leaves. The barber:
- See, I told u. He chooses 2 euro coin every time.
The customer walks out and sees the kid around the corner eating ice-cream.
He approaches the kid and asks:
- Do u not know the difference between a 2 euro coin and a 5 euro bill. Which one is more valuable?
The kid replies:
- I know the difference, but the moment I choose the 5 euro bill, the game is over.
So Barack Obama and Donald Trump somehow ended up at the same barber shop...
As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn n**.... As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel." The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama ?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife Michelle doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."
How long before I can get a haircut?
A guy sticks his head into a barbershop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"The barber looks around the shop and replies, "About two hours." The guy closes the door and leaves.A few days later, the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"The barber looks around the shop full of customers and says, "About two hours." Once again, the guy turns and leaves the shop.A week later, the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"The barber looks around the shop and answers, "About an hour and a half." The guy walks out quickly.The barber, curious, looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes."A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop laughing. The barber asks, "Bill, where did the guy go when he left here?""To your house."
Barber Shop
One day at a local barber shop a priest went in to get his hair cut. After he finished he asks the barber how much he owes him for the haircut. The barber politely responds with "For you, it is free of charge. Think of it as my way of giving back to my religion". The priest is very thankful and leaves. The next day the barber arrives to his shop and find 12 prayer cards on the doorstep from the priest in repayment for the kind act.
That very same day a police officer comes into the shop to get his haircut. After he is finished he asks the barber the same question and the barber says "For you, it is free of charge. Think of it as my way of giving back to my community". The police officer is also very grateful and leaves. The next day the barber returns to find 12 doughnuts on his doorstep in repayment for the free haircut.
Around 3 o'clock on that day a United States Senator comes in for his haircut. After he is finished he asks the barber how much he owes him and says "This one will be free, think of it as my way of giving back to my country". The next day the barber arrives at his shop and is astonished to see 12 U.S. senators waiting at his doorstep.
Barber
So a busy guy needed to get his haircut, but later found out he had a meeting right after.
He went into the barber shop where he was greeted warmly.
He sat down in a chair, and asked the barber if he could hurry up.
"I could, but I'd have to cut it a little short"
A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks,
"How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours."
The guy leaves.
A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours." The guy leaves.
A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half." The guy leaves.
The barber who is intrigued by this time, looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill. Follow that guy and see where he goes."
A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"
Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your house!"
A Buddhist monk, a priest, and a rabbi go to the barber for a haircut...
The priest goes in for a haircut first. When he was paying at the counter, the barber tells him that he is a man of god, so he doesn't have to pay. The priest thanks him, and the next morning the barber finds 10 gold coins on his counter.
The next day, the Buddhist monk goes in for a haircut. When he was paying, the barber tells him that he doesn't have to pay, as he was a monk and all of that meditating and praying was hard work. The next morning, the barber finds 10 rubies on his counter.
The next day, the rabbi goes in for a haircut. When he goes to pay, the barber tells him that he is a shepherd of his people and he does not have to pay. The Rabbi thanks him and leaves. The next day, 10 rabbis go into his shop for a haircut.
A young boy and a barber
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you. The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, Which do you want, son? The boy takes the quarters and leaves. What did I tell you? said the barber. That kid never learns! Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill? The boy licked his cone and replied, Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!
Dumbest kid in the world.
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, Which do you want, son? The boy takes the quarters and leaves. What did I tell you? said the barber. That kid never learns!
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?
The boy licked his cone and replied, Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!
A little girl went with her father to the barber to get his hair cut....
...and her father gave her a snack cake to keep her quiet.
As she she frolicked around the barber shop with it, the barber warned, "Little girl, you are going the get hair on your t**...!"
She replied, "I know! I'm gonna grow boobies too!"
A Buddhist monk goes to a barber
... to have his head s**.... "What should I pay you?" the monk asks. "No price, for a holy man such as yourself," the barber replies. And what do you know, the next day the barber comes to open his shop, and finds on his doorstep a dozen gemstones.
That day, a priest comes in to have his hair cut. "What shall I pay you, my son?" "No price, for a man of the cloth such as yourself." And what do you know, the next day the barber comes to open his shop, and finds on his doorstep a dozen roses.
That day, Rabbi Finklestein comes in to get his *payoss* [sideburns] trimmed. "What do you want I should pay you?" "Nothing, for a man of God such as yourself." And the next morning, what do you know?
The barber finds on his doorstep — a dozen rabbis!
A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks "Hey, Buddy! how long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber look around the shop and says "about 2 hours," and the guy leaves.
A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks..."how long before I can get a haircut?"
Again, the barber looks around at shop full of customers and says "about 2 hours." The guy leaves.
A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks "how long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says "about an hour and a half". The guy leaves.
The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says "Hey, Joey, I'll give you a free cut if you follow that guy and see where he goes."
In a little while, Joey comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber says, "this must be good, where did he go when he left here?"
Joey says, "To your house!"
Do you have bread?
A big intimidating man walks into a barber shop and asks the barber "Do you have bread?" Confused, the barber replies "Sir, this is a barber shop, not a store." After hearing this the man immediately punches the barber and just leaves.
Again the next day the same man walks into the barber shop and again asks the barber "Do you have bread?" Frightened he might get punched again the barber politely says "I am sorry sir, but this is a barber shop. We don't have bread." But the man proceeds to punch the barber and leaves.
The next day, the barber brought a variety of bread to the shop and waited for the man. Sure enough he walks in and the barber says "Oh sir you are here. We have a variety of bread for you today. Which one would you like to buy?" Then the man responds "I just got bread from the pharmacy down the street. Do you have eggs?"
Two nuns were on their day off...
...and they were on their way to sate their only vice, which was a male s**... club. On their way there, they passed a barber shop where the smell of burning hair wafted through the air. One of them turns to the other and says, "I think we better slow down, Mabel."
Dumb kid?
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber
whispers to his customer, 'This is the dumbest kid in the
world. Watch while I prove it to you.'
The barber puts a five-dollar note in one hand and two
one dollar coins in the other.
Then he calls the boy over and asks, 'Which do you
want son?'
The boy takes the two one dollar coins and leaves the
five-dollar note.
'What did I tell you?' said the barber. 'That kid never
learns!'
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same
young boy coming out of the ice cream shop and says,
'Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take
The two coins instead of the five-dollar note?'
The boy licked his cone and replied,
'Because the day I
take the five-dollar note, the game's over!'
Heard this from a Rabbi at my local barber shop
A priest walks into a barber shop. He gets a haircut. When he goes to pay, the barber says, "You know what, you are a man of God. Your money is no good here." The priest thanks him and goes on his way.
The next day, another priest walks into the barber shop. He gets a haircut, goes to pay, and the barber says, "Please. You are a man of God, you serve the lord, your money is no good here." The priest thanks him and is on his way.
The third day, a rabbi walks into the barber shop. He gets a haircut and goes to pay. The barber again says, "No. You are a man of God, I can not accept your money." The rabbi thanks him and is on his way.
The next day, a hundred rabbis show up at the barber shop.
Life
Old man has 8 hair on his head.
He went to Barber shop.
Barber in anger asked:
shall i cut or count ?
Old man smiled and said:
"Colour it!"
LIFE is to enjoy with whatever you have with you, keep smiling
A man goes to a barbershop...
Asks the barber, what time do you close today? Barber says 4:30 and the man walks off. Man comes in the next day asks what time the barber closes shop, barber says 5 o'clock and the man walks off. This goes on for some time and one day the barber sends an apprentice to follow the man. The apprentice gets back. Barber asks "well who is this guy where does he walk off to every time" apprentice says "your place"
So, how about a free haircut?
A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks "Hey, Buddy! how long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber look around the shop full of customers and says "about 2 hours," and the guy leaves.
A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks..."how long before I can get a haircut?"
Again, the barber looks around at shop full of customers and says "about 2 hours." The guy leaves.
A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks "how long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says "about an hour and a half". The guy leaves.
The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says "Hey, Joey, I'll give you a free cut if you follow that guy and see where he goes."
In a little while, Joey comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber says, "this must be good, where did that fool go when he left here?"
Joey says, "**To your house!**"
How long before I can get a haircut?
A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left. A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left. A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half." The guy left. The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor, follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back." A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So, where does he go when he leaves?" Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, "Your house!"
I went to the Barber shop...
I went to the barber shop this morning to get a new haircut. I'm not sure how I feel about it now, but I'm sure it will grow on me.
A guy stuck his head into a barbershop full of customers.....
....He asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours."
The guy left.
A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours."
The guy left.
A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half."
The guy left.
The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor, follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back." A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So, where does he go when he leaves?"
Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, "Your house!"
Kid vs barber
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer. 'This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it you.' The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, 'Which do you want, son?' The boy takes the quarters and leaves. 'What did I tell you?' said the barber. 'That kid never learns!' Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. 'Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?' The boy licked his cone and replied, 'Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!'
Clean Shave
An old drover walks into a barber shop in Black Stump Crossing, NT, Aussie, for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old drover to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old drover tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in yonks, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little ball.
The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does."
A man walks into a barber shop for a shave.
While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech.
"And what if I s**... it?"
"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
A young boy walks into a barber shop...
... and the barber whispers to his customer, 'This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.'
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, 'Which do you want, son?' The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
'What did I tell you?', said the barber. 'That kid never learns!'
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
'Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?'. Then the boy, l**... his cone, replied,
'Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!'
A young lad enters a barber shop...
and the barber whispers to his customer, This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, Which do you want, son?
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
What did I tell you? said the barber. That kid never learns!
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?
The boy licked his cone and replied,
Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!
A bald man walked into a barber shop
As he entered, he thought to himself "What am I doing hair?"
I once knew a near sighted Rabbi who was also a barber. He did discount circumcisions in the back room of his shop...
...the shop was called Rabbi's Rough Cuts.
Barack V/s Trump
Barack Obama and Donald Trump somehow ended up at the same barber shop, can you just imagine…
As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn n**....
As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave.
But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel."
The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama ?"
Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife Michelle, doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."
Old man enters barber shop thinking it is a restaurant..
Old man : What all ya have?
Barber : Cutting and shaving.
Old man : Ah, one plate each then.
My buddy told me he owns a straight-hair-only barber shop.
Its name is, "No Curls Allowed."
Obama vs trump
Donald Trump and Barack Obama ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn n**.... As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel." The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife Michelle doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."
Source : Quora
Trump and Obama at the barber
Donald Trump and Barack Obama ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn n**.... As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel." The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife Michelle doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."
Obama and Trump get a shave...
Donald Trump and Barack Obama ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn n**.... As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel." The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife Michelle doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."
Trump and Obama at a Barber shop
Donald Trump and Barack Obama ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.
The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn n**....
As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel."
The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife, Michelle, doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."
One of the better Trump jokes I have heard
Donald Trump and Barack Obama ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn n**.... As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel." The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife, Michelle, doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."
A young boy enters a barber shop...
The barber whispers to a customer, "this is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch this". The barber puts two quarters in one hand, and a dollar in the other, then calls the boy over and asks which one he wants. The boy takes the quarters and leaves. "What did I tell you?" says the barber, "the kid never learns!"
Later, the customer sees the same boy leaving an ice cream shop. "Hey kid! Can I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters and not the dollar bill?" The boy licked his cone and replied, "because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!"
Today I went to the barber's shop for a shave.
The barber asked me to put a small wooden ball in my mouth so he could get a closer shave around my cheeks.
I asked: but what if I s**... the ball?
He replied: No problem sir, you just bring it back tomorrow like everybody else
Kid and barber
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer. 'This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it you.' The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, 'Which do you want, son?' The boy takes the quarters and leaves. 'What did I tell you?' said the barber. 'That kid never learns!'
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. 'Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?' The boy licked his cone and replied, 'Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!'
A man walks into a barber shop every day and asks the barber what time he closes shop.
He never gets a cut. Only asks. The barber grows frustrated and asks his apprentice to follow the man after he asks to see who he is and why he might be asking. The apprentice returns shortly after. The barber asks "well, where did he go?" The apprentice replies "your house."
Haircut
A man and a little boy go into the barber's.
The man has his hair done and then sits the little lad in the chair.
"Now wait here when your finished, I'm just off to do some shopping." says the man and leaves without paying.
Two hours later, the boy's still waiting, when the barber says, "I think your dad's forgotten you".
The little fella says, "He's not my dad, we just met outside and he asked me if I wanted a free haircut".
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman
Found themselves aboard a plane that is about to c**.... The Englishman decides he would rather die on his own terms and yells "god save me" and jumped. Miraculously he landed on a haystack safe and sound. The Irishman, seeing this, thinks he too might as well give it a try. So he yells out loud "god save me" and jumps. He lands in a lake, safe and sound. The Scotsman now thoroughly encouraged takes a running leap and jumps out of the plane. He yells out in his thick Scottish accent "god shave me", and lands in a barbers shop.
I went to a barber shop yesterday and couldn't believe the prices.
A shave and a haircut there cost three bits.
I was at a barber shop in Bangkok and I asked to get my hair dyed, and for the barber to surprise me. I noticed that it was taking a bit longer than hair dyeing normally would, and when I looked at the finished job in the mirror, I noticed that they were in rainbow swirls.
When I asked the barber, "What is this?" he told me,"Well, it's a Thai dye."
A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake.
The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your t**...."
She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get b**... too."
Biden and Trump are at the same barber shop
Biden and Trump are at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each one being worked on by a different barber, not one word was spoken. When the barbers finished shaving, the barber that had Trump reached for the aftershave. Trump quickly stopped him saying: No thanks, Melania will smell that and think I've been in a brothel. The second barber turned to Biden and said, How about you, Mr. Biden? Joe replied, Go ahead, Jill doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like.
Two policemen are walking down the street and they find a mirror.
First one picks it up, looks at it and says: "Holy s**... man, this dude looks so familiar."
Other one looks at it and says: "Man you're right! We better take this to the captain!"
When they come to the police station they show the mirror to the captain and ask him if he knows this man. Captain: "Of course i know him! He always sits opposite of me at the barber shop."
A man is at a barber's shop getting his f**... hair s**......
The barber gives him a piece of rubber ball to put between his teeth and inside of lower lip so he can give him a cleaner shave. While getting the shave, the customer asks, "what if I accidentally s**... the rubber ball?"
"You can return it tomorrow" answers the barber. "Like everyone else does".
t**...
A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands right next to the barbers chair, while her father is getting his haircut, eating her snake cake.
The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you are going to get hair on your t**...".
She says, "I know, I am going to get b**... to."
I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.
I wasn't suited to be a tailor.
The muffler factory was just exhausting.
I couldn't cut it as a barber.
I didn't have the patience to be a doctor.
I wasn't a good fit in the shoe factory even though I put my soul into it.
The paper shop folded. Pool maintenance was too draining.
I got fired from the cannon factory.
And I just couldn't see any future as a historian.
A man walks into a barber shop
The man walks in an sits down.
Barber: So how do you want it cut?
Customer: Well, I'd like you to leave it patchy on the sides, give me some bald spots on the top, and cut a zig zag all the way up the back.
the Barber steps back in shock.
Barber: Sir… I can't do that.
Customer: Really? That's what you gave me last time, you son of a b**....
A guy went to a barber's shop for a shave...
The barber asked him to put a small wooden ball in his mouth so he could get a closer shave around his cheeks.
He asked: But what if I s**... the ball?
He replied: No problem sir, you just bring it back tomorrow like everybody else.
