Barb Jokes
98 barb jokes and hilarious barb puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about barb that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article featuring Barb jokes from the Canadian comedy series "Letterkenny" is sure to brighten your day. Read jokes about fan-favorite characters Linda, Penn, and Sharon, and get your fill of hilariously dry Canadian humor.
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Funniest Barb Short Jokes
Short barb jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The barb humour may include short crowbar jokes also.
- What do a G-string and a barbed wire fence have in common? They both run along the property line without distracting from the view.
- What happened when the cow jumped over the barbed wire fence? It was an udder disaster.
^(I'll show myself out) - So I was outside on the farm yesterday when this cow comes charging at me and attempts to jump over the barbed wire fence... It was an udder disaster.
- So one of my cows decided to try they old jump over a barb wire fence trick... it was utter destruction.
- I just finished baby-proofing my condo. I seriously doubt any of them are making it past the barbed wire and claymores.
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Barb One Liners
Which barb one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with barb? I can suggest the ones about bar patron and barrel.
- what happened to the cow when it jumped over the barbed wire fence? Udder destruction!
- What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence? An udder disaster.
- What's grey, has spikes, and runs around a field? Barbed wire.
- What do you get when you breed a snake with a hedgehog? Barbed wire
- I said to my wife Barb, 'You make an excellent point.'
- What do you call a fishing hook without barbs? Debatable!
- Once I saw a cow jump over a barbed wire fence Twas an utter catastrophe
- Which one is the most regretful vegetable in the garden? The rue-barb.
- What's a Demogorgon's favorite event? A Barb-ecue!
Cheerful Barb Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about barb you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean blonde bar jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make barb pranks.
Barber Shop
One day at a local barber shop a priest went in to get his hair cut. After he finished he asks the barber how much he owes him for the haircut. The barber politely responds with "For you, it is free of charge. Think of it as my way of giving back to my religion". The priest is very thankful and leaves. The next day the barber arrives to his shop and find 12 prayer cards on the doorstep from the priest in repayment for the kind act.
That very same day a police officer comes into the shop to get his haircut. After he is finished he asks the barber the same question and the barber says "For you, it is free of charge. Think of it as my way of giving back to my community". The police officer is also very grateful and leaves. The next day the barber returns to find 12 doughnuts on his doorstep in repayment for the free haircut.
Around 3 o'clock on that day a United States Senator comes in for his haircut. After he is finished he asks the barber how much he owes him and says "This one will be free, think of it as my way of giving back to my country". The next day the barber arrives at his shop and is astonished to see 12 U.S. senators waiting at his doorstep.
Barber
So a busy guy needed to get his haircut, but later found out he had a meeting right after.
He went into the barber shop where he was greeted warmly.
He sat down in a chair, and asked the barber if he could hurry up.
"I could, but I'd have to cut it a little short"
The Three Barbers
There are three barbershops on a small street in Amsterdam. The first barbershop has a sign saying 'best barber in the town'
The second has a sign saying 'best barber in the world'.
And the third has a sign saying 'best barber on the street'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Barbershop
So the other day I walked into a barbershop,
The barber came up to me and asked," Hey how can I help you sir??"
I told him that, " I just need a short cut" as I walked across his store and
right out through the b**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A barber, a bald man and an absent-minded professor take a journey together...
They have to camp overnight, and so decide to take turns watching the luggage. When it's the barber's turn, he gets bored, so amuses himself by shaving the head of the professor. When the professor is woken up for his shift, he feels his head, and says "How s**... is that barber? He's woken up the bald man instead of me.
I saw this joke on the Wikipedia article for "joke." It's interesting how, even though this joke is from the third or fourth century, it's still humorous today.
What does a barber yell when he plays hide-and-go-seek?
Ready or not, hair I comb!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A barber, a bald guy and a professor go for a night camp in a jungle.
They decide to guard one by one during the night. Barber's turn comes first. Others sleep.
While guarding, he gets bored and amuses himself by shaving the professor's head.
Then professor's turn comes. He touches and feels his bald head and thinks, "Idiot barber has woken up the bald guy by mistake".
Why does Barbie like Halloween?
It's pump-ken time
Why can't you barbecue in Amsterdam?
Because the steaks are too high.
I went to the Barber shop...
I went to the barber shop this morning to get a new haircut. I'm not sure how I feel about it now, but I'm sure it will grow on me.
What does Barbie say when the drought finally ends?
It's raining Ken, hallelujah....
¿Dónde está Barbie?
Ken sabe.
Barber shop
A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours."
The guy leaves.
A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours." The guy leaves.
A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half." The guy leaves.
The barber who is intrigued by this time, looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill. Follow that guy and see where he goes."
A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"
Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your house!"
This barbecue must be amazing.
Everything is at steak.
Barbie Dolls
Ralph is driving home one evening, when he suddenly realizes that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present. He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store, and says to the shop assistant, "How much is that Barbie in the window?"
In a condescending manner, she says, "Which Barbie?" She continues, "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00."
Ralph asks, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?"
"That's obvious," the saleslady says. "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..."
Heard this joke from a friend today!
I went to the barbers today.
My wife sent me a text that said we had a pipe leaking. I told the barber we're going to have to cut this short. I walked out with a buzz cut.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A barber is telling his customer about the stupidest kid he knows..
He tells him, "I tell everyone about this kid and what a m**... he is. Every time he comes by I offer him two quarters OR a single dollar bill. He takes the quarters every time...never learns."
Right as they're talking the kid walks by the window. The barber knocks and waves him in. The kid walks up and the barber offers him two quarters or a dollar bill. The kid takes the quarters and leaves.
"You see that? Every single time! I feel sorry for our future." says the barber.
Curious, the customer chases the kid down and asks, "Why do you take the two quarters? You know one dollar is worth more, right?"
"Of course I do, but the day I take the dollar, he'll stop paying me"
How do you know Satan's barbeque ribs are good?
Cos they're trident tested. #noapologies
I was at a barbecue party when a cow from a nearby farm charged me and chased me into a corner
It was at that moment I realized my life was at steak
A barber applied for a scholarship at the barber's academy
He didn't make the cut
Why does Barbie hate Amazon?
because they're always putting sales out on ken-dolls.
Why was Barbie kicked out of the toy box?
because she kept sitting on pinocchio's face moaning, "lie to me!"
The barber kept annoying me...
I told him too cut it out.
I'll see myself out
I went to the barber before I had my SAT yesterday
it really helped me clear my head
What is a barbeque party called when it's hosted by ABB?
A BBQ
A barber, a hairdresser, and bigfoot walk into a bar...
You know what...I'm gonna shave this joke for another time.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A barber starts a conversation with a new customer
* Barber: Where have you been getting your hair cut before coming here?
* Customer: Actually my dad's been doing it for a while now.
* Barber: Is he Jewish or Italian?
* Customer: He's Italian, why do you ask?
* Barber: Well either he's cheap or he knows what he's doing.
I tried being a barber for a while but I just couldn't cut it.
Bonus joke:
Had to buy a stepladder the other day, I never knew my real ladder.
When is a barber a butcher?
When he gives you muttonchops.
My barber asked me to stop singing Wonderwall
I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that shaves me (shaves me)
Why didn't barbie ever get pregnant?
Because Ken always came in another box.
What did the barber say as he fled from a bomb in his shop?
Everyone shave yourself!
My barber was telling me about how he was going to disinherit his son...
Yeah, it was quite the heir cut.
If Barbie is so popular...
then why do you have to buy her friends?
A new barbershop just opened called Hairy Styles.
They only do comb-overs in One Direction.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Barbie dolls give little boys misconceptions about adult women
Like how they're silent, no matter how often you touch them
What does a barber do on days like this?
Eclipse hair.
What does Barbie like to go snorkling with?
Doll-fins.
What do my barber and the doctor who did my circumcision have in common?
They both took too much off the top
How does Barbie read her books?
She uses a Ken Doll.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My barber is an idiot.
He always puts my cape on the wrong way around.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Barbies create unrealistic expectations of women
No woman's head reattaches THAT easily in my experience
A barbers favorite singer?
Ed Sheeran.
The barber in town can't cut hair no longer.
He must cut it shorter.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My barber asked me what I wanted today. I replied, "I dunno. Do something that makes me look more s**...!"
So she started throwing back shots of v**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My barber friend is so d**... rude.
He keeps talking behind my back!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did Barbie get when she took Ken out of a good weekend?
She had some good w**... left over.
Barbara Bush died yesterday
Well, at least now the Bush with the least energy is no longer Jeb!
What does the barber do to the moon's hair?
Eclipse it.
What is the best Barbie Doll?
Divorced Barbie because it comes with Ken's house and car.
My new barber is a really smart guy
I love having conversations with him while I'm in the chair, but he always talks over my head.
How did Barbie get to be such a good swimmer?
She trained with doll-fins.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do barbie dolls have purple n**...?
Because GI Joes have kung fu grips ...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My barber died just yesterday. It's really messed up...
... I mean, who's going to cut my hair for the f**...?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the barber say
After he s**... a man who then robbed him?
I've been hit by a smooth criminal!
Why was the barbarian sad all the time?
He was a Goth
I went to a barber shop yesterday and couldn't believe the prices.
A shave and a haircut there cost three bits.
What did the barber say to the chemotherapy patient?
You want me to shave your head? Of course I cancer.
a barber says to a hairdresser...
a barber says to a hairdresser "hey, you're a barber"
the hairdresser says "no, i'm a hairdresser"
the barber says "aren't you splitting hairs?"
Why do barbers make good drivers?
They know all the shortcuts.
How does a barber cut the moon's hair?
E-clipse it!
Barbara Walters once did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands...
She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walked behind their husbands, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime and women seemed happy to maintain the old custom.
Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you still abide by an old custom, that you once tried so desperately to change?"
The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, "Land mines."
Barbara Walters once did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands...
Land mines.
I went to the barbers and asked for a number 2 all over.
I've washed my hair 6 times since and still can't get the smell out.
I was at a barber shop in Bangkok and I asked to get my hair dyed, and for the barber to surprise me. I noticed that it was taking a bit longer than hair dyeing normally would, and when I looked at the finished job in the mirror, I noticed that they were in rainbow swirls.
When I asked the barber, "What is this?" he told me,"Well, it's a Thai dye."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the Barbie factory do when it ran out of belly b**...?
They called the the navel reserve, naturally.
My barbershop started a football team.
They've got a great line up.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is Satan's barber always nervous?
Because last time he messed up there was h**... toupee.
Why did Barbie smell like fish?
Because Australians like throwing shrimp on her.
Everyone knows comedian Bill Burr, most don't realize he has a huge family with lots of talent.
His mother, Barb, is a famous hair stylist.
Rob, his brother is in jail for theft.
His sister Cally is a great gunsmith.
Lastly, don't forget about his cousin the famous lumberjack, Tim.
Went into the barbers, I said I want you to cut my hair like David Beckhams .
He cut my hair and I looked in the mirror!
David Beckham doesn't have his hair cut like that!!??
Barber says; He does if he comes in here!!!
Now that the barbers have reopened, queues are so long that the staff have started handing out burgers and sausages
10/10 - definitely the best barber queue I've been to
Barbies promote unrealistic expectations of women's bodies.
Women's heads are much harder to put back on in real life.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A barbarian s**... in Rome somehow won the attention of Caesar's daughter
They became lovers. To avoid pregnancy, they agreed to o**... s**... only. After just a few encounters, they were caught in the act. At first the barbarian, imprisoned and sentenced to fight to entertain the crowd, regretted his poor judgment.
Eventually, though, he was gladiator.
Need barber jokes for a friend
My friend is having a rough time in barber school so i've been sending funny hairdressing jokes and memes in an attemot to keep his spirits up but i've run out. Please send more to help make a stressed student happy
My barber interrupted my horse story...
...even though I told him *not* to cut off my pony tale
I went into the barbers today and asked to have my hair cut like Tom Cruise....
He lifted me up and sat me on a cushion...
My barber is big into astrology, and told me that every zodiac sign corresponds to a certain hairstyle, except for one
Cancer.
My barber gives me really great bargains
He takes 90% off
Why did Barbie go to a yoga retreat in Australia?
She heard about all the Ken gurus
