Barb Jokes

Following is our collection of sharon humor and dvd one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Barb puns for adults, dirty regretful jokes or clean terri gags for kids.

There is an abundance of quaaludes jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 55 funniest jokes on barb. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any dyke witze you can hear about barb.

The Best jokes about Barb

Why didn't barbie ever get pregnant?

Because Ken always came in another box.

How come Barbie never got pregnant?

Because Ken always came in another box.

Barbara Walters once did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands...

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walked behind their husbands, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime and women seemed happy to maintain the old custom.

Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you still abide by an old custom, that you once tried so desperately to change?"

The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, "Land mines."

Why doesn't Barbie get pregnant?

Because Ken comes in other boxes.

A barber got arrested..

A barber got arrested in my area for dealing drugs and I'm totally shook. I've been his customer for years and never knew he was a barber.

Barbies create unrealistic expectations of women

No woman's head reattaches THAT easily in my experience

Me: I got bitten on my walk by a Great Dane

**Her:** My God — imagine if it had been a small child

**Me:** I could have fought off a small child, Barb

Why didn't Barbie have a baby?

Because Ken came in a different box.

My barber asked me what I wanted today. I replied, "I dunno. Do something that makes me look more sexy!"

So she started throwing back shots of vodka.

Why doesn't Barbie have any kids?

Because Ken came in another box.

How did Barbie get to be such a good swimmer?

She trained with doll-fins.

The Barbershop

So the other day I walked into a barbershop,

The barber came up to me and asked," Hey how can I help you sir??"

I told him that, " I just need a short cut" as I walked across his store and

right out through the backdoor

Barber shop

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours."
The guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours." The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half." The guy leaves.

The barber who is intrigued by this time, looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill. Follow that guy and see where he goes."

A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically.

The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"

Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your house!"

Barber Shop

One day at a local barber shop a priest went in to get his hair cut. After he finished he asks the barber how much he owes him for the haircut. The barber politely responds with "For you, it is free of charge. Think of it as my way of giving back to my religion". The priest is very thankful and leaves. The next day the barber arrives to his shop and find 12 prayer cards on the doorstep from the priest in repayment for the kind act.

That very same day a police officer comes into the shop to get his haircut. After he is finished he asks the barber the same question and the barber says "For you, it is free of charge. Think of it as my way of giving back to my community". The police officer is also very grateful and leaves. The next day the barber returns to find 12 doughnuts on his doorstep in repayment for the free haircut.

Around 3 o'clock on that day a United States Senator comes in for his haircut. After he is finished he asks the barber how much he owes him and says "This one will be free, think of it as my way of giving back to my country". The next day the barber arrives at his shop and is astonished to see 12 U.S. senators waiting at his doorstep.

Barber in my town was arrested for dealing drugs...

Shame, was his customer for years, never knew he cut hair.

The Three Barbers

There are three barbershops on a small street in Amsterdam. The first barbershop has a sign saying 'best barber in the town'

The second has a sign saying 'best barber in the world'.

And the third has a sign saying 'best barber on the street'

A barber, a bald man and an absent-minded professor take a journey together...

They have to camp overnight, and so decide to take turns watching the luggage. When it's the barber's turn, he gets bored, so amuses himself by shaving the head of the professor. When the professor is woken up for his shift, he feels his head, and says "How stupid is that barber? He's woken up the bald man instead of me.

I saw this joke on the Wikipedia article for "joke." It's interesting how, even though this joke is from the third or fourth century, it's still humorous today.

Barbie and G.I. Joe.

A little girl sits on Santa's lap. In a jolly manner, Santa asks "What would you like for Christmas?"

The girl replies without hesitation:"I would like a Barbie and a G.I. Joe."

Santa sits for a moment, thinking about the request. Caught off guard, he says "But little girl, Barbie comes with Ken."

The girl looks at Santa and with incredible confidence, states: "No Santa, Barbie only fakes it with Ken."

My barber said this today

I used to put out fires at the local airport and I had marshmallows in my toolbox. They thought I was a little weird, but I told 'em "More often than not, you're just gonna sit back and watch it burn anyway, might as well have some marshmallows."
One day an experimental plane crashed with six passengers, they burned up pretty bad and the chief brought us fried chicken for lunch. Nobody really wanted fried chicken for lunch after seeing those bodies, I think he was a bit on the mean side. Besides, I had just had marshmallows.

Why does Barbie like Halloween?

It's pump-ken time

A barber in my neighbourhood got arrested for selling drugs

I was shocked, never knew he was a barber too.

How did the barber win a race?

He knew a short cut.

A barber is telling his customer about the stupidest kid he knows..

He tells him, "I tell everyone about this kid and what a moron he is. Every time he comes by I offer him two quarters OR a single dollar bill. He takes the quarters every time...never learns."

Right as they're talking the kid walks by the window. The barber knocks and waves him in. The kid walks up and the barber offers him two quarters or a dollar bill. The kid takes the quarters and leaves.

"You see that? Every single time! I feel sorry for our future." says the barber.

Curious, the customer chases the kid down and asks, "Why do you take the two quarters? You know one dollar is worth more, right?"

"Of course I do, but the day I take the dollar, he'll stop paying me"

Why is Satan's barber always nervous?

Because last time he messed up there was hell toupee.

Why doesn't Barbie ever get pregnant?

Because Ken always comes in a different box.

My barber asked me to stop singing Wonderwall

I said maybe

You're gonna be the one that shaves me (shaves me)

A barber got arrested in my town

He sold drugs and ran an escort service. Just shows how little you know of the people around you. I never knew he was an barber.

What does the barber do to the moon's hair?

Eclipse it.

My barber told me to put a ball in my mouth

My barber told me to put a ball in my mouth so he could a get a closer shave on my cheek.
I asked him "what happens if I accidentally swallow the ball?"
He replied " you can bring it back tomorrow just like everybody else who does "

My barber is an idiot.

He always puts my cape on the wrong way around.

the barbershop

A little girl goes to the barbershop with her father. While her dad is getting his hair cut, the girl begins eating a Twinkie. While she\`s eating, she walks over and stands right next to the barber\`s chair.

The barber looks down and says, "Sweetheart, you\`re gonna get hair on your Twinkie."

"I know," the little girl replies. "I\`m gonna get boobies, too."

Why do barbie dolls have purple nips?

Because GI Joes have kung fu grips ...


So a busy guy needed to get his haircut, but later found out he had a meeting right after.

He went into the barber shop where he was greeted warmly.
He sat down in a chair, and asked the barber if he could hurry up.

"I could, but I'd have to cut it a little short"

The barber from across the street was just arrested for selling drugs.

I was his customer for 3 years. Didn't know he was also a barber.

What do my barber and the doctor who did my circumcision have in common?

They both took too much off the top

I said to my wife Barb,

'You make an excellent point.'

My barber was telling me about how he was going to disinherit his son...

Yeah, it was quite the heir cut.

I tried being a barber for a while but I just couldn't cut it.

Bonus joke:

Had to buy a stepladder the other day, I never knew my real ladder.

I went to the barber shop a few days ago to cut my hair...

I didn't like my haircut first, but then it grew on me

How does a barber give the Sun a haircut?

Eclipse it.

How did the barber win the race?

...he took some short cuts...

I was at a barbecue party when a cow from a nearby farm charged me and chased me into a corner

It was at that moment I realized my life was at steak

So one of my cows decided to try they old jump over a barb wire fence trick...

it was utter destruction.

A barber asked a man how he wants his haircut

In silence

What does Barbie like to do on hallowe'en?

Pump ken

What does a barber yell when he plays hide-and-go-seek?

Ready or not, hair I comb!

I went to the barber before I had my SAT yesterday

it really helped me clear my head

A barber starts a conversation with a new customer

* Barber: Where have you been getting your hair cut before coming here?
* Customer: Actually my dad's been doing it for a while now.
* Barber: Is he Jewish or Italian?
* Customer: He's Italian, why do you ask?
* Barber: Well either he's cheap or he knows what he's doing.

Barber: how would you like your hair cut?

Customer: in silence

I went to the barbers and asked for a number 2 all over.

I've washed my hair 6 times since and still can't get the smell out.

What does Barbie do on Halloween?


What did the Barbie factory do when it ran out of belly buttons?

They called the the navel reserve, naturally.

A barber in my hometown just got busted for selling drugs. It blew my mind..

I had no idea that he was a barber.

What does Barbie say when the drought finally ends?

It's raining Ken, hallelujah....

Went to the barbers today, I asked him to cut my hair like Tom Cruise.

So he gave me a cushion to sit on !!

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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