Barack Obama Jokes
94 barack obama jokes and hilarious barack obama puns to laugh out loud. Read celebrity jokes about barack obama that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Barack Obama Short Jokes
Short barack obama jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The barack obama humour may include short president obama jokes also.
- Barack Obama goes to a costume party while giving his wife a piggyback ride. Someone asks him what he's dressed up as and he responds I'm a snail! That's M'shell on my back
- Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump? Because orange is the new black.
- How did Barack propose to Michelle? He got down on one knee and said, "I don't wanna be Obama self."
- Barack Obama is having a race with joe Biden around the white house. After finishing the race Obama says "Whew, just under 10 minutes. Did I break the record?"
Biden replies "No, Bush did 9:11." - What did Barack Obama write inside his Valentines card? "I'm glad I've got you Michelle; I didn't want to be Obamaself"
- Barack Obama: Most of the time, all he wanted was to be invisible.
"Now, let me be clear." - Obama The Dark Knight (2008) The Dark Knight Rises (2012) Congratulations, Barack Obama.
- Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are both on a sinking ship... Barack Obama and mitt romney are both on a sinking ship; both of them are drowning. Who gets saved?!?
The answer: AMERICA!!! - Barack Obama walks into a subaru dealership... The salesman asked him, "What are you looking for?"
Obama says, "I'm looking for a replacement because my legacy got wrecked." - Hillary went for dinner with Barack Obama the other day I heard he was very polite, but hillary brought her own private server.
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Barack Obama One Liners
Which barack obama one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with barack obama? I can suggest the ones about president barack and michelle obama.
- Where does Obama keep his armies? In the Baracks.
- What did Edward Snowden say when he bumped into Barack Obama? Pardon me
- Why does Japan love Obama? He is first Barack president.
- What did Barack Obama say when he dropped his shell at the beach? Oh no Michelle !
- How do get Donald Trump to change a lightbulb? Tell him Barack Obama installed it.
- What did Hillary say when she bumped into Barack Obama at the White House? Pardon me.
- Had me a Barack Obama valentines day. Obama self.
- What does Barack Obama say when his workweek is done? Yes weekend
- Does anyone know what Barack Obama's favorite nut is? Yes, pecan!
- What is President Obama's favorite genre of music? Barack 'n Roll.
Ba dum tss. - Barack Obama 1,000,000 people showed up to his inauguration, only 14 missed work.
- Did you here about the two faces being added to MT. Rushmore? Barack Obama!
- What did the homeless man say to Barack Obama? "Can I have some 'change'?"
- What do you call chapstick made by President Barack Obama A lip oBALMa
- What did Barack say when Michelle left him I'm Obama self now

Laughable Barack Obama Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about barack obama you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean barack michelle jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make barack obama pranks.
Barack Obama was elected president of the USA because Chuck Norris said so.
He remind him of Trivette...
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An airplane was about to c**....
There were 4 passengers on board but only 3 parachutes.
The 1st passenger said, "I am Stephen King , the best selling author of my time... My millions of fans need me , and i can't afford to die."
So he took the 1st pack and left the planernThe 2nd passenger , Barack Hussein Obama, said , "I am the 44th President of the United States, and I am the smartest President in American history , so my people don't want me to die."
He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.rnThe 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10 year old schoolboy, "My son , I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."
The little boy said , "That's okay , Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America's smartest President took my schoolbag."
I asked Barack Obama if we could get together later, and he said Yes We Can!
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So Barack Obama and Donald Trump somehow ended up at the same barber shop...
As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn n**.... As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel." The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama ?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife Michelle doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."
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So Obama calls Romney....
And says, I got good news and bad news. Romney says "What is it?" Obama says "Well the good news is I think it's time for a m**... president." "That's great Barack! What's the bad news?" Obama chuckles and says "My baptism is next Sunday"
How is Barack Obama ruining Christmas?
When he speaks he breaks up his Clauses.
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The Russian President Vladimir Putin called Barack Obama with an emergency request
Mr President, we need help. Our largest c**... factory has exploded, the Russian President explained. My people now have no method of birth control! This is a true disaster!
Vladimir, said Obama, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you.
We do need your help, said Putin.
Could you possibly send one million condoms to tide us over? No problem, I'm on it, said Obama.
Oh, and one more small favour, please? said Putin. Yes? said Obama.
Can you supply the condoms red in colour and at least ten inches long and four inches in diameter?
No problem, replied Obama, and with that, he hung up and called the CEO of Durex. I need a favour, you've got to make one million condoms right away and send them to Russia.
Consider it done, said the CEO of Durex.
Great! Now listen, they have to be red in colour, ten inches long and four inches wide.
Easily done. Anything else?
Yes, says Obama. Print 'MADE IN USA, SIZE MEDIUM' on each one.
Why was Barack Obama expelled from Hogwarts?
He was caught doing black magic.
Barack Obama was out jogging one day...
When he tripped, and fell over a bridge railing and landed in the river below. Before secret service could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted in return for saving his life. The first kid said, "I want to go to Disney world!" To which Obama replied, "not a problem, I'll even fly you there in Air Force one." The second kid then says, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's!" "You got it." Said Obama. "I'll even have Michael Jordan himself sign them." Then the third kid says, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in big screen tv and headset." Obama seemed a bit confused at this. "You don't look like yore handicapped." He said. To which the kid replied, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved you from drowning.
Where does Obama live?
The "Baracks"
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Barak Obama was touring the countryside...
... in his chauffeur-driven limo.
Suddenly, a donkey jumps out onto the road, and they hit it full on and the car comes to a stop.
Obama says to the chauffeur: 'You get out and check, you were driving.'
The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead.
'You were driving; go and tell the farmer,' says Obama.
Hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled with a big grin on his face.
'My god, what happened to you?' asks Obama.
The chauffeur replies: 'When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of whiskey,
the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter took me upstairs and made love to me.'
'What on earth did you say to them?' asks Obama.
'I knocked on the door, and when it was answered, I said to them,
I'm Barack Obama's chauffeur and I've just killed the j**....
Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin were in a meeting
Obama said, "Mr. Putin, the reason that I love my country is that a man can walk right into The White House and say, 'I don't like the way that Barack Obama is running The United States of America.'"
Putin responded, "That's true in Russia, too. Anyone can walk into the Kremlin and say, 'I don't like the way that Barack Obama is running the United States of America.'"
Barack Obama is on a sinking ship, who gets saved?
The Country!
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Obama walks into a bar.....
Some time passes after the 2016 US Presidential election, and Barack Obama passes away from old age. He gets bored after a while in heaven, and asks God if he can return to Earth for a while to see how the good ole' US of A is turning out. God agrees.
Obama returns to Brooklyn, and walks into a bar, ordering a beer. He asks the barkeep "How's the country? How are foreign affairs? Any problems currently being faced?"
"Oh, nothing at all, sir. We're an empire now. We're successful."
"But what about Iraq and Afghanistan? Those were t**... hotspots not too long ago?"
"We control it now. We're an empire. Everything is good."
"But what about Europe, Asia, and their financial crises?"
"That too has been taken care of. We are now finally an empire."
Pleased at the outlook of the country he once led, Obama asks the bartender for the bill:
"65 rubles, sir", replies the bartender.
Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.
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An airplane is about to c**... with Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and old man and a young boy...
Unfortunately there were only 3 parachutes left for the 4 of them.
 
Barack Obama said I am the president of the United States, and I have a great responsibility, being the leader of nearly 300 million people, and a superpower! So he takes the 1st parachute, and jumps out of the plane.
 
Hillary Clinton, said I am the future first female President of the United States and I am the smartest woman in the world. So she takes the 2nd parachute and exits the plane.
 
The old man kneels down to the young boy and says, "I am old and frail and I've lived many years, you take the last parachute."
 
The young boy responds, It's ok! We have enough parachutes. The world's smartest woman jumped out of the airplane with my backpack.
 
List of the shortest books
1. The Australian Book of Foreplay.
2. Contraception by the Pope.
3. The American Guide to Etiquette.
4. Healthy Marriages by the British Royal Family.
5. Consumer Marketing Ethics.
6. Career Opportunities for History Majors.
7. My Life's Memories by Ronald Reagan.
8. Integrity by Bill Clinton.
9. The Wit and Wisdom of George W. Bush.
10. What I've Accomplished by Barack Obama.
Is President Obama white?
No, he's Barack!
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Why do the birthers...?
Why do the Birthers care about where Barack Obama was born (Hawaii, not Kenya) and not where Ted Cruz was born (Canada, not Texas)?
Because Barack Obama is black.
I mailed my maths homework to Barack Obama, Vladimir Putin and Queen Elizabeth II
...it said to give my answers to 3 significant figures.
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What do you call Barrack Obama with a bad spray tan?
Orange is the new Barack!
Hollywood is remaking the classic film "Who dares wins"
This time however it is not about the SAS, but Barack Obama visiting Dallas in an open top limo.
So Donald Trump wants Barack Obama and Bill Gates to talk about shutting down the internet.
Shouldn't Al Gore be a part of that conversation?
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Barack Obama is planning to tighten gun purchase loopholes by executive order this week.
Republicans are already planning to shoot it down.
Am I listening?
Call me Barack Obama 'cause I'm all ears.
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When Barack Obama gives his speech, he stands behind a bulletproof glass.
That shows how racist America still is.
Just because he's black, doesn't mean he's going to shoot anyone
Thanks Frankie Boyle
In honor of Throwback Thursday, here's a joke from 2008.
What will happen if Hillary Clinton becomes president?
She will file for divorce.
And what will happen if Barack Obama becomes president?
He'll have the White House repainted.
Donald Trump is the most unifying voice in American politics.
When was the last time Barack Obama, Paul Ryan, Jon Stewart, Glenn Beck, Bernie Sanders, George Bush, Elizabeth Warren, Mitt Romney, Bill Clinton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Al Gore, John McCain, and Hillary Clinton all agreed on anything?
Honestly, I'm just amazed he managed to pull it off.
When he first ran for president, nobody thought he could do it. When he started gaining in the polls, we all "knew" how it would end. But he showed us we were all wrong.
Congratulations to Barack Obama going eight years without being shot.
Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin went fishing...
After a couple of hours, Obama was flinging his arms around, swatting mosquitos away, while Putin sat there, watching the pond, unbothered.
"How is it, that these bloodsuckers only target my blood reserves?" Asked Obama. "They don't bite you at all!"
Putin smiled knowingly and replied: "They're not allowed to".
I had a chat with Barack Obama today...
My mum was confused as to why I was talking to the microwave.
What would Obama's wrestling name be?
Dwayne "Barack" Johnson
Just last week a smiling Barack Obama overpaid for hot dogs at my stand, but kindly insisted I "keep the change, son, I don't want it"
It was at this moment I realized how far our beloved president had truly fallen.
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Donald Trump, Barack Obama, The Pope and a small Mexican kid were on a plane
Donald Trump, Barack Obama, The Pope and a small Mexican kid were on a plane, the plane was plummeting and was going to c**... into a building.
There were only 3 parachutes. "I'm the greatest man here, I'll take a parachute" said Obama. "I'm the smartest man in here so I'll take a parachute" said Trump. They both grabbed their parachutes and lept out of the plane.
The pope said to the young boy. "Go ahead son, take the parachute". The boy replied "It's alright, the smartest man in the world just took my school bag."
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Barack V/s Trump
Barack Obama and Donald Trump somehow ended up at the same barber shop, can you just imagine…
As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn n**....
As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave.
But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel."
The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama ?"
Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife Michelle, doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."
Lonely Obama
What is the previous president, Mr. Barack's, go to song when he is lonely?
.
.
O-ba-ma-self..don't wanna be!
What did Barack Obama say after he was asked if he had a favorite type of nut?
..."Yes. Pe. Can!"
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Obama vs trump
Donald Trump and Barack Obama ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn n**.... As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel." The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife Michelle doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."
Source : Quora
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What does Barack Obama call i**... aliens? source: http://www.jokes4us.com/celebrityjokes/barackobamajokes.html
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Obama and Trump get a shave...
Donald Trump and Barack Obama ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn n**.... As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel." The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife Michelle doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."
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Trump and Obama at a Barber shop
Donald Trump and Barack Obama ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.
The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn n**....
As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel."
The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife, Michelle, doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."
Barack and Trump found themselves at a local barbershop. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Trump reached for the aftershave. Donald was quick to stop him, saying, "No thanks. My wife, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel."
The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like.
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One of the better Trump jokes I have heard
Donald Trump and Barack Obama ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn n**.... As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel." The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife, Michelle, doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Donald Trump and Barack Obama ended up at the same barbershop.
As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn n**.... As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel." The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife, Michelle, doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."
How would Barack describe the current US administration?
An Obama-nation
Obama milk joke
Barack Obama: We’ve already announced over 500 reforms, and just a fraction of them will save business and citizens more than $10 billion over the next five years. We got rid of one rule from 40 years ago that could have forced some dairy farmers to spend $10,000 a year proving that they could contain a spill — because milk was somehow classified as an oil. With a rule like that, I guess it was worth crying over spilled milk.
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In a parallel universe, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and Hillary Clinton were applying to be a president.
They had to fill out a form. The form asked for their name, s**..., birthday, address, religion and so on plus a few essay questions.
Trump wasn't sure how to answer some questions because they seemed too personal, so he peeked at Hilary's form. He saw the first line which said Name: Hilary Clinton. s**...: F. Birthday: Oct 26, 1947.
He then peeked at Obama's form and only saw the top part that said Name: Barrack Obama. s**...: M. Birthday: Aug 4, 1961.
Trump smirked and proudly filled out his form where he wrote Name: Donald Trump. s**...: MWF.
what do global warming and Barack Obama have in common?
Trump likes to pretend they don't exist
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So there were 4 people on a private jet
Oprah Winfrey, Donald trump, Barack obama, and this little girl.
In the middle of there flight, the engine shuts down and and there going to c**....
So Oprah Winfrey says the world needs me and grabs a parachute and jumps off.
Then Donald trump grabs a parachute and jumps off without saying anything.
Then there's only one parachute left.
Barack Obama says to the girl, little girl, you are the future to our country, you take the last parachute.
Then the little girl says actually there's two left.
Barack Obama says how ?
Then the little girl says because trump just took my school backpack.
A man dies, goes to heaven, and sees a wall full of clocks.
The man asks God what all the clocks are for, and God explains, "these are lie clocks. Everyone on earth has a lie clock. Every time a person lies, the clock hands move."
Pointing to one, the man says, "Whose clock is that?"
"That's George Washington's", God answers. "The hands have never moved, indicating he never told a lie."
"Incredible," the man responds. "And whose clock is that?"
God responds. "That's Barack Obama's. The hands move, but very rarely, which means he doesn't lie much in his life."
"Where is Donald Trump's clock?" the man asks.
"Trump's clock is in Jesus' office," God says. "He uses it as a fan."
Joe : Barack....
Joe : Barack....
Obama : yes Joe, we have to go our on ways after our term is over.
Joe : I'll miss you man. I'm going to be....
Obama : Don't you say it !
Joe : I'm going to be ... *cries* .....*sobs*.
Obama : don't you ever say it !
Joe : it's just.... I'm going to be... *sighs*
Joe : OBAMASELFFF
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Dave knows everyone joke
Dave was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.”
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?”
“No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.” So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door, and Tom Cruise shouts,
“Dave! What’s happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!”
Although impressed, Dave’s boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
“No, no, just name anyone else,” Dave says.
“President Obama,” his boss quickly retorts.
“Yup,” Dave says, “Old buddies, let’s fly out to Washington,” and off they go.
At the White House, Obama spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, “Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a beer first and catch up.”
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
“Pope Francis,” his boss replies.
“Sure!” says Dave. “I’ve known the Pope for years.” So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican’s St. Peter’s Square when Dave says, “This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope.” He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss’ side, Dave asks him, “What happened?”
His boss looks up and says, “It was the final straw… you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, ‘Who the f**... is that on the balcony with Dave?’
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What do Barack Obama and Donald Trump have in common?
Both are former presidents of the USA and both are harassed for the color of their skin.
What did Republicans think was so terrible about Barack's presidency?
It was an Obama-nation!

