Bara Jokes

A woman is flirting with a Russian man at a bar(a joke)

She says,
"Hi, handsome, what do you do for a living?"
The russian replies,
"I work for KGB."
"Cool, tell me an interesting story!"
"About me or about you?"

Barack Obama goes to a costume party while giving his wife a piggyback ride. Someone asks him what he's dressed up as and he responds I'm a snail!

That's M'shell on my back

How did Barack propose to Michelle?

He got down on one knee and said, "I don't wanna be Obama self."

Barack Obama is having a race with joe Biden around the white house.

After finishing the race Obama says "Whew, just under 10 minutes. Did I break the record?"
Biden replies "No, Bush did 9:11."

What did Barack say to Michele when he asked her to marry him?

I don't wanna be Obama self.

Barack and Trump found themselves at a local barbershop. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Trump reached for the aftershave. Donald was quick to stop him, saying, "No thanks. My wife, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel."

The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like.

What did barack obama say to Michelle when he proposed to her?

I don't want to be Obama self.

Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin were in a meeting

Obama said, "Mr. Putin, the reason that I love my country is that a man can walk right into The White House and say, 'I don't like the way that Barack Obama is running The United States of America.'"
Putin responded, "That's true in Russia, too. Anyone can walk into the Kremlin and say, 'I don't like the way that Barack Obama is running the United States of America.'"

What did Barack Obama write inside his Valentines card?

"I'm glad I've got you Michelle; I didn't want to be Obamaself"

Barack Obama:

Most of the time, all he wanted was to be invisible.
"Now, let me be clear."

What did Barack Obama say when he dropped his shell at the beach?

Oh no Michelle !

What do Barack Obama and Donald Trump have in common?

Both are former presidents of the USA and both are harassed for the color of their skin.

Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are both on a sinking ship...

Barack Obama and mitt romney are both on a sinking ship; both of them are drowning. Who gets saved?!?
The answer: AMERICA!!!

Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin went fishing...

After a couple of hours, Obama was flinging his arms around, swatting mosquitos away, while Putin sat there, watching the pond, unbothered.
"How is it, that these bloodsuckers only target my blood reserves?" Asked Obama. "They don't bite you at all!"
Putin smiled knowingly and replied: "They're not allowed to".

Had me a Barack Obama valentines day.

Obama self.

Barack Obama walks into a subaru dealership...

The salesman asked him, "What are you looking for?"
Obama says, "I'm looking for a replacement because my legacy got wrecked."

What does Barack Obama say when his workweek is done?

Yes weekend

Does anyone know what Barack Obama's favorite nut is?

Yes, pecan!

Barack Obama walks into a Halloween Party with the First Lady on his shoulders...

...the doorman says, "Excuse me Mr. President, but this is a Halloween party. Why aren't you dressed up?" Obama says, "I am dressed up! I'm a snail. I got Michelle on my back."

Barack Obama

1,000,000 people showed up to his inauguration, only 14 missed work.

What does Barack say to Michelle when they're getting adventurous with their House of Cards roleplay?

"Let me be Claire."

If Barack and Joe were in a buddy cope movie, would it be called "Abiden By The Law"?