Bar Tender Jokes
102 bar tender jokes and hilarious bar tender puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bar tender that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Bar Tender Short Jokes
Short bar tender jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bar tender humour may include short bar patron jokes also.
- helium walks into a bar. The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gases." He doesn't react.
- A black man with a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar... The bar tender suprised says "Huh, where'd you get him?"
"Africa" said the parrot - A black dude walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bar tender goes "Awesome, Where'd you get that?"
The parrot replies "Africa, there's thousands of them there." - A termite walks into a bar... He waits and waits and nobody appears. He turns to a termite next to him and asks him, "Hey, is the bar tender here?". The second termite says, "Yeah. It's okay".
- The bar tender said sorry we don't serve time travelers here … A time traveler walked into a bar.
- A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar The bar tender looks at him for a few seconds and finally says " alright, you can stay..just don't start anything"
- A lawyer, a spy, a money launderer, and a mob boss walk into a bar. The bar tender looks up and says, "you must be here to talk about adoption".
- So, two yogurts walk into a bar The bar tender says "hey, what do you think you're doing? We don't serve you here!"
And the Yogurts respond "Why? We're two cultured individuals." - A pony goes into a bar, and the bar tender asks him why the long face? I didn't make it into the men's choir.
Well, you are a little horse. - A joke my Grandmother told me today. So a termite walks into a bar. He sits down on one of the stools and asks the man behind the counter Is the bar tender here?
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Bar Tender One Liners
Which bar tender one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bar tender? I can suggest the ones about bar crawl and bar exam.
- A termite walks into a pub and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
- A termite walks into a bar and yells.... Hey! Is the bar tender here?
- What do you call a chicken who works at a bar? A chicken tender
- A toothless termite walked into a pub and asked... "Is the bar tender here?"
- A straw man walks into a bar Bar tender asks "Why do you hate liquor stores?"
- A toothless termite.. Walks into a bar and hollars ," Hey, where's the bar tender?!"
- How do you pay a bartender? With bar tender.
- A woodpecker with a sore beak walks into a bar and asks "Where's the bar tender?"
- What do you call chicken strips served at a bar? Bar Tenders.
- What do you call chicken nugget's served in a pub? Bar-tenders
- What did the toothless termite ask when he went to the pub? "Is the bar tender here?"
- The Bar So a termite walks into a bar and asks,
Where's the bar tender? - A termite walks in a bar and asks.. "Where is the bar tender?"
- Alan and Philip sit down at the bar Bar tender asks what can I get you tools?
- So a horse walks into a bar . . . And the bar tender says "Hey."
The horse says "Yes."
Hilarious Bar Tender Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about bar tender you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean barkeep jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bar tender pranks.
A guy was going to Texas and when he went on the train he said, "Ohh my god Texas chairs are really big."
He went to a bar he asked for a bear and when the bar tender gave him the mug of bear the guy said, "Wooww Texas mugs are really big."
Later he asked the bar tender were is the bathroom and the bar tender said, "Strait on your right."
But the guy went on his left and when he entered the room he slipped and feel in the swimming pool and said, "Don't flush don't flush!"
A pirate walks into a bar
with a steering wheel hanging from the front of his belt. The bar tender said, "Hey buddy, you have a steering wheel tied to your pants". To which the pirate replied, "Arr, I know. It's drivin' me nuts!"
A pirate walks into a bar
The bar tender notices that he has a ships wheel sticking out of the front of his pants, he asks "doesn't that bother you". And the pirate says "arrrr it's drivin me nuts"
René Descartes walks into a bar
The bar tender asks him if he wants a drink, he says "I think not." He then disappears.
An Irish man is sitting in a bar drinking
A flamboyantly gay man comes up to him and asks, "Can I give you a b**...?"
The Irishman stands up and punches the gay man.
The bar tender comes over and asks, "Why did you hit that guy?"
The Irish man replied, "He said somethin' about me gettin' a job"
Saw this one on the gas nozzle at my petrol station today...
*What did the Termite say when he walked into the bar?*
"Is the bar tender here?"
A guy walks into a bar with a bit of asphalt.
He walks up to the bar tender and says 'I'll have a beer and one for the road'.
A vampire walks into a bar
This vampire walks into a bar. Says ooOOOooOOOooo boogity boogity. Bar tender says "Alright, well what'll you have?" Vampire sits down and says can I get a big glass of hot water?" Bartender goes, gets a giant cup of boiling water and says "Here. I thought you guys needed blood or something like that though, why hot water?" Vampire reaches into his coat pocket, pulls out this giant t**... and says "I'm making tea."
A Pirate Walks Into a Bar!
A Pirate walks into a Bar and asks for a Whiskey. The bar tender says, "Sure OK, but first you have to tell me why you have a little man in your pants with a steering wheel!"
The Pirate responds, " Rrrr! HE'S DRIVIN' ME NUTS!"
A pirate walks into a bar...
And orders a bottle of r**....
The bar tender says that will be 10 dollars.
The pirate replies, "Do you accept Barrrr Nickels???"
So a pirate walks into a bar...
So a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants..
Bar Tender: "hi sir, um.. you know you have a steering wheel in your pants right?"
Pirate: "Aye! it's driving me nuts!"
What did the alcoholic Dad, away on business, say to the bartender at the hotel bar?
I'm ready to partiem with my perdiem
*sorry, not a dad, and the bar tender didn't laugh either
A termite walks into a pub...
... and asks everyone "Is the bar tender here?"
"Yes!" they said.
So, the termite began eating.
...
This is one of my grandfather's favorite jokes, I will try to remember the rest of them and post them here.
Another Hot Day
Two friends walk into a bar after a jog around the lake. The first of the two goes up to the bar tender and asks "Bar tender! May I have a bottle of H20?" And then the bar tender slides over a bottle of H2O that he then enjoyed. The next man asks "Bar tender! May I have a bottle of H20 too?" He died.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first asks, "1 beer please!"
The second asks, "1/2 beer please!"
The third asks, "1/4 beer please!"
The fourth asks, "1/8 beer please!"
And so on. Eventually, the bar tender gets very angry, and slams 2 beers on the counter yelling,
"You mathematicians just don't know your limits!"
A string walks into a bar...
The tender goes j**..., we don't serve strings here.'
The string leaves the bar and twists and pulls and deforms himself, ruffles his hair a bit and struts back in, incognito.
The tender goes 'Hey, aren't you that string I just kicked out?'
The string answers, 'Frayed knot.'
Getting drunk
at the bar the other night when the bar tender yelled out "Does anyone here know CPR?" I was feeling pretty good so i yelled back "I do, in fact i know the whole alphabet!" Everybody in the entire bar laughed..........except for o**....
A toothless b**... walks into a pub and asks...
...is the bar tender here?
Joke my scinence teacher dropped on us
A lithium atom walked into a bar and said
"Hey I think I left some electrons in here last night, have you seen any?"
The bar tender replied, "No, are you sure you lost them?"
The lithium atom replied "Yes I'm positive..."
A polar bear walks in to a bar...
He sits down and the bar tender asks what he would like.
The polar bear says: " I'll have a..."
...
...
...
Bartender says: "a Burger?"
PB: ...
...
...
...
BT: "Some wings?"
PB: ...
...
...
PB: "a beer".
The bartender asks "why the long pause?'
The polar bear raises his arms and says "I was born with them"
Parrot
A black guy walks in to a bar with a parrot on his shoulder the bar tender asks " he's beautiful where did you get him"
the parrot squaks " Africa theres plenty of them"
Four gay guys are headed to happy hour
When they get to the bar there is only one stool. They're about to leave to find a less crowded bar where they can sit and relax when the bar tender puts up his finger for them to wait, runs around the bar and flips over the stool.
What do you use to buy drinks?
Bar tender
A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck...
Bar tender looks at him and says, "I guess I'll let you hang out but you better not start anything."
Man walks into a bar where DMX is the bar tender and orders a double entendre...
And X *gives it to him*
A man and his Giraffe walk into a bar
So a man and a Giraffe walk into a bar, they stroll up to the bar and order a few drinks. Now after about an hour the Giraffe who has had far too much passes out, the man seeing this pays his tab and gets up to leave and the bar tender shouts: "Oi! You can't leave that lyin' there!" To which the man replys:
"That's not a Lion it's a Giraffe"
Harambe walks into a bar...
"What'll you have?" says the bar tender
"I'll take a shot." said Harambe
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel coming out of his zipper...
He sets up at the bar and orders a drink. The bar tender says, "whooaa whoaaa, before I serve you a drink, whats up with the steering wheel coming out of your zipper?" The pirate just says, "yaarrg its drivin' me nuts"
A frustrated doctor walks into a bar
The bar tender asks, why are you fuming
The doctor responds,"I DONT HAVE ENOUGH PATIENCE"
A three legged dog from the wild west walks into a bar and looks around
The bar tender looks a him and says "who are you looking for?"
to witch the dog replies "I'm looking for the guy who shot my paw"
A closeted gay man, An economic illiterate, A radical feminist, A self hating white, and A communist walk into bar.
The tender asks "Will that be Molson Prime Minister?"
A man walks into a bar and orders twelve shots of whiskey.
"Ok, says the bar tender, but that's quite a few shots. Can I ask why?"
"Well, it's because of my first b**...", replies the man.
"In that case, let's add one more on the house." says the bar tender.
"Thanks, but no thanks, if twelve can't get the taste out of my mouth, a thirteenth ain't going to help."
So i was at this bar
And the bar tender yelled "Does anyone know CPR!?" I yelled back "Yeah I do, and I know the rest of the alphabet too!" Everybody in the bar laughed....Except o**....
A pirate walks into a bar..
With a wheel on his c**.... The bar tender says
"Aye, what's with the wheel?"
Pirate says "arrrrrghhhhhh, it be driving me nuts"
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel for a belt buckle
Bar tender says "I like the belt buckle"
Pirate replies "Arrgh, it's drivin me nuts"
So a ham and cheese sandwich walks into a bar
And the bar tender says "Sorry mate, we don't serve food"
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his zipper
The bar tender comments on it, and the pirate responds "Arrgh it's driving me nuts!".
A man walks into a bar holding a piece of asphalt
He says to the bar tender: I want two drinks, one for me right now and one for the road.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first one to enter asked for a pint of whatever's on tap.
The second, third, fourth, and so on all the way to the infinite subsequent patron to enter said "I'll have half of what he's having", pointing to the person who came before him.
The bar tender responded "you're all idiots!" and poured two pints.
A s**..., a m**..., and a Chick walk into a bar.
The s**... says, "Une tequila por favor."
The bar tender gives it to him.
The m**... says "Ah'll 'ave a pint o' Guinness."
The Chick says "Tweet tweet."
A man walks into a bar with a steering wheel between his legs...
The bar tender asks him "Mate why do you have a steering wheel between your legs?" The man replies "I have no idea, but it is driving me nuts".
A Mathematician an Economist and an Account are at a bar
The bar tender asks them what 2+2 is. The Mathematician says it is 4. The economist says it depends on how the supply and demand curves are at the time but generally it is 4. The accountant puts down his beer, looks the bar tender in the eye and asks what do you want it to be?
A guy walks into a bar....
Asks the bar tender for a shot of whiskey, v**... and brandy.
Nails the three shots and proceeds to say "I shouldn't have done that with what I've got! "
The bar tender replies "why, what have you got?"
"One pound" the man replies....
A Spanish photon walks into a bar
The bar tender asks "what'll it be?" And the photon replies "una cerveza por favor." The bartender gives him a beer and come backs a few minutes later to find it finished. He asks: "want another?" To which the photon replies "Ay, no mas!"
I bet my buddy a beer I could make the bar tender laugh with one of my 10 best jokes.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
A man walks into a bar...
As he steps in the tender noticed a big gorilla on his shoulder. Clearly taken aback he asks, Whoa man! Where'd you get that thing? To which the ape says, oh I just brought him in from outside for a drink.
What does a bar and chickfila have in common?
They both have tenders.
What did the toothless termite said when he entered a bar ?
Is bar-tender in here ....😂
A bear walks into a bar an says to the bar tender, "I would like a bourbon and...... a coke."
The bar tender says "What's up with the big pause?" The bear said "I've had them all my life"
A piece of string walks into a bar
The bar tender says sorry we don't serve you kind round here
The string leaves, twists himself up, parts his hair and walks back into the bar,
The bartender says sorry aren't you the same guy from before
The string replies I'm a frayed knot
A b**... goes into a bar
A b**... goes into a bar,sees a mans standing behind the bar and asks,"is the bar tender here."
If Moe the bartender ever figures out who was prank calling him he'd go from Bar Tender to Bart Ender
A toothless b**...
A toothless b**... walks into a bar and asks...
"Where's the bar tender?"
A pirate walks into a bar...
With a steering wheel tied to his c**....
The bar tender asks umm, why is steering wheel tied to your c**...?
The pirate replies Aarrrr it be driving me nuts!!
a young man walks into a bar
A young man walks into a bar and asks for 10 shots of his cheapest whiskey.
As the bar tender is lining up the shot glasses and is pouring "what's the occasion"?
The young man replied "I just experienced my first b**...".
"So you celebrating"? asked the bar tender.
No... just trying to kill the taste.
3 mathematicians walk into a bar
The bar tender asks the first, hey do you 3 want a drink, he responds I'm not sure
The bar tender asks the second, hey do you 3 want a drink, he responds I'm not sure
The bar tender, frustrated, asks the third do you 3 want a drink, he responds yes we do
Joke my grandpa told me.
So a guy walks into a bar and asks the bar tender for three shots. The bar tender asks why 3? The guys says he has 2 brothers. one who lives in England, one who lives in Scotland. He says he has a shot for all 3 of them, so it feels like he's with the. The bartender give the guy his three shots. The guy continued to do this for a while. One day, the guy comes in and the bartender says, three shots? The guy says only two. The bartender asks the guy what happened to his brother, or if he's ok. The guy says that his brothers are fine, he just quit drinking.
Helium walks into a bar
Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says We don't serve noble gases in here. **Helium doesn't react!.**
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? ** HeHe **
I would make another chemistry joke but all good ones **ARGON**!
I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium got together and I was like.. .. **o**...**
A guy walks into a bar, orders a drink, and begins to cry
The bar tender takes notice and asks "hey, what's wrong"
"I've been caught sleeping with my patients, I'm going to loose my license."
"You're crying because of that? My cousin sleeps with his patients all the time, you have nothing to fear."
"Oh yeah? Is your cousin a veterinarian?"
So, a pirate walks into a bar..
..with a wheel in his c**.....
The bar tender says: "hey, man, what's with the wheel?"
And the pirate saysback: "Arrr! It's driving me nuts!"
A man walks into a pub and asks the bar tender for the WiFi password.
The bar tender replies "You have to buy a drink first"
So the man buys a Coke.
"Ok now what's the WiFi password?"
The bar tender replies "you have to buy a drink first, all lower case, no spaces"
Lol
A priest, rabbit, and Minister walk into a bar. The bar tender says to the rabbit what will you have? The rabbit says "I don't know, I think I'm only here because of autocorrect ".
