Bar Tender Jokes
77 bar tender jokes and hilarious bar tender puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bar tender that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Bar Tender Short Jokes
Short bar tender jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bar tender humour may include short bar patron jokes also.
- helium walks into a bar. The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gases." He doesn't react.
- The bar tender said sorry we don't serve time travelers here … A time traveler walked into a bar.
- A lawyer, a spy, a money launderer, and a mob boss walk into a bar. The bar tender looks up and says, "you must be here to talk about adoption".
- So, two yogurts walk into a bar The bar tender says "hey, what do you think you're doing? We don't serve you here!"
And the Yogurts respond "Why? We're two cultured individuals." - A pony goes into a bar, and the bar tender asks him why the long face? I didn't make it into the men's choir.
Well, you are a little horse. - A joke my Grandmother told me today. So a termite walks into a bar. He sits down on one of the stools and asks the man behind the counter Is the bar tender here?
- If Moe the bartender ever figures out who was prank calling him he'd go from Bar Tender to Bart Ender
- I bet my buddy a beer I could make the bar tender laugh with one of my 10 best jokes. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
- A frustrated doctor walks into a bar The bar tender asks, why are you fuming
The doctor responds,"I DONT HAVE ENOUGH PATIENCE" - Man walks into a bar where DMX is the bar tender and orders a double entendre... And X *gives it to him*
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Bar Tender One Liners
Which bar tender one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bar tender? I can suggest the ones about bar crawl and bar exam.
- A termite walks into a pub and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
- A straw man walks into a bar Bar tender asks "Why do you hate liquor stores?"
- A toothless termite.. Walks into a bar and hollars ," Hey, where's the bar tender?!"
- How do you pay a bartender? With bar tender.
- A woodpecker with a sore beak walks into a bar and asks "Where's the bar tender?"
- What do you call chicken strips served at a bar? Bar Tenders.
- What do you call chicken nugget's served in a pub? Bar-tenders
- Alan and Philip sit down at the bar Bar tender asks what can I get you tools?
- What do you use to buy drinks? Bar tender
- What did the toothless termite said when he entered a bar ? Is bar-tender in here ....😂
- What does a bar and chickfila have in common? They both have tenders.
- a bartender walks into a bar tender walks into a bar
- A woodworm walks into a bar... and says, is the bar tender?
ba dum tsss - A toothless b**... walks into a pub and asks... ...is the bar tender here?
Hilarious Bar Tender Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about bar tender you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean barkeep jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bar tender pranks.
A guy was going to Texas and when he went on the train he said, "Ohh my god Texas chairs are really big."
He went to a bar he asked for a bear and when the bar tender gave him the mug of bear the guy said, "Wooww Texas mugs are really big."
Later he asked the bar tender were is the bathroom and the bar tender said, "Strait on your right."
But the guy went on his left and when he entered the room he slipped and feel in the swimming pool and said, "Don't flush don't flush!"
So a man walks into a bar with a large box, the bar tender goes up to him and asks “whats in the box”.
The man says “I’ll show ya’ if you get me a beer.”
So of course the bar tender gets the man a beer, the man drinks it, and he pulls out a little foot tall man and he pulls out a little piano.
The little man starts playing the piano!
Next the bar tender asks “hey! thats prety cool, where did ya’ get that?”
The man says” I’ll tell ya’ if you get me another beer.”
So the bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and he says “I got it from a geenie and a lamp”
The bar tender says “If ya’ let me barrow that geenie and that lamp I’ll give ya’ another beer.”
The man says “Oh, Okay!”
The bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and the man gives the bar tender the lamp.
The bar tender rubs the lamp and the geenie pops out!
The geenie says “Master, I grant you one wish, what is it?”
The bar tender says “I wish for a million bucks!” And all of a sudden a million ducks start flying into the room.
“What the heck is this! I wished for a million bucks not a million ducks!”
And the man says “Well did you think I wished for a 12 inched pianist!”
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
He just wanted some grapes!
A duck walks into a bar and asks the bar tender " Hey got any grapes?" to which he replies " No this is a bar we don't have any grapes."
So the next day the duck comes back and asks " Got any grapes?" " No! We don't serve grapes at a bar." The duck leaves.
Next day the duck comes back and asks " Got any grapes?" By now the bartender is really annoyed so he says " NO! And if you come in here one more time asking for grapes I'm going to nail your beak to the bar!"
The next day the duck walks into the bar and asks " Got any nails?" " No." " Got any grapes?"
Cliché: A guy is drinking in a bar.
He has quite a few drinks and the bar tender has to cut him off. The guy stumbles out of the bar very drunk. As he stumbling down the street he sees a nun passing by. Just as she is passing him he punches her square in the nose. While she is on the ground, he kicks her in the ribs several times. Then he lifts her above his head and drops her on his knee with a back breaker. He then picks her up and tosses he into a dumpster. He jumps up on the side of the dumpster and yells in, "not so tough tonight are you batman?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got a good Kiwi Joke
A man walks into a bar and excitedly says to the bar tender, "Hey mate, I got a good Kiwi joke, want to hear it?
The bar tender replies, "I don't know about that bro, I'm a Kiwi"
"No, no, its a good one" the man says.
"Well Jim at the end of the bar is also a Kiwi" says the bar tender. "Those 2 bouncers on the door, they are Maoris, and those 3 guys behind you within ear shot are members of the Mongrel Mob biker gang"
"Are you sure you still want to tell it?" asks the bar tender.
The man pauses for a couple seconds and disappointingly says "No, I suppose your right, I don't want to have to explain it 4 times."
A cockroach walks into a bar...
A cockroach walks into a bar and says "Is the bar tender here?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Irish man is sitting in a bar drinking
A flamboyantly gay man comes up to him and asks, "Can I give you a b**...?"
The Irishman stands up and punches the gay man.
The bar tender comes over and asks, "Why did you hit that guy?"
The Irish man replied, "He said somethin' about me gettin' a job"
Drink for free
A man walks into a bar. The bartender says, How'd you like to drink for free?"
The man, obviously interested, replies, "Of course! What do I gotta do?"
The bar tender says, "See those pieces of meat hangin' from the ceiling over there? If you can reach up and give 'em a good slap without goin' up on yer toes, or jumpin', or nuthin the drinks are on the house."
The man quietly refuses. Shaking his head, he orders a beer and reaches for his wallet.
The bartender, stumped, asks the man why he won't even try.
The man curtly replies, "Sorry, but the steaks are too high."
A Pirate Walks Into a Bar!
A Pirate walks into a Bar and asks for a Whiskey. The bar tender says, "Sure OK, but first you have to tell me why you have a little man in your pants with a steering wheel!"
The Pirate responds, " Rrrr! HE'S DRIVIN' ME NUTS!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pirate walks into a bar...
And orders a bottle of r**....
The bar tender says that will be 10 dollars.
The pirate replies, "Do you accept Barrrr Nickels???"
An Irish guy goes to the same bar every day
This Irish guy goes to the same bar every day and orders 3 shots of Jameson. So after a while the bar tender asks him why he orders 3 shots of Jameson every day. The man tells him that two of the shots are for his brothers shamus and laddie back in Ireland. And the third was for him.
One day the man comes in and orders only two shots of Jameson.
The bartender asks him if everything is ok with his brothers in Ireland.
He tells the bartender; Oh ya everything is ok with my brothers, I just quit drinking...
What did the alcoholic Dad, away on business, say to the bartender at the hotel bar?
I'm ready to partiem with my perdiem
*sorry, not a dad, and the bar tender didn't laugh either
Two men are at a bar... (best read out loud)
Two men are at a bar with some friends. One man says to the other, who has a stutter, "hey, Mule. How agout you get us another beer?" 'Mule' nods and scurries to the bar.
He says to the tender, "an-an-ano-another round, please." The bartender raises an eyebrow, after hearing how he's treated by his friend. The tender fills up the beers and puts them on the tray.
About a half-hour later, the guy says, "Oi, Mule. How about some more booze?" Once again, Mule nods and scurries to the bar.
Before he can say a word, the bartender says, "listen, I can't help but notice how he speaks to you. Doesn't that nickname bother you at all?"
To which he replies, "He aw- he aw- he always calls me that."
A Muslim cannibal walks into a bar
The bar tender says, 'Wow, is it true that human meat tastes like pork?"
The Muslim says "How am I supposed to know? I'm a Muslim, I don't eat pork."
Another Hot Day
Two friends walk into a bar after a jog around the lake. The first of the two goes up to the bar tender and asks "Bar tender! May I have a bottle of H20?" And then the bar tender slides over a bottle of H2O that he then enjoyed. The next man asks "Bar tender! May I have a bottle of H20 too?" He died.
A group of blondes walk into a bar...
A group of blondes walk into a bar and order a round of beers. They laugh and congratulate one another and finish their drinks. One blonde says to the bar tender "Another round, on me!" The bartender gets them another round of drinks and they continue to be lively and cheery and before long, finish their drinks. Another blonde says "Bartender, another round please!". The bartender walks over and says "I'll get you another round of drinks, but you have to tell me what you're celebrating." The blonde says "Well, we just finished competing a puzzle." "A puzzle?" Says the bartender, "How long did it take you?" The blonde replies "Six months". "Six months!" Exclaimes the bartender, "That's a long time for one puzzle." The blonde says. "That's not long at all, on the box it says three to four years!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Getting drunk
at the bar the other night when the bar tender yelled out "Does anyone here know CPR?" I was feeling pretty good so i yelled back "I do, in fact i know the whole alphabet!" Everybody in the entire bar laughed..........except for o**....
Joke my scinence teacher dropped on us
A lithium atom walked into a bar and said
"Hey I think I left some electrons in here last night, have you seen any?"
The bar tender replied, "No, are you sure you lost them?"
The lithium atom replied "Yes I'm positive..."
A talking penguin walked into a bar and the bar tender said: "Hey, we don't usually get a lot of talking penguins."
And the penguin responded: "Well, no wonder - at these prices!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Four gay guys are headed to happy hour
When they get to the bar there is only one stool. They're about to leave to find a less crowded bar where they can sit and relax when the bar tender puts up his finger for them to wait, runs around the bar and flips over the stool.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A closeted gay man, An economic illiterate, A radical feminist, A self hating white, and A communist walk into bar.
The tender asks "Will that be Molson Prime Minister?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A duck walks into a bar...
...and asked the bar tender:
Duck: Hey, got any grapes?
Bartender: No.
The duck leaves. Next day he goes back.
Duck: Hey, got any grapes?
Bartender: No.
Duck leaves. Comes back the next day.
Duck: Hey, got any grapes!?
Bartender(slightly annoyed): No.
The duck leaves. Sure enough a day later he comes back.
Duck: Hey! Got any grapes!?
Bartender(finally has had enough): No! I don't have any grapes for you. And if you keep asking me I'm going to nail your bill to my counter.
The duck leaves. Then the next day he comes on in the bar and asks.
Duck: Hey! Got any nails?
Bartender: No.
Duck: GOT ANY GRAPES!?!?
Another bar joke
So two music notes walk into a bar, the tender immediatly knew it was treble, i cant tell you the rest of the story though, i like to end it on a cleff hanger.
A guy walks into a bar with an alligator
The bar tender says "sir you cant have that here! it will bite one of my customers and i'll get sued"
The man replied " Its quite the tame alligator- watch"
He places the alligator on the counter, unzips his pants, and places his package in the open gators' mouth and leaves it there for about 5 min. After that time he puts his package away and says "see? Anyone else wanna give it a try?"
A drunk man at the end of the bar spoke " I'll give it a try- but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A s**..., a m**..., and a Chick walk into a bar.
The s**... says, "Une tequila por favor."
The bar tender gives it to him.
The m**... says "Ah'll 'ave a pint o' Guinness."
The Chick says "Tweet tweet."
Salvador Dali, Rene Magritte and Max Ernst walk into a bar...
...and the bar tender said, drinks are on the house.
A Mathematician an Economist and an Account are at a bar
The bar tender asks them what 2+2 is. The Mathematician says it is 4. The economist says it depends on how the supply and demand curves are at the time but generally it is 4. The accountant puts down his beer, looks the bar tender in the eye and asks what do you want it to be?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy walks into a bar...
He says "ouch!" the bartender says "what happened" the guy says "I walked into your bar!"
The tender comes around and see's a piece of rebar sticking out of the wall. "Yikes, here come take a seat at the bar and ill pour you a drink"... He turns around to see the man sitting on the ground beneath the rebar.
"What the heck are you doing?"
"Well im sitting at your bar d**...!"
The bartender raises his eyebrows and grabs a putty knife and a container from behind the counter, next he pushes the rebar back into the drywall and hands the guy the two things.
"Well, if you are going to sit at my bar you might as well get plastered".
A man walks into a bar...
As he steps in the tender noticed a big gorilla on his shoulder. Clearly taken aback he asks, Whoa man! Where'd you get that thing? To which the ape says, oh I just brought him in from outside for a drink.
A man walks into a bar and orders some tea
The bar tender says "Good thing because we don't have any S or U, but we sure have some good T!"
A narcissist, a psychiatrist and an alcoholic walk into a bar
The waitress turns to the bar tender and asks, "Does he always come in alone?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A b**... goes into a bar
A b**... goes into a bar,sees a mans standing behind the bar and asks,"is the bar tender here."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blind man walks into a bar
He makes his way to the front, takes a seat and says to the bartender:
"You wanna hear a blonde joke?"
To which the bar tender replies:
"Mate, im blonde, and over there we have the world wrestling champion and he is blonde, on the other side of the room we have the womans boxing world champion and she is blonde. Two seats behind you is a black belt in karate and he is also blond. Are you sure you wanna say your blonde joke?"
"Nah not if im gonna have to *repeat* myself 4 times"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into a bar with a crocodile
The bar tender says 'oi you get out, we don't allow those in here'. The man replies
'Oh no don't worry he's perfectly tame, look I'll show'.
The man then proceeds to unzip his trousers and take off his pants. The crocodile opens its mouth and the man dangles his b**... inside the jaw.
After an hour this the man says 'see, perfectly safe. Does anyone else want a go?'. A man in the corner of the bar raises his hand and says
'I'd love a go but I don't think I can keep my mouth open for that long'.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Menachem Begin (the sixth Prime Minister of Israel) walks into a bar,
and to his amazement just down the end, talking to the bar-tender is no one but Adolf h**... himself. Well Begin thought to himself, this is my chance to find out what makes this guy tick.
So he goes up to him and says, h**..., what the h**... you doing here?
h**... looks over at Menachem then at the bartender then back at Menachem and says I came back to kill 100,000 Jews and 12 clowns!"
Menachem stared at Adolf in amazement and got very red in the face, angry and confused said "Why you want to kill 12 Clowns?"
h**... started laughing and said to the bartender
See, I told you nobody cares about the Jews anyway."
3 mathematicians walk into a bar
The bar tender asks the first, hey do you 3 want a drink, he responds I'm not sure
The bar tender asks the second, hey do you 3 want a drink, he responds I'm not sure
The bar tender, frustrated, asks the third do you 3 want a drink, he responds yes we do
Joke my grandpa told me.
So a guy walks into a bar and asks the bar tender for three shots. The bar tender asks why 3? The guys says he has 2 brothers. one who lives in England, one who lives in Scotland. He says he has a shot for all 3 of them, so it feels like he's with the. The bartender give the guy his three shots. The guy continued to do this for a while. One day, the guy comes in and the bartender says, three shots? The guy says only two. The bartender asks the guy what happened to his brother, or if he's ok. The guy says that his brothers are fine, he just quit drinking.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Helium walks into a bar
Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says We don't serve noble gases in here. **Helium doesn't react!.**
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? ** HeHe **
I would make another chemistry joke but all good ones **ARGON**!
I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium got together and I was like.. .. **o**...**
A guy walks into a bar, orders a drink, and begins to cry
The bar tender takes notice and asks "hey, what's wrong"
"I've been caught sleeping with my patients, I'm going to loose my license."
"You're crying because of that? My cousin sleeps with his patients all the time, you have nothing to fear."
"Oh yeah? Is your cousin a veterinarian?"
