Bar Hopping Jokes
29 bar hopping jokes and hilarious bar hopping puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bar hopping that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Bar Hopping Short Jokes
Short bar hopping jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bar hopping humour may include short hopping jokes also.
- A kangaroo hops into the bar, the bartender, says "sorry we're closed" The kangaroo says, "I thought you needed a bouncer"
*Ba dum tiss* - A grasshopper hops into a bar and the bartender says hey, we've got a drink named after you . And the grasshopper says what? ..Kevin?
- A grass hopper hops into a bar The barman says: "Hey we've name a drink after you!" The grasshopper replies "You have a drink named Steve!?"
- A grasshopper hops into a bar... The bartender sees him and says "Hey, we have a drink named after you."
The grasshopper looks up and says, "You have a drink named Murray?" - A string walks into a bar, hops on a stool & orders a beer; bartender says, "We don't serve strings in here. You're gonna have to leave."
String replies, "I'm a frayed knot."
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Bar Hopping One Liners
Which bar hopping one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bar hopping? I can suggest the ones about happy hour and beer hops.
- A man attempts a bar hop... ...and squashes his nuts
- What do bored frogs do on a Friday night?.. They go Bar Hopping!...
Bar Hopping Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about bar hopping you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hitchhiking jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bar hopping pranks.
A priest, a monk, and a rabbit walk in a bar. As they approach the bar, they see a blood donation booth. The rabbit hops to the nurse to be the first to donate. The nurse looks at him and ask: What's your blood group?
The rabbit says: "I dunno, I think I might be a Type-O."
Two Photons enter a bar.
Two Photons Finish their shift at their job, hop a cab and head to a bar.
They enter the bar and the bartender asks "Are you coming or leaving?" One of the photons replies "Isn't it obvious?"
The bartender replies "No, I'm colorblind.
Still my favorite joke I ever made up. :)
A monocle walks into a bar. After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. You'll have to step outside to smoke."
So the monocle hops off the bar stool and grabs his cigarettes to head outside. Meanwhile a second monocle emerges from the bathroom. They bump into each other as they cross paths and fall to the floor, hopelessly entangled. They try to get free but the more they struggle, the more tangled they become.
The bartender looks down on this travesty and shakes his head. "Hey you two!" he shouts. "Stop making spectacles of yourselves!"
A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a plate of bamboo…
When he's finished with his meal, he hops up onto the table, pulls out two Glock 45s and unloads both magazines, blasting everything in sight.
When the guns empty, he throws them down and starts walking towards the door. The bartender looks up from behind the bar and yells, Hey! What the h**..., man?
The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda:
"A tree dwelling bear of Asian orgin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats bamboo shoots and leaves.
Snail joke (oldie but goodie)
A snail walks into a bar, hops up on the bar stool
and orders a Jack & Coke. The bartender says sorry no snails allowed here ....and the bartender kicks out the snail.
2 weeks later the snail finally re-enters the bar again and asks: what the f*c**... did you do that for ?
A Dog Walks Into Bar...
A dog walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "We don't serve dogs in here," pulls out a p**... and shoots the dog in a hind paw. The dog hops yelping out of the bar.
The next day the dog walks back into the bar with a huge bandage on his hind foot. He's wearing a ten-gallon hat and has a six-gun on each hip.
He looks at everyone in the bar and says...
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
A dog walks into a bar.
A dog walks into a bar and hops up on a stool. He looks the bartender in the eye and says, "Hey, guess what? I can talk. Have you ever seen a talking dog before? How about a drink?"
The bartender thinks for a moment and says, "Sure, the toilet's right around the corner."
Sandwich Walked Into a Bar
So a Sandwich walked into a bar, hopped up on a barstool and took a look at the drink menu. Bartender walks over. Sandwich says to bartender, "lemme get one of those margaritas, rocks, no salt.". Bartender responds in his most disgusted tone, "Sorry, we don't serve FOOD here…."
A grasshopper hops into a bar.
The bartender turns to him and says,
"Hey, you're quite a celebrity, we have a drink named after you!"
The grasshopper looks at him surprised, and says,
"You have a drink called Steve?"
On a cold night I walked into a bar in the Caribbean...
..I saw that the bar was filled with gloomy shivering sailors and one happy pirate. I went to order a jug or r**... and told the pirate that I could make him lose his smile and make all the others happy.
He replied that it's never going to happen.
So I took his wooden leg and threw it to the fireplace.
All the sailors were delighted and the pirate was hopping mad.
A man hopped in a bar
Bartender : Sir, why are you hopping ?
Man : i made a bet with my friends for $3000 that you're gonna ask me two questions when you see me. The first question is $1000 and the second is $2000.
Bartender: I've only asked one question tho, what's the second one?
Man: Thank you for my $3000
Half of a man hops into a bar.
The bartender asks, "How are you today?"
The half-man replies, "I'm all right, thank you."
"What happened to your other half, may I ask?" ventures the bartender.
The half-man sighs. "Left."
A monocle walks into a bar.
After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. You'll have to step outside to smoke."
So the monocle hops off the bar stool and grabs his cigarettes to head outside. Meanwhile a second monocle emerges from the bathroom. They bump into each other as they cross paths and fall to the floor, hopelessly entangled. They try to get free but the more they struggle, the more tangled they become.
The bartender looks down on this travesty and shakes his head. "Hey you two!" he shouts. "Stop making spectacles of yourselves!"
A guy walks into a bar...
…And says to the bartender, *knock-knock*!
The bartender says, What, is that some kind of joke?
The guy replies, Take my wife, please!
The bartender yells, I've had it!
He storms out from behind the bar and kicks the duck and talking dog.
The blonde looks up in surprise and hides behind the priest.
The bartender grabs the rabbi instead and throws him out, hitting the blind guy heading in.
The bartender hops on the horse and rides off.
A time traveler walks into a bar.
A rabbit walks into a bar.
Hops up to the bartender and asks, "Got any carrots?" The bartender answered, "No! This is a bar. We don't sell carrots." The next day the rabbit came again and asked, "Got any carrots?" The bartender retorted, "No! We sell drinks! We don't sell carrots." Next day the rabbit came and asked, "Got any carrots?" The bartender shouted, "NO! And if you come again and ask for carrots, I'll nail your ears to the floor!"
The very next day, the rabbit came back and asked, "Got any nails?"
The bartender answered, "No!! This. Is. A. Bar!"
The rabbit asked, "Got any carrots?"
A duck walks into a bar
A duck walks into a bar, he asks the bartender for a glass of water.
The bartender responds, "we don't serve water here"
The duck says, "fare enough" and gets up and leaves.
The duck comes back the next day, hops on the bar stool and asks the bartender for a glass of water.
The bartender, sort of frustrated says:
"We don't serve water here"
The duck says okay, gets up and leaves.
The duck returns the next day, hops on the bar stool and asks the bartender for a glass of water?
Bartender looking very frustrated replies: " if you ask me one more time for a glass of water i'm going to nail your beak to that bar stool!"
The duck gets up and walks out the door.
The duck returns the following day, the bartender already smoking from the ears asks: "what can I get you?"
The duck answers: "got any nails"
The bartender confused, replies: "no"
The duck: " got any water?"
A duck walks into a bar, hops up on the bar, waddles down to the bartender, and asks...
... "Got any quackers?"
The barman looked at the duck for a second, then said "No, Besides, you're a duck. It's a health code violation for you to be in here, so get out before I call animal control."
The duck leaves, but comes back the next day. Same situation: "Got any quackers?"
"Look you s**... feathered, I told you yesterday that I don't have any, and you need to leave. If you come back again, I'm going to nail your bill to the bar."
The duck comes back the next day and approaches the bartender.
Duck: "Got any nails?"
Barkeep: "Uh, no."
Duck: "Got any quackers?"
A panda walks into a bar
and orders a bowl of beer nuts from the bartender. After finishing his meal, the panda whips out an enormous .45 Magnum and lets off six rounds into the ceiling.
!BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!
As soon as the report of the last round had finished echoing around the bar, the panda rose from his stool. He looks around the bar, then hops onto all-fours and hobbles out of the building.
The other patrons of the bar were paralyzed with fear, even after the assailant had left. Finally, breaking the silence, the bartender pulls out a dictionary, flips open to a page, and puts the book on the bar.
"Here," he says, and invites the others to come have a look.
_____
pan-da, *noun* \ˈpan-də\
:Eats chutes and leaves.
Signs...
The following are all signs that you are a drunk. They include, but are not limited to...
- You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
- You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
- Your job interferes with your drinking.
- Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
- You sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive fifth food group.
- Twenty-four hours in a day, twenty-four beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not!
- You consider that having two hands and only one mouth is a drinking problem.
- You can normally focus better with one eye closed.
- The parking lot seems to have moved since you entered the bar.
- You fall off the floor sometimes.
- Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
- Mosquitoes stumble about after attacking you.
- At weekly AA meetings, you forget your own name.
- Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
- The whole bar greets you when you come in.
- You don't recognise your wife unless you see her through the bottom of your glass.
- That d**... pink elephant followed you home again!
Beer CEOs walk into a bar...
The CEOs of Budweiser, Guinness, Coors, and Miller all walk into a bar after a beer-tasting contest. The CEO of Budweiser steps up to the bar and says: "I'll have a Budweiser, the King of Beers!" The Coors CEO says: "I'll have a Coors, the beer as cool as the Rockies!" The Miller CEO says, in turn: "I'll have the good ol' taste of a triple-hops brewed Miller!" The CEO of Guinness ponders for a moment and says to the bartender: "Oh, I'll just have a Coke." Bewildered, the other 3 CEOs stare and ask why he didn't order a beer. The Guinness CEO shrugged and said "Well, if you weren't ordering beer, I didn't think I would either".