Bar Bouncer Jokes
61 bar bouncer jokes and hilarious bar bouncer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bar bouncer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Bar Bouncer Short Jokes
Short bar bouncer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bar bouncer humour may include short club bouncer jokes also.
- A kangaroo hops into the bar, the bartender, says "sorry we're closed" The kangaroo says, "I thought you needed a bouncer"
*Ba dum tiss* - William Shakespear walks into a bar... ..the bouncer sees him and throws him out of the door.
"You can't come in here", the bouncer tells Will, "you're Bard!" - A horse, a dog, and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says to the bouncer, "Seriously, Frankie, why are we even paying you?"
- A man walks into a bar and sees a trampoline. "What do you got this here for?" He asks.
The bartender replies: "it's for the bouncer." - What did the arrogant rich kid with amnesia say to the bouncer at a bar? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!
- A man enters a bar only for Asians... The bouncer asks "What kind of Asian are you?"
The man answers "I am Caucasian" - A guy walks up to a bar..... Bouncer- "can I see your I.D.?"
Guy-"I hope so, they don't make them in braille!"
I'll see myself out. - Once a sink and a tap went to a bar. The tap went in but the sink wasn't allowed to enter. So he asked the bouncer to let that sink in.
- A vegan, a cross fitter and an engineer walk into a bar No they didn't, they couldn't decide who got to tell the bouncer at the door what they do.
- A blanket walks into a bar... the bouncer stops him at the door and says "sir, you have to pay a cover charge to get in."
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Bar Bouncer One Liners
Which bar bouncer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bar bouncer? I can suggest the ones about bouncer and bar patron.
- What do you call the bouncer at a gay bar? A flamethrower
Bar Bouncer Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about bar bouncer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bounty bar jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bar bouncer pranks.
Tony ambled into a bar, and noticed a bucket behind the counter filled to the brim with cash.
"Is there a contest on to win that dough?" Tony asked the bartender.
"Yep," the barkeep responded, "It costs $50 to enter, and then you have to do three things: First you've got to knock out Spike, our 300-pound bouncer. Then we've got a pit bull out back with an abscessed tooth, and it's up to you to y**... it out. Finally, the 90-year old lady who owns this place is upstairs. If you can give her a multiple-o**..., all the money's yours."
Tony was up for it.
He paid the fee and approached the hulking doorman.
With a single blow, Tony knocked Spike cold.
Triumphant, Tony stormed into the bar's backyard.
The patrons listened to the pit bull's ferocious bark for several minutes, which was followed by a series of hysterical yelps.
Covered with nicks and scratches, Tony reentered the saloon and yelled:
"Two down! Now where's that old broad with the abscessed tooth?"
A blind man walks into a bar.
The blind man sits down, thinking he'd break the ice with the bartender by asking "Wanna hear a blond joke?"
In a hushed voice, a man beside him says "Before you tell that joke, you should know our bartender IS blonde, or bouncer is blond, I'm a 6'4" black belt, the man sitting on the other side of me is 6'2, 250lbs, and a rugby player. The guy sitting next to you is pushing 300, 6'6, and he's a wrestler. We're ALL blond. So you think about it mister, do you really wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man sat for a second, thinking over the odds and then replied "No, not if I have to explain it five times."
A blind man enters a bar and find his way to a barstool.
After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet.
In a husky, deep voice,the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What’s more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he’s a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she’s a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?”
The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”
An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
..
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.
I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy... Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, "No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times..."
Blonds and Blind Cowboys
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,
'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,
Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head
and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times
A string walks into a bar...
and the bouncer told him,"We don't serve your kind here." So, the string went outside and saw a man. He told the man to tie a knot around his upper portion and undo his lower portion into frays; finished, the String thanks the man and goes back inside. The bouncer said,"haven't I seen you before?" To which the string replied, "I'm a frayed knot."
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things.
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
'Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
A blind man walks into a bar and asks, "You all wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The female bartender responds, "Let me stop you right there. I'm a blonde. The big bouncer at the door is a blonde. There's a biker chick sitting next to you, who is also a blonde. The singer on the stage, the manager of the bar, and two of the people at the table behind you are all blondes. Now think, do you REALLY want to tell that joke here?
"Nah," the man sighs, "not if I'm gonna have to explain it 7 times."
An elderly woman was stopped by the bouncer at this biker bar...
He said, "Before I let you in, I need to ask you some questions. Firstly, since this is a biker bar, do you even have a bike?"
The old lady replied, "Son, did you not see me ride up on my '65 panhead? That's it in the spot up front right there."
"Ok, This is a neutral bar, you're not representing some h**... gang are you? We try to avoid gang politics here."
She replied, "Well, I was a h**...'s Angel, but I'm retired...so what else?"
He asked, "Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?"
She thought about it for a moment and said, "Not that I can recall, But I have been swung 'round by my n**..., is that good enough?"
A blind man walks into a bar...
...and after managing to find himself an empty seat at the bar he orders a pint.
Bartender fills the pint and as it is being placed in front of the blind man says, "hey Bartender, wanna hear a dumb blonde girl joke?"
Bar goes silent.
"Hey man," the Bartender says, "you're blind so there is a few things you should know before you tell your joke. You are in a d**... bar, the only one in town actually, and many of us are blonde. I am blonde. Sid the biker chick next to you is blonde and so is her girlfriend. The bouncer is also blonde along with the 2 chicks behind you playing pool. Do you really want to tell that joke?"
"Nah, you're right." says the blind man, "I would have to explain it too many times."
A blind man goes into a lesbian bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he shouts in a loud voice, Oi, barman, you want to hear the best thick blonde joke ever?
The bar immediately falls deathly quiet. In a deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is fair, given that you are blind, that I should enlighten you on a few points. Number one, the 'barman' is in fact a blonde lady. Number two, the bouncer on the door is also a blonde lady. Number three, the lady sitting next to me is also blonde and is a professional boxer. Number
four, the lady to your right is a blonde and is also a professional wrestler. Number five, I'm a 6-foot, 200-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate and a very short fuse. Now, I want you to think about this carefully. Do you still want to tell that joke?
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and says: Nah, forget it, not if I'm going to have to explain it five times.
Blondes and Blind Cowboy
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,
'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,
Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
* The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
* The bouncer is a blonde girl.
* I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in
karate.
* The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
* The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head
and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times
I got a good Kiwi Joke
A man walks into a bar and excitedly says to the bar tender, "Hey mate, I got a good Kiwi joke, want to hear it?
The bar tender replies, "I don't know about that bro, I'm a Kiwi"
"No, no, its a good one" the man says.
"Well Jim at the end of the bar is also a Kiwi" says the bar tender. "Those 2 bouncers on the door, they are Maoris, and those 3 guys behind you within ear shot are members of the Mongrel Mob biker gang"
"Are you sure you still want to tell it?" asks the bar tender.
The man pauses for a couple seconds and disappointingly says "No, I suppose your right, I don't want to have to explain it 4 times."
Ladies Night
A blind man enters a bar, not knowing it's ladies night. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls quiet.
In a deep voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde woman.
2. The bouncer is a blonde woman.
3. I'm a 6 feet tall, 200 pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.
5. The woman to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah ... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
A great Polish joke
Guy goes into a bar, and a couple drinks in loudly announces to the bartender, "OK I'm going to tell you a great Polish joke!"
The bartender leans in and whispers, "watch it buddy, I happen to be polish, and while I got a sense of humor, about half the people in here are polish. you see that 6'6" 300 lb bouncer? He's polish too and he don't got a sense of humor!"
"OK," the jokster responds. "I'll tell it slowly!"
A blind man walks into a lesbian biker bar...
Canes his way up to the bar, sits down and asks the bartender if she wants to hear a blonde joke.
The bartender says, "Well, before ya do I should warn ya. I'm blonde and I've got a knife in my purse... that server behind you is blonde and she's got a gun in her purse... the bouncer is an MMA fighter, she's blonde. Our cook just got outta jail for killing a man and -she's- blonde. Finally, the owner of this place is the meanest of us all and she's blonde too. Ya still wanna tell that blonde joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second and says, "Well....not now. I'll have to explain it 5 times."
A toenail walks into a bar... [OC]
The toenail orders 3 double whiskeys, drinks them quickly and soon after starts singing loudly. As you can guess toenails are terrible singers, so the bartender gets annoyed and orders the bouncer to throw the drunk, singing toenail out and then, with his hands on his head, the bartender yells "That was just atonal!"
An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
'Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy.... Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times............'
Five Blondes and a blind man..!
A blind man walks into a bar, makes his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender. "Hey, You wanna hear a blonde joke?"The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair that you should know five things.Number One. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.Number Two. The bouncer is a blonde girl.Number Three. I'm a six-foot-tall, 175 lb. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate.Number Four. The woman sitting next to meis blonde and a professional weightlifter.Number Five. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.She concludes by smugly asking, "Now thinkabout it seriously, mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five f*cking times."
Three guys walk into an exotic bar...
Three guys- Sam, Jim, and Mike- walk into an exotic bar and see something strange. Every single person in the bar is standing in four separate lines. The three guys approach the bar and asks the bartender what is going on. "If you want to get served, ya gotta get in a line. What do you boys want?"
"I'll have a beer", Sam said and the bartender pointed to the beer line.
"I'll have some bourbon", Jim said and the bartender pointed to the whiskey line.
"I'm not drinking tonight, so do you have any fruit punch?" asked Mike. The bartender stares blankly then signals over his bouncer.
"Hey Bobby, kick this man out!"
"Woah, woah, what did I do wrong?" cried Mike.
"There is no punchline!"
An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler."
"Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy.... Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters quietly "No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times..."
An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake
An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls silent.
In a deep, husky voice, the woman to his left says,
"Before you tell that joke, cowboy, I think it's only fair, given that you can't see, that you should know five things...
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a billy club.
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman next to me is a blonde professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is a blonde professional wrestler.
Now think about it, cowboy... You still wanna tell that blonde joke?"
The cowboy puts on a disappointed face, shakes his head and mutters,
"Nah... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting for awhile, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is blonde.
3. I'm a 6ft tall, 175lb blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters. "No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
Happy Friday - Blonde Joke :)
A blind man enters a bar and find his way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he's a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?
The blind guy says, Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.
A blind man walks into a bar
A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blond joke?"
The man said to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blond. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler, and he's blond. The bouncer is blond. The man sitting over to your left is also blond. Still wanna tell that blond joke?"
The blind man was silent for a moment and then said, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."
Apparently it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethic minority, so...
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, a Dane, a Romani, a Bulgarian, a Swiss, a Greek, a Bulgarian, a Singaporean, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Hindu, a Muslim, a Monk, an Italian, a Serb, a Russian and an Ethiopian went to a bar.
The bouncer said, "I'm sorry, you can't come in here without a Thai"
Blonde Bar
A blind man walks into a bar. He orders a drink and relaxes. Later, he yells to the bartender, "Hey! Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar is now silent. The man next to the blind man says to him, "I don't think you should tell that joke. That bartender is blond, the person sitting next to you is a professional MMA fighter, I'm blonde and I am 6'5'' and weigh 200 pounds, and the bouncer outside is also blonde. Now, do you really want to tell that blonde joke anymore?" The blind man replies, "No, not if I have to explain it to 4 different people."
Buddy's been driving all night, sees a roadside bar and stops for a much-needed cold beer.
Bouncer says "sorry bud, gotta have a tie to get in".
Buddy goes to his car, roots thru the trunk and can't find a tie. Grabs his jumper cables and wraps them around his neck.
Bouncer says "cool man, come on in...just don't start anything".
....I'll see myself out now.
A guy goes to the bar.
The bouncer asks if the guy is driving.
The guy responds, "No I'm standing".
A blind guy goes into a bar.
He sits down at the bar and orders a drink. "Do you want to hear a blonde joke?" he asks the bartender. "Well, I'm a blonde, the bouncer's a blonde, the two guys sitting next to you are blonde, and so is the owner who's over there playing darts. Do you still want to tell it?" she asks. Then the blind guy says, "No, not if I have to explain it five times".
An old, blind cowboy wanders into a bar....
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter,
"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a, very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler
"Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
What do you call a bouncer at a..
What do you call a bouncer at a gay bar?
A flame thrower.
A Blind Man walks into an all women's bar
He sits down and orders a shot. After the shot he asks, "Does anybody want to hear a blonde joke?"
The lady next to him leans over. She says, "Hey buddy, so I'm gonna tell you this because it seems like you don't know any better. I'm a blonde coal miner, that woman over at the bar is a blonde professional boxer, the bartender is a blonde cage fighter, that woman at the pool table is a blonde steel mill worker, and shes a blonde bouncer. So buddy, are you sure you still want to tell that blonde joke?"
To which the blind man responds, "Well no, not if I've got to explain it five times."
A guy goes into a nice restaurant bar...
A guy goes into a nice restaurant bar wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission.
So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free.
He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few moments and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in, just don't start anything."
Blonde joke in a bar..
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
"Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of us are blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
A blind man walks into a bar
After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender,
Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice,the woman next to him says,
Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he's a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?
The blind guy says, Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.
A blind man walks into a gay bar.
He walks up to the lesbian bartender and says "hey you wanna hear a blonde joke?". The bartender says "Let me tell you a few things since you're blind, I am a blonde bartender who keeps a shotgun under the table. The bouncer is a 6ft blonde with a 4th degree black belt in judo. The woman beside you is a blonde biker with the local gang. The owner of this bar is a blonde army veteran who did four tours in Iraq. Now do you really want to tell that joke here?". The blind man thinks for a second and says "Naaahh, not if i have to explain it four times."
These two guys started arguing in the local gay bar...
It got really n**... and the bouncer escorted them out the door to finish their dispute where they could no longer break any more bar furniture or fixtures.
The two gay dudes went out into the parking lot where they exchanged blows.
A man walks up to a bar...
... and the bouncer says "No tie, no admittance". The guy goes back to his car, looking for a tie; only finds jumper cables. He arranges them around his neck like a tie and heads back in. The bouncer gives him an appraising glance, and says "OK; I'll let you in. But don't start anything!".
A guy walks into a bar...
A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Do you want to hear a Ukrainian joke?" The bartender says, "Well, before you tell it, I should let you know that I'm Ukrainian. And the big guy sitting at the table over there is Ukrainian, too. And the bouncer by the door is also Ukrainian. And, the big, burly guy out back slinging beer off the truck, he's Ukrainian as well. Now, do you still want to tell your Ukrainian joke?" The guy thinks about it for a moment and says "Nah, I don't want to have to explain it four times."
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
He immediately unleashes a vicious roundhouse kick, decapitating a rabbi, a priest, and a Buddhist in one blow. At the next table, he beard-punches a blonde, a brunette and a redhead, killing all three. Three bouncers, an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Pollack, were dismembered in seconds.
Chuck Norris' has only 1 weakness: He can't tell a joke.
Once a tap and a sink went to a bar.
The tap went in but the sink wasn't allowed to enter.
He said to the bouncer today is the oldest you've ever been and the youngest you'll ever be again. Let that sink in.
A Libertarian, a Republican, and a Liberal walk into a bar...
the bouncer asks for their IDs. The liberal says he identifies as a 21 year old so they should let him in, the republican hands the bouncer a bribe because the rules don't apply to him. The libertarian asks Do you have a warrant? .
A horse, a dog, and a penguin walk into a bar
Bartender: What are we even paying the bouncer for?
Why did the bouncer not allow gold digger in the bar?
Cause miners are strictly prohibited
Guide dogs
Two guys were out walking their dogs on a hot day when they pass by a bar. The first guy says, Let's go in there for a pint.
The second guy says, They won't let us in with our dogs.
First guy: Sure they will, just follow my lead.
He goes up to the pub, and sure enough, the bouncer says, I can't let you in here with that dog.
He replies, Oh, I'm blind and this is my guide dog.
The bouncer says, Ok then, come on in.
The second guy sees this and does the same thing. The bouncer says, You can't come in here with a dog.
He replies, I'm blind and this is my guide dog.
The bouncer responds, You have a Chihuahua for a guide dog?
The second guy exclaims, They gave me a Chihuahua?
Blind man walks into a bar
And says to the bartender: hey wanna hear a blonde joke?
Bartender says: listen pal, I'm blonde, the two marines next to you are blonde, the pianist is blonde, and the bouncer is blonde. Now, are you sure you want to make a blonde joke?
Blind man: nah, not if I have to explain it 5 times!
A blind man walks into a bar.
A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blonde. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blonde. The bouncer is blonde. The man sitting over to your left is also blonde. Still wanna tell that blonde joke?"
The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."
Bar Joke
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something.
Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2, weighs 225 and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."