JokoJokes

Baptized Jokes

33 baptized jokes and hilarious baptized puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about baptized that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for a good laugh? Check out our collection of baptized jokes. These jokes are sure to get you laughing out loud.

Quick Jump To

Popular Baptized Short Jokes

Short baptized jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The baptized humour may include short baptist jokes also.

  1. I was happy when I was getting baptized Then I got pulled out of the water and I then I was sad again.
  2. Being baptized is like having antivirus for a PC It helps protect you from consequences of sinning going forward (but not guaranteed)
  3. How do you baptize a Muslim? Waterboarding

Share These Baptized Jokes With Friends




Baptized One Liners

Which baptized one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with baptized? I can suggest the ones about baptist church and drowned.

  1. Telling a girl to calm down: works about as well as trying to baptize a cat.
  2. Doctor ask, "Do you exercise often?" No, but I was baptized as an infant.
  3. Who baptizes a baby fish? Holy Mackerel
  4. If baptists are baptized... does that mean protestants are protested?
  5. What do you get when a Catholic priest baptizes hay? You get a Christian Bale
  6. Yo momma's so fat, she got baptized at Sea World.
  7. What do you call a Muslim getting baptized? A bath bomb
  8. Yo mamma's so fat that she had to get baptized at seaworld.
  9. Why didn't the spider baptize his 50 children? too many fonts is bad for web design
  10. Yo Mama so fat... she had to get baptized at Sea World!
  11. Yo mama's so fat... She was baptized in the Pacific Ocean
  12. I just got baptized in virtual reality! It was totally immersive.
  13. I dropped my phone in the toilet and now you're all baptized.
  14. Yo momma's so fat... she had to get baptized in Sea world.
  15. Why didn't Messi baptize his son? Cause he will be Christian-o

Baptized joke, Why didn't Messi baptize his son?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about baptized can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of baptized puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Uproarious Baptized Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time

What funny jokes about baptized you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean prayed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make baptized prank.

A joke I heard at mass

A priest is baptizing a man. He dips him 3 times in water and says "Craig, from now on you will be known as Michael. From this day forth you are to shed your sinful ways and that includes no more gambling or alcohol"
The man later that day goes home and heads straight for the fridge. He then grabs a can of coors light and dips it in the sink. As he does it he says "from this day on, you will be known as green tea"

A church has a rat problem

The church doesn't want to kill the rats so they trap them and release them far away, but the next day they are back.
Next they try ask them politely to leave, still they won't budge.
Finally the priest has one last idea, he baptized all the rats.
Now they only come at Christmas and Easter.

A Priest, a Rabbi and a Minister

A priest, a rabbi and a minister decide to see who's best at his job. The test is to go into the woods, find a bear and try to convert it.
After they are done the priest says, "I read to the bear from the Catechism, sprinkled him with holy water and next week is his First Communion."
The minister said, "I found a bear by the stream, preached God's holy word and he let me baptize him in the river."
The rabbi was bandaged from head to foot and said. "Looking back, maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision."

A guy was baptized and dipped in water 3 times.

After the third dip, the Priest said: "You are now baptized, you are a new creation. The old one is gone, no more drinking of alcohol for you. Your new name is Gomes."
Gomes went back home and headed straight for the fridge. He took a Kingfisher Beer, dipped it in water 3 times and said: "You are now a new creation, the old one is gone. Your new name is Green Tea!"

3 priests at lunch

So three priests are out to lunch.
One priest goes off about his problem with bats at his church,
"I've tried everything to get rid of them, they just won't leave."
The second priest relates to the first,
"I know! I've tried everything! Cats, spray, noise, light. They just won't go away."
The third priest says,
"Well, I baptized my bats; confirmed them and made them the newest members of my parish, haven't seen one since."

A priest dies and goes to the gates of Heaven

The priest approaches the bouncer aka St. Peter.
After perusing the list, Peter can't find the priest's name, and tells him to go downstairs to the waiting room until further notice.
Meanwhile, a taxi driver who died at the same time approached the gates.
St. Peter welcomes him with open arms and lets him straight into Heaven.
The priest is dumbfounded. I've preached to thousands of people throughout my life! I've baptized children and converted many to the church! I've lived a holy life!
St. Peter shakes his head and responds:
When you preached, people slept...
When he drove, people prayed.

I got my kid baptized yesterday

Priest:  Do you believe in the Holy Spirit and the holy Catholic church?
Me: I do.
Priest: Do you believe in the communion of saints and the forgiveness of sins?
Me: I do.
Priest: Do you believe in the resurrection of the body and life everlasting?
Me: I do
Priest: Do you hereby indemnify and hold harmless the Catholic church for any s**... misconduct to you and your family for ever and ever amen?
Me: I do--- wait! Hold on!
Priest: Too late! You said it!

A town decided to form a clergy group to have Catholics, Jews, Protestants and Muslims gather to talk about various issues facing their places of worship.

The Rabbi went first and said they were having a terrible issue with squirrels. He said they were hanging around outside of church and aggressively begging for food. He said they were scaring their kids. The preacher said they were having the same issue, in fact, a few of the squirrels had actually gotten inside of the church and had done some damage to the roof. The Imam agreed saying that in fact one of the squirrels had bitten a few people at the mosque. The Priest then spoke up and said they used to have the same issue but had solved it. He said they took all of their squirrels, Baptized them, confirmed them, and now they only come around on Christmas and Easter.

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi...

...decide to have a friendly competition to see who is the best at their job. To make things interesting, they agree to see who is best at converting the bears in the local woods. A week passes, and they get together to compare notes.
The priest says, "I was walking through the woods and came upon a patch of berries where there was a bear, gathering berries. I walked up to the bear and I gave him the Holy Communion, and thus converted the bear".
The minister goes, "I too was walking through the woods, and came across a stream. There was a bear in the stream, catching fish. So I waded out to him, and baptized the bear right there, and so converting him."
The priest and minster look over to the rabbi, and this guy is in rough shape. He is in total traction, with a full body cast, cuts and scrapes on his face and hands.
"Oy," the rabbi says, "In retrospect, I shouldn't have led with the circumcision."

The Baptised beer

A drunkard was baptized and dipped in water 3 times.
After the third dip, the Priest said: "You are now baptized, you are a new creation. The old one is gone, no more drinking of alcohol for you. Your new name is Gomes."
Gomes went back home and headed straight for the fridge. He took a Beer bottle, dipped it in water 3 times and said: "You are now baptized, you are a new creation. The old one is gone. Your new name is Green Tea!"

Pest Control

There is a church that is infested with rats. No amount of traps or exterminators have any effect on the still growing population. One day the local pastor thinks up a plan. The next day, all the rats are gone. The people are floored and asked what he did. He replies by saying that he baptized them and they will only be back on Christmas and Easter.

A crying jewish man goes to the synagogue

He stumbles to the floor and just lies there, sobbing and crying.
Suddenly he hears a voice from above: "What's wrong my child?".
"Oh", cries the man, "it is horrible. My son got baptized."
"Happened to me too", says the voice. "In the end I had to write a New Testament".
PS: Translation of a German joke, I hope it still works in English.

Three fetuses were talking about their futures...

"I'm gonna be a doctor when I grow up, and bring babies into the world" said the first one.
"I'm gonna be a preacher, and baptize babies!" said the next.
"I'm gonna be a m**...!" said the last.
"A m**...!" exclaimed the first two. "Why?"
"I'm gonna kill the guy who's poking me in the back every night!"

Baptized joke, What do you get when a Catholic priest baptizes hay?

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these baptized jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.