Baptismal Jokes
24 baptismal jokes and hilarious baptismal puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about baptismal that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Baptismal Short Jokes
Short baptismal jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The baptismal humour may include short jokes also.
- I'm working on a new typeface to be used for church bulletins... I call it 'Baptismal Font.'
- Jewish Joke About Warm Weather אחי היה לי כלכך חם שהבטחתי שאם יציעו לי להתנצר בזה הרגע אני אעשה את זה רק בשביל ההטבלה.
Dude. It was so hot, I swear that I'd convert to Christianity for the Baptism. - The United States finally outlawed the waterboarding of suspected terrorists! They have decided to replace it with a more politically correct interrogation method: Tactical Baptism
- The United States doesn't use t**... techniques such as water boarding The prefer the term "tactical baptism"
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Baptismal One Liners
Which baptismal one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with baptismal? I can suggest the ones about and .
- What do you call a Mexican baptism? Bean dip
- Michael Phelps... ...must have had the fastest baptism ever.
- What do you call tinder for priests? Baptism
- DJ Khaled is a priest in mexico. What does he say at baptism? Another Juan
- You know what's wrong with baptism? They don't hold them under long enough.
- you know what you call a Mexican baptism? beandip.
- What's a baptism in a toilet called? d**....
Baptismal Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about baptismal you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make baptismal pranks.
A New Car
A rabbi and a minister decided to buy a new car together. The day after they bought it, the rabbi found the minister driving it. The minister explained that he had just gone to the car wash because in his religion it is customary to welcome a new member with the rite of baptism. The next day, the minister discovered the rabbi cutting the end off the exhaust pipe
A rabbi and a minister decided to buy a new car together.
The day after they bought it, the rabbi found the minister driving it. The minister explained that he had just gone to the carwash because, in his religion, it is customary to welcome a new member with the rite of baptism.
The next day, the minister discovered the rabbi cutting the end off the tailpipe.
So Obama calls Romney....
And says, I got good news and bad news. Romney says "What is it?" Obama says "Well the good news is I think it's time for a m**... president." "That's great Barack! What's the bad news?" Obama chuckles and says "My baptism is next Sunday"
A man gets drunk...
and stumbles straight into a baptism being performed on the river bank.
The priest asks the man, 'Are you ready to find Jesus?'
The drunk agrees, and the priest dunks him into the water. The drunk is gasping for air.
'Have you found Jesus, Brother?'
'No mate, I haven't'
The priest dunks him in again and pulls him back out. The drunk thrashes around for a bit.
'Now have you found Jesus?'
'Nah bro, I haven't.'
The priest rolls his eyes and dunks the drunk one more time, and pulls him back up violently.
'HAVE YOU FOUND JESUS YET?'
The drunk, near suffocation, replies, 'Are you sure this is where he fell in?'
Topical Jokes (5/22)
Hope everyone had a wonderful Wednesday but we can never escape the jokes!
First up, the FCC announced today that they would start to allow more s**... during peak kids' TV hours. So look out for PBS's new show starring Big Bird's cousin, Kandi Kanary, in "Sesame Red Light District".
Weird entertainment news, Paris Hilton has signed onto Cash Money Records. It's there she plans to rap under the emcee name, Li'l Self Respect.
More celebrities. Justin Bieber is now threatening to sue fans if they try to break into his home. Bieber also says he has a whole team of lawyers set up if any females try to break into his room despite the "no gurls allowed" sign.
Good news on the Catholic front, Pope Francis proclaimed that every single human has been redeemed. The Pope said, "God even forgave me for that time I got wasted and peed in the baptismal font so, seriously, stop bringing that up."
And more hopeful news, Vice President Biden told crowds today that the US is not in decline - which is expected for someone who hinges the US's status based on how many Slurpee flavors are available at 7-Eleven.
Just a quick set tonight but thanks for reading!
Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "
Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?"
"I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made all the appetisers herself and we have a caterer coming in to provide plenty of sandwiches and cakes for all of our guests."
"I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you properly prepared spiritually?"
"Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."