Banned Jokes
117 banned jokes and hilarious banned puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about banned that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover why certain jokes have been banned from Facebook, Workaholics, Deadpool, and even Frankie Boyle. Learn the line between acceptable humour and why the moderators might have said no to these jokes. Find out why some jokes can't even make it through the prison system.
Funniest Banned Short Jokes
Short banned jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The banned humour may include short banning jokes also.
- Joke from my 12 year old why do you never see elephants hiding in tree? Because they're so good at it!
Please don't ban me - What is the difference between BTS and Logan Paul? BTS is a boy band from Asia; Logan Paul is a boy banned from Asia.
- China has now banned any military personnel to use apple watches due to security reasons. One soldier says with tears in his eyes but but my daughter made it for me .
- I saw a giant mouse so I tried killing it with a baseball bat So now I have a lifetime ban from Disneyland
- I COMPLETELY disagree with Trump's military trans ban... I mean, wouldn't all those attack helicopters be useful??
- Why is Trump excited Russia was banned from the 2018 winter Olympics? It makes it easier to decide who to cheer for
- Just been banned from a Christian dating website. Apparently "Hung_Like_Jesus" isn't an appropriate user name!
- OPEN LETTER TO qatar: you're seriously banning homosexuality at your World Cup? Come on guys…
- What do you get when you mix Human DNA and goat DNA? A stern police warning and a lifetime ban from the petting zoo
- Shredded cheese has officially been banned in grocery stores in the US. Trump will make America grate again.
Share These Banned Jokes With Friends
Banned One Liners
Which banned one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with banned? I can suggest the ones about bans and forbidden.
- Chess is banned under Islam They hate that the queen moves freely.
- I got banned from laser tag today. Apparently they frown on using a knife to save ammo.
- What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA? Banned from of Seaworld
- What do you get if you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the zoo.
- What do you get when you inject human DNA into a sheep? ...banned from the petting zoo...
- Why is it so hard to do inventory in Afghanistan? Because of the tally-ban.
- I have the heart of a lion, the eyes of an eagle... ..and a lifetime ban from the zoo. 😕
- North Korea bans sarcasm What a great idea.
- Where do admins go for summer break? Banned camp.
- Iran bans Americans from traveling there. Won't beheading there anymore
- My father has the heart of a lion... And also a lifetime ban from the zoo.
- Why'd the gardener get banned from the hospital? He kept watering the vegetables.
- After 23 school shootings in 2018 We did it. We finally banned straws.
- I have the eye of a tiger, the heart of a lion, And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
- I made a little sandcastle with my grandpa. Now I'm banned from the crematorium.
Banned From Facebook Jokes
Here is a list of funny banned from facebook jokes and even better banned from facebook puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How did realism get me banned from Facebook? I sided with cancer on the "Kids VS Cancer" page.
- Unfair , girls get over 400 likes when they show a little n**... on facebook When I showed a little head I only got banned
Cheerful Fun Banned Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy
What funny jokes about banned you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean censored jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make banned pranks.
I went to my girlfriend's house last night for a romantic night in...
It was amazing, we had a three course meal with champagne over candle light, we then snuggled up on the sofa, to watch a movie, then, when we went up stairs, I let her get changed, while I spread rose petals over the bed, then, we had the most amazing, mind blowing s**... that I've ever had, but just as I was about to finish, her parents walked in...
I am now banned from babysitting.
What happens if you get human DNA in a goat?
You get banned from the petting zoo.
So Apple made a spinoff of the iPod Touch...
...where you design all its features yourself. The color, storage, apps that come with it, basically everything.
However, it got banned from all Apple stores because of its name, the iTouchMyself.
So I just got banned from swimming at my local pool...
Apparently Breast s**... isn't exactly what I thought it was
My diseased eagle has been banned by the government.
I suppose that makes it
an i**... ill eagle.
Did you hear about the woman banned from Disney World?
She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face and screaming, "Lie to me, Pinocchio! Lie to me!"
Kinda corny but it did actually crack me up...
Q. What do you get if you insert human DNA into a chimpanzee?
A. Banned from the Zoo.
Why was Game Of Thrones banned from twitter?
Because twitter has an 140 character limit.
Q: What do you call a Russian with Tourette's Syndrome?
A: Yukanol Fukov.
^^I ^^got ^^banned ^^from ^^a ^^sub ^^for ^^this ^^one. ^^:)
China banned their soldiers from using the Apple watch due to security concerns
One soldier submitted a formal complaint. "My daughter made this for me!"
Kim Jong Un recently banned the blues scale...
He hates Seoul music
I got banned from the s**... bank the other day...
They said I couldn't come within five hundred feet of the building.
Why is Caitlyn Jenner so skinny?
Because the FDA just banned trans fats.
A joke most likely to get me banned by Ellen Pao
So, a man walks into a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table.
He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!"
The flattered woman replies, "You really think so?"
The guy says, "Oh of course! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
Our boss just banned overly specific nicknames
and the whole office is staring at Rat Snitch Brian The Good Time Ruiner
TIL several states in the South banned calculus from schools in the 1950's.
Apparently they opposed integration.
I got my family banned from playing Family Feud today.
The category was "Describe your s**... life with a Spongebob quote"
and apparently "ARE YOU READY KIDS?" was not the right answer.
Welcome back to /u/JokeExplainBot
I banned on a rule that we had enforced in the past. However, we talked the issue over and were able to reach common ground. Sorry for any trouble this caused.
/u/ElderCunningham
Maria Sharipova has been banned from tennis for 2 years
There's a sign at every court with her mugshot that says "do not serve this woman".
TIL: Phonebooks are banned in China
Because there are so many Wings and so many Wongs, you might Wing the Wong number.
All music classes were banned at my school...
They said the classes encouraged too much sax and violins...
Wheelchair athletes have just been banned from the Paralympics
They tested positive for WD40
Why are ghosts banned from the liquor store?
They would steal all the boos.
My Grandma Discovered an online knitting forum
She was upset the other day, apparently she used the *wrong thread* and the Mods banned her.
What did the mod say when he was wrong?
[BANNED]
Abortion clinics should be banned
Those doctors demonstrate a complete lack of humanity. Spawn killing is a filthy tactic.
IKEA said if they catch me stealing anything else I'll be banned for life
But that's a whisk I'm willing to take
I was banned from the airport last week.
Apparently the security doesn't like it when you say Shotgun while boarding the plane.
In 1991, a country banned expressions of surrender, acceptance, or agreement.
That marked the fall of the "So be it" Union.
I got banned from the secret cooking society…
For spilling the beans.
I was at the gym the other night, I found a hole in my trainer big enough to put my finger in.
Long story short, she filed a complaint and I'm banned for life.
Saudi Arabia banned chess, calling it a dangerous game
Reasons are:
1. The Queen doesn't wear a burkha.
2. The Queen roams freely wherever she wants to.
3. The Queen is more powerful than the King.
4. The Queen goes alone to opponent's territory.
5. Most importantly, there's only one Queen.
My local park doesn't allow wheeled vehicles inside.
Today a group of people are protesting this rule by driving a huge cart through the park. At first I didn't like the idea but I changed my mind and jumped on the banned wagon.
I got banned from laser tag today....
I guess they didn't like it when i used a knife to save ammo.
I've got the heart of a lion and the eye of an eagle...
And now i'm banned from entering the zoo.
I got banned from donating clothes to the local orphanage
Apparently they don't appreciate Batman costumes......
The real reason Roy Moore wanted to be in D.C.
He hasn't been banned from the National Mall
Roy Moore still hasn't conceded, which actually makes sense.
How could anyone banned from mall food courts know anything about concessions?
The wife just gave me a massive bollocking for throwing a snowball at our son.
To top it off, I've been banned from the maternity ward
What do you call a guy who gets banned from roblox?
blocked
So...I got banned from laser tag today
Apparently you can't use a knife to conserve ammo
Despite Putin's recent crackdowns, a new streaming service for banned movies has launched in Russia.
It's called Nyetflix.
I have the head of a watermelon, the arms of two French baguettes, the chest of two pillows. What am I?
Banned from the supermarket.
I got banned from a Christian dating site
I suppose "hung like Jesus" *was* a poor choice for a username.
So now I'm banned from going to the laser tag fun center
They said I'm not allowed to use melee attacks
Why was Jupiter banned from competing in the planetary boxing match?
He took asteroids.
Why is chess banned in islam?
Cause the queen moves freely
Aladdin Banned from Flying Carpet Racing
Sources say for use of Performance Enhancing Rugs
They say the best way to lose weight is to eat n**... in front of a mirror.
It's working well so far, I've been banned from McDonalds for life.
Now that most of California has banned the use of straws,
I just going to have to drink my frappuccino through this assault rifle.
My dwarf friend was permanently banned from the nudist colony.
He kept sticking his nose in other people's business.
Apparently Canada banned trans fats today...
I don't really mind, but I wonder what my Aunt John is gonna do...
You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince
But apparently only seven before you're banned from that stuck-up aquarium
Went to the gym earlier, and while working out I noticed a hole in my trainer... just big enough to get my finger in.
Anyway....she filed a formal complaint and I'm banned for life
What s**... position is banned in Alabama?
d**....
Never turn your back on family.
I got banned from Instagram for posting food pictures
Apparently they only want to see the food "Before" you eat it, not "After"
The Catholic Church banned plastic bags from its premises.
They consider them to be s**...-religious.
I put some batteries in my mouse yesterday
And now I'm banned from the pet store
I had a nightmare that my TikTok account got banned
For a second, i was really scared that i had TikTok
What's the difference between a firearm and a firework?
Well one is banned in many us states for causing deadly injuries...
...and the other is a gun.
The girl I had a crush on asked me to make an account on tik tok and follow her.
My country banned Tik tok the very next day.
Apparently I've been banned from the gas station for playing 'The Who' too loudly on my car stereo...
I won't get fueled again.
I was banned from the airport last week.
Security doesn't really like it when you call "shotgun" on the plane.
What do you get if you insert strands of Human DNA into a goat...?
Banned from the zoo.
President Trump just banned shredded cheeses.
He wants to Make America Grate Again
A clever Russian is planning on a streaming service exclusively for banned films.
He's going to call it Nyetflix.
My grandfather used to say " never bring a knife to a gunfight"!!
He was right. The paintball arena banned me for life.
I went to Dunkin Donuts and ordered 4 blueberry donuts and the cashier asked if I wanna box....
...I've been banned for life from that shop.
Oh sure, when Thor throws a hammer, he's a hero!
But when I do it, I'm "out of control" and "banned from home depot!"
Do you know what happens if we put human DNA in chimapanzees?
We get banned from the zoo.
