Banker Jokes
115 banker jokes and hilarious banker puns to laugh out loud. Read professions jokes about banker that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for some funny banker jokes? We've got you covered with a collection of the best banker jokes out there!
Funniest Banker Short Jokes
Short banker jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The banker humour may include short bank cashier jokes also.
- Remember in Monopoly, when some insufferable kids couldn't agree who was banker, they'd refuse to play completely? Welcome to the shutdown...
- How many bankers does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to remove the bulb and drop it, the other to sell it before it crashes.
- That annoying banker wouldn't stop asking me questions. I specifically asked him to leave me a loan.
- How did the rich man get caught sleeping with the banker's wife? He was making more deposits than withdrawls.
- Most people want to be bankers when they grow up But at this rate they are gonna lose interest
- A 2018 report showed that the vast majority of bankers have no close friends Apparently they're all loaners
- Did you hear about the woman who doesn't like banker jokes? So if you take her on a date, you'd better not teller any.
- The Florists wife was Rose The weatherman's wife was May
The bankers wife was Penny
And the senators wife was Peggy. - What did the banker use for birth control? His personality
- I WENT to the bank and asked to open a joint account.
The banker said, Certainly , with who?
I said, With anyone who has money.
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Banker One Liners
Which banker one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with banker? I can suggest the ones about bank teller and bank employees.
- I used to be a banker... But I lost interest.
- A banker broke up with his girlfriend... He lost interest.
- Why did the banker dump his girlfriend? He lost interest.
- Why did the banker eat lunch by himself? Because he was a loaner.
- I was thinking of becoming a banker ... But I lost interest
- a Rabbi, an accountant, a banker, and a doctor walk into a bar mitzvah
- Are you a banker... because I want you to leave me a loan.
- I wanted to be a banker But then I lost interest.
- Why did the banker quit his job? He lost interest.
- Why did the head banker get fired? He just lost interest in the job
- Old bankers never die... ...They just lose interest.
- Why won't bankers go to the opera? Because they quickly lose interest
- I asked the banker to check my balance. He pushed me.
- I became a banker. Then I lost interest.
- What did the rapper say to his banker? Can I postpone malone?
Investment Banker Jokes
Here is a list of funny investment banker jokes and even better investment banker puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Dracula says he doesn't want to become an investment banker.. He said he hates stakeholders.
- A banker tells his client that a £1,000,000 investment will turn into a ton of money! So the the client asks "How much is a ton of money"
The banker responds "Two Thousand Pounds" - Why did the investment bankers start dating? Compound interest
- Why did the banker like the TV show? Because he was invested in the story.
- What do you get when an Investment banker jumps off a cliff? A Con descending Altitude.
- Why did the investment banker leave her husband? She was losing interest.
- How many investment bankers does it take to screw the economy? Just one if the bonus is big enough.
- What do you call an investment banker who's always watching you? A stocker.
- So there's this guy going around dipping his t**... in glitter He's an investment banker at Goldman Sachs
Quirky and Hilarious Banker Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about banker you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bank robber jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make banker pranks.
Two Jewish banker escaped from that sinking Italian cruise ship
They were both clinging to a life preserver. o**..., knowing the other can't swim, says, " I'm going to try to swim to shore to get some help. Can you float alone?"
The second Jewish banker says, "how could you talk business at a time like this?"
A Japanese guy goes into a bank...
...and exchanges some Yen for $. The banker gives him a hundred dollars and the Japanese guy leaves. He comes back the next day to exchange the same amount of yen but only gets ninety dollars. Upon questioning, the banker says "fluctuation." So the Japanese guy yells "Fluck you too, white guy!"
A man and his wife were discussing what they thought their son might be when he grew up.
"I have an idea," said the father. He put a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table. "If he takes the money he'll be a banker. If he takes the whiskey he'll be a wino, and if he takes the Bible that means he'll be a preacher."
So the man and his wife hide just before their son comes in the door, and watch from where they're hiding.
The boy saunters over to the coffee table. He picks up the ten-dollar bill, looks at it, then sets it down. He picks up the bottle of whiskey, uncorks it, sniffs it, then sets it down. Then he picks up the Bible, leafs through it, then sets it down.
Then the boy takes the money and stuffs it into his pocket, grabs the whiskey, and walks off with the Bible under his arm.
"Well how do you like that!" exclaims the father. "He's going to be a politician!"
Kermit Jagger needs a loan.
Kermit Jagger needed to take out a large loan, so he went to his bank and met with a banker named Patricia Wack.
Patricia asked, "Do you have something you can offer as collateral?" Kermit responded by placing a little porcelain figurine on the desk. Patricia was not impressed, but she went to her manager to explain the situation. The manager laughed, and replied,
"It's a knick knack, Patty Wack, give the frog a loan! His old man's a Rolling Stone!"
Chinese man in a London bank
A Chinese man living in London went to the bank and asked the banker, "Why I have less money in my account than yesterday?" The banker replied, "Fluctuations." The Chinese man said, "Oh yeah? Well fluck you Blitish too!"
A 90 year old woman is getting married for the fourth time.
A news crew is there to document the story. The reporter asks the woman about her odd marital past. "Let me get this right," he says. "Your first husband was a banker. Your second husband was a clown. Your third husband was a doctor, and you're about to marry a mortician. Why the menagerie of different men?" She smirked and said "It was one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go."
An old widow is on her deathbed,
and a priest comes to give her her last rites.
The woman has had four husbands, banker, an actor, a priest, and a mortician. The priest asks, why so many, and she replies, "One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."
What do you call the action of a banker buying w**...?
A dank transaction
Why did the banker resign?
His customers lost interest in him.
Why did the Baker rob the Banker?
Cause he knead that dough. ........ Sorry I'm drunk
Bankers commit massive financial crimes and the government...
put them in jail.
JK.
What did the New York Banker Type say to the p**... after their transaction was complete?
It was a business doing pleasure with you.
A Blonde Woman Asks For A $5000 Loan
A blonde woman walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan.
The banker asks, "Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?"
The woman says, "Yes, of course. I'll use my Rolls Royce."
The banker, stunned, asks, "A $250,000 Rolls Royce? Really?"
The woman is completely positive. She hands over the keys, as the bankers and loan officers laugh at her.
They check her credentials, make sure she is the title owner. Everything checks out.
They park it in their underground garage for two weeks.
When she comes back, she pays off the $5,000 loan as well as the $15.41 interest.
The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very appreciative of your business with us, but I have one question.
We looked you up and found out that you are a multi-millionaire.
Why would you want to borrow $5,000?"
The woman replies,
"Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and
expect it to be there when I return?"
A man walk into a bank
And yells: THIS IS A ROBBERY
And banker replies: It is ,now give me your money.
This Chinese chap goes into a bank to change some currency. After receiving his Money he asks, "How come I came in here with same amount of Money as yesterday but today I get less Yuans in return?"
The banker says, "Fluctuations."
The Chinese guy replies, "Fluck you Blitish too."
A banker, a Greek and a German sit on a table ...
There are ten cookies on that table. The banker takes nine and tells the German: "Watch out, the Greek so going to steal your cookie!"
What did the banker say to the tongue when he rejected his loan application?
There's no accounting for taste.
TIL Sean Connery's banker is also his barber...
The guy works down at the Shavings and Loan.
What do you get if you cross a gardener with a banker?
A box hedge fund!
A banker, a worker and an immigrant
An immigrant, a worker and a banker are sitting at the table with 10 cookies. The banker takes 9 and then tells the worker "watch out, the immigrant is going to steal your cookie".
This banker I know has absolutely no friends...
I think he's loanly
What did the banker get for Christmas?
My 401k
What did the college student say to a banker?
I am forever in your debt.
How do you clear a traffic jam at a banker convention?
With a plunger.
My dad works as a banker at Wells Fargo. I asked him to open a checking account for me
A checking account? What do you need two checking accounts for? Are you sure you want three checking accounts and a saving account? Fine, I'll open four checking accounts, two savings accounts and a line of credit for you.
In a bar, there's a guy hitting on a cute Banker girl
The guy brags about all his riches and possessions, but he got shot down by the girl immediately.
The girl said, "Leave me a loan!"
The guy noticed the wordplay, he praised the girl. "That's a pretty clever pun! ...But not as pretty as you"
The girl, now irritated, said. "I'm not kidding, leave me a loan! I lost interest."
A banker friend of mine had a breakup recently
He lost interest.
I was going to be a banker...
But I lost interest
What makes the Jewish Monopoly game so much harder than the original?
Because the banker starts with all the money and never gives it away.
Why did the one eyed banker lose his job?
He didn't have any debtperception.
I caught my wife cheating with the neighbor last night
They are both banned from being the banker during monopoly game night now.
That will teach them to sleep together.
Why the banker never goes to a neurologist?
Because he always has a good balance!
Did you hear about the banker who's also learning chemistry?
He's got a lot of compound interest.
A man driving to the store finds no place to park...
He sees an empty parking spot and eagerly drives his car into the slot, paying no attention to the "Customer Only" sign. When he comes back, his car has disappeared. He storms into the bank, where he demands to know where his car went. The banker looks straight into his eyes and whispers "I towed you so."
A blonde walks into a bank and says "Hands in the air! This is a screw-up!"
The banker, confused, says "Surely you must mean a 'stick-up'." The blonde responds, "No, I forgot the gun."
What's a bankers Favorite place to go on vacation?
The Czech Republic
Never play poker with a banker.
They always have the best suits.
A bank robber is robbing a bank
Robber: Put all the money in this bag or you're geography.
Banker: Don't you mean 'history'?
Robber: Don't change the subject!
What's a bankers favorite dish for christmas?
Speculoos
I dated a banker once
He didn't show interest
What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish?
A loan shark.
What do bankers have in common with your worst boyfriend?
They both come early and leave late.
I think I could become a banker.
I always want to be a loan.
90 year old farmer wants a loan.
He goes to the banker for the loan to buy land. The banker has some concerns due to the old codgers age.
"What happens if you die before the loan is paid off?" The banker asks.
"I'll send you a check from heavan, because God would want all my obligations taken care of," The old farmer answered.
"But what if you go the other direction?" the banker queried.
"Then I'll deliver it to you in person."
PSA: If you have unprotected s**... with a banker
Watch out! You might end up getting financial AIDS.
A doctor walks into a bank...
When he goes to sign a check, he pulls a r**... thermometer out of his pocket. He looks up at the banker and says "Dang it, some ***hole has my pen!"
Bankers are so antisocial.
They're a bunch of loaners.
What did the banker want from the baker?
To pump her nickels
What do you call an Asian banker with no friends?
Loan Lee
What type of sweet does a banker keep in his wastecoat?
InvestMints
Blackbeard goes into a bank...
Blackbeard goes into a bank looking to secure a loan for a new ship. The banker nods and says
"Yes everything is in order. You'll be gettin' the standard 3.14% interest rate."
Blackbeard raises an eyebrow at that.
"The standard rate? What's that mean?"
"3.14%. You know...the Pi Rate."
A Banker, a Fox News fan and a welfare recipient are at a table sharing 12 cookies...
The banker takes 11 cookies and says to the Fox News fan: "Watch out for the welfare guy, he wants your cookie!".
I got my future told to me by a fat banker...
Turns out he was a four-chin teller.
I'm standing in a bank with a mask, glasses, gloves
The banker asks me "What can I do for you?". From the astonishment I didn't even pull out my gun.
My wife and my banker have something in common.
Neither of them will give me credit.
Return on investment
An investment banker decides she needs in-house counsel, so she interviews a young lawyer. Mr. Peterson, she begins, would you say you're honest?
Honest? replies the lawyer. Let me tell you something about honesty: My father lent me $85,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my first case.
Impressive, says the banker. And what sort of case was that?
My father sued me for the money.
A persistent banker wouldn't stop hitting on me!
Even after I asked him to leave me a loan.
Hollywood marriages
TV interviewer: You were married four times: to a banker, to an actor, to a minister, and to an undertaker. Can you tell me why?
Legendary actress: Well, it was One for the money, Two for the show, Three to get ready, and Four to go!
(I'll see myself out, no need to push...)
