bank robber Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious bank robber puns

Bank robber pulls out gun, points it at the teller...

Robber: "Give me all your money or you are GEOGRAPHY!'

Cashier (puzzled) "Did you mean to say "or you're history?"

Robber: "Don't change the subject."


Everyone in my family was a police officer, except for my grandad, who was a bank robber

He died last week

surrounded by his family


A guy storms into a bank, pulls out his gun, points it at a teller and hollers, Give me all your money or you're geography! Trembling, the teller stammers, D...d...don't m...m...mean h...h...history?

The robber screams, Don't change the subject!


So a guy walks into a bank with a gun and walks up to the teller...

Bank Robber: Put all your money in this bag or you're geography!
Bank Teller: Don't you mean history?
Bank Robber: Hey! Don't try to change the subject!


A bank robber gets hold of the cash he needs but before fleeing the scene he demands the regular customers to stand in a line

The bank robber ask the first guy in line: "did you see what happened here?"

First guy: "I sure did! And I'm gonna tell the police exactly what happened and what you look lik..."
The bank robber shoots him in the head and ask the next in line the same question.

Second guy: "I assure you I did not see a thing... but my wife here did"


A bank robber's mask falls off mid-heist.

He makes eye contact with a hostage directly facing him and shoots him. He puts his mask back on and turns to face the other two hostages, a man and a woman. "Did either of you see my face?!" He yells.

The man answers, "I didn't, but I think my wife might have..."


A guy runs into a bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and shouts, Give me all your money or you're geography!" Puzzled, the teller replies, Don't you mean history?

The robber screams, Don't change the subject!"


A robber burst into a bank brandishing a gun and yelled at the teller.

"Give me the money! One false move and you're geography!"

The teller said "Don't you mean history?"

The robber screamed "Don't change the subject!"


Guy robs a bank...

While holding all of the customers hostage, he asks one guy, "Did you see me rob this bank?" The customer says that he did and the robber shoots him in the head.

He then asks another customer, "did you see me rob this bank?" and the guy says, "no, but my wife did."


A dyslexic robber runs into a bank and screams...

Air in the hands mother stickers this is a fuck up!


A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun and points it at the teller…

Give me all your money or you're geography. he says.

The teller replies, Don't you mean history?

The robber says, Don't change the subject.


A masked thief bursts into a bank...

As he climbs over the counter his balaclava catches and comes off for a second, before he quickly puts it back on.

The thief says to the cashier "did you see my face?", the cashier says "yes, I did!". Then the thief shoots her dead.

The thief then goes up to a customer and says "did you see my face?", the customer says "yes", then the robber shoots him right in the head.

The thief then runs up to a couple and says to the man "did you see my face?", then man says "no, but my wife did!".


A man runs into a sperm bank..

Mask on, gun out, he rushes up to the employee behind the counter puts the gun in her face and yells, "Give me all your money!!"

The woman replies, "But Sir, this is a sperm bank..."

The man yells, "Fuck! What's in that container?"

"A sperm sample..."


The woman complies and drinks the sample.

"How does it taste??" yells the man.


"How does it taste!?"

"It's not that bad," replies the woman.

The robber lifts his mask to reveal that it is her husband and says, "See??"


Masked man robs a sperm bank...

... He approaches the safe with a gun and yells at the nurse,
"Open up this safe!"

Nurse replied in fear, "But sir this is a sperm bank, we don't have any money here."

I said open up this safe now!" he yelled again and the nurse opened it up.

"Now drink this viel!"

"But sir this is sperm!"

"I said drink!" and the nurse drank with disgust.

"Drink another!" and she emptied another viel with less resistance.

The robber reveals his face and nurse found out that the robber was actually her husband.

"Now Sharon, was it really that hard?"


A masked man goes into a sperm bank.

A masked man goes into a sperm bank, points a gun at the woman behind the counter, and says,
Open the safe.

She says, This isn't a real bank; it's a sperm bank.

He says, Open the safe or I'll shoot.

She opens the safe, and he says, Now take one of the bottles and drink it.

After she opens the bottle and drinks it, he takes off his mask and the woman realizes the robber is
her husband.

He says, Now you see? It's not so difficult, is it?


All my family are police officers. Except for my uncle who is a bank robber.

He died recently, surrounded by his family.


What's the difference between a successful bank robber and one who ends up in prison?

One's a pro, and one's a con.


A robber robs a bank, gets all the money and is about to leave, but before that he asks a customer who's lying on the floor, Have you seen me rob this bank?

A robber robs a bank, gets all the money and is about to leave, but before that he asks a customer who's lying on the floor, Have you seen me rob this bank?
Yes, sir, says the customer and gets promptly shot.
Have you seen me rob this bank? the robber asks another customer.
Absolutely not, sir, but my wife here saw everything!


Bank robbery

A woman works in a sperm bank, and is at the front desk one day, when a man in a balaclava bursts in, brandishing a shotgun.

"Open the safe!" he demands.

"I don't think you understand", she explains, "this is a *sperm* bank, there's no money here"

"Just do it!" he shouts, pointing his gun at her. She complies, and opens one of the large refrigerator units behind her. "Take out one of those jars!" screams the robber. She takes out a jar.

"Now! Drink it!" he demands. Terrified, the woman complies and drinks the contents of the jar. "Now drink another!" shouts the robber. Again, she complies, for fear of her life. "Now another!" he shouts. Once more, she drinks from one of the jars.

At this point, the robber whips off his balaclava and it's the woman's husband.

"See? It's not that fucking hard, is it?" he shouts.


A masked guy comes into a bank with a gun.

He presses it against the teller's forehead and demands money.
The lady behind the counter says "sir, i think you messed up, this isn't just any bank, we don't deal in money. We keep semen. This is a sperm bank."

"Oh yeah??!" says the robber...
"Why don't you take a vial and chug it then?"

The bank worker has no choice and promptly grabs a vial of sperm and drinks it bottoms-up.
The robber proceeds to take of his mask and turns out to be the bank worker's boyfriend. He says with a broad smile:



A Bank Robber Forgot His Mask

A bank robber wanted to keep his identity a secret, but he forgot to bring his mask. He told everyone in the bank not to look at him or he would shoot them.

One foolhardy customer sneaked a look, and the bank robber did what he said he would... he shot him. The robber asked the crowd if anyone else had seen his face...

One customer, gazing intently at the ground, said "I think my wife got a glimpse."


The wife and I went to a bank robbers-themed fancy dress party last night...

Well I did and I had a fucking great night !

She had to stay in the car, keeping the car engine running.



Peeing Bullets

A woman pregnant with triplets is in a bank, all of a sudden robbers walk in start shooting up the place, the woman is shot and gets rushed to the hospital.
After surgery and recovery the doctor comes in and tells her that a bullet got lodged in each fetus but they will be alright and the bullets will find their way out naturally in a few years.
14 years later one of the kids comes home, pale and scared to death, Mom asks what wrong and he says when he was at school, while peeing something came out of his penis, the mom explains everything and cools him down.
A couple of days later the second kid comes home with the same story and she explains everything to him as well.
Sometime later the third kid comes into the house scared to death and crying, Mom asks:"what's the matter honey ? did something weird happen when you were peeing? " and the kid responds:"No, I was jerking off in the yard and suddenly I shot the dog"


Indians Robbing a Bank

An Indian man tries to rob a bank. He walks out of the bank with no money. The getaway driver asks him Where's the money? And why do you have so many computers? The bank robber replies They thougth I was tech support.


A man robs a bank.

Robber: Give me all your money or you're geography!
Employee: Don't you mean history?
Robber: Don't change the subject...


So a man with a ski mask on...

...walks into a bank with a gun in hand. He runs up to the first teller and holds the gun up to her.
"This is a robbery! Gimme everything you got!"

"Bu...but sir i dont think you understand. This is a sperm bank" said the teller.

Obviously thrown off guard, the robber stands there baffled. After a few seconds, he holds the gun up to the teller again. "Okay, well.... grab a cup of ypur freshest sperm and put it on the counter."

"What?! I dont know if i...."

"Do it or i'll shoot you!"

She reaches into a nearby fridge, places the cup on the counter, and puts her hands back up.

"Now drink it!"

"Wha....what?! I dont..."


Frightened, the woman opens the cup and quickly drinks it.

The man drops his gun and takes his mask off. It's the tellers husband.
He smiles and walks up to her, "See? Now that wasn't so bad!"


A bank robber just finished his heist

Unfortunately, his mask accidentally dropped for a few seconds. He picked it up, put it back, then asked a guy kneeling next to him.

"Did you see my face?" Asked the robber.

"Yes, but I swear I won't-" A bullet went through the guy's head. Then the robber asked the next guy kneeling next to his wife.

"And you? Did you see my face"

"No, sir. But my wife did"


A woman pregnant with triplets......

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach. Luckily, the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son.
All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears. "What's wrong?" asked the mother. "I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out," replied the daughter.

The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago. About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. "Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out."

Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.
A week later her son walked into the room in tears. "It's okay" said the Mom, "I know what were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out."

"No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog..."


In the Old West

In the Old West, a man robbed a bank in El Paso and rode south. The sheriff quickly formed a posse and they captured him in a small cantina near the Mexican border, but he didn't have the money. The sheriff decided to interrogate him, but the robber only spoke Spanish, so they got the bartender to translate.

Sheriff, through translator: "Where's the money?"

Bank robber, through translator: I'll never tell you."

The sheriff puts his revolver to the bank robber's head. Now, tell me where the money is!

Bank robber (in Spanish): I hid it under the bridge south of town!

Translator: He says he's not afraid to die."


Three men rob a bank

It's night. They tie up the security guard and head to the safes. The gang open the first safe and see that there's no money, only yogurts. Frustrated, the robbers decide they might as well eat them. Afterwards, they open the second safe but it's full of yogurts as well, they eat everything and move on to the third safe, only to find the same components. Finally they decide that enough is enough and angrily stomp back to the security guard.

-What kind of a fucking bank is this? There's only yogurt!

-Well, you see... this is a sperm bank.


What did the dyslexic bank robber say when he robbed the bank?

"Air in the hands motherstickers! This is a fuck up!"


Have you heard about the dyslexic robber who ran into a bank? He screamed: "Air in the hands mother stickers this is a fuck up!"


A hooded bank robber burst into a bank demanding cash

Once his bags were full he started making his way out when a brave soldier ripped his mask off and sees his face. The robber, realizing his face has been exposed, shoots and kills him dead. The robber turns around and sees a bank teller looking him in the eyes so he walks up to him and shoots him dead aswell. He puts his mask back on and yells "did anyone else see my face?". At this point everyone is staring at the floor too terrified to look up. After a few moments of utter silence an old man raises his hand his while keeping his face on the floor he says "my wife got pretty good look at you"


The Bank Robber

A hooded robber burst into a Texas bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.

On his way out the door a brave Texas customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off revealing the robber's face.

The robber shot the customer without a moment's hesitation.

He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber instantly shot him also.

Everyone else, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence.

The robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?"

There were a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly afraid to speak. Then one old man tentatively raised his hand and said, "My wife got a pretty good look at you."

(credit to wetwillyone)


So a guy robs a bank...

When he runs out and down the street, he comes across another guy walking the opposite direction.

Robber points his gun at the man and says "Hey, did you see me rob that bank?"
Guy says "Yes."

The robber shoots him and runs down the street.

He comes across a man and his wife walking toward him.

The robber points his gun at them and says "Did you see me rob that bank?"

The husband points to his wife and says "No, but she did!"


What are the most funny Bank Robber jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Bank Robber? Well, here are the best Bank Robber dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Bank Robber pick up lines to share with friends.

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