bank Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious bank puns

The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I'd like to masturbate in the cup...

I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet."

---

👍🏼

I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.

👍🏼

Give a man a gun and he'll rob a bank,

Give a man a bank and he'll rob the world.

👍🏼

Boy: What's a palindrome?


Teacher: racecar

{10 years later}

Boy: [bursting out of bank in ski mask] where's the palindrome

Getaway driver: [sitting in kayak]

👍🏼

I told my son, You will marry the girl I choose.


He said, NO!

I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.

He said, OK.

I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.

Bill Gates said, NO.

I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.

Bill Gates said, OK.

I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.

He said, NO.

I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.

He said, OK.

This is how politics works.

👍🏼

Milk

Me: Hey, thanks for the glass of milk earlier

Sperm bank employee: What glass of milk

Me: The glass of milk that was sitting on your desk

Sperm bank employee: Oh no

Me: What

Sperm bank employee: You drank my glass of milk


👍🏼

A dyslexic walks into a bank and yells:

"Air in the hands mother stickers, this is a fuck up!"

👍🏼

So I was at my bank today.

There was a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yuan for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated.

She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hundred dollar for yuan. Today I only get hundred eighty? Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations.

The Asian lady says, "Fluck you white people too!"

👍🏼

I was at my bank today and there was just an Asian lady ahead of me

who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.
It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."
The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!!"

👍🏼

Bank robber pulls out gun, points it at the teller...

Robber: "Give me all your money or you are GEOGRAPHY!'

Cashier (puzzled) "Did you mean to say "or you're history?"

Robber: "Don't change the subject."

👍🏼

TIL After Nigeria was unable to win any medals in this year's Olympics, the Nigerian Sports Minister personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil.

He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.

👍🏼

A naked woman robbed a bank..

No one could remember her face.

👍🏼

After his team was eliminated from the World Cup,

The Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all expenses that fans of his country paid for to travel to Brazil.

According to sources close to the player, he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transactions.

👍🏼

Everyone in my family was a police officer, except for my grandad, who was a bank robber

He died last week

surrounded by his family

👍🏼

TIL England doesn't have a kidney bank

But it does have a Liverpool

👍🏼

A dyslexic walks into a bank and yells:

"Hands in the air motherfuckers! This is a stick up!" Because he's just dyslexic and can still speak fine

👍🏼

A hot naked woman robbed a bank

Nobody could remember her face

👍🏼

A bank is a place that will lend you money

if you can prove that you don't need it.

👍🏼

I looked at my bank account and found I could live the rest of my life comfortably without working...

... as long as I die on Thursday.

👍🏼

A banker, a worker and an immigrant

An immigrant, a worker and a banker are sitting at the table with 10 cookies. The banker takes 9 and then tells the worker "watch out, the immigrant is going to steal your cookie".

👍🏼

How do you cancel an appointment with a sperm bank?

Tell them you can't come.

👍🏼

A black guys walks into a bank...

... says "I'm looking for a job!"

The bank manager says, "Well, you're in luck! We have a position opening tomorrow that pays $48,000 a year and has access to a free car!"


The black guy says "You're joking."


The bank manager says "Well, you started it!"

👍🏼

A naked women robbed a bank

Nobody could remember her face

👍🏼

A piece of fruit held up a bank and stole some money.

It was a strobbery.

👍🏼

Me: When i donate blood i do not extract it myself. A nurse does it for me

Receptionist: Yes, but this is a sperm bank and it doesn't work that way.

👍🏼

Give a man a gun, he'll rob a bank

Teach a man to run a bank, he'll rob the American people.

👍🏼

Today i was in the bank

There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yuan for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated.
She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hundred dollar for yuan. Today I only get hundred eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations.
The Asian lady says, "Fluck you white people too!"

👍🏼

i wonder if...

a receptionist at a sperm bank ever says "thanks for coming"

👍🏼

I used to work at a bank,

an old lady came in and asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over

👍🏼

FLUCTUATIONS

I was at my bank today; there was a short line.

There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious that she was a little irritated...

She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today, I only get hunat eighty. Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations..."

The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"

👍🏼

I recently left my job after I came into a large sum of money.

Or as the bank tells it, I was fired for ejaculating in the safe.

👍🏼

I'm addicted to having money in the bank.

And I really do suffer from withdrawals.

👍🏼

A nurse walks into a bank...

A nurse walks into a bank totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. She grabs a deposit slip, pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse, and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and, without missing a beat, says, "well, that's great...some asshole's got my pen."

👍🏼

Man goes to the doctor (NSFW)

A man goes to the doctor for a prostate check.

The doctor is examining him when he discovers bank notes in the man's rectum.

He pulls them out and counts them, he says to the patient; "You're not going to believe this, but I've just found £1950 up your arse."

"Ah, that makes sense," the patient says; "I thought I wasn't feeling too grand."

👍🏼

I was at my bank today...

... there was a short queue. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated . . . She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."

The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too"

👍🏼

What are the most funny Bank jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Bank? Well, here are the best Bank dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Bank pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes