Bank Account Jokes
103 bank account jokes and hilarious bank account puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bank account that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Bank Account Short Jokes
Short bank account jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bank account humour may include short bank cashier jokes also.
- My bank account was hacked!!! The hacker was so disappointed, he started a fundraiser for me.
- I'm really good at managing my credit card. My bank keeps sending me letters saying my account is outstanding.
- I was at the bank going to withdraw money from my account when the clerk told me I had an outstanding balance I told her thank you I did gymnastics as a kid.
- Mama always said Work until your bank account looks like a phone number. Well I did it! Bank balance: 9.11!
- My bank just called me about suspicious activity on my account. They didn't believe I bought a gym membership.
- My bank is trying to get people to open additional savings accounts, but there is no interest.
- So I went to the bank to deposit money and the teller asked for my ID. I said
"Wait, people wanted to put money in my bank account and you stopped them?!" - At the bank, I told the cashier, " I would like to open a joint account." . He enquired, " With whom?"
I answered, " With whomsoever has lots of money." - An environmentalist friend of mine told me I should buy organic because it's sustainable I looked at my bank account, and I really disagree.
- I'm so broke.. .. that when my Identiy was stolen today and LifeLock called me and said I now have no money in my bank account.
I was like, "Sweet! I'm no longer in debt"
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Bank Account One Liners
Which bank account one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bank account? I can suggest the ones about checking account and bank interest.
- Where is the capital of Zimbabwe? In a Swiss bank account.
- My bank account is huge. It has lots of space for the money I don't have.
- After years of saving, I finally have a comma in my bank account! $ -1,250
- My friend has Tourettes. He doesn't have a bank account.
He has a swear jar. - Men are like bank accounts. Without money they won't generate much interest.
- My wife is a keeper She kept the house, the car, and the bank account.
- Whenever I drink the first thing it affects is my balance Just look at my bank account.
- Me: I love to travel. Bank account: Like where? To the backyard?
- What's the difference between being crazy and being eccentric? Your bank account.
- Where is the capital of North Korea? In a Swiss bank account
- What bank do birds open accounts with? The one with the most branches!
- Why are the banks collapsing? Because they don't know how to account for their problems.
- I'm addicted to poverty If my bank account has money in it I suffer withdrawal.
- One of my bank accounts is 8 figures $0.0000001
- I started the New Year clean! Just like my bank account
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Bank Account Jokes
What funny jokes about bank account you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bank vault jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bank account pranks.
I need a new bank account. This one has run out of money.
Other students come by train
A student to his father:
Dear father,
Berlin is a fantastic city, people are nice and I really like that city. But, I am a bit ashamed to come to school with my golden plated Ferrari whereas professors and other students come by train.
Love,
Your son
Next day, an answer comes:
My dear son,
I transferred 20M€ to your bank account. Please buy your train quickly.
Your loving father.
A man was walking along the beach with his mother-in-law...
She was complaining about how much of a good-for-nothing husband he was to her daughter, when he saw a bottle on the ground. He picked it up, wondering what it was, when a genie popped out. The genie told the man he could make 3 wishes, but when he saw the mother-in-law, said whatever the man got, the mother-in-law would get double. The man thought for a while and agreed. "I would like 1 million dollars," the man said. "Your wish is granted," said the genie. 1 million dollars was added to the man's banking account, and 2 million to the mother-in-law's. She starts complaining, "Thanks a lot, now I'll have to manage all this money, why do you have to be so selfish?!" The next wish was for a large house, and that wish was granted. This meant the mother-in-law would have a house twice as big, and started complaining about how she would have to clean such a large house, and the taxes would be expensive.
For the man's final wish, he wished to be beaten half to death.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A rasta man goes to the bank with a 25 kg bag of m**......
And hands it over to the bank teller.
Confused, the bank teller asks, "What's this for?"
The rasta replies, "Me here to open a joint account."
A farmer won a million dollars playing the lottery, he was really excited looking at his bank account...
...it now showed zero dollars.
Password reset
A man was was unable to log into his online banking account and he pulled up the online chat support.
"I put in my password and I cannot access my account"
"Sorry that password has expired- you must register a new one."
"Did anyone discover that password and hack my computer?"
"No, but your password has expired- you must get a new one."
"Why then do I need a new one as that one seems to be working pretty well?"
"Well, you must get a new one as they automatically expire every 90 days."
"Can I use the old one and just re-register it?"
"No, you must get a new one."
"I don't want a new one as that is one more thing for me to remember."
"Sorry, you must get a new one."
"OK, roses."
"Sorry you must use more letters."
"OK, pretty roses"
"No good, you must use at least one numerical character."
"OK, 1 pretty rose"
"Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces."
"OK, 1prettyrose"
"Sorry, you must use additional characters."
"OK, 1fuckingprettyrose"
"Sorry, you must use at least one capital letter."
"OK,1FUCKINGprettyrose"
"Sorry, you cannot use more than one capital letter in a row."
"OK, 1Fuckingprettyrose"
"Sorry, you cannot use that password as you must use additional letters."
"OK, 1Fuckingprettyroseshovedupyourassifyoudon'tgivemeaccessrightfuckingnow"
"Sorry, you cannot use that password as it is already being used"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys meet in class after a superbowl sunday, still super hungover from the night before.
The first guy pipes up and says 'Fuck. i got so drunk last night I blew chunks.' The second guy cuts him off nearly immediately screaming 'oh yeah? I was so drunk I emptied my bank account at the s**... club after. I have no money to pay rent now.' The third guy laughs at both of them and said 'that's nothing. I was so wasted last night, I sold my car to a homeless guy for 50 cents.' Finally the first guy cuts them both off. 'You guys don't understand.....Chunks is my girlfriends golden retriever.'
I've just been arrested by police investigating match fixing.
They executed search warrants at my home and office, seized my computer, laptop and mobile phone, and froze my bank account.
All I did was go into my local bookies and put a £5 bet on Manchester United to win.
The German tax evader in Switzerland
A German wants to bring his untaxed savings to a number account in Switzerland.
He sneaks into the bank, looks around and whispers to the bank assistant:
"Psst! I've got 2 million euros in my suitcase!"
The bank assistant replies in a normal voice:
"Why do you try to be so unsuspicious? Poverty is not a shame in Switzerland."
It's the cheese police, you're under arrest. Looks like you've been keeping all your cheddar...
In a Swiss bank account.
Did you hear about the guy whose bank closed his account because he dropped his bowl of cereal?
All his Chex bounced.
My buddy told me this one: "People think I'm ugly until they see my bank account"
"Then they think I'm ugly and poor."
What do you call it when someone hacks your bank account, and performs a transaction that leaves you with exactly as much money as you had before?
Identity theft!
A math joke. Credit goes to Ben.
I avoid checking my bank account.
I just don't need that negativity in my life.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I walked into a bank with a bag of w**... to deposit...
The teller asked, "what are you doing?"
I said, "I wish to open a joint account!"
A balding white haired man walks into a jewelry store with a beautiful much younger gal at his side...
He
told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought
another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000the jeweler said.
The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated,
'By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now
and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds; I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.'
On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said
'Sir...There's no money in that account.
''I know,' said the old man...'But let me tell you about my weekend.'
A genie gives a man three wishes...
One day a man was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp.
Reluctantly, the genie said, "Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However, because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate the most: your boss."
So the man agreed and made his first wish. "I want lots of money", he said. Instantly 22 million dollars appeared in the man's bank account and 44 million appeared in his boss' account.
For his second wish, the man wished for a couple of sports cars. Instantly a Lamborghini, Ferrari and Porsche appeared. At the same time two of each car appeared outside of his boss' house.
Finally the genie said, "This is your last wish, you should choose carefully," and to this the man replied, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."
Did you hear about that poor gymnast's bank account?
Her balance was outstanding.
I recently switched from Wells Fargo to a credit union...
...my banking got much simpler - bye all accounts.
At the bank, I told the teller I'd like to open a joint account
She asked "Okay, with whom?"
"With whoever had the most money" I answered
Banks have been using insects to adjust customers' balances and deal with financial issues.
They're the account ants
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend and I opened a shared bank account for buying w**....
It'll be our joint account.
I got asked why I don't have a girlfriend...
"Don't need one" I replied "My bank account goes down on me everyday"
What's the difference between an attractive date and a not attractive date?
His bank account.
I want to share everything with you.
Man: I want to share everything with you.
Woman: Let's start from your bank account.
They say you should work until your bank account looks like a phone number. I checked my balance and realized, if that was true, I could retire!
I have $9.11 in my account.
I am a victim of cyber bullying
Every day my bank emails me to notify me that my account is under the required threshold. I do not need reminders that I am poor.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Man tries to open a bank account
Teller asks him : "Your name?"
"J-j-jj-hhh-on S-ss-mm-i-tthh"
"Oh you stutter?"
"No my dad did but the person who did by birth certificate was a complete m**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
m**... businesses in Washington and Colorado are now allowed to use banks..
So long as they open joint accounts.
My bank account balance is a palindrome.
$0.00
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
TIL never deposit your m**... in a bank account...
Unless its a Joint Account.
If you think you've hit rock bottom, just remember that my bank...
once froze my accounts because I bought a healthy ready meal at my local supermarket, and they classed it as an "uncharacteristic purchase"
I like the phrase less is more...
...I just wish it pertained to what was in my bank account.
By far the best black friday deal of 2017...
My bank account, with a 100% balance discount.
How does a southerner take money out of his bank account?
With drawl, of course
A mate of mine has a bank account just for buying raisins
It's a current account.
A bank tried to advertise its new current accounts
Unfortunately, there was no interest.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife and I spend so much money on arthritis medication and w**... that we made a whole new bank account just for those two things!
It's a joint account
What did the neckbeard pop-rapper say to the attractive bank teller examining his negative account balance?
Post M'loan?
I tried buying tickets to a rap concert to see if the bank had processed the loan I requested on my account
They did not Post Malone.
I saw a really good movie recently about a military man in control of a top-secret bank account
It's called "Ryan's Private Savings"
Bank Teller: "Sir, your account is overdrawn."
Me: "So are your eyebrows, but you made it work, didn't you?"
Security question: What was the last name of your first grade teacher?
My first grade teacher hacking my bank account: I'm in
There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five.
There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five. On his birthday, he went to the racetrack and was astounded to see that in the fifth race (scheduled for five o'clock) a horse named Pentagram was running, with the odds of 55 to 1. Rushing off to the bank, the man was astonished to find he had $55,555.55 in his bank account. He withdrew the whole amount, dashed back to the races and bet all of it on Pentagram to win. Pentagram, obviously, came in fifth.
My bank called today to notify that my account has been reclassified
Judging by the balance they had to classify it as Satire Account
What did the 18th century European say when he checked his bank account?
"Oh no! I'm baroque!"
Weight-loss pills are very effective...
They drain your bank account so you don't have money for food.
I checked my bank account and I found out that I have enough money to spend for the rest of my life.
Rent? Food? Bills. My account got them covered for the rest of my life. As long as I die on Tuesday.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
d**... girl you must be a bank account
Because I have zero interest
What happens after you have a beautiful gf, a million dollar car, 100 million in your bank account, several houses and a fit body?
You wake up.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
bank account: $1,400 has been deposited into your bank account
**me, at Baskin Robbins:** give me Carol Baskin
Can anyone recommend a good bank account?
Mine's run out of money.
A couple is driving on a highway
A couple is driving on a highway when she says, I want a divorce. The man doesn't say anything, except speeds up the car.
I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you. The man doesn't say anything except speeds up to he car.
I want the house, the bank account, kids, and the dog. The man doesn't say anything excepts speeds up the car.
She says, Are you listening to me? Don't you want anything?
The man replies, No, I have everything I need.
Oh? And what's that?
Right before the car rams into a wall, he says, The airbag.
Hacker sent me an email that he has hacked into my computer.
I said "prove it" and he sent me the username and password of my email, bank and social media accounts.
I replied "Thank you, that was the easiest Forgot Password process I have ever come across".
Dear Santa....
All I want for Christmas is a fat bank account and a slim body. Please do not mix it up like last year.
An electrician goes to the bank to open a Savings Account…
turns out he's only eligible for a Current Account
The reason the bank account of I, a trans person, is empty.
Every action I make is a transaction.
I've recently started dating my bank account
They didn't like me at first, but they've slowly gathered interest