Bangs Jokes
62 bangs jokes and hilarious bangs puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bangs that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Bangs jokes are the best way to make your friends laugh. Here are some of the best bangs jokes to make your day.
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Funniest Bangs Short Jokes
Short bangs jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bangs humour may include short hair bang jokes also.
- At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, Can you tell me what happened before The Big Bang? The professor replied, Sorry. No Time.
- A man walks into his bedroom carrying a sheep. His wife looks horrified... "See? See what I have to bang when you're not in the mood?"
The sheep says "Myyyyyyyy god. You weren't lying..." - My next door neighbor is Bulimic and she was making so much noise last night, that I banged on the wall and shouted... "For goodness sake, keep it down!"
- My next door neighbor banged on my door at 3:00 am last night. Fortunately, I was wide awake, playing my bagpipes on the back porch at the time.
- I was reversing my car in the garage and asked my son to spot me, and let me know when I hit the wall. I heard a bang. "3:45 PM", he said.
- I was woken up again last night by the bulimic girl next door. I banged on the wall and shouted, "For God's sake, keep it down!"
- I'm tired of seeing "Hey OP, I banged your mom" comments every time I post a submission.... I never should have given dad my username.
- Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times? I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...
- A physics student asked her professor to describe what happened right before the Big Bang... ....but the professor couldn't, because there was no time.
- So I got in a car accident with a dwarf today... As he stormed out of his car he banged on my window screaming, "I'm not happy!!"
To which I replied, "Well then which one are you?"
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Bangs One Liners
Which bangs one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bangs? I can suggest the ones about hair waves and haircut.
- If I want to bang an Eskimo... Alaska
- Never bang someone old enough to be your mom especially if you were adopted
- What do you get if you cross Putin with a... Bang! You don't cross Putin!
- So i banged my 3rd cousin yesterday... My buddy told me to stop counting them
- What goes clop-clop,bang-bang,clop-clop? Amish drive-by.
- What happened before the Big Bang? Of course, The Big Foreplay.
- What came before the Big Bang? The Big Foreplay.
- "On the plus side, I am completely immune to flash-bang grenades" - probably Helen Keller
- When's the best time to bang a teacher? In between periods
- Good cop: where is the money? Blind cop: *bangs fists on the table* WHERE IS EVERYTHING
- Hey girl, are you the big bang? Cause you're pretty hot, but very dense
- When I die, I want my body donated to necrophilia. So I can go out with a bang.
- Why is your mother like the universe? They both create gravity waves when they bang.
- Somebody threw a rock at me with bgna written on it That's bang out of order
- When testing, make like a frat boy And bang out the easy ones first
Bad Bangs Jokes
Here is a list of funny bad bangs jokes and even better bad bangs puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Gang bangs always get a bad rap on the news... People fail to realize that 9/10 people enjoy them. The numbers don't lie.
- Q: Why do you when you sign to a Dating site ? A: More bang for your buck !!!! (Wow, that was bad)
Giggle-Inducing Bangs Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about bangs you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hair wave jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bangs pranks.
Q: What happens when you eat bullets?
A: Your hair grows out in bangs.
Tour guide
A tour bus is going through the Highlands when the guide spots a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. He stops the bus and gets out, saying "watch this" and then bangs the sheep.
When he's finished, he zips up and asks "does anyone else want to have a turn?"
Another guy from the tour says "sure, I will" and sticks his head in the fence.
That clever Frenchman
Three tradesmen work together. One is French, another an American and the last one a German.
Every morning the Frenchman sniffs his fingers and says to himself "Fifi!"
During the day he would constantly repeat this, and everytime after sniffing his fingers he would say "Fifi!" with a grin on his face.
The German man turned to the American and said "Why does he do that?"
The American replied, "Every morning he finger bangs his wife and doesn't wash up afterwards so he can smell her all day".
The next day the German comes into work and looks proudly at his two coworkers. He then places his nose at his shoulder and quickly sniffs all the way down his arm, right to his finger tips. Immediately after he holds both arms out, palms up, fingers slightly bent and yells "Olga!!".
Side note: This joke is very reliant on delivery. I tried to describe to the best of my abilities, how I act when I deliver it in person.
There's two guys in a bar.....
There's two guy's in a bar having a drink , his friend comes over and sits beside him and ask's him "do you want a little" , the guy says "yea sure" his friend says "well there's this lady out in the parking lot in a van and she's giving it up for five bucks", so the guy runs out there bangs on the side of the van and gets in, halfway through, a cop shows up shines the light in the van , the guy gets up and says to the officer " don't worry officer it's my wife!!!" and the officer "oh I'm sorry I didn't know" he says, the guy says " well I didn't know either until you shined the light".
Brown Bear
A bear walks into a bar and sits down. He bangs
on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.
The bartender approaches and says, We don't
serve beer to bears in bars.
The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.
The bartender tells him again, more forcefully,
We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars.
The bear, very angry now, says, If you don't serve
me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the
end of the bar. The bartender says, Sorry, we don't serve beer to
belligerent, bully bears in bars.
The bear goes to the end of the bar, and as
promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his
seat and again demands a beer.
The bartender states: Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars who are on
drugs.
The bear says, I'm not on drugs.
The bartender says, You are now. That was a
barbitchyouate.
Why did a gun go to the barber?
Because it's bangs were getting long!
whats red and bangs on the window?
A baby in the microwave
[In a seahorse home] Son: Dad?
Dad: Yes?
Son: Happy M-
Dad: DON'T
Son: Moth-
Dad: STOP
Son: HAPPY MOTHERS DAY
*Dad bangs head on desk*
A drunk staggers into a Catholic confessional
and doesn't say anything. So after a few minutes, the priest, in an effort to get the man's attention coughs. The man doesn't respond, so the priest stomps his foot. Still nothing. Finally the priest bangs on the wall of the confessional. The man replies, "There's no use b**..., my friend, I don't have any toilet paper."
What does a r**... do after she bangs her second cousin?
She quits counting.
The church was looking for a new bell ringer...
..and they put out an advertisment to find someone. After weeks of waiting, a man with no arms shows to apply. The clergy decided to let him try, given that no one else has shown up. They ascend up to the top of the bell tower and the priest tells the armless man to just have at it. The armless man steps up to bell, and just savagely bangs his head against the side of it until he falls over, dead. The clergy, clearly shocked, run down to the congregation gathered and ask,
"Did any of you know that man?"
And some else shouts, "No, but I think his face rings a bell!"
Whats blue and bangs old ladies?
Me in my lucky blue coat.
Trump's ego is so big...
Trump's ego is so big that when he bangs a super-model, he closes his eyes and imagines he's jerking off.
-Seth Macfarlane, CC Roast of Trump
What happens when you eat fireworks?
Your hair comes out in bangs.
Does God use our bathroom
A child asks, "Mommy, does God use our bathroom?"
The mother replies, "No darling. Why do you ask?"
The child says, "Because every morning daddy bangs on the door and shouts, 'Oh God, are you still in there?'"
How does an atheist girl have her hair done?
In big bangs!
So this is how it ends...
Not with bangs, but a combover.
Trump has such high ego
that when he bangs a supermodel, he closes his eyes and imagines he is jerking off.
The Pope is teaching a Sunday school class
"Children" begins the Pope. "Where's Jesus today?"
Little Tommy says: "He's in my heart."
Little Barry says: "He's in Heaven."
Little Davey says: "He's in our bathroom."
The surprised Pope asks Little Davey how he knows this.
"Well," says Little Davey, "every day my Dad bangs on our bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?"
A girl bangs a calculator on the desk to make it work
Math teacher: why are you making noise
Girl: my calculator isn't working so I'm b**... it to make it work
Math teacher: the calculator's gonna break, how would you like it if i banged you on the table
Whole class: HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
People think that having long hair and bangs is emo.
I think its more appropriate to cut it.
What do you call a hair that explodes?
Bangs. 😀
A serial killer is chasing 3 young women through a farm
The three young women are a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The three women run into a barn and find three barrels to hide in. The brunette jumps into a barrel labeled "chicks". The redhead into a barrel labeled "kittens", and the blonde into one labeled "potatoes".
The serial killer follows them into the barn but can't find them. He sees the three barrels and bangs on the first. The killer hears the "cheep cheep" of baby chicks. He bangs on the second and hears the meows of kittens. Finally he bangs on the final barrel and hears "potato potato potato".
A man runs over to his neighbor's house early one morning...
He bangs on the door and soon his neighbor answers. The man looks slightly embarrased and starts explaining quickly.
"Hey, last night, I brought a h**... home, but I just realized that I don't have enough cash to pay her. Can you help me out?"
The neighbor lifts his eyebrow and the sighs in irritation.
"Fine," he says. "This one time...you can borrow my shovel."
What's another name for bright hair?
Flash bangs
Your mom is like a screen door
Every time someone bangs into her she gets looser
What kind of whale bangs a camel?
A humpback.
Anthony arrived home from work one day, only to find his wife totally stressed out because their kids had been running wild all day...
She asks him if he would please take them out for a pizza.
He agrees, tells the kids to go out to the garage and to wait in the car, following behind them.
A few moments later, the wife hears two loud bangs.
Tony comes back into the house and asks, "Where's my pizza?"
So What Do You Call A...
What do you call a guy that bangs two chicks at once?
A c**...-Tourist!
What makes any haircut k**...?
Gang bangs.
What do you get when a cow bangs a lobster?
Surf-n-turf
What do you you call it when someone bangs a midget?
Bone a petite
When a guy bangs a lot of girls, he's a player. But if a girl bangs a lot of guys
I'm not one of them
Creation of humans
Friend: How were humans created?
Me: It all started with the big bang, and some other bangs
So this guy sends his dad a h**... for his 80th birthday..
She bangs on the door and he opens it. Squinting at her he asks what she wants. She's replies that she's there for super s**.... He says, I'll take the soup.
Home depot is the best brothel
The vacuum s**..., the fan blows, the hammer bangs and they have plenty of pots to plant your seed.
What do your kids and your bangs have in common?
The only way to get rid of them is to let them grow.
What do a married man and a single man have in common?
Each of them thinks the other one bangs all the time:D
I like my burgers like I like my gang bangs...
Five guys.
A boy says to his teacher
"Miss, did you know that God uses our bathroom at home?"
"What do you mean, God uses your bathroom?"
"Well every morning my daddy bangs on the bathroom door and shouts 'God, are you still in there?!?'"
Many veterans experience PTSD from the loud bangs of fireworks around holidays like 4th of July and New Years. My advice to them is to use noise-cancelling headphones, Netflix, and pharmaceutical-grade w**....
Just like the children of Kabul.
Satchmo: "My trumpet is very handy. It tells me what time it is." Sanborn: "Seriously?" Satchmo launches into a jazzy riff.
Immediately, the occupant of the apartment next door bangs on the wall and hollers, "Hey, pipe down! Don't you know it's three o'clock in the morning?"
Three comedians walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What'll it be, guys?"
The observational comic replies, "Isn't this just typical!" The slapstick comedian slips and bangs his head on the bar. Then the absurdist comedian says, "This joke is well-structured in a formal sense but not particularly funny."
