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Banging Head Jokes

57 banging head jokes and hilarious banging head puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about banging head that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Banging Head Short Jokes

Short banging head jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The banging head humour may include short head banging jokes also.

  1. [In a seahorse home] Son: Dad? Dad: Yes?
    Son: Happy M-
    Dad: DON'T
    Son: Moth-
    Dad: STOP
    Son: HAPPY MOTHERS DAY
    *Dad bangs head on desk*
  2. My mom told me if i didnt get off the computer and do my homework she would bang my head against the keyboard I think she mighfkgk57mo58ktzsrazxv78p
  3. Why do divers fall backwards off of boats? Because if they fell forward they'd bang their heads on the deck.
  4. Why did I get kicked out All I did was go to the bank and the woman in front of me asked me if I could check her balance its not my fault she banged her head after
  5. My mom is too angry right now She says she will bang my head on the keyboard if i stay on the desk for anotherlkjdflkdjfvnvsdfsl'
  6. She told me to give her 12 inches and make it hurt... So I banged her twice and hit her in the back of the head with a brick.
  7. Did you hear the one about the man who let a firework off on top of his head? He went out with a bang.
  8. I cut some hair off the front of my wife's head and took it to dinner because I wanted to go out with a bang
  9. Clyde was about to be born in a stable A guy walked in, banged his head and yelled Jesus Christ! ,
    The other man then responded that's better than Clyde, let me write that down .
  10. My last girlfriend ate a like a bird She literally banged her head repeatedly onto the table to eat

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Banging Head One Liners

Which banging head one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with banging head? I can suggest the ones about smack head and banged.

  1. Why do nails bang their heads? Because they're metal.
  2. Im14andthisisdeep Is what went through my head when I banged your mother
  3. What does a desperate Mexican do? Bangs his head against the wall.
  4. I banged my teenage daughter last night... In the head accidentally with a basketball.
  5. What's worse than eating out your grandmother? b**... your head on the coffin lid.

Share Hilarious Banging Head Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter

What funny jokes about banging head you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean losing your head jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make banging head pranks.

Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies.

A nurse approaches the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You're the father of twins.” “That's odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!” A nurse then yells the second man, “Congratulations! You're the father of triplets!” “That's weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!” A nurse goes up to the third man saying, “Congratulations! You're the father of quadruplets." “That's strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!” The last man begins groaning and b**... his head against the wall. “What's wrong?” the others ask. “I work for 7 Up!”

Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies.

A nurse approaches the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You're the father of twins.” “That's odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!” A nurse then yells the second man, “Congratulations! You're the father of triplets!” “That's weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!” A nurse goes up to the third man saying, “Congratulations! You're the father of quadruplets." “That's strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!” The last man begins groaning and b**... his head against the wall. “What's wrong?” the others ask. “I work for 7 Up!”

Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies.

A nurse approaches the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You're the father of twins.” “That's odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!” A nurse then yells the second man, “Congratulations! You're the father of triplets!” “That's weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!” A nurse goes up to the third man saying, “Congratulations! You're the father of quadruplets." “That's strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!” The last man begins groaning and b**... his head against the wall. “What's wrong?” the others ask. “I work for 7 Up!”

A Fiat 500 pulled alongside a Rolls-Royce at a traffic light.

"Do you have a car phone?" asked the driver of the Fiat. "Of course I do," replied the haughty deluxe-car driver. "Well, do you have a fax machine?" The driver of the Rolls sighed, "I have that too." "Then do you have a double bed in the trunk?" the Fiat driver wanted to know. Embarrassed, the Rolls driver sped off. That afternoon, he ordered a mechanic to install a double bed in the trunk. A week later the Rolls driver passed the same Fiat 500 parked on the side of the road with the back windows fogged up and steam pouring out. The arrogant driver pulls over, gets out of the Rolls, and bangs on the Fiat's back window until the driver sticks his head out. "I wanted to tell you I have a double bed installed," says the proud Rolls driver. The Fiat driver is unimpressed, "You got me out of the shower to tell me that?!"

Quasimodo, the demented bell ringer of Notre Dame, put an ad in the papers for a assistant bell ringer.
One man applied for the job but he had no arms.
"How are you going to assist me?" asked Quasimodo.
"That's easy!" replied the man and he ran at the bell and banged it with his head.
b**...!!!
"That's amazing!" said Quasimodo.
"Could you show me that again?"
"Sure!" said the man and he ran at the bell again but he missed the swinging bell and fell out of the bell tower.
A crowd huddled around the hapless man lying in the street and a police office asked, "Does anyone know who he is?"
Quasimodo came out and said...
"I DON'T KNOW HIS NAME, BUT HIS FACE SURE RINGS A BELL!"

Heard my neighbor having s**... for what seemed like ages last night. Lots of moaning, groaning and b**... the headboard off the wall!!!

Turns out her elderly mother had fallen over, cracked her head and was knocking on the wall with her stick for her help. Now I kinda feel guilty about fapping.

Monastery Life

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, 'We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.'
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot.

So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him.
He sees him b**... his head against the wall and wailing.
'We missed the **R**!
We missed the **R**!
*We missed the* **R***!'*
His forehead is all bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, 'What's wrong, father?'
With a choking voice, the old abbot replies,
'The word was...
CELEB**R**ATE !!!'

Three men are in a waiting room while their wives are giving birth...

The nurse comes out and says to the first man, "Congratulations, you're the father of twins!" "That's funny," he said," I work for Double Tree. Later on the nurse came out again and said to the second father, saying, "Congratulations, you're the father of triplets!" The man responded, "That's funny, I work for 3M. The third man started b**... his head against the wall, yelling. When they asked him what was wrong, he responded, "I work for 7 Up!"

Tour guide

A tour bus is going through the Highlands when the guide spots a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. He stops the bus and gets out, saying "watch this" and then bangs the sheep.
When he's finished, he zips up and asks "does anyone else want to have a turn?"
Another guy from the tour says "sure, I will" and sticks his head in the fence.

Marry a v**...?

It's their wedding night and a r**... couple are getting ready to have s**... for the first time. As the bride is getting ready in the bathroom she tells her husband Bobby Joe to take it "easy on her, on accounts that she is a v**... and all". "BAM!!" as she hears the door on the trailer slam then watches as Bobby Joe speeds off in the truck..
Bobby Joe is completely distraught and decides to head on over to his pa's house. He bangs on the door and his pa sees that he is upset "What's wrong boy?". Bobby Joe tells his pa, "Me and Mindy Lou was getting ready to have s**... when she done told me she was a dang v**...!". Pa breathes a sigh of relief and puts his arm around his son and says "Boy, if she wasn't good enough for her own family, she aint good enough for ours".

This one's a groaner for sure, but still fun. Happy Halloween!

A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him, he hears
Bump...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket b**... its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man sprints toward his home, the casket bouncing
quickly behind him
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in and slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket
clapping-clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud c**... the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...

and.......

The coffin stops

A Finnish Soldier...

In the winter war in 1945 is getting in line for a rifle. The man behind the counter says "sorry, the guy in front of you got the last one. Here, take this hockey stick, and if you see a Russian, point it at him and yell BANG!" The Finn finds this ridiculous but takes it, thinking he'll just fix a bayonet on the thing and fight like that.
As he gets to the bayonet counter, the guy in front of him gets the last one. Instead, he is given a piece of wood about six inches long with the instructions to yell STAB! every time someone is within arms length.
Feeling horribly unprepared, he heads out to battle with his platoon. Shortly, they become separated by snow and wind, and he is left alone with no weapon. A Russian comes over a snowdrift. Desperately, the man throws up his hockey stick and yells BANG! The Russian drops.
So he fights all through the day, yelling BANG and STAB at his will and dropping the enemy like flies. Late in the day, a huge Russian soldier comes plodding toward the man slowly. Feeling confident, the man fires his hockey stick to no effect. He tries a couple more times. Nothing.
Desperately, he throws his small piece of wood at the man, but it just bounces off. Suddenly, the earth around him explodes and he goes flying. Just as he is about to die, the Russian plods on by him saying under his breath "tank, tank, tank, BOOM!"

A man is lost in the back roads of Vermont when he collides with a local at the intersection...

He and the local got out to examine their bent fenders.
"Well, don't look like much," observed the local. "Why don't we just take a little pull to steady our nerves." He grabbed the jug from his battered pickup, removed the stopper and handed it to the tourist.
After taking a good slug, the tourist handed the jug back to the local, who banged the stopper and set the jug back in his truck.
"Aren't you going to have some?" asked the tourist.
The local shook his head. "Not till after the officer comes."

The Czechoslovakian and the German

A Czech and a German entered into a contest. The point of the contest was to guess the right 7 numbers and win an all expense paid trip to Alaska to hunt a grizzly bear. The contest ended and it turns out the two men guessed the same winning numbers, so both got to go on the hunt.
After arriving in the camp and getting settled they decide to head out tomorrow with the guide to hunt the mighty bear. But the next day the guide is feeling under the weather so the two men decide to go out alone. After hiking through rugged mountains for hours they come into a clearing and see two bears, a male and a female. The German takes aim and pulls the trigger... "Click"! The all expense paid trip didn't come with ammo. The sound startled the bears and they charged. The Czech pulls his knife and rushes at the bears. The German tries to pull his p**... but stumbled backwards, hit his head, and fell into a river. When he comes to he sees the guide kneeling over him.
After being briefed on the situation they
decide to track the bears and save the Czech. They find the female bear chewing on a boot, the guide takes aim and... "Bang!", the bear is dead. The two men cut open the bear and her stomach is empty except for a few fish. The German utters the immortal words," The Czechs in the Male"

Scottish man studies in an English University

Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there.
After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him.
"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked.
"Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps b**... his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night."
"Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?"
"Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes."

A guy enters a bar carrying an alligator.

A guy enters bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, Here's a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my g**... inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks.
The crowd agrees.
The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his g**... unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks.
Then he says: I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try.
After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. I'll give it a try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle.

A husband was sitting at the table when his wife banged him over the head with a frying pan...

"What did you do that for?" He asked. The wife said, "I found this peace of paper with the name Mary Lou on it." He said, "Oh that's just the name of the horse I put a bet on."
The next day she banged him over the head again, this time with an even bigger frying pan. He said, "Good Lord, why did you do that again?" "Your horse just called." She said.

BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...

Just read this in an email, thought it worthy of sharing.
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him he hears:
Bump...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket b**... its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud c**... the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
and,
The coffin stops

Kudos if you get the joke

A physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician each have their respective problem-solving skills tested by a group of researchers. They are each placed in separate locked 4x4 cells with walls made of cement and given a can of food. They are told to open the cans and get the food out using no other outside materials. The researchers leave the three to their own devices, then come back after an hour.
The physicist is first to be checked on. The researchers find him mouthing out complicated formulas in his head. After a moment, he swings his can into a wall with the proper amount of force and at the correct angle to split the can open.
The engineer is next. His cell is covered in dents, and he is eating from the remnants of a banged-up and broken can when the researchers find him.
Finally, the researchers visit the mathematician's cell. They find him huddled in a corner, cradling the can in his arms, and muttering, "Assume a can opener, assume a can opener, assume a can opener..."

A guy enters bar carrying an alligator

A guy enters bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, Heres a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my g**... inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks. The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his g**... unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try. After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. I'll give it a try, she says, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle.

The church was looking for a new bell ringer...

..and they put out an advertisment to find someone. After weeks of waiting, a man with no arms shows to apply. The clergy decided to let him try, given that no one else has shown up. They ascend up to the top of the bell tower and the priest tells the armless man to just have at it. The armless man steps up to bell, and just savagely bangs his head against the side of it until he falls over, dead. The clergy, clearly shocked, run down to the congregation gathered and ask,
"Did any of you know that man?"
And some else shouts, "No, but I think his face rings a bell!"

So the Germans were having a hard time against the entrenches Italians in WW1

Lt Rommel has an idea: "Hey, a lot of Italians are named Luigi. I say we try calling out 'hey, Luigi', and when they stick their head out to answer, we shoot them." It was decided that it was worth a try so early the next morning the Germans launch their new "offensive".
A German soldier called out, "Hey, Luigi!".
An Italian soldier stuck his head out and replied, "Ya?"
BANG!
This went on for a while.
"Hey, Luigi!"
"Ya?"
BANG!
It wasn't too long until the Italians figured out what was going on. One of their officers came up with an idea. He said that a lot of Germans were named Hans, and all they had to do was call out "Hey, Hans!" and they'd be shooting Germans, too. It seemed like a good plan so first thing next morning they tried it out.
"Hey, Hans!"
"That you, Luigi?"
"Ya!"
BANG!

A Scotsman moves to London

How's the flat you're living in in London, Jock? asks his mother when he calls home to Aberdeen.
It's okay, he replies, but the woman next door keeps screaming and crying all night and the guy on the other side keeps b**... his head on the wall.
Never you mind, says his mother, don't you let them get to you, just ignore them.
Aye, that I do, he says, I just keep playing my bagpipes.

b**... your head against a wall burns 150 calories an hour.

It also gets you removed from your local gym.

I'm desperately trying to find someone who can fix my headboard…

I'm b**... my head against the wall…

Four men are in the hospital waiting room!

Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, Congratulations! You're the father of twins.
That's odd, answers the man. I work for the Minnesota Twins!
A nurse says to the second guy, Congratulations! You're the father of triplets!
That's weird, answers the second man. I work for the 3M company!
A nurse tells the third man, Congratulations! You're the father of quadruplets!
That's strange, he answers. I work for the Four Seasons hotel!
The last man is groaning and b**... his head against the wall. What's wrong? the others ask.
I work for 7 Up!

Knock on the door at 2 AM

A husband and wife are sound asleep, when at 2 AM there's loud b**... on the door and a man shouting Can you give me a push please?
The husband wakes up and hears it, but buries his head under the blankets and tries to sleep again.
A few minutes later, the b**... continues, and the wife wakes up to hear Can you give me a push please?
The wife turns to her husband and says Ah go on, give the man a hand. Wouldn't you be happy if someone helped you when your car broke down?
Reluctantly the husband gets dressed, stumbles down the stairs and walks out the door. Once outside, he can't see the man. He shouts where are you?
The man replies right here, on the swing!

Two guys sitting next to each other in a loud, crowded bar...

Over all the noise, o**... turns to the other guy and says, "I had s**... with your mother last night". The other guy just shakes his head and turns away.
About 2 drinks later, the first guy says a little louder, "I BANGED your mother last night!!" A few people around them stopped what they were doing to see how the other guy was going to respond, but he just turns away clearly embarrassed.
3 shots later, the first guy yells as loud as he possibly can, "I DESTROYED YOUR MOM IN BED LAST NIGHT!!!" This time the entire bar heard and the room fell silent in shock...
The other guy turns to him and says, "Dad, go home.. you're drunk!"

Two men are walking through the woods

They hear some noise of some birds overhead. They point their guns in the air and take aim. One of the men takes a few steps forward to get a better view of the birds. He trips over a log and hits his head on a rock and immediately falls unconscious. The other man dials 9-1-1.
"9-1-1 what's your emergency"
"My friend...I think he's dead"
"Well why don't you make sure he's dead"
*\*Operator hears a bang\**
"I'm pretty sure he's dead now"
\--
Heard this as a kid-thought it was hilarious.

Whats the worst part about going down on your grandmother?

b**... your head on the lid of the coffin.

Four Man

Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse approaches the first guy and says, Congratulations! You're the father of twins. That's odd, answers the man. I work for the Minnesota Twins! A nurse then yells the second man, Congratulations! You're the father of triplets! That's weird, answers the second man. I work for the 3M company! A nurse goes up to the third man saying, Congratulations! You're the father of quadruplets." That's strange, he answers. I work for the Four Seasons hotel! The last man begins groaning and b**... his head against the wall. What's wrong? the others ask. I work for 7 Up!

b**... your head against a wall for one hour burns 150 calories.

It also got me banned from the local gym.

Three men are sitting by the pool on vacation.

One of the men says: "Last night I had s**... with my wife three times, and in the morning she said that was the best s**... we've had"
One of the other men proclaims: "We'll yesterday I had s**... with my wife 5 times and do you know what she had to say this morning?"
The two other men shook their heads.
"That I was the best she has ever had!"
The first man coofs and says to the third guy: "well how many times did you bang your wife?"
The third man says "once!"
The two other men laugh and one of them asks:
"Well what did your wife tell you in the morning then?"
The third man lays back and says:
"Don't stop!"

Israelis and Palestinians are fighting a battle.

From the israeli side, a machine gun fires, bang bang bang bang bang bang bang.
From the Palestinian side, a rifle goes bang bang
This goes on for a bit until suddenly, the Palestinian side goes quiet.
A head pokes out of the Israeli foxhole. Hey Muhammad! You run out of ammo?
Yeah!
Well come on over, i'll sell you some!

A kid is playing video games in his room, minding his own business.

His mother walks in. "Honey, come meet my new boyfriend!"
"I'm kind of busy right now. Can you bring him in here instead?"
A minute or so later, her boyfriend walks in. "Hey, champ! How you doing?"
The kid ignores him.
"Don't like champ, huh? That's fine. How about BlueDragon72?"
The kid turns his head quickly. "I haven't heard that name since I was ten..." He then realized. "It can't be.."
"Call of Duty, right? I told you I'd bang your mom."

A kid is playing video games in his room, minding his own business.

His mother walks in. "Tommy, I want you to meet my new boyfriend".
"I've got a 3 kill streak leave me alone" he cries, eagerly gripping his controller.
A minute or so later, her boyfriend walks in. "Hey champ, how you doing?"
Tommy ignores him.
"Don't like champ, huh? How about ComptonProud69?"
Tommys head snaps eagerely. "I haven't heard that name since I was ten..."
His eyes widened with stress, Tommy's face turning red. "It can't be" he exclaims.
"Roblox right? I told you I'd bang your mom"

Three comedians walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What'll it be, guys?"

The observational comic replies, "Isn't this just typical!" The slapstick comedian slips and bangs his head on the bar. Then the absurdist comedian says, "This joke is well-structured in a formal sense but not particularly funny."

A man living in the Soviet union is queuing up for bread...

when he gets to the front he is told there is none left.
Annoyed, the man goes on a tirade, complaining about the poor conditions and the incompetence of the government.
A soldier, hearing this, says to him, "you better be careful. In the old days it would have been...", the soldier points his gun at the man's head, "...bang!"
The man apologises and shuffles off. When he gets back home his wife asks him, "husband, your hands are empty! Have they run out of bread again?"
To which the man replies, "it's even worse than that. They've run out of bullets!"