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Banged Jokes

63 banged jokes and hilarious banged puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about banged that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Banged Short Jokes

Short banged jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The banged humour may include short banging head jokes also.

  1. At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, Can you tell me what happened before The Big Bang? The professor replied, Sorry. No Time.
  2. A man walks into his bedroom carrying a sheep. His wife looks horrified... "See? See what I have to bang when you're not in the mood?"
    The sheep says "Myyyyyyyy god. You weren't lying..."
  3. My next door neighbor is Bulimic and she was making so much noise last night, that I banged on the wall and shouted... "For goodness sake, keep it down!"
  4. My next door neighbor banged on my door at 3:00 am last night. Fortunately, I was wide awake, playing my bagpipes on the back porch at the time.
  5. I was reversing my car in the garage and asked my son to spot me, and let me know when I hit the wall. I heard a bang. "3:45 PM", he said.
  6. I was woken up again last night by the bulimic girl next door. I banged on the wall and shouted, "For God's sake, keep it down!"
  7. I'm tired of seeing "Hey OP, I banged your mom" comments every time I post a submission.... I never should have given dad my username.
  8. Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times? I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...
  9. A physics student asked her professor to describe what happened right before the Big Bang... ....but the professor couldn't, because there was no time.
  10. So I got in a car accident with a dwarf today... As he stormed out of his car he banged on my window screaming, "I'm not happy!!"
    To which I replied, "Well then which one are you?"

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Banged One Liners

Which banged one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with banged? I can suggest the ones about battered and moaned.

  1. If I want to bang an Eskimo... Alaska
  2. Never bang someone old enough to be your mom especially if you were adopted
  3. What do you get if you cross Putin with a... Bang! You don't cross Putin!
  4. So i banged my 3rd cousin yesterday... My buddy told me to stop counting them
  5. What goes clop-clop,bang-bang,clop-clop? Amish drive-by.
  6. What happened before the Big Bang? Of course, The Big Foreplay.
  7. What came before the Big Bang? The Big Foreplay.
  8. "On the plus side, I am completely immune to flash-bang grenades" - probably Helen Keller
  9. When's the best time to bang a teacher? In between periods
  10. Good cop: where is the money? Blind cop: *bangs fists on the table* WHERE IS EVERYTHING
  11. Hey girl, are you the big bang? Cause you're pretty hot, but very dense
  12. When I die, I want my body donated to necrophilia. So I can go out with a bang.
  13. Why is your mother like the universe? They both create gravity waves when they bang.
  14. Somebody threw a rock at me with bgna written on it That's bang out of order
  15. When testing, make like a frat boy And bang out the easy ones first

Banged joke, When testing, make like a <a href="/frat-jokes.html" title="Frat jokes">frat</a> boy

Hilarious Banged Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends

What funny jokes about banged you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bumped jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make banged pranks.

The wife and I had been kept awake by the couple in the apartment below because their bed was squeaking while they had s**....

We banged hard on the floor in protest.

A man runs into his lovers ex...

A man runs into his lovers ex-boyfriend at the bar. The ex says, "how is the old nag?" The man says, " A little banged up on the surface, but down deep, she's good as new!"

A woman walks up to me and says "give me 12 inches and make it hurt"....

So i banged her 4 times and hit her w/ a brick

Heard of the man who banged an ATM?

He came into a lot of money

What was I like in high school?

You know that guy who drove a Camaro and banged all the cheerleaders? I'm the reason he passed calculus…

A guy escaped from the lunatic asylum.

He broke into the local laundromat, banged the female assistant and ran off.
Headline in the local newspaper next day read,
"Nut Screws Washer and Bolts .

My GF told me she wanted a dog

So I banged her best friend.

My wife saw a psychic and found out I was cheating

That's the last time I banged a psychic

I used to think hard work beats luck..

until a leprechaun banged my wife while I was at the office

A girl bangs a calculator on the desk to make it work

Math teacher: why are you making noise
Girl: my calculator isn't working so I'm b**... it to make it work
Math teacher: the calculator's gonna break, how would you like it if i banged you on the table
Whole class: HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

My girlfriend reminds me of my pinky toe

She's small, cute, and will probably end up getting banged on my coffee table tonight

If the big bang theory, how I met your mother and two and a half men had ever crossed over it would've been called

How I banged your mother with two and a half men

My next door neighbour banged on my door at 3am last night

Not sure how he got out of my basement but I'm glad the front door was locked

What do you get when you combine How I Met Your Mother, 2 and a Half Men, and The Big Bang Theory

How 2 and a Half Men Banged Your Mother.

My neighbors yelled and banged my door 3 in the morning, literally 3!

Luckly, I was still up practicing my bagpipe.

Dating a girl after a dry spell is like going food shopping when you're hungry

Except my food never banged my roommate while I was at work

Xbox Live has made me a better parent

My son can never win an argument after I tell him I banged his mom.

My wife told me I had a face only a mother could love.

Good thing I banged her when she was drunk all those years ago.

My wife doesn't understand daylight savings time

But hey, who could think straight after being banged for an hour and 2 minutes

She told me to give her 12 inches and make it hurt...

So I banged her twice and hit her in the back of the head with a brick.

Me: Do you like broccoli?

"No."
"Do you like curry?"
"No."
"Then you won't like what I did?"
"Did you cook broccoli or curry for me?"
"No, I banged your sister."

An Oracle Once Told me..

That it was fate that I had banged my leg into a table at school.
I guess it was my.. Desk to knee.

My wife told me to be more spontaneous and funny...

But she was all screaming and tears, when I banged on the kitchen window dressed in a clown outfit!

My ex-girlfriend's father, a 6'4" retired marine, angrily banged on my door last week.

I opened it and he said, "My daughter came back home crying and penniless because of you!"
"Sir?" I asked.
"When you told me she was old enough to move out of our house, I was skeptical..."
"Yes, sir"
"But you talked to me man to man, looked me in the eye and told me you would take care of her!"
"Yes, sir"
"And you promised me that if she moved in with you and took care of the house she could quit her job and you would cover her weekly income!"
"Yes sir, but I believe this is simple misunderstanding. When I said that, it was two words, not one."

"I banged the hottest chick of my class and now the whole town is talking about it."

~ Walter, 52, primary school teacher

Two old guys are sitting in a park and talking

The first guy says: "You know, I went to a brothel the other day"
"Oh yeah? And what happened?"
"I banged for two hours!"
"Two hours?! At your age?!"
"Yeah, and those w**... still wouldn't let me in"

Why are all the people on xbox who banged your mom 12

Cuz salt is a preservative

My neighbour banged on my door yesterday asking if I'd seen who stole her laundry off her line.

I got such a fright I almost wet her p**....

I banged my school teacher

With my car , she was annoying.

What's the difference between the trash can in the Houston Astros dugout and me?

That trash can is getting banged

What happened when Moses banged his shin into the corner of the coffee table?

HE-BRUISED IT!!

So I banged my 3rd cousin the other day

I'm really surprised how I even managed to bang more than two of my cousins

My neighbour just banged on the wall at 4.20am, can you believe it!!? Luckilly I was still up playing music.

He banged and shouted ' can we have a little respect please!'
I shouted back..., 'I'm not a big Erasure fan, but ok this one's for you!'

Why did I get kicked out

All I did was go to the bank and the woman in front of me asked me if I could check her balance its not my fault she banged her head after

My neighbour banged on the wall at 430am this morning!!!!

Can you believe it. Lucky I was still awake listening to music.
They banged and shouted "Can we have a little respect please?"
I shouted back "I'm not a big Aretha Franklin fan but this ones for you"

I experienced my first mugging last night...

I got a little banged up, but at least I now have some beer money!

My neighbour banged on the wall at 3.30am,

can you believe that? Luckily I was still up playing music.
He banged and shouted, "Can we have a little respect please?"
So I shouted back, "I'm not a big Aretha Franklin fan, but OK this one is for you."

Best vehicle from their country.

The devil told a Pole, a German and a Russian to bring the best vehicle from their country. The first one is a Pole with a small car (Maluch). The devil told him to break it. The Pole kicked once and the car fell apart. The second one is a German in a Mercedes. Kicks the car and nothing. He grabbed a stick and banged on the Mercedes. After an hour, the car broke down. The German stands next to the Pole, they look into the distance and laugh.
The Devil asks them:
- what are you laughing at?
- because the Russian is driving a tank.

A friend walks up to you

"Bro, if I banged your mom, would we be enemie? " You says no, so he asks, "would we be friends then? " he says excitedly. Again, you say no.
Confused, he asks " then what? "
"Even"

In Self Defense

Tenant - "I simply won't stay here any longer. Those people above me banged on the floor early this morning, slammed doors, and jumped up and down as hard as they could. I won't stand it, I tell you!"
Landlady - "They woke you up, I suppose?"
Tenant - "No, I hadn't gone to bed yet. I was practicing on my saxophone."
Source: 1933 Newspaper

A mama pickle was walking past her son's room when she heard some thumping coming from inside.

She banged on the door and yelled Quit gherkin off in there!

John was at the grocery store buying beer for poker night with his buddies

When he is in the frozen food section a voluptuous redhead approaches him and says:
Excuse me, I think you are the father of one of my kids
John replied: ohhh, we're you that redhead that I banged in the bathroom at Shannon's a couple of years back?, you certainly look good
The redhead replied: No sir…, I'm a kindergartner teacher and I teach Timmy, your 5 year old son…

Banged joke, John was at the grocery store buying beer for poker night with his buddies