Bang Jokes

163 bang jokes and hilarious bang puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bang that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover the funniest jokes featuring the bang sound. From "Kaboom"! to "Ammo", these jokes will make you double over with laughter. Learn the art of the perfect bang jokes and how to make a big bang with your friends. Get creative with "Wanna Bang" and "Hair Bang" jokes, and don't forget to use the classic "Curtain Bang" for one final laugh.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Bang Short Jokes

Short bang jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bang humour may include short bomb jokes also.

  1. At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, Can you tell me what happened before The Big Bang? The professor replied, Sorry. No Time.
  2. A man walks into his bedroom carrying a sheep. His wife looks horrified... "See? See what I have to bang when you're not in the mood?"
    The sheep says "Myyyyyyyy god. You weren't lying..."
  3. My next door neighbor is Bulimic and she was making so much noise last night, that I banged on the wall and shouted... "For goodness sake, keep it down!"
  4. My next door neighbor banged on my door at 3:00 am last night. Fortunately, I was wide awake, playing my bagpipes on the back porch at the time.
  5. I was reversing my car in the garage and asked my son to spot me, and let me know when I hit the wall. I heard a bang. "3:45 PM", he said.
  6. I was woken up again last night by the bulimic girl next door. I banged on the wall and shouted, "For God's sake, keep it down!"
  7. I'm tired of seeing "Hey OP, I banged your mom" comments every time I post a submission.... I never should have given dad my username.
  8. Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times? I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...
  9. A physics student asked her professor to describe what happened right before the Big Bang... ....but the professor couldn't, because there was no time.
  10. So I got in a car accident with a dwarf today... As he stormed out of his car he banged on my window screaming, "I'm not happy!!"
    To which I replied, "Well then which one are you?"

Share These Bang Jokes With Friends

Bang One Liners

Which bang one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bang? I can suggest the ones about ding and bung.

  1. If I want to bang an Eskimo... Alaska
  2. Never bang someone old enough to be your mom especially if you were adopted
  3. What do you get if you cross Putin with a... Bang! You don't cross Putin!
  4. So i banged my 3rd cousin yesterday... My buddy told me to stop counting them
  5. What goes clop-clop,bang-bang,clop-clop? Amish drive-by.
  6. What happened before the Big Bang? Of course, The Big Foreplay.
  7. What came before the Big Bang? The Big Foreplay.
  8. "On the plus side, I am completely immune to flash-bang grenades" - probably Helen Keller
  9. When's the best time to bang a teacher? In between periods
  10. Good cop: where is the money? Blind cop: *bangs fists on the table* WHERE IS EVERYTHING
  11. Hey girl, are you the big bang? Cause you're pretty hot, but very dense
  12. When I die, I want my body donated to necrophilia. So I can go out with a bang.
  13. Why is your mother like the universe? They both create gravity waves when they bang.
  14. Somebody threw a rock at me with bgna written on it That's bang out of order
  15. When testing, make like a frat boy And bang out the easy ones first

Big Bang Jokes

Here is a list of funny big bang jokes and even better big bang puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Trump's ego is so big... Trump's ego is so big that when he bangs a super-model, he closes his eyes and imagines he's jerking off.
    -Seth Macfarlane, CC Roast of Trump
  • If the big bang theory, how I met your mother and two and a half men had ever crossed over it would've been called How I banged your mother with two and a half men
  • After the physics lecture ended, I asked my professor What happened before The Big Bang? He said, Sorry. There is no Time.
  • Some people say that The Big Bang Theory disproves God... I mean, sure, it's not the best show, but I wouldn't go *that* far.
  • Awful pick up line Are you my big toe?
    Because i want to bang you on every piece of furniture.
  • What came before the Big Bang? "Allahu Akbar!"
  • I'd like to explain what happened before the big bang Unfortunately there's no time
  • I wish you were my big toe So I could bang you on my coffee table
  • I knew a girl so ugly, she fell asleep at a frat party... and she woke up with more clothes on.
    (Stolen from Big Bang theory, I just love this joke)
  • Failed Pick-Up Lines: I wish you were my big toe.
    Then I would bang you on every piece of furniture at my house..

Hair Bang Jokes

Here is a list of funny hair bang jokes and even better hair bang puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call a hair that explodes? Bangs. 😀
  • Q: What happens when you eat bullets? A: Your hair grows out in bangs.
  • If you ask your hair dresser for the Zooey Deschanel... You're really just getting more bang for your buck.
  • People think that having long hair and bangs is emo. I think its more appropriate to cut it.
  • Did you hear about the barber who cut almost all of his hair off and then died? They say he went out with a bang.
  • What's another name for bright hair? Flash bangs
  • What happens when you eat fireworks? Your hair comes out in bangs.
  • I cut some hair off the front of my wife's head and took it to dinner because I wanted to go out with a bang
  • How does an atheist girl have her hair done? In big bangs!
  • What did they say about the girl with wooden hair? 10/10 Wood bangs
Bang joke, What did they say about the girl with wooden hair?

Bang Ding Jokes

Here is a list of funny bang ding jokes and even better bang ding puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What sound did the Chinese space station make as it broke apart? Bang Ding Ow
  • *ding-d**...* - "Hello, my name is Tony, I'm here to bang your daughter." - "TO WHAT?!" - - "TONY!"

Wanna Bang Jokes

Here is a list of funny wanna bang jokes and even better wanna bang puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Hey girl, are you my pinkie toe? Cuz I wanna bang you on every piece of furnature in my house.
  • When I retire, I want to be a hunter... I wanna go out with a bang
  • What did the boy gun say to the girl gun? Wanna bang?
  • i wanna f**... bill oreilly ... thats it. i just wanna finger bang him
    #bang bang
    #pew pew
Bang joke, i wanna f**... bill oreilly

Entertaining Bang Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone

What funny jokes about bang you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean boom jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bang pranks.

I was b**... this h**... on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open

She said "it's my husband!. Quick, try the b**...!"
Thinking back, I really should have ran but you don't get offers like that every day.

what do h**... and guns have in common?

the customer wants the most bang for their buck.

The state trooper is driving down the highway when...

he sees a truck driver pull over, walk to the side of his truck with a tire jack, bang on the side of the truck several times, and then drive away. Two miles down the road he does the same thing. Another two miles, same thing. The trooper pulls the truck over and asks the truck driver to explain and the driver says "The load limit is ten tons, and I'm carrying fifteen tons of parakeets, so I've got to keep some of them flying around."

Newfie Joke

A Newfie was standing at a bar and a beautiful woman was beside him so he leans over and says,
"You remind me of my little toe"
She replies, "What? You Mean I'm small and cute?"
He says, "No. I'll probably bang you on the coffee table
later when I'm drunk."

You remind me of my little toe

Why because I'm so cute and tiny?
No, I will probably get drunk later and bang you the coffee table.

A boy and his mother are watching TV

There are a lot of guns being fired in the show. So after the show is over the kid has the gun shots in his mind, and keeps repeating "BANG BANG BANG", "BANG BANG BANG"... This continues throughout the day. By the evening the mother is really tired and out of anger tells the boy "Be Silent".
So the boy starts "ANG ANG ANG", "ANG ANG ANG"..

This guy sites down next to a pretty young girl at a bar

This guy sites down next to a pretty young lady at a bar and they strike up a conversation. The conversation is going pretty well, so the guy says "you remind me of my little toe." The lady, who is a bit confused, responds "is that because I'm small and cute?" The guy responds "no, it's because I'm going to bang you on the coffee table when I get home."

Two genies in a deserted house..

A guy gets lost in a desert and stumbles upon a house s**... bang in the middle of the desert. After ascertaining that it wasn't a mirage, he enters the house and sees three doors and a lamp at the entrance of the house.
He rubs it and out pop two genies, who are very grateful and decide to grant the man three wishes.
"Before you open each of these doors, wish for what you want most and then open the door."
So he goes upto the first door, closes his eyes for a moment and then enters the room to find all kinds of riches.
He follows the same process and enters the second room and is greeted by the most beautiful women in the world all eager to please him in every possible way.
When he finally makes his third wish and enters the third room, a noose appears from the ceiling and within minutes, the man is dead.
As the two genies leave the house and traverse the desert, one of them turns to the other and says sadly, "I just don't understand. He didn't look suicidal. What was his third wish?"
To which the other genie replies, "Yeah I have no idea why he wished to be hung like a black man."
Obligatory addition: *And then the other genie fainted.*

Say What You Will About Getting Shot

But it always starts off with a bang.

what's the difference between a normal consumer and a p**...?

A normal consumer aims to get the most bang for their buck. A p**... aims to get the most buck for their bang.

Guy robs a bank

Throw the bag at the teller and says fill it up. She does so and he turns around to the person behind him and says
"Did u see me rob the bank?"
Person says "yes".
Bang shoots him dead.
Goes up to the next couple.
" Did u see me rob the bank?"
Guy says "I must have missed it, but my wife saw the whole thing!"

A man robs a bank wearing a balaclava.

'Did you see my face?' he asks the teller.
'Just a little bit.'
Bang. He shoots her.
'Did you see my face' he asks another teller.
'Only briefly' he says.
Bang. He shoots him.
He turns to a man standing beside him.
'Did you see my face?' he says 'No. I didn't,' says the man 'But my wife, she saw your face.'

A blonde was rushed to the hospital

A blonde was rushed to the hospital with a bullet wound in her index finger.
Doctor: how did this happen?
Blonde: I tried to s**....
Doctor: you shot your finger for s**...?
Blonde: No, I shot in my ear. But just before pulling the trigger, I realized that there would be a loud bang, so I closed my other ear with my finger.

The Spanish magician

So there's this Spanish magician right and he says "I'll make myself disappear on the count of three".
"Unos..... Dos...." *BANG!" in a cloud of smoke he disappeared without a Tres.

What do you get with legalized prostitution and a highly competitive marketplace?

The best bang for your buck.

Dang girl, I want to treat you like my big toe...

...and bang you on every piece of furniture in the house.
(sorry if its been submitted before)

I got a b**... sound system fitted into my car.

Might make my job as a hearse driver more entertaining.

Guy joins the Army...

... but they are out of bayonets and ammo. They tell him to run into battle yelling "Bangitty bangitty bang!!! "Stabbity stabbity stab!"
Much to his surprise, enemy soldiers are dropping all around him.
Then, this really big enemy comes over the hill. The guy yells, "Bangitty bangitty bang!!! "Stabbity stabbity stab!", but the enemy keeps advancing and mows him down. As the enemy walks over him, he hears him shout, "Tankitty tankitty tank!"

I patented a new bullet that will kill 2 deer at once

You get more buck for your bang!

The Islamic State is hosting a music festival in Iraq.

The first annual Allahpalooza is sure to go off with a bang.

Did you hear about the hunter who traded a prize deer for a high class p**...?

He got the best bang for his buck

A man walks up to a girl in a bar and says

"You remind me of my little toe" .
She says, "Is that because I'm small and cute?"
He says, "No, its because I'm going to bang you on the table later"

What makes the sound 'Clip clop bang clip clop'?

An Amish drive-by

Two hunters are out in the woods when suddenly one of them collapses. The other hunter pulls out his phone and calls 911

"My friend is dead, what am I going to do?" the hunter desperately asks.
"Just take is easy, I will help you. First; you need to make sure that he really is dead." the operator replies calmly.
"Ok, now what?"

clip clop clip clop clip clop BANG clip clop clip clop

Amish drive-by shooting.

My girlfriend is like ketchup.

I always bang her on the table.

There's a s**... new teacher at school

In grammar class, she asks who can say a sentence including an expression of politeness. Naughty Johnny raises his hand.
'I would be most delighted to make out with you Miss Campbell... and bang you, too!'
Miss Campbell blushes and yells:
Naughty Johnny gets his things and walks towards the door, when suddenly Miss Campbell says:
'Not you... the others!'

What's the best thing to do with a thimble?

Bang it with a drum-thtick!

Man, I sure am mad about the rising bullet prices...

Now I get less bang for my buck!

Samsung is permanently stopping production of the Galaxy Note7.

At least it went out with a bang.

Scientists have a new working theory on what happened before the Big Bang.

Your mom put an ad on Craigslist.

Bang !

An elderly, but hardy cattleman from Texas once told a young female neighbor that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning.
She did this religiously and lived to the age of 103, leaving behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren and a 40 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.

I got kicked out of a brothel for breaking the "no pets" rule...

I was just trying to get more bang for my buck.

Why should a man never bang his best friend?

He'll probably catch fleas

I remember when I was a kid, at dinner my parents gave me a knife and fork, so I'd bang them on the table..

..We were quite an incestuous family.

I like my men like I like my c**......

White, chopped into a fine powder, and flushed down the toilet once the police realize what I did and bang on my door.

My Uncle has a coal f**....

Its why he likes to bang miners.

I went to a brothel that took deer as payment

They described it as the best bang for your buck

My mom told me if i didnt get off the computer and do my homework she would bang my head against the keyboard

I think she mighfkgk57mo58ktzsrazxv78p

b**... your head against a wall burns 150 calories an hour.

It also gets you removed from your local gym.

Would you screw me for half a mil?

Guy: Would you bang me for 500K?
Girl: Are you serious?
Guy: Yes.
Girl: Then yes.
Guy: Would you bang me for 50 cents?
Girl: What do you think I am?
Guy: We've established that. I'm negotiating.

Girl, imma treat you like I treat my pinky toe

I'm going to bang you on all the furniture all night long

A t**... tells the s**... bomber they shouldn't attack the Statue of Liberty, because she's "too easy" ...

The bomber shrugs and replies "Eh, I'd still bang"

Old Cold War joke

A Russian and an American are talking about their countries. The American said, " we have the most freedom in the world, I can march into the White House bang on the president's desk and say sir I do not like how this country is being run." The Russian replied," I can do that too, I can march into the Kremlin, go up to our leaders desk and say sir I do not like how the US government is being run."

I thought Samsung's would name their next phone Big Bang

Cause their Galaxy blew up

I prefer cheap brothels.

They provide the most bang for your buck.

My wife's pregnant

90yr man: My 18yr wife is pregnant,your opinion doc?
Dr: Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry, grabs an umbrela instead of the gun. He moves into the jungle, and sees a lion, lifts the umbrela, pulls the handle and BANG, The lion drops dead!
Old man: That's is impossible, sumone else must have shot the lion!

My wife called me as I was sat in the pub last night "I've cooked dinner," she screamed, "And if you're not home within 20 minutes I'm going to feed it to the dog."

"Woooah! That's bang out of order!" I said, "It's not his fault."

What do carpenters and camgirls have in common?

They both bang their fingers for a living.

My wife was cleaning the closet last week

Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing, I think I should donate them
Me: Just throw them in trash, that's much easier
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes
Me: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.

The new tenants

Landlord: How are the new tenants above you.
Renter: They are ok. But it sounds like they are bang on the floor every night at 1 in the morning.
Landlord: That is outrageous. I will talk to them at once.
Renter: No. It is really not that big of a deal. I am usually up then practising my trumpet.

What was the first o**... called?

The big BANG

Which is the better deal, YouTube Red or PornHub Premium?

PornHub Premium; you get far more bang for your buck.

If you're born in September...

...that means your parents started out the New Year with a bang

"911, what's your emergency?"

*"Me and my friend were out hunting and... I accidentally shot him and now he's dead!"*
"Alright, sir, calm down. Now, we need to be sure he's actually dead before we do anything else."
*"Okay, what next?"*

There are 2 hunters in the woods

suddenly, one of the hunters has a heart attack and falls over. The other hunter calls 911. "Operator, I think my friend is dead," he says. "Well before we do anything else, we need to make sure he is dead," responds the operator. There is silence. Then there is a loud bang. "Ok, now what do I do"?

I recently realized that my pinky toe is pansexual.

It likes to bang everything.

They said if you put a million monkeys on typewriters they'd eventually bang out a work of art.

Well, I've been reading the YouTube comment section for years and haven't seen a single line of Shakespeare.

We were all created by a big bang

Or according to most Mom's a quick somewhat disappointing one

Two hunters are in the woods, suddenly one of them drops to the ground.

The other one quickly decides to phone the emergency services.
"911, what is your emergency?"
"Help me! I'm in the forest and my friend just died!"
"Calm down sir, first, can you make sure he's dead?"
"Okay, what do I do now?"

What's the difference between the little toe on my left foot and my s**... life?

Everything wants to bang my little toe

What starts with a bang and ends with an orange?

Answer: the world

Hey Cutie, you remind me of my little toe you know that?

Why? Because Im cute?
No Because Im gonna bang you on the coffee table later on tonight. ;)

First Date Her Dad: I want her home before midnight

Me: But you already own her home
Her Dad, turning to daughter: If you don't bang him, I will.

Bang joke, First Date Her Dad: I want her home before midnight

jokes about bang