Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Band puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.
You've probably seen our posters.
One turns to other and says, "Its awfully quiet on deck tonight. Isn't it?"
Other recruit replies, "Everyone must be watching the band."
"There is no band on this ship."
"No, I definitely heard the captain say, a band on ship."
If I was being objective, I'd say it was The Whom.
We haven't gotten a gig yet
We're called Hispanic at the Disco
We never made it to a gig.
the Dad says, "first you gotta cut that hair."
Boy says, "but Dad, Jesus had long hair"
and Dad says
"that's right son, and Jesus walked everywhere"
(credit goes to the band The Silver Jews)
"Why do you shave, daddy?" she enquired.
"Because mommy likes me with nice smooth skin." I explained.
"Does it hurt?" she asked.
"No, not at all." I said. "Unless I cut myself."
"And then do you put a Band Aid on?" She asked.
"No, I just stick a little piece of toilet paper on any cuts." I told her.
"But don't they just fall off?"
"No, sweetheart." I replied. "They're held in place when I put my underpants back on."
The Algorithms.
I'm sooooooooooo sorry for this. :(
I don't want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse."
But I got bored and quit because it was just one ting after another.
It hasn't had any gigs yet.
"How did things go organizing a muslim travelling band?"
"Band? Sir, i'm sorry we thought you said ban."
"Ban! That's a bit harsh isn't it? Nevermind, how are things progressing with our new Mexican mall?"
"Band? We thought you said ban"
Trump: "No way, that's harsh. Also, how's the Mexican mall going?"
We haven't got a gig yet.
lol
We were better than the Cure.
It's why I'm divorcing my wife to join a band
The rock band will play 3 chords in front of 1000 people.
The jazz group will play 1000 chords in front of 3 people.
They started a rubber band.
Me and the guys started a rock band, we call it 1023MB. But no matter how hard we look we cant find a gig.
She told me she had collected every piece of merchandise ever made for the band. I was skeptical.
Then I saw her place...
I would stand at the back, doing my ting.
Too much sax and violins.
They mostly play covers
(OC my dudes, read em and weep)
Where as a jazz player will play 3000 chords for a 3 person crowd.
Sleigher
We haven't made it to a gig yet.
According to fellow band members, Aerosmith's Steven Tyler handles a pen very femininely. Rumour has it he doodles like a lady.
Wand Erection.
Because you only need one arm to drum along..
"Only about half a beat behind the drummer." The bartender replies.
Probably not, they haven't got a gig yet
...and call it LinkedIn Park.
I'll show myself out now.
They've never had any gigs.
I'll let myself out.
It's gonna be Three Doors Down.
An orcastra
...I mean they're an amazing band.
The doors.
It's nothing special.
If a drummer quits band, but comes back later, would there be repercussions?
They are a really good band
Going to miss the boys from "Private Function".
You've probably never heard of us, but that's fine.
He usually forgets his drumsticks so he has to wing it.
My girlfriend is in a band, and for our anniversary I bought her a new drum kit.
It was a cymbal of my love.
I hope this is an original joke.
And we also had a Czech one, too.
The first mother says, "My son is the worship band leader. When he walks past the congregation, they go:
'Oh worship leader! Oh worship leader!'"
"Wow, that's great!" they exclaim.
Not to be outdone, the second mother adds, "Well, MY son is the pastor. When he walks past the church, they go:
'Oh pastor! Oh pastor!'"
The other two shout, "Oh my, how impressive!"
The third mother is beaming with pride and says, "Well, MY son is 4 feet tall and 800 pounds. When he walks past the church, they go:
'MY GOD!'"
I went to see a Muslim Tribute band last night at a Mosque.
They were called "Bomb Jovi" and I thought they were brilliant.
They performed songs like:
"Losing my Head over You",
"Rocket Launcher Man",
"You're Six, you're Beautiful, and you're Mine".
Their last song "Living on a Prayer Mat" almost brought the house down!
Then I heard this Muslim guy saying he had the entire Koran on a DVD.
I was interested, so I asked him, "Can you burn me a copy?"
Well that was when the trouble started.
The story of an orphaned boy who becomes radicalised after a military strike kills his family. He is indoctrinated into an ancient religion, joins a band of rebel insurgents, and carries out a terrorist attack which kills 300'000 people.
They were pretty good but they never made a gig.
A young bride and groom to be had just selected their wedding rings. As the young lady admired the plain platinum and diamond band she had chosen for herself, she suddenly looked concerned. "Tell me" she asked the rather elderly salesman "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?" With a fatherly smile, the salesman said "One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to soak it in dishwater three times a day.
Guns N' Moses
Well actually only about half of them are underground at the moment.
We're like Modest Mouse but way better
All the sax and violins
We've already been called the best cover band of all time
We was always on tor.
Slayer.
We still haven't got a gig.
We scream aggressively about how broke we are to heavy guitar riffs.
We're called Debt Metal.
To form a ionic band
No one can judge us by our covers.
They haven't had any gigs yet.
We are called '999 Megabytes'.....we have not done a gig yet.
.. and everyone jumped. Then the band played "Twist and Shout" and everyone twisted and shouted.
Then the band played "Come on Eileen". Poor Eileen!
As the girl admired the plain platinum and diamond band, she suddenly looked concerned.
"Tell me," she asked the elderly salesman "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?"
With a fatherly smile, the salesman said,
"One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to dip it in dishwater three times a day."
We're a rock band.
We never made it big.
Of course not, they haven't had any gigs yet.
One Direction
Earth just hasn't been the same since they broke up.
I have a Czech one too.
Czech one too. Czech one too.
It's like ACDC, but they can't C
Witnesses are reporting a massive jam
Nine Inch Nails
Slayer.
Oreo Speedwagon.
They dont have a gig yet tho
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.