Band Jokes

What are some Band jokes?

I used to be in a band called 'Missing Cat'

You've probably seen our posters.

If Al Gore started a math rock band it should be called Algorhythm

Two new recruits were on the deck of a ship.

One turns to other and says, "Its awfully quiet on deck tonight. Isn't it?"

Other recruit replies, "Everyone must be watching the band."

"There is no band on this ship."

"No, I definitely heard the captain say, a band on ship."

If you ask me what my favorite rock band is and I'm being subjective, I'd say The Who.

If I was being objective, I'd say it was The Whom.

My band is called 1023MB

We haven't gotten a gig yet

I started an emo salsa band

We're called Hispanic at the Disco

We had a band in High School called 1023 Megabytes.

We never made it to a gig.

Boy wants a car from his Dad

the Dad says, "first you gotta cut that hair."


Boy says, "but Dad, Jesus had long hair"


and Dad says
"that's right son, and Jesus walked everywhere"

(credit goes to the band The Silver Jews)

My six year old daughter was watching me shave this morning..

"Why do you shave, daddy?" she enquired.

"Because mommy likes me with nice smooth skin." I explained.

"Does it hurt?" she asked.

"No, not at all." I said. "Unless I cut myself."

"And then do you put a Band Aid on?" She asked.

"No, I just stick a little piece of toilet paper on any cuts." I told her.

"But don't they just fall off?"

"No, sweetheart." I replied. "They're held in place when I put my underpants back on."

If Al Gore had a band, it'd be called...

The Algorithms.

I'm sooooooooooo sorry for this. :(

People need to stop putting flyers on my car.

I don't want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse."

I used to play the triangle in a reggae band.

But I got bored and quit because it was just one ting after another.

There's a band called 1023MB

It hasn't had any gigs yet.

Ban?????

"How did things go organizing a muslim travelling band?"

"Band? Sir, i'm sorry we thought you said ban."

"Ban! That's a bit harsh isn't it? Nevermind, how are things progressing with our new Mexican mall?"

Trump: "Let's get that Muslim band going"

"Band? We thought you said ban"

Trump: "No way, that's harsh. Also, how's the Mexican mall going?"

I started a band call 999 megabytes

We haven't got a gig yet.

My band is called 999 megabytes. We don't have any gigs.

lol

I used to be in a band called The Prevention...

We were better than the Cure.

I like to sleep with a fan on me at night.

It's why I'm divorcing my wife to join a band

The difference between a rock band and a jazz group

The rock band will play 3 chords in front of 1000 people.

The jazz group will play 1000 chords in front of 3 people.

Have you heard of the musical condoms?

They started a rubber band.

Life is hard in a band

Me and the guys started a rock band, we call it 1023MB. But no matter how hard we look we cant find a gig.

I used to play the triangle in a reggae band.

I would stand at the back, doing my ting.

Why shouldn't you let kids watch big band performances on TV?

Too much sax and violins.

Did you hear about the bed bug band?

They mostly play covers

(OC my dudes, read em and weep)

What's Santa's favourite heavy metal band?

Sleigher

A Rock Band Plays 3 Chords for a 3000 Person Crowd

Where as a jazz player will play 3000 chords for a 3 person crowd.

I'm in a band called 1023 Megabytes.

We haven't made it to a gig yet.

Aerosmith

According to fellow band members, Aerosmith's Steven Tyler handles a pen very femininely. Rumour has it he doodles like a lady.

What's a Hogwarts student's favourite boy band? [NSFW]

Wand Erection.

Why is Def leppard the best band to listen to while driving?

Because you only need one arm to drum along..

A man asks a bartender: "How late does the band play?"

"Only about half a beat behind the drummer." The bartender replies.

Have you heard of the band 999 megabytes?

Probably not, they haven't got a gig yet

I'm going to start a metal band that writes songs about how important it is to connect with people in your professional network...

...and call it LinkedIn Park.

I'll show myself out now.

Have you heard of the band 1023 Megabytes?

They've never had any gigs.

If I had a Nickel for every terrible Canadian rock band, I know I'd at least get a Nickelback.

I'll let myself out.

The band The Doors have decided to change their name after the next member dies

It's gonna be Three Doors Down.

What do you call a band of killer whales?

An orcastra

What is the Jenovah Witnesses' favourite band?

The doors.

My mate is in a band called NS. At first, I was fascinated to find out what it stands for. But now I'm not too bothered.

It's nothing special.

Budum dum crash

If a drummer quits band, but comes back later, would there be repercussions?

I don't understand why Ice Cube hates the police so much...

They are a really good band

Had to quit my band after nobody came to any of our gigs.

Going to miss the boys from "Private Function".

I'm in a band called The Introverted Pessimists

You've probably never heard of us, but that's fine.

I regret joining a band with a turkey on drums.

He usually forgets his drumsticks so he has to wing it.

My girlfriend is in a band

My girlfriend is in a band, and for our anniversary I bought her a new drum kit.

It was a cymbal of my love.


I hope this is an original joke.

My band used to have a Polish sound guy.

And we also had a Czech one, too.

Three Christian mothers are having afternoon tea and boast about their sons.

The first mother says, "My son is the worship band leader. When he walks past the congregation, they go:

'Oh worship leader! Oh worship leader!'"

"Wow, that's great!" they exclaim.

Not to be outdone, the second mother adds, "Well, MY son is the pastor. When he walks past the church, they go:

'Oh pastor! Oh pastor!'"

The other two shout, "Oh my, how impressive!"

The third mother is beaming with pride and says, "Well, MY son is 4 feet tall and 800 pounds. When he walks past the church, they go:

'MY GOD!'"

Muslim Band

I went to see a Muslim Tribute band last night at a Mosque.

They were called "Bomb Jovi" and I thought they were brilliant.

They performed songs like:
"Losing my Head over You",
"Rocket Launcher Man",
"You're Six, you're Beautiful, and you're Mine".

Their last song "Living on a Prayer Mat" almost brought the house down!

Then I heard this Muslim guy saying he had the entire Koran on a DVD.

I was interested, so I asked him, "Can you burn me a copy?"

Well that was when the trouble started.

Best explanation of Star Wars

The story of an orphaned boy who becomes radicalised after a military strike kills his family. He is indoctrinated into an ancient religion, joins a band of rebel insurgents, and carries out a terrorist attack which kills 300'000 people.

I used to know a guy who was in a band called 999 megabytes.

They were pretty good but they never made a gig.

Ever heard of that Hebrew metal band?

Guns N' Moses

A young bride and groom to be

A young bride and groom to be had just selected their wedding rings. As the young lady admired the plain platinum and diamond band she had chosen for herself, she suddenly looked concerned. "Tell me" she asked the rather elderly salesman "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?" With a fatherly smile, the salesman said "One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to soak it in dishwater three times a day.

I found out about this cool underground band called The Beatles.

Well actually only about half of them are underground at the moment.

I'm in a band called Arrogant Rat

We're like Modest Mouse but way better

Why are band and orchestra rated R?

All the sax and violins

I just started a new band called 'Blankets and Duvets'

We've already been called the best cover band of all time

I was in a band called Dark Web.

We was always on tor.

I started a new band called 1023MB

We still haven't got a gig.

What is Santa's favorite band?

Slayer.

So I started a new band.

We scream aggressively about how broke we are to heavy guitar riffs.

We're called Debt Metal.

Metallica and Nonmetallica should come together...

To form a ionic band

My friends and I started a band and called it 'Books' so..

No one can judge us by our covers.

There's this band called one thousand and twenty three megabytes

They haven't had any gigs yet.

I've just started a new band..

We are called '999 Megabytes'.....we have not done a gig yet.

A young bride and groom-to-be had just selected the wedding ring.

As the girl admired the plain platinum and diamond band, she suddenly looked concerned.

"Tell me," she asked the elderly salesman "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?"

With a fatherly smile, the salesman said,
"One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to dip it in dishwater three times a day."

I made a band called Erectile Dysfunction

We never made it big.

I'm in a band. We do covers of Stone Sour, Stone Temple Pilots, and The Rolling Stones.

We're a rock band.

What is Rickon Stark's favorite band?

One Direction

Ever heard of the band called 1023 Megabites?

Of course not, they haven't had any gigs yet.

Pangea was my favorite band

Earth just hasn't been the same since they broke up.

I have a Polish friend who is roadie for a rock band

I have a Czech one too.
Czech one too. Czech one too.

A group of blind people make a band called ABDB

It's like ACDC, but they can't C

A bus carrying a jazz band has broke down on the highway

Witnesses are reporting a massive jam

Whats Jesus' favorite band?

Nine Inch Nails

What band does Santa listen to while delivering presents?

Slayer.

What's Cookie Monsters favourite band?

Oreo Speedwagon.

My friend is in a band called 1023 megabytes

They dont have a gig yet tho

Why did they let the chicken join the band?

Because he brought his own drumsticks

The reunion

Husband goes with his wife to her high school reunion. After meeting several of her friends and former school mates, they are sitting at a table where he is yawning and obviously bored.

The band cranks up and people are beginning to dance....There's a guy on the dance floor living it large, break dancing, moon-walking, back flips, buying drinks for people, the works.

Wife turns to her husband and says, See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down." Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!"

Who are a necrophiliac's favourite band?

Coldplay.

How to make Band jokes?

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