The Best 87 Banana Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Banana jokes. There are some banana peanut jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these banana complementary puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Banana Jokes and Puns

A woman is buying groceries

A woman is buying groceries, she buys a banana, some milk and butter. At the checkout the clerk looks at her then the items in her basket and while scanning them says I can tell that you're single . The woman smiles and asks how can you tell and the clerk responds because you're ugly .

Astute Diagnosis

A guy goes to the doctor, with a carrot up his nose. He's got a piece of celery in his other nostril, and a banana in his ear. He says,"Doc, I don't feel so good."
The doctor says,"You're not eating right."

What's yellow and not a banana

Oh, wait I forgot, it is a banana

Banana joke, What's yellow and not a banana

How much time goes by between when you slip on a banana peel and when you hit the ground?

A bananosecond.

What did the banana say to the vibrator?

Why are you shaking? She's going to eat me!


So broccoli was having a conversation with some of his friends...

The broccoli said: "I look like a tree!"

The mushroom said: "I look like an umbrella!"

The walnut said: "I look like a brain!"

The banana said: "Can we please change the subject?"

Nobody wanted to see the naked banana . . .

it just lacked appeal

Banana joke, Nobody wanted to see the naked banana . . .

Cucumber, carrot, banana - none of them used for scale

A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.

"What's the matter with me Doc?" he asks.

The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly!"

I'm going bananas...

That's what I tell the bananas when I'm leaving.

What did Tony Abbott (Prime minister of Australia) do with the half-eaten banana?

He re-peeled it.

Did you guys hear about the fruit and dairy tycoon from the middle East?

We call him the Banana Milk Sheikh

You can explore banana pineapple reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean banana appeal dad jokes. There are also banana puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Banana starts with a B but normally starts with a N.

A blonde is walking down the street and sees a banana peel 10 ft in front of her

She says to herself "Oh no not again."

My 4 year old is a comedian and loves jokes.. this is her favorite one...

Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling very well.

What do you call it when a banana eats another banana?

Canabananalism

I just slipped on a banana skin.

I look ridiculous in it.

Banana joke, I just slipped on a banana skin.

An abstinent blonde and her boyfriend...

An abstinent blonde and her boyfriend are about to celebrate their one year anniversary. She wants to do something special for him that night, and decides that she wants to go down on him, but alas has no experience. She asks her friend for advice, who then hands her a banana and says "Here, practice with this."

Sure enough, the blonde girls peels the banana and goes to town on it like a deepthroat professional. Her friend says "See, you're doing great! Don't change a thing!"

The next day the blonde's friend calls her up, eager to hear how everything went. "How did everything go?" She asks.

The blonde says "Pretty great. Didn't know there would be that much screaming and blood though."

"Blood?" Her friend asks, "Where did the blood come from?"

"The peeling."

Why can't guys do the splits?

The banana gets in the way.
Banana split

Teacher to child: 'do you know how to spell banana?

Child: 'Yes, but I don't know when to stop'.


What do you call a boring banana?

unaPEELING

A new study has shown banana skins contain traces of LSD...

I guess that explains why people are always tripping on them

An old man walked into an ice cream parlor...

He slowly climbed onto a stool, wincing with pain, and then proceeded to order a banana split.
"Crushed nuts, sir?" asked the waitress.
The old man took a deep breath and replied, "No, arthritis"

One of everything.

A man walks into a grocery store and grabs a shopping cart. He grabs one egg, one tomato, one head of lettuce, one steak, one banana, one apple, and one of everything else in the store.

He walks up to the counter and starts putting his items on the belt. After the cashier gives him a weird look, she says, "You must be single."

He says, "I am. How did you know?"

She says, "Because you're extremely ugly."

A woman goes to the doctor...

A woman goes to the doctor with a raspberry in her left nostril, a string bean in her right, a carrot in her right ear and a banana in her left. The woman says

"Doctor, I don't fell so well."

And the doctor replied

"Well for one thing, you're *definitely* not eating correctly."

A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single."

The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"

Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

A woman is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The male cashier says: "You must be single."

He got fired.

Who was the world's first carpenter?

Eve. She made Adam's banana stand

What did the monkey say when he was on a winning streak?

I've banana roll lately.

A man walks into the psychiatrist's office

A man walks into the psychiatrist's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear and he says,

"I don't know what's the matter with me lately"

The psychiatrist says, "You're not eating properly."

I got fired from the banana plantation for "wasting resources"

All i did was throw out the Bent ones

What do you call a gorilla with a banana in each ear ?

Whatever you want, he can't hear you..

I am going bananas.

That's what I say to my bananas before I leave in the morning.

I had an idea for a suit made entirely of banana skins...

but no one seemed to find it very appealing.

If you dress up as a banana and eat a banana

Is that canabananalism?

The sandwich walked into the bar

The sandwich walked into the bar.
It sat on the counter and asked for a banana.
The waiter said, "Sorry Sir, we don't serve food here."

An 11 year old girl realized that she had started to grow hair between her legs.

She got worried and asked her Mom about the hair. Her Mom calmly said " That part where hair has grown is called a Monkey, be proud that your Monkey has grown hair. " Next morning at breakfast she told her sister. " my moneky has grown hair. " her sister smiled and said " That's Nothing, mine is already eating Banana

What elements are a banana made out of?

BaNa₂

What's the difference between a traffic light and a banana?

With a traffic light, green means go, yellow means wait, and red means stop.

But with a banana, green means wait, yellow means go, and red means OH MY GOD, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR BANANA!?!

(courtesy of my 12 yr old)

*

What's a banana made of?

One part barium, two parts sodium.

How do you peel a banana?

1. Get banana sunburned. Banana will soon begin to peel.

2. Scare banana. Grab skin when it jumps out of it.

3. Hypnotize banana. Tell banana it is a snake. Banana will shed skin.

4. Call banana yellow. Banana will want to fight. Will remove jacket.

Why was the banana a good prosecutor?

She always made the defense slip up on appeal.

What's the best way to make a bandana?

Stick your d in the middle of a banana.

If you eat a banana without it's consent

Does that make it Ripe?

Why did the banana go to the doctor?

Because it wasn't peeling well.

What type of key opens a banana?

A Monkey :3

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.

After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

"No," he replied, "Arthritis."

I'm not saying my house has too many books

But I just saw an orang-utan in the kitchen, looking for a banana.

Why do bananas have bruises?

Because their peelings got hurt

If A is for Apple and B is for Banana then what is C for?

Plastic Explosives.

Dad peels banana...

When i was six or so my dad started this routine every time he ate a banana...

Dad:
peels the first strip of the banana peel...
"One skin"
Peels the second strip...
"Two skin"
"Three skin"
"Five skin"

Me: "What happened to the Four skin"

Dad: "Jewish banana"

I was twelve and I finally figured it out....

Did you hear about the New Mexican woman who stuck a banana up her nose?

Yeah, you've got to admit it, Alba's quirky.

What do you call 2 banana peels?

A pair of slippers

I bought ten bananas and began peeling each one as perfectly as I could. After finishing the seventh banana and beginning the next, I realised I had missed a small piece of the peel, just near the top. So being a total perfectionist I stuck the peel back on and did it again ...

Yes folks, it seems I just re\-peeled the eighth.

My girlfriend wanted a favor from me

Her: I want you to kill my ex and make it seem like an accident

Me: Say no more

LATER

Detective: It looks like the killer beat him to death and then placed a banana peel by his feet

Doctor says banana is good for preventing constipation. It didn't work for me

...until I found out that he meant I should eat the banana.

An old man shuffled really slowly into an ice cream shop and said, Can I have a banana split?

Server: Sure. Crushed nuts?

Old man: No, Arthritis.

Two Polish guys were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.

A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they'd never seen before. Each bought one. The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel. 

When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his friend and said, "I wouldn't eat that if I were you."

"Why not?" "I took one bite and went blind for half a minute !!"

In the 2001 film "The Planet of the Apes" David Warner plays a primate named Senator Sandar

which means the whole planet is probably a Banana Republic

Time flies like an arrow,

and fruit flies like a banana.

What do you call a shoe made out of banana?

A slipper.

One monkey says to another monkey, what rhymes with Banana and the other monkey says

No it doesn't.

I was hungry and low on potassium, He needed a device to help him weigh things, it seemed like a fair trade...

Banana for scale

Did you hear about the guy who slipped on a banana and sued?

He won the trial, but he got overturned on a peel.

Banana

A guy is walking around with a banana in his ear. Another guy, seeing this, approaches and says, "Hey man, you've got a banana in your ear."
The banana guy looks at him and says, "What?"
The other guy says, "You've got a banana in your ear."
The banana guy says, "What?"
The other guy, feeling frustrated yells, "YOU HAVE A BANANA IN YOUR EAR! A BANANA! THERE IS A BANANA IN YOUR EAR!"
The banana guy, also frustrated says, "You're going to have to speak up. I have a banana in my ear."

One man to another: "Excuse me, you have a banana in your ear!"

The other says: "I can't hear you, I have a banana in my ear!"

What key can open a banana?

A mon**key**

Credit to a 4 year old

How do you eat a banana?

*Peel back the foreskin*

A man goes to the grocery store and buys a banana, three peaches, and two pears.

As the cashier scans his food, she looks at it all and says "You must be single."

The man smiles and says "Yeah, how did you know?"

"Oh," she says, "Because you're ugly."

A man walks into a doctor's office

He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear, and a banana in his right ear.

What's the matter with me? he asks the doctor.

The doctor replies, You're not eating properly.

What's the difference between your parents and a banana?

You didn't make the banana split.

First I put in two tablespoons of fresh chopped basil. Then six or so grapes. Then half a banana. A little orange juice concentrate. Then some Metaright high protein paste.

Then she says "Letting you play with my anus was a mistake."

What's the difference between a banana and bananas?

One is just a banana and the other is crazy.

As told to me by my 10 year son.

Seeing a guy eat a banana...

is not the same seeing a Chiquita banana!

What did the Banana say to the Vibrator?

Why are you shaking? I'm the one she's going to eat.

A man is buying a banana, some skittles, and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single."

The man responds: "Wow, how did you know?"

Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

The ailing banana went to the doctor

He wasn't peeling well.

What do you call a grandma sheep?

Banana

Time flies

Some people say time flies like an arrow

I tell them that fruit flies like a banana

Courtesy of Alexa: how does a banana get out of jail?

It wins on appeal.

In a banana republic

the traffic lights go from green to yellow to brown.

Why should a banana go to the doctor?

He doesnt peel well.

Why did the yellow dragon keep slipping?

Banana for scale.

What kind of key opens a banana

A mon-key

Two bananas are sitting by a river

When a piece of poo comes floating by.

"You guys should come in the water it feels great" says the poo

One banana turns to the other and says

"Can you believe this shit?"

A monkey asks another monkey

- What are you doing?
- Eating a banana.
- But why is it brown?
- Because I'm eating it the second time.

A guy limped into a Dairy Queen and ordered a banana split.

The attendant began to make it for him and said "Crushed nuts?" And the guy said, No, I just have a bad knee."

Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana, who?

WE'VE BEEN TRYING TO REACH YOU ABOUT YOUR CARS EXTENDED WARRANTY.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the banana camila jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working banana no bananas piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes