Banana Jokes

Following is our collection of pineapple humor and peanut one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Banana puns for adults, dirty appeal jokes or clean complementary gags for kids.

There is an abundance of camila jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 87 funniest jokes on banana. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any no bananas witze you can hear about banana.

The Best jokes about Banana

If A is for Apple and B is for Banana then what is C for?

Plastic Explosives.

A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single."

The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"

Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

What do you call it when a banana eats another banana?

Canabananalism

Dad peels banana...

When i was six or so my dad started this routine every time he ate a banana...

Dad:
peels the first strip of the banana peel...
"One skin"
Peels the second strip...
"Two skin"
"Three skin"
"Five skin"

Me: "What happened to the Four skin"

Dad: "Jewish banana"

I was twelve and I finally figured it out....

A woman is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The male cashier says: "You must be single."

He got fired.


My girlfriend wanted a favor from me

Her: I want you to kill my ex and make it seem like an accident

Me: Say no more

LATER

Detective: It looks like the killer beat him to death and then placed a banana peel by his feet

Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator?

A. Why are you shaking? She's going to eat me!

What's the difference between a traffic light and a banana?

With a traffic light, green means go, yellow means wait, and red means stop.

But with a banana, green means wait, yellow means go, and red means OH MY GOD, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR BANANA!?!

(courtesy of my 12 yr old)

*

A woman goes to the doctor...

A woman goes to the doctor with a raspberry in her left nostril, a string bean in her right, a carrot in her right ear and a banana in her left. The woman says

"Doctor, I don't fell so well."

And the doctor replied

"Well for one thing, you're *definitely* not eating correctly."

My 4 year old is a comedian and loves jokes.. this is her favorite one...

Why did the banana go to the hospital?


Because he wasn't peeling very well.

What key can open a banana?

A mon**key**

Credit to a 4 year old


I just slipped on a banana skin.

I look ridiculous in it.

Astute Diagnosis

A guy goes to the doctor, with a carrot up his nose. He's got a piece of celery in his other nostril, and a banana in his ear. He says,"Doc, I don't feel so good."
The doctor says,"You're not eating right."

Nobody wanted to see the naked banana . . .

it just lacked appeal

One of everything.

A man walks into a grocery store and grabs a shopping cart. He grabs one egg, one tomato, one head of lettuce, one steak, one banana, one apple, and one of everything else in the store.

He walks up to the counter and starts putting his items on the belt. After the cashier gives him a weird look, she says, "You must be single."

He says, "I am. How did you know?"

She says, "Because you're extremely ugly."

What do you call a gorilla with a banana in each ear ?

Whatever you want, he can't hear you..

What type of key opens a banana?

A Monkey :3

I'm not saying my house has too many books

But I just saw an orang-utan in the kitchen, looking for a banana.

What did the banana say to the vibrator?

"I don't know why you're shaking, I'm the one about to be eaten!"


Time flies like an arrow,

and fruit flies like a banana.

What do you call 2 banana peels?

A pair of slippers

A man walks into the psychiatrist's office

A man walks into the psychiatrist's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear and he says,

"I don't know what's the matter with me lately"

The psychiatrist says, "You're not eating properly."

An abstinent blonde and her boyfriend...

An abstinent blonde and her boyfriend are about to celebrate their one year anniversary. She wants to do something special for him that night, and decides that she wants to go down on him, but alas has no experience. She asks her friend for advice, who then hands her a banana and says "Here, practice with this."

Sure enough, the blonde girls peels the banana and goes to town on it like a deepthroat professional. Her friend says "See, you're doing great! Don't change a thing!"

The next day the blonde's friend calls her up, eager to hear how everything went. "How did everything go?" She asks.

The blonde says "Pretty great. Didn't know there would be that much screaming and blood though."

"Blood?" Her friend asks, "Where did the blood come from?"

"The peeling."

Did you hear about the guy who slipped on a banana and sued?

He won the trial, but he got overturned on a peel.

A woman is buying groceries

A woman is buying groceries, she buys a banana, some milk and butter. At the checkout the clerk looks at her then the items in her basket and while scanning them says I can tell that you're single . The woman smiles and asks how can you tell and the clerk responds because you're ugly .

If you dress up as a banana and eat a banana

Is that canabananalism?

A blonde is walking down the street and sees a banana peel 10 ft in front of her

She says to herself "Oh no not again."

Banana starts with a B but normally starts with a N.

A banana and a vibrator

were laying next to each other on a
counter, with the vibrator buzzing away. The banana turns to
the vibrator and says, I dunno what you're getting all worked
up about. She's gonna eat me.

So broccoli was having a conversation with some of his friends...

The broccoli said: "I look like a tree!"

The mushroom said: "I look like an umbrella!"

The walnut said: "I look like a brain!"

The banana said: "Can we please change the subject?"

PUNS & BAR JOKES

Why did I invest all of my money into the coin factory?
Because it made cents.

Did you hear about the swiss cheese debate?
The arguments are full of holes.

Did you hear about the flutist who got hit in the face with a banana cream pie?
He is now called the pie'd piper.

So, a pun sprints into a bar, and the bartender says "I'm sorry, we don't serve puns here", so the pun dashes out. The bartender then remarks "Huh, must've been a running joke."

So a pun, a play on words, and an anecdote walk into a bar. No joke.

Why did the banana go to the doctor?

Because it wasn't peeling well.

I am going bananas.

That's what I say to my bananas before I leave in the morning.

Doctor says banana is good for preventing constipation. It didn't work for me

...until I found out that he meant I should eat the banana.

What elements are a banana made out of?

BaNaβ‚‚

Why was the banana a good prosecutor?

She always made the defense slip up on appeal.

How much time goes by between when you slip on a banana peel and when you hit the ground?

A bananosecond.

What did the banana say to the vibrator?

She's gonna eat me. I should be the one shaking, not you!

What's a banana made of?

One part barium, two parts sodium.

Who was the world's first carpenter?

Eve. She made Adam's banana stand

Two Polish guys were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.

A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they'd never seen before. Each bought one. The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.Β 

When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his friend and said, "I wouldn't eat that if I were you."

"Why not?" "I took one bite and went blind for half a minute !!"

An old man walked into an ice cream parlor...

He slowly climbed onto a stool, wincing with pain, and then proceeded to order a banana split.
"Crushed nuts, sir?" asked the waitress.
The old man took a deep breath and replied, "No, arthritis"

An 11 year old girl realized that she had started to grow hair between her legs.

She got worried and asked her Mom about the hair. Her Mom calmly said " That part where hair has grown is called a Monkey, be proud that your Monkey has grown hair. " Next morning at breakfast she told her sister. " my moneky has grown hair. " her sister smiled and said " That's Nothing, mine is already eating Banana

One monkey says to another monkey, what rhymes with Banana and the other monkey says

No it doesn't.

I bought ten bananas and began peeling each one as perfectly as I could. After finishing the seventh banana and beginning the next, I realised I had missed a small piece of the peel, just near the top. So being a total perfectionist I stuck the peel back on and did it again ...

Yes folks, it seems I just re\-peeled the eighth.

A teacher...

A teacher is playing a guessing game with her students:
"Alright class, I'm thinking of something: it's round, it's red"
An enthusiastic student interrupts
"Teacher! Teacher I know what it is, It's a tomato!"
"No, it's an apple" replied the teacher, "But I like the way you think".
"Let's try again, I'm thinking of something: it's long, it's yellow"
The same student interrupts again "Teacher! Teacher I know what it is, it's a banana!"
"No, it's a pencil" replied the teacher, "But I like the way you think".
Having gotten the hang of the game the student says "Teacher I have one for you, I'm thinking of something: it's in my pants, it's hard, it's got a head on it"
Blushing and embarrassed the teacher shrieks "GO TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE!!!!"
"No teacher its a quarter" he replied "But I like the way you think".

Banana juice

My Slovak girlfriend told me this today. I think it's an old one where she come from:

A farmer is riding his horse and cart through his village while carrying a large metal flask. A policeman sees this and stops him. "What's in the flask?" he asks suspiciously. "Is it alcohol? You know it's forbidden to ride a horse and cart while you're drunk."

"It's just Banana juice", replies the farmer innocently.

"I don't believe you", says the policeman, and grabs the flask from the farmer. He takes a huge swig, and grimaces at what he's just swallowed. "Urgh! That's disgusting!"

"It's just Banana juice", repeats the farmer.

"Doesn't taste like bananas to me", says the policeman, "but it doesn't taste of alcohol either. So I'll have to let you go."

"Thank you very much", says the farmer with a smile, as his flask is returned to him. Then he gathers up the reins, gives them a flick, and says to his horse, "Giddy up, Banana!"

What did the monkey say when he was on a winning streak?

I've banana roll lately.

I'm going bananas...

That's what I tell the bananas when I'm leaving.

What do you call a boring banana?

unaPEELING

I had an idea for a suit made entirely of banana skins...

but no one seemed to find it very appealing.

Cucumber, carrot, banana - none of them used for scale

A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.

"What's the matter with me Doc?" he asks.

The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly!"

I was hungry and low on potassium, He needed a device to help him weigh things, it seemed like a fair trade...

Banana for scale

What did banana say to vibrator?

"What you shaking about. It's me who gets eaten."

What do you call a shoe made out of banana?

A slipper.

How do you peel a banana?

1. Get banana sunburned. Banana will soon begin to peel.

2. Scare banana. Grab skin when it jumps out of it.

3. Hypnotize banana. Tell banana it is a snake. Banana will shed skin.

4. Call banana yellow. Banana will want to fight. Will remove jacket.

Italian, French and Indian went for a job interview at call center

Before the interview, they were told that they must compose a sentence in English with three main words: green, pink and yellow.

The Italian was first: "I wake up in the morning, I see the yellow sun, I see the green grass and I think to myself: I hope it will be a pink day."

The French was next: " I wake up in the morning, I eat a yellow banana, a green pepper and in the evening I watch the pink panther on TV.

Last was the Indian: "I wake up in the morning, I hear the phone green green, I pink up the phone and I say: Yellow".

What did Tony Abbott (Prime minister of Australia) do with the half-eaten banana?

He re-peeled it.

Teacher to child: 'do you know how to spell banana?

Child: 'Yes, but I don't know when to stop'.

One man to another: "Excuse me, you have a banana in your ear!"

The other says: "I can't hear you, I have a banana in my ear!"

Why do bananas have bruises?

Because their peelings got hurt

If you eat a banana without it's consent

Does that make it Ripe?

An old man shuffled really slowly into an ice cream shop and said, Can I have a banana split?

Server: Sure. Crushed nuts?

Old man: No, Arthritis.

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.

After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

"No," he replied, "Arthritis."

A new study has shown banana skins contain traces of LSD...

I guess that explains why people are always tripping on them

What's the best way to make a bandana?

Stick your d in the middle of a banana.

What's yellow and not a banana

Oh, wait I forgot, it is a banana

Banana

A guy is walking around with a banana in his ear. Another guy, seeing this, approaches and says, "Hey man, you've got a banana in your ear."
The banana guy looks at him and says, "What?"
The other guy says, "You've got a banana in your ear."
The banana guy says, "What?"
The other guy, feeling frustrated yells, "YOU HAVE A BANANA IN YOUR EAR! A BANANA! THERE IS A BANANA IN YOUR EAR!"
The banana guy, also frustrated says, "You're going to have to speak up. I have a banana in my ear."

Why can't guys do the splits?

The banana gets in the way.
Banana split

I got fired from the banana plantation for "wasting resources"

All i did was throw out the Bent ones

Did you guys hear about the fruit and dairy tycoon from the middle East?

We call him the Banana Milk Sheikh

The sandwich walked into the bar

The sandwich walked into the bar.
It sat on the counter and asked for a banana.
The waiter said, "Sorry Sir, we don't serve food here."

In the 2001 film "The Planet of the Apes" David Warner plays a primate named Senator Sandar

which means the whole planet is probably a Banana Republic

Did you hear about the New Mexican woman who stuck a banana up her nose?

Yeah, you've got to admit it, Alba's quirky.

There's a banana and a vibrator on a table...

The banana turns to the vibrator and asks: "Hey, why are you trembling? It's not *you* they're going to eat!"

A man tried to rob a store with a banana...

...his efforts were fruitless.

A major detergent manufacturer is to release a new range of fruit scents, including apple, tomato, orange, banana and mango

They're going to call it "Tide Pods - Natural Selection"

What do you get if you cross an elephant with a banana?

|elephant| |banana| sin(ΞΈ)

What do fashionable apes wear in the jungle?

Dolce and Banana.

If A is for Apple and B is for Banana then what is C for?

Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V.

If bananas have potassium...

Does that mean potatoes have banassium?

Why did Mrs. Banana marry Mr. Banana?

She found him appealing.

What shoes do they make out of banana skins?

Slippers.

A Broccoli, Mushroom, Walnut and a Banana are having a discussion

Broccoli: I look like a tree!

Mushroom: I look like an umbrella!

Walnut: I look like a brain!

Banana: You guys wanna talk about something else?

An orange and a banana go to a bar...

the banana has already bought a few drinks so he turns to the orange, points to the bar and says 'your round'. The orange starts getting very angry and yells back 'yeah well at least I'm not bent!'

What a fruit.

Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree.

Mushroom: Wow, I look like an umbrella.

Walnut: I look exactly like a brain.

Banana: Can we change the topic please?

If Eve was the first carpenter, she also must have been very rich.

Eve was a carpenter because she made Adam's banana stand.


And there is always money in the banana stand.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes