Banana Jokes
138 banana jokes and hilarious banana puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about banana that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Check out this awesome collection of hilarious banana jokes! From banana split double entendres and banana phone puns to banana peel slip jokes and banana birthday gags - these banana jokes are sure to bring a smile to your face! Grab a coconut, strawberry, or pineapple and enjoy!
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Funniest Banana Short Jokes
Short banana jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The banana humour may include short fruit jokes also.
- Can I tell banana jokes on this sub? Because opinions on those jokes are pretty *split*. I don't know if they'll ap*peal* to everyone.
- A younger chimp asks one of his elders what's a conditioned reflex. The older chimp says: "When I press this red button an idiot in a white coat will open that door and bring us some bananas."
- People in the U.S. eat more bananas than monkeys. In 2016, they ate 73,432,384 bananas,
and only ate 6 monkeys. - My wife just told me that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I believe her, bananas are much easier to peel.
- A woman is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The male cashier says: "You must be single." He got fired.
- A banana a day they said was good for cleaning the colon It was a week before I realised you have to eat them
- My 4 year old is a comedian and loves jokes.. this is her favorite one... Why did the banana go to the hospital?
Because he wasn't peeling very well. - I had to fire my fruit delivery driver today I hate to let the mango but he was driving me bananas
- A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single." The man answers: "Wow, how did you know that?" "I saw you browsing reddit on your phone" she replied.
- A merchant told another "I'll trade you a barium atom and two sodiums for that weight measuring device." "BaNaNa for scale?"
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Banana One Liners
Which banana one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with banana? I can suggest the ones about berry and apple.
- If A is for apple and B is for Banana then what is C for? Plastic Explosives.
- Why did the chicken cross the road? Because of a rotten banana or whatever.
- TIL humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
- What do you call it when a banana eats another banana? Canabananalism
- A friend told me that all apples were yellow... I was like, "that's bananas"
- If farmer A sells apple's, farmer B sells bananas, what does farmer C sell? Medicine
- I just slipped on a banana skin. I look ridiculous in it.
- why do i love bananas so much? they have a peel
- What type of key opens a banana? A monkey :3
- Time flies like an arrow, and fruit flies like a banana.
- What do you call 2 banana peels? A pair of slippers
- In a banana republic the traffic lights go from green to yellow to brown.
- Courtesy of Alexa: how does a banana get out of jail? It wins on appeal.
- If you dress up as a banana and eat a banana Is that canabananalism?
- Banana starts with a B but normally starts with a N.
Banana Peel Jokes
Here is a list of funny banana peel jokes and even better banana peel puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the guy who slipped on a banana and sued? He won the trial, but he got overturned on a peel.
- A blonde is walking down the street and sees a banana peel 10 ft in front of her She says to herself "Oh no not again."
- Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn't peeling well.
- How much time goes by between when you slip on a banana peel and when you hit the ground? A bananosecond.
- What happened in the theater in Princeton when someone put a banana peel in the aisle in front of the doctor? The Fall of the Usher of House
- Where did the two bananas settle their legal dispute? The court of A-peels
- What did Tony Abbott (Prime minister of Australia) do with the half-eaten banana? He re-peeled it.
- Why did the banana put on sunscreen? Because it peels!
- Why do bananas have bruises? Because their peelings got hurt
- Why didn't the filipino banana go to work today? He wasn't peeling well.
Monkey Banana Jokes
Here is a list of funny monkey banana jokes and even better monkey banana puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Bad jokes are the best jokes Did you know humans eat more bananas than monkeys?
I believe it… I've never eaten a monkey, have you? - I must have that new Monkey Pox virus ! I think Im going bananas
- Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys? I mean who eats monkeys?
- One monkey says to another monkey, what rhymes with Banana and the other monkey says No it doesn't.
- Courtesy of my kid when she was seven: what's invisible and smells like bananas? Monkey farts
- What did the monkey say when he was on a winning streak? I've banana roll lately.
- A monkey asks another monkey - What are you doing?
- Eating a banana.
- But why is it brown?
- Because I'm eating it the second time. - How do you open a locked banana? With a monkey
- I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "It's true!" "When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"
- Humans eat more bananas than monkeys. Although monkeys are more filling.
Banana Split Jokes
Here is a list of funny banana split jokes and even better banana split puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A guy limped into a Dairy Queen and ordered a banana split. The attendant began to make it for him and said "Crushed nuts?" And the guy said, No, I just have a bad knee."
- Where do you learn to make a banana split? Sundae school.
- Why can't guys do the splits? The banana gets in the way.
Banana split - Q. Why did the apple run away?
A. Because the banana split! - Would you like to try our new Banana Split dessert? It has a lot of a-peel.
(I tell this one at work all the time 😝) - What do you call two bananas going through a divorce? Banana split.
- what's a banana's favorite gymnastic event? The splits
- What do you call a beef tongue and banana meal A lickety split
- What did the banana do at the talent show? A Split!
- how did the bananas get away from the cops? They split up.
Banana Potassium Jokes
Here is a list of funny banana potassium jokes and even better banana potassium puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was hungry and low on potassium, He needed a device to help him weigh things, it seemed like a fair trade... Banana for scale
- I asked my wife, Did you know there's a fruit you can eat that provides your daily requirement of potassium? My wife: That's bananas.
Me : I know. I couldn't believe it either. - If bananas have potassium... Does that mean potatoes have banassium?
- Doctor: You appear to have potassium poisoning. Mario: But I've avoided bananas my whole life!
- What does a Potassium Mage use? Banana mana
- What do you get when you give a LoL player a banana? Potassium Bromide
- I know where to get a lot of Potassium. It's true !!
Source: Banana
Banana Bread Jokes
Here is a list of funny banana bread jokes and even better banana bread puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the craziest type of bread? Banana Nut Bread!
Cheerful Fun Banana Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about banana you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean monkey jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make banana pranks.
What's yellow and not a banana
Oh, wait I forgot, it is a banana
So broccoli was having a conversation with some of his friends...
The broccoli said: "I look like a tree!"
The mushroom said: "I look like an umbrella!"
The walnut said: "I look like a brain!"
The banana said: "Can we please change the subject?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Nobody wanted to see the n**... banana . . .
it just lacked appeal
Did you guys hear about the fruit and dairy tycoon from the middle East?
We call him the Banana Milk Sheikh
My niece told me this one, she technically messed up the joke, but I thought it was a hilarious and unexpected take on the original
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Orange."
"Orange who?"
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Orange."
"Orange who?"
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Orange."
"Orange who?"
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Banana."
"Banana who?"
"Banana you glad I didn't say orange?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An abstinent blonde and her boyfriend...
An abstinent blonde and her boyfriend are about to celebrate their one year anniversary. She wants to do something special for him that night, and decides that she wants to go down on him, but alas has no experience. She asks her friend for advice, who then hands her a banana and says "Here, practice with this."
Sure enough, the blonde girls peels the banana and goes to town on it like a d**... professional. Her friend says "See, you're doing great! Don't change a thing!"
The next day the blonde's friend calls her up, eager to hear how everything went. "How did everything go?" She asks.
The blonde says "Pretty great. Didn't know there would be that much screaming and blood though."
"Blood?" Her friend asks, "Where did the blood come from?"
"The peeling."
Teacher to child: 'do you know how to spell banana?
Child: 'Yes, but I don't know when to stop'.
What do you call a boring banana?
unaPEELING
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A new study has shown banana skins contain traces of l**......
I guess that explains why people are always tripping on them
One of everything.
A man walks into a grocery store and grabs a shopping cart. He grabs one egg, one tomato, one head of lettuce, one steak, one banana, one apple, and one of everything else in the store.
He walks up to the counter and starts putting his items on the belt. After the cashier gives him a weird look, she says, "You must be single."
He says, "I am. How did you know?"
She says, "Because you're extremely ugly."
A woman goes to the doctor...
A woman goes to the doctor with a raspberry in her left nostril, a string bean in her right, a carrot in her right ear and a banana in her left. The woman says
"Doctor, I don't fell so well."
And the doctor replied
"Well for one thing, you're *definitely* not eating correctly."
Who was the world's first carpenter?
Eve. She made Adam's banana stand
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a gorilla with a banana in each ear ?
Whatever you want, he can't hear you..
I am going bananas.
That's what I say to my bananas before I leave in the morning.
I had an idea for a suit made entirely of banana skins...
but no one seemed to find it very appealing.
The sandwich walked into the bar
The sandwich walked into the bar.
It sat on the counter and asked for a banana.
The waiter said, "Sorry Sir, we don't serve food here."
What elements are a banana made out of?
BaNa₂
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a traffic light and a banana?
With a traffic light, green means go, yellow means wait, and red means stop.
But with a banana, green means wait, yellow means go, and red means OH MY GOD, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR BANANA!?!
(courtesy of my 12 yr old)
*
What's a banana made of?
One part barium, two parts sodium.
How do you peel a banana?
1. Get banana sunburned. Banana will soon begin to peel.
2. Scare banana. Grab skin when it jumps out of it.
3. Hypnotize banana. Tell banana it is a snake. Banana will shed skin.
4. Call banana yellow. Banana will want to fight. Will remove jacket.
Why was the banana a good prosecutor?
She always made the defense slip up on appeal.
What's the best way to make a bandana?
Stick your d in the middle of a banana.
If you eat a banana without it's consent
Does that make it Ripe?
I'm not saying my house has too many books
But I just saw an orang-utan in the kitchen, looking for a banana.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dad peels banana...
When i was six or so my dad started this routine every time he ate a banana...
Dad:
peels the first s**... of the banana peel...
"One skin"
Peels the second s**......
"Two skin"
"Three skin"
"Five skin"
Me: "What happened to the Four skin"
Dad: "Jewish banana"
I was twelve and I finally figured it out....
I bought ten bananas and began peeling each one as perfectly as I could. After finishing the seventh banana and beginning the next, I realised I had missed a small piece of the peel, just near the top. So being a total perfectionist I stuck the peel back on and did it again ...
Yes folks, it seems I just re\-peeled the eighth.
Doctor says banana is good for preventing constipation. It didn't work for me
...until I found out that he meant I should eat the banana.
Two Polish guys were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they'd never seen before. Each bought one. The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his friend and said, "I wouldn't eat that if I were you."
"Why not?" "I took one bite and went blind for half a minute !!"
In the 2001 film "The Planet of the Apes" David Warner plays a primate named Senator Sandar
which means the whole planet is probably a Banana Republic
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Banana
A guy is walking around with a banana in his ear. Another guy, seeing this, approaches and says, "Hey man, you've got a banana in your ear."
The banana guy looks at him and says, "What?"
The other guy says, "You've got a banana in your ear."
The banana guy says, "What?"
The other guy, feeling frustrated yells, "YOU HAVE A BANANA IN YOUR EAR! A BANANA! THERE IS A BANANA IN YOUR EAR!"
The banana guy, also frustrated says, "You're going to have to speak up. I have a banana in my ear."
One man to another: "Excuse me, you have a banana in your ear!"
The other says: "I can't hear you, I have a banana in my ear!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What key can open a banana?
A mon**key**
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you eat a banana?
*Peel back the f**...*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to the grocery store and buys a banana, three peaches, and two pears.
As the cashier scans his food, she looks at it all and says "You must be single."
The man smiles and says "Yeah, how did you know?"
"Oh," she says, "Because you're ugly."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between your parents and a banana?
You didn't make the banana split.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
First I put in two tablespoons of fresh chopped basil. Then six or so grapes. Then half a banana. A little orange juice concentrate. Then some Metaright high protein paste.
Then she says "Letting you play with my a**... was a mistake."
What's the difference between a banana and bananas?
One is just a banana and the other is crazy.
As told to me by my 10 year son.
Seeing a guy eat a banana...
is not the same seeing a Chiquita banana!
What do you call a grandma sheep?
Banana
Why did the yellow dragon keep slipping?
Banana for scale.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two bananas are sitting by a river
When a piece of p**... comes floating by.
"You guys should come in the water it feels great" says the p**...
One banana turns to the other and says
"Can you believe this s**...?"
Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana, who?
WE'VE BEEN TRYING TO REACH YOU ABOUT YOUR CARS EXTENDED WARRANTY.
A customer asked a grocer, "How much is a banana?"
Grocer: $1
Customer: Would you sell it for .60 cents?
Grocer: You could only get the skin for that price.
Customer: Here's .40 cents for the banana, keep the skin.
A man goes to the doctor
with a banana hanging halfway out his ear and a carrot sticking out of his nose. He says, "doc, I'm not feeling too hot".
Doc replies, "I can tell ya what's wrong just lookin' at ya. Clearly you're not eating properly."
A man walks in to the doctor's office with a banana in his ear… the doctor says,
You're not eating correctly.
A few bananas are planning a heist
Right before they leap into action, they decide to run through the process again so all bananas know what they're doing.
Firstly, two bananas will be creating a distraction a distance away from the heist. Then, the rest of the bananas will scatter to confuse the enemy and start the heist.
After going through the process a few more times, the bananas are certain that they know what to do, and thus a couple bananas peel off and the rest of the bananas split.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ladies, if you want men to stop staring at your b**......
Eat a banana.
Why did Billy get fired from the banana factory?
He kept throwing out the bent ones.
Did you hear about the banana on trial?
He won his case on a-peal
Did you hear about the wrongly-convicted banana?
Don't worry, he's okay. He won on appeal
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A lion notices a monkey by a river, dipping a banana peel into the water
He watches her for a few minutes, as she dips the peel, keeps it under water, and then takes it out, watches the water a bit, repeats. Finally, the lion gives up trying to make sense of the sequence.
"Hey, monkey"
"Hey, lion"
"What in the world are you doing?"
"Ten bucks and I will explain"
The lion pays her.
"Thanks. I'm dipping a banana peel in the water"
"w**..., monkey? You're the biggest idiot I've ever seen!"
"Sure, I'm an idiot, but I'm making $40 an hour."
