JokoJokes

Banana Jokes

141 banana jokes and hilarious banana puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about banana that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Check out this awesome collection of hilarious banana jokes! From banana split double entendres and banana phone puns to banana peel slip jokes and banana birthday gags - these banana jokes are sure to bring a smile to your face! Grab a coconut, strawberry, or pineapple and enjoy!

Funniest Banana Short Jokes

Short banana jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The banana humour may include short bean jokes also.

  1. A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single." The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"
    cashier: "Because you're ugly."
  2. Can I tell banana jokes on this sub? Because opinions on those jokes are pretty *split*. I don't know if they'll ap*peal* to everyone.
  3. I read online today that humans, on average, eat more bananas than monkeys. It's right you know. I cannot remember the last time I ate a monkey.
  4. A younger chimp asks one of his elders what's a conditioned reflex. The older chimp says: "When I press this red button an idiot in a white coat will open that door and bring us some bananas."
  5. People in the U.S. eat more bananas than monkeys. In 2016, they ate 73,432,384 bananas,
    and only ate 6 monkeys.
  6. My wife just told me that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I believe her, bananas are much easier to peel.
  7. A woman is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The male cashier says: "You must be single." He got fired.
  8. A banana a day they said was good for cleaning the colon It was a week before I realised you have to eat them
  9. My 4 year old is a comedian and loves jokes.. this is her favorite one... Why did the banana go to the hospital?
    Because he wasn't peeling very well.
  10. I had to fire my fruit delivery driver today I hate to let the mango but he was driving me bananas

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Banana One Liners

Which banana one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with banana? I can suggest the ones about fruit and berry.

  1. If A is for apple and B is for Banana then what is C for? Plastic Explosives.
  2. Why did the chicken cross the road? Because of a rotten banana or whatever.
  3. TIL humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
  4. What do you call it when a banana eats another banana? Canabananalism
  5. A friend told me that all apples were yellow... I was like, "that's bananas"
  6. If farmer A sells apple's, farmer B sells bananas, what does farmer C sell? Medicine
  7. I just slipped on a banana skin. I look ridiculous in it.
  8. why do i love bananas so much? they have a peel
  9. What type of key opens a banana? A monkey :3
  10. Time flies like an arrow, and fruit flies like a banana.
  11. What do you call 2 banana peels? A pair of slippers
  12. Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin and eat them, they die.
  13. I must have that new monkey pox virus I think Im going bananas
  14. In a banana republic the traffic lights go from green to yellow to brown.
  15. Courtesy of Alexa: how does a banana get out of jail? It wins on appeal.

Banana Peel Jokes

Here is a list of funny banana peel jokes and even better banana peel puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did you hear about the guy who slipped on a banana and sued? He won the trial, but he got overturned on a peel.
  • A blonde is walking down the street and sees a banana peel 10 ft in front of her She says to herself "Oh no not again."
  • Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn't peeling well.
  • How much time goes by between when you slip on a banana peel and when you hit the ground? A bananosecond.
  • Why did the banana go to the doctor? He wasn't peeling well.
    Why did the pig go to the pharmacy? He needed some oinkment.
  • What happened in the theater in Princeton when someone put a banana peel in the aisle in front of the doctor? The Fall of the Usher of House
  • Q: What did the banana say to the doctor?
    A: "I'm not peeling well."
  • Why did the banana go to the doctor's office? He wasn't peeling well.
  • The ailing banana went to the doctor He wasn't peeling well.
  • Humans are like bananas. If you peel their skin and eat them, they die.

Monkey Banana Jokes

Here is a list of funny monkey banana jokes and even better monkey banana puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A new study showed that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I dont remember the last time I ate a monkey.
  • Study shows that people eat more bananas than monkeys I don't even remember the last time I ate a monkey!
  • Bad jokes are the best jokes Did you know humans eat more bananas than monkeys?
    I believe it… I've never eaten a monkey, have you?
  • What kind of key opens a banana A mon-key
  • I must have that new Monkey Pox virus ! I think Im going bananas
  • Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys? I mean who eats monkeys?
  • So this study shows that humans eat more bananas than monkeys But I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
  • Humans eat more bananas than monkeys Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. – I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
  • A new study says humans eat bananas more than monkeys. I believe it. I know lots of people who eat bananas and none who eat monkeys.
  • One monkey says to another monkey, what rhymes with Banana and the other monkey says No it doesn't.
Banana joke, One monkey says to another monkey,  what rhymes with Banana  and the other monkey says

Banana Split Jokes

Here is a list of funny banana split jokes and even better banana split puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A guy limped into a Dairy Queen and ordered a banana split. The attendant began to make it for him and said "Crushed nuts?" And the guy said, No, I just have a bad knee."
  • What's the difference between your parents and a banana? You didn't make the banana split.
  • An old man shuffled really slowly into an ice cream shop and said, Can I have a banana split? Server: Sure. Crushed nuts?
    Old man: No, Arthritis.
  • Where do you learn to make a banana split? Sundae school.
  • Why can't guys do the splits? The banana gets in the way.
    Banana split
  • I'm taking a class on how to make a banana split. It's called sundae school.
  • What has no legs but can do a split? A banana.
  • Wanna see a banana split? Wait until it turns black and tell it he's the father.
  • Q. Why did the apple run away?
    A. Because the banana split!
  • An old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor. He ordered a banana split. The waitress asked, Crushed nuts? No, he said. Arthritis.

Banana Potassium Jokes

Here is a list of funny banana potassium jokes and even better banana potassium puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I was hungry and low on potassium, He needed a device to help him weigh things, it seemed like a fair trade... Banana for scale
  • I asked my wife, Did you know there's a fruit you can eat that provides your daily requirement of potassium? My wife: That's bananas.
    Me : I know. I couldn't believe it either.
  • If bananas have potassium... Does that mean potatoes have banassium?
  • Doctor: You appear to have potassium poisoning. Mario: But I've avoided bananas my whole life!
  • What does a Potassium Mage use? Banana mana
  • What do you get when you give a LoL player a banana? Potassium Bromide
  • I know where to get a lot of Potassium. It's true !!
    Source: Banana
  • Is the k**... a good source of Potassium? Yes, because they're all bananas.
  • Know why everyone likes bananas? They got a lot of **POTASSIUM!** Huh? Huh?

Banana Bread Jokes

Here is a list of funny banana bread jokes and even better banana bread puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the craziest type of bread? Banana Nut Bread!
Banana joke, What's the craziest type of bread?

Cheerful Fun Banana Jokes for Lovely Laughter

What funny jokes about banana you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean apple jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make banana pranks.

A woman is buying groceries

A woman is buying groceries, she buys a banana, some milk and butter. At the checkout the clerk looks at her then the items in her basket and while scanning them says I can tell that you're single . The woman smiles and asks how can you tell and the clerk responds because you're ugly .

Astute Diagnosis

A guy goes to the doctor, with a carrot up his nose. He's got a piece of celery in his other nostril, and a banana in his ear. He says,"Doc, I don't feel so good."
The doctor says,"You're not eating right."

What's yellow and not a banana

Oh, wait I forgot, it is a banana

So broccoli was having a conversation with some of his friends...

The broccoli said: "I look like a tree!"
The mushroom said: "I look like an umbrella!"
The walnut said: "I look like a brain!"
The banana said: "Can we please change the subject?"

Nobody wanted to see the n**... banana . . .

it just lacked appeal

Cucumber, carrot, banana - none of them used for scale

A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
"What's the matter with me Doc?" he asks.
The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly!"

I'm going bananas...

That's what I tell the bananas when I'm leaving.

What did Tony Abbott (Prime minister of Australia) do with the half-eaten banana?

He re-peeled it.

My niece told me this one, she technically messed up the joke, but I thought it was a hilarious and unexpected take on the original

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Orange."
"Orange who?"
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Orange."
"Orange who?"
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Orange."
"Orange who?"
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Banana."
"Banana who?"
"Banana you glad I didn't say orange?"

Banana starts with a B but normally starts with a N.

An abstinent blonde and her boyfriend...

An abstinent blonde and her boyfriend are about to celebrate their one year anniversary. She wants to do something special for him that night, and decides that she wants to go down on him, but alas has no experience. She asks her friend for advice, who then hands her a banana and says "Here, practice with this."
Sure enough, the blonde girls peels the banana and goes to town on it like a d**... professional. Her friend says "See, you're doing great! Don't change a thing!"
The next day the blonde's friend calls her up, eager to hear how everything went. "How did everything go?" She asks.
The blonde says "Pretty great. Didn't know there would be that much screaming and blood though."
"Blood?" Her friend asks, "Where did the blood come from?"
"The peeling."

Teacher to child: 'do you know how to spell banana?

Child: 'Yes, but I don't know when to stop'.

What do you call a boring banana?

unaPEELING

An old man walked into an ice cream parlor...

He slowly climbed onto a stool, wincing with pain, and then proceeded to order a banana split.
"Crushed nuts, sir?" asked the waitress.
The old man took a deep breath and replied, "No, arthritis"

One of everything.

A man walks into a grocery store and grabs a shopping cart. He grabs one egg, one tomato, one head of lettuce, one steak, one banana, one apple, and one of everything else in the store.
He walks up to the counter and starts putting his items on the belt. After the cashier gives him a weird look, she says, "You must be single."
He says, "I am. How did you know?"
She says, "Because you're extremely ugly."

A woman goes to the doctor...

A woman goes to the doctor with a raspberry in her left nostril, a string bean in her right, a carrot in her right ear and a banana in her left. The woman says
"Doctor, I don't fell so well."
And the doctor replied
"Well for one thing, you're *definitely* not eating correctly."

Who was the world's first carpenter?

Eve. She made Adam's banana stand

What did the monkey say when he was on a winning streak?

I've banana roll lately.

A man walks into the psychiatrist's office

A man walks into the psychiatrist's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear and he says,
"I don't know what's the matter with me lately"
The psychiatrist says, "You're not eating properly."

What do you call a gorilla with a banana in each ear ?

Whatever you want, he can't hear you..

I am going bananas.

That's what I say to my bananas before I leave in the morning.

I had an idea for a suit made entirely of banana skins...

but no one seemed to find it very appealing.

If you dress up as a banana and eat a banana

Is that canabananalism?

An 11 year old girl realized that she had started to grow hair between her legs.

She got worried and asked her Mom about the hair. Her Mom calmly said " That part where hair has grown is called a Monkey, be proud that your Monkey has grown hair. " Next morning at breakfast she told her sister. " my moneky has grown hair. " her sister smiled and said " That's Nothing, mine is already eating Banana

What elements are a banana made out of?

BaNa₂

What's the difference between a traffic light and a banana?

With a traffic light, green means go, yellow means wait, and red means stop.
But with a banana, green means wait, yellow means go, and red means OH MY GOD, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR BANANA!?!
(courtesy of my 12 yr old)
*

What's a banana made of?

One part barium, two parts sodium.

How do you peel a banana?

1. Get banana sunburned. Banana will soon begin to peel.
2. Scare banana. Grab skin when it jumps out of it.
3. Hypnotize banana. Tell banana it is a snake. Banana will shed skin.
4. Call banana yellow. Banana will want to fight. Will remove jacket.

Why was the banana a good prosecutor?

She always made the defense slip up on appeal.

I'm not saying my house has too many books

But I just saw an orang-utan in the kitchen, looking for a banana.

Dad peels banana...

When i was six or so my dad started this routine every time he ate a banana...
Dad:
peels the first s**... of the banana peel...
"One skin"
Peels the second s**......
"Two skin"
"Three skin"
"Five skin"
Me: "What happened to the Four skin"
Dad: "Jewish banana"
I was twelve and I finally figured it out....

I bought ten bananas and began peeling each one as perfectly as I could. After finishing the seventh banana and beginning the next, I realised I had missed a small piece of the peel, just near the top. So being a total perfectionist I stuck the peel back on and did it again ...

Yes folks, it seems I just re\-peeled the eighth.

My girlfriend wanted a favor from me

Her: I want you to kill my ex and make it seem like an accident
Me: Say no more
LATER
Detective: It looks like the killer beat him to death and then placed a banana peel by his feet

Doctor says banana is good for preventing constipation. It didn't work for me

...until I found out that he meant I should eat the banana.

Two Polish guys were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.

A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they'd never seen before. Each bought one. The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel. 
When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his friend and said, "I wouldn't eat that if I were you."
"Why not?" "I took one bite and went blind for half a minute !!"

What do you call a shoe made out of banana?

A slipper.

What key can open a banana?

A mon**key**
Credit to a 4 year old

A man goes to the grocery store and buys a banana, three peaches, and two pears.

As the cashier scans his food, she looks at it all and says "You must be single."
The man smiles and says "Yeah, how did you know?"
"Oh," she says, "Because you're ugly."

What's the difference between a banana and bananas?

One is just a banana and the other is crazy.
As told to me by my 10 year son.

Seeing a guy eat a banana...

is not the same seeing a Chiquita banana!

A man is buying a banana, some skittles, and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single."

The man responds: "Wow, how did you know?"
Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

What do you call a grandma sheep?

Banana

A monkey asks another monkey

- What are you doing?
- Eating a banana.
- But why is it brown?
- Because I'm eating it the second time.

Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana, who?

WE'VE BEEN TRYING TO REACH YOU ABOUT YOUR CARS EXTENDED WARRANTY.

A customer asked a grocer, "How much is a banana?"

Grocer: $1
Customer: Would you sell it for .60 cents?
Grocer: You could only get the skin for that price.
Customer: Here's .40 cents for the banana, keep the skin.

A Girl walks into a Supermarket...

...she picks up a banana, a can of soup, and a loaf of bread. She then walks up to the cash register to pay.
The cashier looks at her, and the items she has and says,
"I can tell you're single."
She smiles and responds,
"How do you know that?"
He says,
"Because you're ugly."

Where did the two bananas settle their legal dispute?

The court of A-peels

Why did the banana go to the doctor?

Because he was not peeling well.

A man goes to the doctor

with a banana hanging halfway out his ear and a carrot sticking out of his nose. He says, "doc, I'm not feeling too hot".

Doc replies, "I can tell ya what's wrong just lookin' at ya. Clearly you're not eating properly."

A man walks in to the doctor's office with a banana in his ear… the doctor says,

You're not eating correctly.

A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single." The man answers: "Wow, how did you know that?"

"I saw you browsing reddit on your phone" she replied.

Ladies, if you want men to stop staring at your b**......

Eat a banana.

A merchant told another "I'll trade you a barium atom and two sodiums for that weight measuring device."

"BaNaNa for scale?"

Why did Billy get fired from the banana factory?

He kept throwing out the bent ones.

Did you hear about the banana on trial?

He won his case on a-peal

Did you hear about the wrongly-convicted banana?

Don't worry, he's okay. He won on appeal

A lion notices a monkey by a river, dipping a banana peel into the water

He watches her for a few minutes, as she dips the peel, keeps it under water, and then takes it out, watches the water a bit, repeats. Finally, the lion gives up trying to make sense of the sequence.
"Hey, monkey"
"Hey, lion"
"What in the world are you doing?"
"Ten bucks and I will explain"
The lion pays her.
"Thanks. I'm dipping a banana peel in the water"
"w**..., monkey? You're the biggest idiot I've ever seen!"
"Sure, I'm an idiot, but I'm making $40 an hour."

Banana joke, A lion notices a monkey by a river, dipping a banana peel into the water

jokes about banana