balloon Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious balloon puns

I'm sick of my wife blowing everything out of proportion.

She's single handedly ruining my balloon animal business.

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My Grandfather invented the cold air balloon

It never really took off.

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Why shouldn't you give Elsa a balloon?

Because she'd just "let it go".



My 6 year old told me this.



I will show myself out now...

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Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?

Because she'd just Let It Go.

As told to me by my 5 year-old daughter

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why are balloons getting so expensive nowadays?

inflation

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What do you call a balloon animal made out of a condom?

A Trojan horse.

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My grandfather was a very intelligent man.

He was an inventor. He invented the cold air balloon. Only problem was it never really took off.

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I wrote Will you marry me? on a balloon to propose to my girlfriend.

Then I chickened out at the last moment, and had to pop the question.

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Meanwhile in business news...

...balloon prices are plummeting. Experts are putting it down to a poor inflation rate

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Balloon prices have gone up.

Damn inflation.

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Balloons For Sale!

They're 10c each or if you want them filled its 20c

Ive adjusted the price to allow for inflation.

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I started a cold air balloon business.

I'm having trouble getting it off the ground.

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Why did the balloon prices go up?

Because of inflation.

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At the touch of her lips, it grew long and swollen. I gasped as she squeezed and pulled expertly.

It was the best balloon giraffe I'd ever seen.

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Liam Neeson was walking on a road.

He suddenly slipped and fell, twisting his knee. He looks around for some help. He sees a kid with a balloon coming towards him.

"Hey kid. Come here." He called him, asking for his help.

"Hello Liam Neeson, I see you are hurt. What happened?" He asks.

"Hurt my knee kid. Can you help me please?"

"Sure, take this." He says, handing him the balloon.

"What's this for?" Looking at him, confused.

"This is full of Heal-Liam."

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what type of music does a balloon hate?

Pop music

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man in a hot air balloon

A man flying in a hot air balloon realizes he's lost. He lowers the balloon, spots a man down below and shouts, "Can you help me? I promised a friend I'd meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below says, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon hovering 30 feet above this field, which is at 42 degrees N. latitude and 60 degrees W. longitude."

"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.

"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct but your information is useless and the fact is I am still lost."
The man below says, "You must be a manager"

"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," says the man below, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep and you expect me to solve your problem. And the fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met but now it's somehow my fault."

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"You must be an engineer"

A man is flying solo in a hot air balloon and he discovers that he is lost. He lowers altitude until he can see a guy walking through a field.

He says to the guy, "Hey, where am I"?
The guy replies, "You are in a hot air balloon about 8 feet above farmer Jack's field."
The balloon guy says, "You must be an engineer. Because you correctly answered my question but it was completely unhelpful for my situation.
The guy on the ground says, "You are right I am an engineer. And you must be a manager. Because I gave you exactly the information that you asked for and yet somehow I am now to blame for your negligent situation."

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A woman in hot air balloon realized she is lost...

She reduced altitude & shouted to a man below: Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend to meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am.

Man below replied: You are in hot air balloon 30 feet above the ground. You are at 41 degree North latitude & 59 degree West longitude.

Lady: Oh, You must be an engineer.

Man: Yes! How did you know?

Lady: Everything you told me is technically correct but useless & the fact is, I'm still lost.

Engineer: I see, then you must be in Upper Management.

Lady: Yes! How did you know?

Engineer: You don't know where you are or where you are going. You made a promise, which you have no idea how to keep & you expect people beneath you to solve your problems..!!

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Two Old Ladies

There were once two old Jewish ladies on a vacation in Israel. They are floating together out in the dead sea when one says to the other, "want a smoke?"

She replies, "Here? How?" The first lady reaches in to her bathing suit and pulls out a balloon with two cigarettes and a lighter in it. The second one asks, "What's that?"

"Oh? You don't know? It's a condom!" They smoke, relax, and enjoy themselves. After they've been floating for a while, the second old lady says,

"And where can I get this condom?"

"Just over at the drugstore, easy."

Later that day, the second old lady walks into the nearest pharmacy, goes up to the teller, and asks for a condom. The teller is a young man who is quite bemused at this bent old lady coming in to buy a condom, so he decides to yank her chain a bit.

"And what size condom would you like?"

"Oh, I dunno, big enough for a camel."

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Vive la France!

A Frenchman, an Englishman, a Mexican, and a Texan are in a hot air balloon out over the ocean. They run out of propane and the balloon starts to sink. It's obvious that they aren't going to make it to land. The Frenchman gets up and says, "Vive la France!" and gallantly throws himself over the side to save the rest. But the balloon keeps dropping. The Englishman gets up and says, "God save the Queen!" and throws himself over the side. Still the balloon keeps dropping. Finally the Texan gets up and says, "Remember the Alamo!" and throws the Mexican over the side.

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An Englishmen, a Mexican and an American...

are all in a hot air balloon. The Englishman throws a teabag out of the balloon and the Mexican says "why did you do that?"
"We have too many of those in my country" replies the Englishmen. The Mexican then decides to throw a burrito out of the balloon and the American says "why would you do such a thing?" To which the Mexican replies "there's far too many in my country".
The American then grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the balloon, the Englishmen, in shock goes "Why did you just do that?"
"He fucked my wife" said the American.

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Ain't that the truth

A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he's lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field." "You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist. "I do" replies the man. "How did you know?" "Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone." The man below replies, "You must work in management." "I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?" "Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

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I'm going on a date with a chemical engineer this week, what are some good chemisty/engineering jokes?

Best engineering joke I've heard:

A man is walking in a field when he notices a guy adrift in a hot air balloon with no fuel. Balloon guy shouts down "A little help here?"
The man on the ground looks up and shouts "You are in a hot air balloon with no fuel, you're about 20 feet off the ground, travelling north at roughly walking pace."
The guy in the balloon shouts "Are you an engineer?"
"Yes, how did you know?"
"Well, everything you told me is factually accurate but it doesn't do me any good."
The engineer on the ground considers this and then shouts back "Are you in management?"
"Yes, how did you know?"
"You were in this predicament before I got here, I haven't done anything, and now it's my fault."

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Balloons remind me of my dad

They don't come back

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Little johnny's balloon

A little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something, but the boy continues.

'Johnny!' Mom screams. 'Knock it off!.' You're going to break something. He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the shopping center. Johnny starts up with the balloon again after his mom has left for the store. He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet where he leaves it.

Mom comes in and while putting away the grocery gets the urge, a diarrhea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes.

When she's finished, she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing. She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls her doctor. The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he'll be over shortly to examine everything.

When he arrives she leads him to the bath room and he gets down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing. Finally he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP! The balloon explodes and poop is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc.

"Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?" she asks.

He says, "I've been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the first time I've ever actually seen a fart!"

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Two balloons

are floating in the desert. one balloon says to the other, "hey! watch out for that cactussssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss"

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A teacher, a nurse, and an Army man were in a hot air balloon.

The balloon was too heavy so each of them dropped something off it. The teacher dropped an apple, the nurse dropped her medical bag, and the Army man drops a grenade. After they land, they go for a walk. They come across a little girl who's crying. They ask her what's wrong and she says an apple fell out of the sky and knocked out her new puppy. Later they come across a little boy who is also crying. They ask him what's wrong and he says a bag fell from the sky and knocked out his new kitten. Then they come across a little girl who's laughing really hard. They ask her what's so funny and she says "I farted and the building behind me blew up!"

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What grows when you squeeze it, explodes if you rub it too hard, and children love it?

A balloon animal!

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What do balloons and virgins have in common?

One prick and its gone.

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You must be in management!

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: "'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am".
The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude".

"You must be a technician." said the balloonist.
"I am" replied the man "how did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip with your talk."

The man below responded "You must be in management".
"I am" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the man "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fuc#ing fault

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Why don't balloons do a lot drugs?

Because they think if they get to high they'll get busted.

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Variation of the hot air balloon joke

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to fly to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign and held it in a building window. Their sign read: "IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at her map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how did the sign help determine their position. The pilot responded "Well the response they gave me was technically correct, but completely useless, so I knew that had to be the Microsoft building."

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You must be in tech support...

My aviation management professor told this to the class on the first day today:

One afternoon, a hot-air balloon pilot decides to relax and go for a ride. After a while he ends up getting lost, having no idea where he is. So he descends closer to the ground until he ends up flying by a guy outside his house.

The pilot yells down, "Hey! Where am I?!"

The guy on the ground yells back, "You're in a balloon, 50 feet above my house!"

Pilot: "You must be in tech support!"

Guy on ground: "Yeah, actually. How did you know?!"

Pilot: "Because everything you've told me is 100% true and 100% useless!"

Guy on the ground: "You must be in management!"

Pilot: "Yeah I am! How did you know?!"

Guy on the ground: "You don't have any idea where you are or where you're going. You're in the exact same position you were in before we met five seconds ago, but somehow it's my fault!"

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I bought my girlfriend a big helium balloon for her birthday

it didn't go down very well.

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What are the most funny Balloon jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Balloon? Well, here are the best Balloon dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Balloon pick up lines to share with friends.

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