Balding Hair Jokes
87 balding hair jokes and hilarious balding hair puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about balding hair that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Balding Hair Short Jokes
Short balding hair jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The balding hair humour may include short balding head jokes also.
- Why do bald men cut holes in their pockets? So they can run their hands through their hair.
- Why did the bald man have his hand down his pants? So he could run his fingers through his hair!
- Why did the bald guy cut a hole in his pocket? Because he wanted to run his fingers through his hair.
- Mommy, why is daddy bald? "Its because he thinks a lot sweetheart"
The kid stared at his mom for a minute and asked
"is that why you have a lot of hair?" - Why do bald people like holes in their pockets? So they can run their fingers through their hair.
- Why did the bald guy cut a hole in his pants pocket?? So he could run a hand through his hair!!!
- My wife was worried about getting older, so before she woke up on her birthday, I cut off all the white hairs she had. For some reason, she woke up bald and in a bad attitude
- My girl is so insecure... Even though she doesn't find any hair on my clothes she still be like "Who's the bald chick?!".
- Why do bald men have holes in their pockets? So they can run their fingers through their hair.
- I got a bald person hair gel for Christmas. She immediately started crying when she opened it. I guess the chemo makes her emotional.
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Balding Hair One Liners
Which balding hair one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with balding hair? I can suggest the ones about bald head and bald headed.
- What did the bald man say to his hair? I don't know, but they had a real falling out
- Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets ? To run his hands through his hair.
- What's worse than finding hair in your food? Finding out the chef is bald.
- What happened between a bald person and their hair? They had a falling out.
- What not to say in an argument against a bald person? Hair me out.
- My wife left me because I kept making jokes about her going bald. Well that's hair loss
- My wife is leaving me because I'm balding It's fine.. it's hair loss.
- My girlfriend left me because I'm balding. I almost pulled my hair out.
- How do Bald people get their hair back? They have toupee.
- What did the umpire say to the bald man? "You're outta hair!"
- My wife is leaving me because I'm going bald. I'm not bothered though, it's hair loss.
- Why do bald guys have holes in their pockets? To run their fingers through their hair.
- A bald guy killed all the barbers in my town Boy, that was a hair raising tragedy
- What is truly pointless? To tell a bald guy a hair raising story.
- What do you call an American handgun with no hair? A bald deagle.
Balding Hair Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about balding hair you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bald jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make balding hair pranks.
o**... says to a bald guy "Your hair ran away to find someone with a brain."
I wanted to be a hair stylist for bald people.
Got this one in a forward from my dad - I did not see that one coming.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD..
WELL .. . . YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE.
MY NAME IS MARY , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.
I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.
COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.
THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.
AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL .
YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED.
HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?'
YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.
THEN, THAT UGLY,
OLD,
BALDING,
WRINKLED FACED,
FAT-ASSED,
GRAY-HAIRED,
DECREPIT
s**...
ASKED
"WHAT DID YOU TEACH?
2 monsters started talking
2 monsters were talking, one said he loved eating humans, the other disagreed. the first monster asked how he was cooking his humans. The second answered "I boiled him."So the first monster then asked if the second could describe the human he was trying to cook the second responded with "well, he was bald with a ring of hair, he wore a brown robe, with a rope around his waist like a belt." The second monster replied "well there's your problem! He was a FRIAR"
A balding, white haired man from Bellville, in Cape Town
walked into a jewellery store in Tygervalley this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger blond at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $240,000 the jeweler said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, 'by check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.'
On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said 'There's no money in that account.'
'I know,' said the old man,
'But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!'
Photo Album
A young boy was looking through
the family album and asked his
mother, "Is this you on the beach?
Mother says "Yes, it is"
Son asks "Who's this guy with you with all the
muscles and curly hair?"
"That's your father."
"Then who's that old bald-headed
fat man who lives with us now?"
What did the court jester call the balding crown prince?
The Heir Apparent with no Hair Apparent.
The Jewelery Store
A balding, white haired man from Chebacco Lake in Florida, walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000." the jeweler said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and
I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon."
On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man
and said "There's no money in that account!"
'I know, said the old man, but let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!'
The old dentist
I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which showed his full name.
Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name who had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Could this be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.
"Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a Mustang," he beamed with pride.
"When did you graduate?" I asked.
He answered, "In 1959. Why do you ask?"
"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, bald wrinkled, fat, gray, decrepit son-of-a-gun asked, "What did you teach?"
What did they call h**... after he lost his hair?
The Bald Eagle.....
I'm here all day folks
What is logic?
A mute telling a deaf guy that a blind guy saw a paraplegic running behind a bald guy while grabbing his hair.
This wife is too jealous
There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn't find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, "Great, so now you're cheating on me with a bald woman!"
The next night, when she didn't smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, "She's not only bald, but she's too cheap to buy any perfume!"
Baldness
A patient complained to the doctor that his hair was coming out.
"Won't you give me something to keep it in?" he begged.
"Take this," the doctor said kindly, and he handed the patient a pill box.
I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.....
I noticed his BDS degree on the wall, which bore his full name.
Suddenly, I remembered a tall , handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 25-odd years ago.
Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended St Mary's high school.
"Yes. yes, I did.' he gleamed with pride.
"When did you graduate?" I asked.
He answered, "In 1989. Why do you ask?"
"You were in my class!!!!", I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely.
Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled faced, gray-haired, decrepit, s**..., asked,
"What did you teach" ?
What did René Descartes say when he went bald?
Cogito hair go sum.
During dinner, Juan asked his mother....
Mamma, why is dad bald?
Well Juan, your father has a lot to think about and is very intelligent, that's why.
But mamma, why do you have such a long hair?
Shut UP Juan and eat your soup!
A balding white haired man walks into a jewelry store with a beautiful much younger gal at his side...
He
told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought
another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000the jeweler said.
The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated,
'By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now
and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds; I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.'
On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said
'Sir...There's no money in that account.
''I know,' said the old man...'But let me tell you about my weekend.'
An idiot, a barber, and a bald man go on a journey...
At some point in the journey, they decide to set up camp for the night, so they agree to stay awake in four hour shifts to guard their stuff. The barber, having the first shift, gets bored and so ends up shaving the idiot's head. When his shift ends, he wakes up the idiot, who has the second shift. As he's coming to, the idiot rubs his head and finds he has no hair. "That barber is a right m**...!" he exclaims, "He's got it all wrong and woken the bald man instead of me!"
(this joke from the Philogelos, is over a thousand years old
A woman reports her husband's disappearance to the police . . .
They ask her for a description and she says "He's six feet, three inches tall, well-built, with thick, curly hair."
Her friend says, "What are you talking about? Your husband is five-foot-four, bald and overweight."
And she says "Who wants that one back?"
What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday?
Im outta hair!!
A man was balding very quickly
But he did not want to get a hair transplant nor did he want to take some odd medicine for it. So he decided to tattoo a rabbit on his scalp instead.
A friend of the man asked: "Why would you tattoo a rabbit on your head?"
The man answered: "Because from a distance it looks like hare."
I told my wife I thought I was going bald.
She said "Hun, your hair looks fine".
"Doctor, doctor! I think I'm going deaf."
"Well, describe the symptoms for me." said the Doctor.
"Alright," said the patient "Well, Marge has blue hair and Homer's bald."
Dad, Why was Mahatma Gandhi bald
"Because he always spoke the truth"
"Oh! That's why woman have long hair"
I wouldn't say I was going bald, but....
When I asked my barber to cut my hair, he replied, "which one?"
I was gonna make a joke about a bald guy's hair...
But then I remembered there was nothing to joke about.
A bald man walked into a barber shop
As he entered, he thought to himself "What am I doing hair?"
Teacher: Why do many bald men have torn pant pockets?
Johnny: Sometimes, they too feel like s**... their hair...
A wife went to the police station with her next door neighbor to report that her husband was missing.
The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."
The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."
The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"
You know why bodybuilders go bald?
Because the hair gets molested by the muscular scalp.
Did you know that if you pull all the hair out from your head and arrange them in a single file..
..you'll end up getting bald.
3 wives want to decide what to wear
The first one says, "My husband has black hair so I will wear a black dress"
The second one says, "My husband has grey hair so I will wear a grey dress"
The third wife, on hear this starts panicking.
When asked she tell the other two, "My husband is bald"
I told my teacher with amazing hair that it looked like someone s**... it all off
He gave me detention for making a bald accusation.
WHAT HAPPEN TO MAN WHO USE OWN HAIR AS TOOTHBRUSH
HE QUICKLY GO BALD... ALSO TOOTHBRUSH NOT WORK EFFECTIVE
h**... h**... h**...
A blonde walks into a hair salon and asks to be s**... bald
"I think you should stay blonde," says the Parlor
Women are suddenly interested in me now that I gained weight and lost my hair
If I knew so many women were into bald guys I woulda lost my hair years ago!
I took my dog to the vet because he was losing hair on his head.
Apparently he's got male patting baldness.
I want to change my hair like everybody during this quarantine.
I think I'll grow my bald spot out!
Her: I didn't find any hair on the bed
Him: And?
Her: Where's that bald b**...?
What is the difference between a prince, a bald headed man, a monkey and an orphan?
The first is an heir apparent, the second has no apparent hair, the third has hairy parent and the last has nary a parent.
Two cannibals meet one day.
The first cannibal says, You know, I just can't seem to get a tender m**.... I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. Just can't seem to get them tender.
The second cannibal asks, What kind of m**... do you use?
The first replies, You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around their waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads.
Ah, ha! the second cannibal replies, No wonder… those are friars!
My hair is receding at my temples, making my hairline look like the flap of an envelope.
g**... mail pattern baldness...
I was talking to a lovely young lady and things seemed to be going really well.
Then she said "There's something I want to get out of the way right now," and she reached up and took a wig off her head, and it turned out she was as bald as a new-laid egg.
"Alopecia," she said. "It's a condition that causes hair to fall out."
"Oh," I said. "...Just on your head, or from anywhere else as well?"
"Well," she dimpled, "there's only one way to find out."
"Of course!" I said, and took out my phone. "Hey, Google..."
A woman reports her husband's disappearance to the police...
A woman reports her husband's disappearance to the police. They ask her for a description, and she says, He's six feet, three inches tall, well-built, with thick, curly hair.
Her friend says, What are you talking about? Your husband is five-feet-four, bald, and has a huge belly.
And she says, Who wants that one back?
A guy goes to the barber
How would you like your hair today?
Look, i want this side all but completely s**..., with this 2 spots here bald, this side, shorn, and in the middle do as you please.
I am sorry, but i think that would be too hard to do.
How did you do it last week then?
Missing
Recently, a distraught wife went to the local police station, along with her next-door neighbor, to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the missing man. The wife said, "He is 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children. "The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5-foot 8-inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children. "The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back? "
A balding, middle-aged man asked his barber, Why charge me the full price for cutting my hair — there's so little of it?
Well, said the barber, I actually only charge a little for cutting it. What you're paying for is my searching for it.