Balding Hair Jokes
75 balding hair jokes and hilarious balding hair puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about balding hair that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Balding Hair Short Jokes
Short balding hair jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The balding hair humour may include short bald head jokes also.
- Why did the bald guy cut a hole in his pocket? Because he wanted to run his fingers through his hair.
- Mommy, why is daddy bald? "Its because he thinks a lot sweetheart"
The kid stared at his mom for a minute and asked
"is that why you have a lot of hair?" - Why did the bald guy cut a hole in his pants pocket?? So he could run a hand through his hair!!!
- My wife was worried about getting older, so before she woke up on her birthday, I cut off all the white hairs she had. For some reason, she woke up bald and in a bad attitude
- I got a bald person hair gel for Christmas. She immediately started crying when she opened it. I guess the chemo makes her emotional.
- I want to change my hair like everybody during this quarantine. I think I'll grow my bald spot out!
- I was gonna make a joke about a bald guy's hair... But then I remembered there was nothing to joke about.
- I wouldn't say I was going bald, but.... When I asked my barber to cut my hair, he replied, "which one?"
- What did the court jester call the balding crown prince? The Heir Apparent with no Hair Apparent.
- Dad, Why was Mahatma Gandhi bald "Because he always spoke the truth"
"Oh! That's why woman have long hair"
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Balding Hair One Liners
Which balding hair one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with balding hair? I can suggest the ones about bald and going bald.
- What did the bald man say to his hair? I don't know, but they had a real falling out
- What's worse than finding hair in your food? Finding out the chef is bald.
- My wife left me because I kept making jokes about her going bald. Well that's hair loss
- My wife is leaving me because I'm balding It's fine.. it's hair loss.
- My girlfriend left me because I'm balding. I almost pulled my hair out.
- A bald guy killed all the barbers in my town Boy, that was a hair raising tragedy
- What is truly pointless? To tell a bald guy a hair raising story.
- What do you call an American handgun with no hair? A bald deagle.
- What did René Descartes say when he went bald? Cogito hair go sum.
- I wanted to be a hair stylist for bald people.
- I told my wife I thought I was going bald. She said "Hun, your hair looks fine".
- What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday? Im outta hair!!
- What not to say in an argument against a bald person? Hair me out.
- Her: I didn't find any hair on the bed Him: And?
Her: Where's that bald b**...? - What did the umpire say to the bald man? "You're outta hair!"
Balding Hair Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about balding hair you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bald people jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make balding hair pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
o**... says to a bald guy "Your hair ran away to find someone with a brain."
High School Reunion
I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma on the wall, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago.
Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.
"Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a Mustang," he gleamed with pride.
"When did you graduate?" I asked.
He answered, "In 1975. Why do you ask?"
"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely.
Then that ugly, old, bald, wrinkle-faced, fat, gray-haired, old man asked me:
"What did you teach?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Got this one in a forward from my dad - I did not see that one coming.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD..
WELL .. . . YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE.
MY NAME IS MARY , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.
I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.
COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.
THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.
AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL .
YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED.
HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?'
YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.
THEN, THAT UGLY,
OLD,
BALDING,
WRINKLED FACED,
FAT-ASSED,
GRAY-HAIRED,
DECREPIT
s**...
ASKED
"WHAT DID YOU TEACH?
A balding, white haired man from Bellville, in Cape Town
walked into a jewellery store in Tygervalley this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger blond at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $240,000 the jeweler said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, 'by check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.'
On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said 'There's no money in that account.'
'I know,' said the old man,
'But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!'
Photo Album
A young boy was looking through
the family album and asked his
mother, "Is this you on the beach?
Mother says "Yes, it is"
Son asks "Who's this guy with you with all the
muscles and curly hair?"
"That's your father."
"Then who's that old bald-headed
fat man who lives with us now?"
The Jewelery Store
A balding, white haired man from Chebacco Lake in Florida, walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000." the jeweler said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and
I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon."
On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man
and said "There's no money in that account!"
'I know, said the old man, but let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!'
The old dentist
I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which showed his full name.
Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name who had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Could this be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.
"Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a Mustang," he beamed with pride.
"When did you graduate?" I asked.
He answered, "In 1959. Why do you ask?"
"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, bald wrinkled, fat, gray, decrepit son-of-a-gun asked, "What did you teach?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did they call h**... after he lost his hair?
The Bald Eagle.....
I'm here all day folks
What is logic?
A mute telling a deaf guy that a blind guy saw a paraplegic running behind a bald guy while grabbing his hair.
Baldness
A patient complained to the doctor that his hair was coming out.
"Won't you give me something to keep it in?" he begged.
"Take this," the doctor said kindly, and he handed the patient a pill box.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.....
I noticed his BDS degree on the wall, which bore his full name.
Suddenly, I remembered a tall , handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 25-odd years ago.
Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended St Mary's high school.
"Yes. yes, I did.' he gleamed with pride.
"When did you graduate?" I asked.
He answered, "In 1989. Why do you ask?"
"You were in my class!!!!", I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely.
Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled faced, gray-haired, decrepit, s**..., asked,
"What did you teach" ?
A balding white haired man walks into a jewelry store with a beautiful much younger gal at his side...
He
told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought
another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000the jeweler said.
The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated,
'By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now
and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds; I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.'
On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said
'Sir...There's no money in that account.
''I know,' said the old man...'But let me tell you about my weekend.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An idiot, a barber, and a bald man go on a journey...
At some point in the journey, they decide to set up camp for the night, so they agree to stay awake in four hour shifts to guard their stuff. The barber, having the first shift, gets bored and so ends up shaving the idiot's head. When his shift ends, he wakes up the idiot, who has the second shift. As he's coming to, the idiot rubs his head and finds he has no hair. "That barber is a right m**...!" he exclaims, "He's got it all wrong and woken the bald man instead of me!"
(this joke from the Philogelos, is over a thousand years old
A woman reports her husband's disappearance to the police . . .
They ask her for a description and she says "He's six feet, three inches tall, well-built, with thick, curly hair."
Her friend says, "What are you talking about? Your husband is five-foot-four, bald and overweight."
And she says "Who wants that one back?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do bald men cut holes in their pockets?
So they can run their hands through their hair.
A bald man walked into a barber shop
As he entered, he thought to himself "What am I doing hair?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Teacher: Why do many bald men have torn pant pockets?
Johnny: Sometimes, they too feel like s**... their hair...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the bald man have his hand down his pants?
So he could run his fingers through his hair!
A wife went to the police station with her next door neighbor to report that her husband was missing.
The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."
The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."
The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You know why bodybuilders go bald?
Because the hair gets molested by the muscular scalp.
Did you know that if you pull all the hair out from your head and arrange them in a single file..
..you'll end up getting bald.
3 wives want to decide what to wear
The first one says, "My husband has black hair so I will wear a black dress"
The second one says, "My husband has grey hair so I will wear a grey dress"
The third wife, on hear this starts panicking.
When asked she tell the other two, "My husband is bald"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told my teacher with amazing hair that it looked like someone s**... it all off
He gave me detention for making a bald accusation.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
WHAT HAPPEN TO MAN WHO USE OWN HAIR AS TOOTHBRUSH
HE QUICKLY GO BALD... ALSO TOOTHBRUSH NOT WORK EFFECTIVE
h**... h**... h**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde walks into a hair salon and asks to be s**... bald
"I think you should stay blonde," says the Parlor
I took my dog to the vet because he was losing hair on his head.
Apparently he's got male patting baldness.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the difference between a prince, a bald headed man, a monkey and an orphan?
The first is an heir apparent, the second has no apparent hair, the third has hairy parent and the last has nary a parent.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girl is so insecure...
Even though she doesn't find any hair on my clothes she still be like "Who's the bald chick?!".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two cannibals meet one day.
The first cannibal says, You know, I just can't seem to get a tender m**.... I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. Just can't seem to get them tender.
The second cannibal asks, What kind of m**... do you use?
The first replies, You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around their waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads.
Ah, ha! the second cannibal replies, No wonder… those are friars!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My hair is receding at my temples, making my hairline look like the flap of an envelope.
g**... mail pattern baldness...
I was talking to a lovely young lady and things seemed to be going really well.
Then she said "There's something I want to get out of the way right now," and she reached up and took a wig off her head, and it turned out she was as bald as a new-laid egg.
"Alopecia," she said. "It's a condition that causes hair to fall out."
"Oh," I said. "...Just on your head, or from anywhere else as well?"
"Well," she dimpled, "there's only one way to find out."
"Of course!" I said, and took out my phone. "Hey, Google..."
A woman reports her husband's disappearance to the police...
A woman reports her husband's disappearance to the police. They ask her for a description, and she says, He's six feet, three inches tall, well-built, with thick, curly hair.
Her friend says, What are you talking about? Your husband is five-feet-four, bald, and has a huge belly.
And she says, Who wants that one back?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy goes to the barber
How would you like your hair today?
Look, i want this side all but completely s**..., with this 2 spots here bald, this side, shorn, and in the middle do as you please.
I am sorry, but i think that would be too hard to do.
How did you do it last week then?
Missing
Recently, a distraught wife went to the local police station, along with her next-door neighbor, to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the missing man. The wife said, "He is 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children. "The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5-foot 8-inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children. "The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back? "
A balding, middle-aged man asked his barber, Why charge me the full price for cutting my hair — there's so little of it?
Well, said the barber, I actually only charge a little for cutting it. What you're paying for is my searching for it.