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Bald Jokes

178 bald jokes and hilarious bald puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bald that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article is full of bald jokes that will make you laugh out loud. Whether you are bald or know someone who is, these jokes are sure to get a chuckle out of you.

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Funniest Bald Short Jokes

Short bald jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bald humour may include short hairy jokes also.

  1. Why do bald men cut holes in their pockets? So they can run their hands through their hair.
  2. If I ever start to go bald I'll get a rabbit tattooed onto my head..
    From a distance it would look like a hare
  3. Why did the bald man have his hand down his pants? So he could run his fingers through his hair!
  4. A man was going bald, so he got rabbits tattooed on to his head. From a distance they looked like hares.
  5. Why did the bald guy cut a hole in his pocket? Because he wanted to run his fingers through his hair.
  6. I like playing chess with bald people in the park The problem is, it's kinda hard to find 32 of them
  7. Hear the one about the bald guy getting bumped to business class after passengers made fun of him? Talk about the advantages of a reseating airline.
  8. I once knew a bald guy who liked to draw rabbits on his head but from a distance they looked like hares
  9. Mommy, why is daddy bald? "Its because he thinks a lot sweetheart"
    The kid stared at his mom for a minute and asked
    "is that why you have a lot of hair?"
  10. A man walks up his bald friend, rubs his head and says "smooth. Just like my wife's behind." The friend reaches up, rubs his head and replies "My gosh. You're right."

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Bald One Liners

Which bald one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bald? I can suggest the ones about shaved head and shaved hair.

  1. What do you call a bald porcupine? Pointless.
  2. I first noticed I was going bald When it took longer and longer to wash my face.
  3. A bald guy slipped in the shower Fell on his head and slipped again.
  4. I like to play chess with old bald men in the park But it's hard to find 32 of them
  5. I'm bald but still have my comb. I just can't part with it.
  6. I am bald, but I kept my comb for 20 years. I just can't part with it.
  7. What do you call a barber that only works on bald people? An air stylist.
  8. Every Zodiac sign has a signature hairstyle For instance, people with cancer are bald
  9. What did the bald man say to his hair? I don't know, but they had a real falling out
  10. My luck is like a bald guy... ...who just won a comb.
  11. How Can You Identify a Bald Eagle? All his feathers are combed to one side
  12. I went bald early in life but I kept my comb I just can't part with it
  13. What do you call an airplane full of bald people? Receding airlines...
  14. Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets ? To run his hands through his hair.
  15. Why did the bald guy leave the wig shop without a wig? because he forgot toupee

You So Bald Jokes

Here is a list of funny you so bald jokes and even better you so bald puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A friend of mine went bald years ago But he still carries around an old comb. He just can't part with it.
  • Why do bald people like holes in their pockets? So they can run their fingers through their hair.
  • There was a lot of controversy with the bald man's will Turns out he didn't have any heirs
  • Why did the bald guy cut a hole in his pants pocket?? So he could run a hand through his hair!!!
  • What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday? Thanks ill never part with it
  • I was fed-up with people laughing at me for being bald, so I went out and bought a hairpiece. It was a small price toupee.
  • A man walks up to a bald guy in a bar, rubs his head and says "Smooth. Just like my wife's behind." The bald guy reaches up and rubs his head. "Wow. You're right." he replies.
  • What is six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy? A hundred dollar bill.
  • My wife was worried about getting older, so before she woke up on her birthday, I cut off all the white hairs she had. For some reason, she woke up bald and in a bad attitude
  • Doctor, my hearing is getting worse... - Can you explain the symtoms?
    - Well, Homer is fat, bald and ugly; Bart is...

Bald Man Jokes

Here is a list of funny bald man jokes and even better bald man puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A bald man was once presented with a comb as a gift... He said, "I'll never part with it."
  • Did you hear about the bald man's will after he died? Turns out he didn't have any heirs.
  • Comb On! What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?
    Gee, I'll never part with it!
  • What do you call a bald man on a windy day? Fortunate.
  • A comb is the best present a bald man can receive He'll never part with it.
  • A bald man... a bald man decides to take a shower, he enters the bathroom, slips due to water on the ground, falls on his head, slips again.
  • Why did the bald man put a rabbit on his head? Cause it looked like hare from a distance.
  • Prayers before going on a blind date Woman : oh god, I just hope he is not a serial killer,psychopath,needy, incel, stalker, poor,balding, ...
    Man : god , don't let her be fat..
  • What do you call lice that lives in a bald man's head? Homeless
  • What does a balding man and a tortoise have in common? Hare loss.
Bald joke, What does a balding man and a tortoise have in common?

Bald Head Jokes

Here is a list of funny bald head jokes and even better bald head puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I can't tell if I'm going bald... or if it's all in my head.
  • My girlfriend introduced our new baby to my friends. "Look at those chubby cheeks and bald head," they said.
    I said, "Thanks, but we're here to talk about the baby."
  • Bald people struggle with improv, They can't seem to come up with anything off the top of their head.
  • What do you call it when a person shaves their head bald to blend in with cancer patients?... Chemoflage
  • Did you hear about the bald man? yeah, he tattooed rabbits all over his head. From a distance they look like hares.
  • If you start going bald, get rabbits tattooed all over your head. Until you get up close they look just like hares.
  • My dads solution to being bald "Draw bunnies on your head, from a distance they look like hares"
  • What is it that no man wants but no man wants to lose? A bald head.
  • What do you call a head louse on a bald man? Homeless.
  • I have the first signs of baldness, a friend said to me that my head it's like the house of a rich man... two car entrances in the front and a pool in the backyard.

Bald Headed Jokes

Here is a list of funny bald headed jokes and even better bald headed puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
    Because from a distance they looked like hares.
  • I took my dog to the vet because he was losing hair on his head. Apparently he's got male patting baldness.
  • When I saw an old friend from school, he asked why I was bald. I replied "cancer." "Cancer?"
    "Yeah I asked the barber if he could shave my head, and he 'I sure cancer!'"
  • If you put Proactive on bald eagles Will their white heads disappear?
  • Did you know that if you pull all the hair out from your head and arrange them in a single file.. ..you'll end up getting bald.
  • Doctor, doctor, there's a hairless military strategist on my head! Ah yes, looks like male Patton baldness.
  • Why are all celebrities with skin head so successful? Because fortune favors the bald
  • How do bald people wash their head? They use air conditioner.
  • Bald guy went to the bathroom He slipped and he fell head first on the ground then he slipped again.
  • Why did the bald person have rabbits tattooed on their head? Because from far away they look like hares.
Bald joke, Why did the bald person have rabbits tattooed on their head?

Comedy Bald Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle

What funny jokes about bald you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean losing hair jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bald pranks.

Triplets

There are triplets in a mothers w**..., talking about what they want to do when they grow up.
The first triplet says "When I grow up, I will be an electrician, because it's too dark in here."
The second triplet says "When I grow up, I will be a plumber, because it's too wet in here."
The third triplet says, "When I grow up I want to be a boxer, so that I can beat up that bald guy who comes in here and spits on us all the time!"

Being bald

It means you went back to your roots.

2 monsters started talking

2 monsters were talking, one said he loved eating humans, the other disagreed. the first monster asked how he was cooking his humans. The second answered "I boiled him."So the first monster then asked if the second could describe the human he was trying to cook the second responded with "well, he was bald with a ring of hair, he wore a brown robe, with a rope around his waist like a belt." The second monster replied "well there's your problem! He was a FRIAR"

My father in law just told me this joke

"Well, you know what they say about balding. If you go bald in the front, you're a good thinker. If you go bald in the back, you're a good lover. If you go bald everywhere, you think you're a good lover."

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?

"Thanks, I'll never part with it."

So, I went to go get my haircut..

And I told the barber to make the left side a little shorter than my right. Then I told him to make a couple of little holes and bald patches. And for the back of my head, don't make my hairline equal. Make it a zigzag.
He looks at me and says, "Come on, you know I can't do that, it wouldn't be right!"
And I'm like, "I don't see the problem, you did it last time..."

What's worse than finding hair in your food?

Finding out the chef is bald.

During dinner, Juan asked his mother....

Mamma, why is dad bald?
Well Juan, your father has a lot to think about and is very intelligent, that's why.
But mamma, why do you have such a long hair?
Shut UP Juan and eat your soup!

Yo mamma so bald...

you can see what is on her mind.

So the Judge says "OK, I see that circumstance and duress made you eat the endangered spotted owl. NOT guilty." Then he leans over and whispers "Between you and me, what does a spotted owl actually taste like?"

The accused says "A cross between a bald eagle and an Amazon Imperial Parrot."

A balding white haired man walks into a jewelry store with a beautiful much younger gal at his side...

He
told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought
another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000the jeweler said.
The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated,
'By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now
and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds; I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.'
On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said
'Sir...There's no money in that account.
''I know,' said the old man...'But let me tell you about my weekend.'

A man travels to an island...

A person travelling remarks on how healthy the locals look, and an attractive man says, "Yes, it's the island. When I first arrived I was bald, didn't have teeth, and couldn't walk -- but now look at me."
The traveler: "Wow... That's amazing. So where are you from?"
"I was born here"
Credit to /u/TheNightWind.

A guy walked into his friend's office

, he found him sitting at his desk, looking very depressed.
"Hey, what's up with you?", he asks.
"Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She's hired a new secretary for me."
"Well, nothing wrong in that. Is she blonde or brunette?"
"Neither, He's bald."

I wouldn't say I was going bald, but....

When I asked my barber to cut my hair, he replied, "which one?"

Balding grizzles pass their genes to their offspring or...

Bare bears bear bare bears.

Two Bald Eagles

A bald eagle decides to stop by a small lake to get a drink. As he's drinking another bald eagle lands next to him.
He looks at the eagle and notices a tulip, a rose, and a rabbit's foot on top of his head.
"What's with the stuff on your head?", the eagle asks.
"Oh this?", he points to his head with his wing, "I'm trying hare in plants."

I was gonna make a joke about a bald guy's hair...

But then I remembered there was nothing to joke about.

My wife is leaving me because I'm going bald.

I'm not bothered though, it's hair loss.

I got a bald person hair gel for Christmas.

She immediately started crying when she opened it. I guess the chemo makes her emotional.

I like playing chess with bald people at the park

It's usually pretty hard to find 32 of them though...

A man is arrested for killing a condor

A man is arrested for killing an endangered condor. Before the judge, the man says, "Your honor, I only killed the condor to feed my hungry family."
The judge says, "Well, I can't charge a man for feeding his family. And I'm curious so I'll let you off with a warning if you answer one question. What did it taste like?"
The man says, Somewhere between a bald eagle and a baby seal."

The best thing about being tall and having a bald patch...

Is that people think you're just tall.

What's the difference between a Starfleet captain and a Klingon?

Nobody got mad when a new series with a bald Starfleet captain aired

A man is caught feasting on a Bald Eagle by a park ranger.

He is taken to court and the judge asks him why he committed this crime.
The man replies I had no other choice and this was my only way of survival.
Given the circumstances, the judge decides that this man is telling the truth and let's him off the case. But being curious, the judge asks Well, how did it taste like?
The man replied Have you ever had Spotted Owl?

I built the most American guitar ever

Made completely out of mirror polished, stainless steel from the World Trade Center in the shape of a bald eagle carrying a rifle.
Only has one octave, but I enjoy playing it, from C to shining C.

How do Bald people get their hair back?

They have toupee.

Why should you never lend your comb to a bald person?

Because they will never part with it.

3 wives want to decide what to wear

The first one says, "My husband has black hair so I will wear a black dress"
The second one says, "My husband has grey hair so I will wear a grey dress"
The third wife, on hear this starts panicking.
When asked she tell the other two, "My husband is bald"

What did the umpire say to the bald man?

"You're outta hair!"

What kind of bird doesn't need a comb?

A bald eagle.

My friend went bald five years ago, but he still carries a comb.

He just can't part with it.

I was balding and losing confidence so I had a rabbit tattooed on my scalp.

People tell me, from a distance it looks like hare.

Why can't bald people eat rabbits?

They don't have hare.

My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.

He just can't seem to part with it.

Nobody wants to be alone. A recently divorced friend of mine is hopeful of once again finding romance. Beer belly, completely bald.....

I don't like her chances.

I want to change my hair like everybody during this quarantine.

I think I'll grow my bald spot out!

Her: I didn't find any hair on the bed

Him: And?
Her: Where's that bald b**...?

Yesterday I beat cancer

Poor bald kid didn't even see me coming!

I told this girl that people often tell me I could be Arnold Schwarzenegger's twin.

"I don't think so," she laughed, "You're fat, bald, don't work out, and are much too short!"
"I know.... Danny DeVito."

What do you call a bald man's lice?

Homeless

What do we call a lice above a bald person?

Homeless.

What is the difference between a prince, a bald headed man, a monkey and an orphan?

The first is an heir apparent, the second has no apparent hair, the third has hairy parent and the last has nary a parent.

My girl is so insecure...

Even though she doesn't find any hair on my clothes she still be like "Who's the bald chick?!".

Bald joke, My girl is so insecure...

jokes about bald