The Best 71 Bald Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Bald jokes. There are some bald haired jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these bald comb puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Bald Jokes and Puns

I can't tell if I'm going bald...

or if it's all in my head.

What is six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy?

A hundred dollar bill.

Triplets

There are triplets in a mothers womb, talking about what they want to do when they grow up.

The first triplet says "When I grow up, I will be an electrician, because it's too dark in here."

The second triplet says "When I grow up, I will be a plumber, because it's too wet in here."

The third triplet says, "When I grow up I want to be a boxer, so that I can beat up that bald guy who comes in here and spits on us all the time!"

Bald joke, Triplets

Being bald

It means you went back to your roots.

Why did the bald guy cut a hole in his pocket?

Because he wanted to run his fingers through his hair.


I once knew a bald guy who liked to draw rabbits on his head

but from a distance they looked like hares

2 monsters started talking

2 monsters were talking, one said he loved eating humans, the other disagreed. the first monster asked how he was cooking his humans. The second answered "I boiled him."So the first monster then asked if the second could describe the human he was trying to cook the second responded with "well, he was bald with a ring of hair, he wore a brown robe, with a rope around his waist like a belt." The second monster replied "well there's your problem! He was a FRIAR"

Bald joke, 2 monsters started talking

What do you call a bald porcupine?

Pointless.

Comb On!

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?

Gee, I'll never part with it!

My father in law just told me this joke

"Well, you know what they say about balding. If you go bald in the front, you're a good thinker. If you go bald in the back, you're a good lover. If you go bald everywhere, you think you're a good lover."

A bald man was once presented with a comb as a gift...

He said, "I'll never part with it."

You can explore bald decrepit reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bald yo mama so bald dad jokes. There are also bald puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


So, I went to go get my haircut..

And I told the barber to make the left side a little shorter than my right. Then I told him to make a couple of little holes and bald patches. And for the back of my head, don't make my hairline equal. Make it a zigzag.

He looks at me and says, "Come on, you know I can't do that, it wouldn't be right!"

And I'm like, "I don't see the problem, you did it last time..."

How Can You Identify a Bald Eagle?

All his feathers are combed to one side

What's worse than finding hair in your food?

Finding out the chef is bald.

During dinner, Juan asked his mother....

Mamma, why is dad bald?

Well Juan, your father has a lot to think about and is very intelligent, that's why.

But mamma, why do you have such a long hair?

Shut UP Juan and eat your soup!

A balding white haired man walks into a jewelry store with a beautiful much younger gal at his side...

He
told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought
another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000the jeweler said.
The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated,
'By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now
and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds; I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.'

On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said
'Sir...There's no money in that account.

''I know,' said the old man...'But let me tell you about my weekend.'

Bald joke, A balding white haired man walks into a jewelry store with a beautiful much younger gal at his side.

A man travels to an island...

A person travelling remarks on how healthy the locals look, and an attractive man says, "Yes, it's the island. When I first arrived I was bald, didn't have teeth, and couldn't walk -- but now look at me."

The traveler: "Wow... That's amazing. So where are you from?"

"I was born here"

Credit to /u/TheNightWind.

Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets ?

To run his hands through his hair.

What does a balding man and a tortoise have in common?

Hare loss.


Bald people struggle with improv,

They can't seem to come up with anything off the top of their head.

Why do bald men cut holes in their pockets?

So they can run their hands through their hair.

Did you hear about the bald man's will after he died?

Turns out he didn't have any heirs.

If I ever start to go bald

I'll get a rabbit tattooed onto my head..
From a distance it would look like a hare

I like playing chess with bald people in the park

The problem is, it's kinda hard to find 32 of them

Two Bald Eagles

A bald eagle decides to stop by a small lake to get a drink. As he's drinking another bald eagle lands next to him.

He looks at the eagle and notices a tulip, a rose, and a rabbit's foot on top of his head.

"What's with the stuff on your head?", the eagle asks.

"Oh this?", he points to his head with his wing, "I'm trying hare in plants."

Mommy, why is daddy bald?

"Its because he thinks a lot sweetheart"

The kid stared at his mom for a minute and asked

"is that why you have a lot of hair?"

I was gonna make a joke about a bald guy's hair...

But then I remembered there was nothing to joke about.

Why did the bald guy cut a hole in his pants pocket??

So he could run a hand through his hair!!!

I first noticed I was going bald

When it took longer and longer to wash my face.

I got a bald person hair gel for Christmas.

She immediately started crying when she opened it. I guess the chemo makes her emotional.

Why did the bald man have his hand down his pants?

So he could run his fingers through his hair!

A man is arrested for killing a condor

A man is arrested for killing an endangered condor. Before the judge, the man says, "Your honor, I only killed the condor to feed my hungry family."

The judge says, "Well, I can't charge a man for feeding his family. And I'm curious so I'll let you off with a warning if you answer one question. What did it taste like?"

The man says, Somewhere between a bald eagle and a baby seal."

A bald guy slipped in the shower

Fell on his head and slipped again.

The best thing about being tall and having a bald patch...

Is that people think you're just tall.

My wife was worried about getting older, so before she woke up on her birthday, I cut off all the white hairs she had.

For some reason, she woke up bald and in a bad attitude

What do you call it when a person shaves their head bald to blend in with cancer patients?...

Chemoflage

Hear the one about the bald guy getting bumped to business class after passengers made fun of him?

Talk about the advantages of a reseating airline.

What do you call a barber that only works on bald people?

An air stylist.

Why should you never lend your comb to a bald person?

Because they will never part with it.

I like to play chess with old bald men in the park

But it's hard to find 32 of them

My girlfriend introduced our new baby to my friends.

"Look at those chubby cheeks and bald head," they said.

I said, "Thanks, but we're here to talk about the baby."

I went bald early in life but I kept my comb

I just can't part with it

A comb is the best present a bald man can receive

He'll never part with it.

My friend went bald five years ago, but he still carries a comb.

He just can't part with it.

Why did the bald guy leave the wig shop without a wig?

because he forgot toupee

I was balding and losing confidence so I had a rabbit tattooed on my scalp.

People tell me, from a distance it looks like hare.

Why can't bald people eat rabbits?

They don't have hare.

Why do bald people like holes in their pockets?

So they can run their fingers through their hair.

A man walks up to a bald guy in a bar, rubs his head and says "Smooth. Just like my wife's behind."

The bald guy reaches up and rubs his head. "Wow. You're right." he replies.

My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.

He just can't seem to part with it.

I want to change my hair like everybody during this quarantine.

I think I'll grow my bald spot out!

Her: I didn't find any hair on the bed

Him: And?

Her: Where's that bald bitch?

Doctor, my hearing is getting worse...

- Can you explain the symtoms?
- Well, Homer is fat, bald and ugly; Bart is...

A man was going bald, so he got rabbits tattooed on to his head.

From a distance they looked like hares.

What do we call a lice above a bald person?

Homeless.

What is the difference between a prince, a bald headed man, a monkey and an orphan?

The first is an heir apparent, the second has no apparent hair, the third has hairy parent and the last has nary a parent.

Why did the bald man put a rabbit on his head?

Cause it looked like hare from a distance.

What do you call lice that lives in a bald man's head?

Homeless

My luck is like a bald guy...

...who just won a comb.

My girl is so insecure...

Even though she doesn't find any hair on my clothes she still be like "Who's the bald chick?!".

Two older male dolphins notice their hairlines are starting to recede.

Dolphins go bald, too. Tough for humans to notice, but dolphins notice... Anyway...

Understandably, they start getting a little down in the dumps recognizing the loss of their youth and feeling a profound sense of their own mortality.

In a moment of clarity, one dolphin says to his buddy, Hey compadre, we don't have to just *accept* this as our new normal, ya know? What with modern fashion and technology these days… we can *do* something about this!

So they went out and bought matching hairpieces. They were toupees in a pod.

Why are all the dead sinners bald?

Because they have hell toupee.

There was a lot of controversy with the bald man's will

Turns out he didn't have any heirs

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday?

Thanks ill never part with it

What do you call a bald man on a windy day?

Fortunate.

What does a balding magician have in his hat?

Hare.

Every Zodiac sign has a signature hairstyle

For instance, people with cancer are bald

What not to say in an argument against a bald person?

Hair me out.

Two cannibals meet one day.

The first cannibal says, You know, I just can't seem to get a tender missionary. I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. Just can't seem to get them tender.

The second cannibal asks, What kind of missionary do you use?

The first replies, You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around their waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads.

Ah, ha! the second cannibal replies, No wonder… those are friars!

Mick Jagger and Keith Richards were cruising down the coast.

Coming around a bend they saw a magnificent bald eagle in the middle of the road. When Mick swerved to miss it he lost control of the car and they plummeted off a cliff to their death.

A tragic case of killing two Stones with one bird.

My ex has a new guy

He's horrible. Doesn't do jack shit around the house, lies around all the time, hitting the bottle pretty hard or yelling at her whenever it's empty. He also ain't really a looker, he's bald and kinda short and ... I really don't understand what people see in babies.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the bald hairless jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working bald barber piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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