Bald Headed Jokes

Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance they looked like hares.

Two blondes were talking together:
First: "

How about your engaged Jim? Is he keeping well?"
Second: "He isn't just now my engaged."
First: Hi good news. His nose was too big and his head was bald with an ugly face!"
Second: "He is now my husband!"

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are s**....

People say that I'm balding...

But I'm really just getting more head.

A joke my dad told me many years ago when I was young.

Me: Dad, why are some guys bald in the front and some on the back of their heads?
Dad: They're caused by different things. You see, people who are bald on their foreheads are thinkers. And people who are bald on the back of their heads means that they're really smart.
Me: What about those guys who are bald in both sides?

Dad: It means: they think that they're smart.

A barber, a bald guy and a professor go for a night camp in a jungle.

They decide to guard one by one during the night. Barber's turn comes first. Others sleep.
While guarding, he gets bored and amuses himself by shaving the professor's head.
Then professor's turn comes. He touches and feels his bald head and thinks, "Idiot barber has woken up the bald guy by mistake".

So, I went to go get my haircut..

And I told the barber to make the left side a little shorter than my right. Then I told him to make a couple of little holes and bald patches. And for the back of my head, don't make my hairline equal. Make it a zigzag.
He looks at me and says, "Come on, you know I can't do that, it wouldn't be right!"
And I'm like, "I don't see the problem, you did it last time..."

BALD FLEAS

Q; What do you call two fleas on top of a bald head?
A: Homeless.

Doctor, doctor, there's a hairless military strategist on my head!

Ah yes, looks like male Patton baldness.

I have the first signs of baldness, a friend said to me that my head it's like the house of a rich man...

two car entrances in the front and a pool in the backyard.

An idiot, a barber, and a bald man go on a journey...

At some point in the journey, they decide to set up camp for the night, so they agree to stay awake in four hour shifts to guard their stuff. The barber, having the first shift, gets bored and so ends up shaving the idiot's head. When his shift ends, he wakes up the idiot, who has the second shift. As he's coming to, the idiot rubs his head and finds he has no hair. "That barber is a right m**...!" he exclaims, "He's got it all wrong and woken the bald man instead of me!"
(this joke from the Philogelos, is over a thousand years old

A man was balding very quickly

But he did not want to get a hair transplant nor did he want to take some odd medicine for it. So he decided to tattoo a rabbit on his scalp instead.
A friend of the man asked: "Why would you tattoo a rabbit on your head?"
The man answered: "Because from a distance it looks like hare."

My dads solution to being bald

"Draw bunnies on your head, from a distance they look like hares"

Two Bald Eagles

A bald eagle decides to stop by a small lake to get a drink. As he's drinking another bald eagle lands next to him.
He looks at the eagle and notices a tulip, a rose, and a rabbit's foot on top of his head.
"What's with the stuff on your head?", the eagle asks.
"Oh this?", he points to his head with his wing, "I'm trying hare in plants."

Why did the bald person have rabbits tattooed on their head?

Because from far away they look like hares.

If you start going bald, get rabbits tattooed all over your head.

Until you get up close they look just like hares.

Did you know that if you pull all the hair out from your head and arrange them in a single file..

..you'll end up getting bald.

Bald guy went to the bathroom

He slipped and he fell head first on the ground then he slipped again.

When I saw an old friend from school, he asked why I was bald. I replied "cancer."

"Cancer?"
"Yeah I asked the barber if he could shave my head, and he 'I sure cancer!'"

I took my dog to the vet because he was losing hair on his head.

Apparently he's got male patting baldness.

Three babies were in the w**... talking amongst themselves about their future

They get on the topic of what they want to be when they are born and grow up.
The first baby says: "when I get older, I want to be a molder of young minds! A teacher is what I'm aiming for."
The second baby says: "when I'm a adult, I want to heal and save people! I'll be a doctor."
The third baby thinks for a second and says: "I want to be a boxer".
The other two babies look at him in confusion and ask why.
"Because when I get out, I want to beat up the bald headed man who keeps spitting on me!"

What is the difference between a prince, a bald headed man, a monkey and an orphan?

The first is an heir apparent, the second has no apparent hair, the third has hairy parent and the last has nary a parent.

Two cannibals meet one day.

The first cannibal says, You know, I just can't seem to get a tender m**.... I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. Just can't seem to get them tender.
The second cannibal asks, What kind of m**... do you use?
The first replies, You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around their waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads.
Ah, ha! the second cannibal replies, No wonder… those are friars!

I was talking to a lovely young lady and things seemed to be going really well.

Then she said "There's something I want to get out of the way right now," and she reached up and took a wig off her head, and it turned out she was as bald as a new-laid egg.
"Alopecia," she said. "It's a condition that causes hair to fall out."
"Oh," I said. "...Just on your head, or from anywhere else as well?"
"Well," she dimpled, "there's only one way to find out."
"Of course!" I said, and took out my phone. "Hey, Google..."

Did you hear about the bald man?

yeah, he tattooed rabbits all over his head. From a distance they look like hares.

So if a man who is bald on the forehead is said to be smart, and a man who is bald on the top of his head is said to have been thinking too much, what do you call a man who is bald on the forehead AND the top of his head?

He thinks he's smart.

A bald magician pulled a rabbit out of a hat. Then he put the rabbit right on top of his head and gently lowered the hat down over the rabbit until the rabbit was completely covered. After a couple seconds of wearing the hat, the magician quickly lifted the hat back up, and presto!

there wasn't a hare on his head